


<b>KARMA</b>

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Future, Romance, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-26
Updated: 2007-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 146,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Will Daphne cause the end of a fifteen year relationship?  How will Justin react to her request and is a friend in need more important than a marriage?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: A million thanks to my wonderful beta Shellie who is patient, kind, brilliant and always there to help me with all my questions. I could never do this without her.   


* * *

_Karma literally means action or doing. Any kind of intentional action whether mental, verbal or physical, is regarded as Karma. It covers all that is included in the phrase "thought, word and deed". Generally speaking, all good and bad action constitutes Karma. In its ultimate sense Karma means all moral and immoral volition. Involuntary, unintentional or unconscious actions, though technically deeds, do not constitute Karma, because volition, the most important factor in determining Karma, is absent._ _  
  
_**Karma-Chapter 1**  
  
The people of Kinnetik were in Miami, for the 2015 Clio Awards. The Clio was the coveted 'Oscar' of the advertising world, a prestigious prize handed out yearly for creative excellence in the field of media and design.   
  
Kinnetik had been chosen to receive the silver trophy for Content and Contact for their Brown Athletics campaign. This was the highest honor one could receive in advertising and the selections were always much anticipated. For Brian, it was a public acknowledgment of his years of hard work, elevating his company to a status that many in his field would never achieve.   
  
He had received news of the Clio selection a few months ago and had decided to bring as many members of his staff as he could to share in the week-long celebration. In addition to Ted and Cynthia, he had brought four members of his art department as well as his three top account executives with him. He had booked eight rooms at the famed Fontainebleau Hotel, as well as a suite for himself and Justin. Ted had brought his long-time partner Blake Wyzecki, and Cynthia had her latest boyfriend, Andrew Hughes, along for the trip. Andrew had been around for almost three years now, so much so that Brian finally remembered his name and could recognize him in a crowd; unlike the one-week wonders that Cynthia had sported in the past. She seemed to have a short attention span when it came to a man, which was perfectly fine with Brian. That only meant she would never marry and leave the company. As far as Brian was concerned this was a good thing.  
  
The group had arrived a few days before the ceremonies, to acclimatize themselves to the city and indulge in the exciting night life that only South Beach had to offer. Brian had given them each a company credit card so that all their expenses would be paid. He wanted everyone to have a good time and not have to worry about money. This was a bonus that he felt he owed them, a small token of his appreciation for their endless hours of hard work.  
  
Brian was a demanding and meticulous employer, expecting his people to work hard and give one-hundred percent at all times. It was no less than he expected of himself and they knew this. He would think nothing of working round-the-clock to meet a deadline, rolling up his shirtsleeves and working side by side with them until the job was completed.   
  
This work ethic brought out the best in everyone and produced results that were always far superior to anything other firms had to offer. Kinnetik had remained the top advertising firm in Pittsburgh for years and had steadily built up a nationwide clientele that was very impressive.   
  
There had been many opportunities to branch out and open divisions in other parts of the country but Brian had chosen to keep everything in one central location. He felt he could maintain better control this way and make sure the company adhered to the standards to which they were now famous for.   
  
The last few months had been a whirlwind of activity and long, hard hours. This trip would give all of them a chance to unwind and get back in to a normal pace, something they all needed badly.  
  
Brian had spent the last few days lazing around the pool, improving on his base coat and enjoying the view. There were glistening, well-oiled bodies everywhere. Justin sat with him as much as he could tolerate, making sure he had thick layers of sunscreen with the highest SPF available. The last thing he wanted was horrible sunburn which was easy to get in the intense Florida sun, even though it was only May.   
  
Justin looked over at Brian lying on the chaise beside him and couldn't help but stare. Even after all this time, the sight of a nearly naked Brian, with his beautiful, lean, long, muscular legs and obscenely tight abs, still gave him an instant hard-on. Brian wore the tiniest black briefs which left very little to the imagination. Justin's eyes moved from Brian's stomach down to the healthy bulge at his groin and he felt his body responding immediately. He threw a towel over his lap to hide the evidence.   
  
"You've got a boner, don't you Sunshine?" Brian said. He lowered his sunglasses and looked over them, smiling his wicked, little boy smile.   
  
"The better to fuck you with, my dear," Justin replied in a sing-song voice.  
  
"We just spent the better part of last night fucking; in every room of our suite, in every possible position, and you're still horny?" Brian asked, amusement evident in his voice.   
  
"I can't help it; I'm at my sexual peak. It's also because I've been deprived these last few months due to our horrendous work schedules and a certain someone staying up till the wee hours of the morning, working his ass off, instead of being in mine! I'm just trying to make up for lost time."  
  
"I wouldn't call fucking three times a week, deprived, Justin."  
  
"Well, considering I'm used to fucking three times a day, I would!"  
  
Laughing at him, Brian stood up and pulled Justin's towel off his lap.   
"I think we both need a swim to cool off. Come on, Sunshine, move that poor, deprived ass."   
  
They walked over to the pool, ignoring the eyes of the other people watchers checking them out. They were both beautiful in their own way, the one tall, tanned and supremely handsome. He looked like he had stepped out of the pages of Gentleman's Quarterly, one of his clients as well as one of his very favorite magazines. Justin, on the other hand, was shorter but equally as attractive with his beautiful blond hair, piercing blue eyes and time-stopping smile. They were both fanatic about their fitness regime and it showed in their bodies. Brian looked nothing like the forty-five year old that he was. He could have easily passed for thirty-something. The one good thing that Joan Kinney had passed on to him was the gene that gave him his full head of hair, at a time when many of his peers were either balding or had already lost the battle.   
  
Justin at thirty-three was in his prime. He still had his youthful appearance, but now there was an aura of self-confidence and entitlement only seen in the rich and famous; two things that he now was. His meteoric rise in the art world had been astonishing, almost on par with Brian's success in the business world. That and his solid family life with Brian had added a layer of quiet contentment and happiness that was never there in the past.   
  
In the water, Brian immediately started to do laps while Justin just floated around, relaxing. He had just completed a very impressive one-man show in Los Angeles and was still coming down from that high. All forty-three of his paintings were sold within the first hour of the opening, not unexpectedly. The art world always waited for an original Taylor to fall into their hands. He couldn't paint fast enough to keep up with the demand, thus raising his prices to astronomical proportions. When he thought about it, he couldn't believe that anyone in their right mind would pay over fifteen- thousand dollars for anything of his. The money he made was really an added bonus; Brian's fortune alone would have sustained them both well into the next century.   
  
Justin had started taking a percentage of his earnings and donating them to charity years ago. His favorite was the Vic Grassi House in Pittsburgh. He had also founded the Taylor-Kinney Scholarship for starving Gay artists, a cause near and dear to his heart. He and Brian sat on the Board of that Foundation and he personally reviewed all the applications that came in every year to decide which two applicants would be chosen to receive the generous gifts that he had to offer. Another portion of his earnings went into trust funds for Gus and Jenny as well as the monthly stipend he sent Jennifer Taylor. Molly was happily married and well off in her own right, living in Madrid with her Spanish husband and not needing or wanting any of his money.  
  
The remainder he used to play with; to buy gifts for his beautiful lover and occasionally go on shopping sprees to replace his tattered paint-splotched clothes that caused Brian great stress every time he saw Justin in one of his 'rags' as he would call them.   
  
The last six months had been very stressful for the two of them. It had started last fall with the many trips they had made to Toronto, to watch Gus' football games and after that the traveling seemed to increase with Justin's trips to LA to prepare for the art show and Brian's many business trips across the country.   
  
This week was the first time they were able to relax and not have to meet any deadlines for anyone. It was a wonderful and unfamiliar feeling, not having to rush this way or the other. It would also give them a chance to devote all their time to each other; a second honeymoon so-to-speak. The first one had been so many years ago they barely remembered it.   
  
"What's on the agenda tonight?" Justin asked, as Brian's face popped up out of the water directly in front of him.   
  
"The Gala dinner. This is the night we have to schmooze all the corporate giants that have been invited to see their ad-men win the top prizes for peddling their products and making them millions," Brian answered, blowing water in Justin's face.   
  
Justin knew this was one event Brian wasn't looking forward to but he also knew it was something necessary that he had to endure.   
  
"Come on, let's go. I've had enough of this for a while," Justin said, grabbing Brian's hand and swimming over to the side of the pool.  
  
They got out of the water, each wrapping a towel around his waist, and made their way into the hotel lobby. By-passing the elevators that the general public used, they headed straight to the one elevator that only serviced the private suites. Justin inserted his room card into the slot, and the doors slid open soundlessly.   
  
As soon as they got in and pressed Penthouse, Justin threw his towel over the security camera and turned towards Brian, latching on to him like a barnacle. He slid his hand down Brian's briefs, fondling the object of his desire, making small moaning sounds as he felt Brian responding to his touch.   
  
"God, you are so hot! I almost came just watching you lying in the sun," Justin said breathlessly as he continued to stroke Brian.   
  
"Jesus, Sunshine," Brian laughed quietly as he was assaulted by Justin's voracious hands and mouth simultaneously.  
  
"You think we can wait till we get in the room?" Brian asked, smiling at his partner's eagerness yet feeling his body responding instantly to Justin's touch.  
  
"Fuck, no," Justin said.   
  
He slammed the stop button on the elevator panel and as it thudded to a halt Justin slipped his finger under the elastic on Brian's briefs and pulled. He pushed Brian up against the elevator wall and knelt in front of him, even as his hands caressed Brian's beautiful legs, moving steadily towards his ultimate goal, enveloping his balls, stroking, kneading, feeling Brian's erection pressing rigidly against the side of his face as he buried his head in Brian's groin, inhaling the special scent that belonged to only one man. Finally, he took him in his mouth, letting his tongue take over, quickly working to get him off, not wanting to drag this out for one more minute. He heard Brian groaning loudly and felt the hot rush of liquid into his mouth. Justin waited a few seconds then pulled Brian down towards the floor and rolled him over onto his stomach. He rubbed his hands across Brian's well-oiled torso then spread some of the oil on his own dick while he opened his mouth and spilled part of Brian's come around his very tight, seldom-used asshole to prepare him. Positioning himself over Brian, he gently sank into him, moaning with pleasure. He knew there would be hell to pay later and Brian would definitely get his revenge, but right now he was too far gone to care.   
  
"Sorry, Brian… holy shit…fuck, you are tight…couldn't wait…you feel so amazing…fuck…sorry…oh-my-fucking-God!" Justin kept babbling as he felt Brian clenching and unclenching around him.  
  
"Justin," was the only response Brian could huff out as his face was mashed into the carpet while Justin plowed into him.   
  
After a few thrusts he felt Justin shoot, felt the pressure on his shoulders as Justin tightened his grip and pressed his head on the back of his neck, sighing with the pleasure of release.  
  
"Brian," was all Justin could manage to croak out, "love you."   
  
"I love you too, you little shit, but you have given me a serious case of rug and ass burn," Brian hissed out, "and you will be punished."   
  
Justin continued to pant in Brian's ear, trying desperately to catch his breath. "My knees are going to look and feel like shit too. Sorry, Brian" he said sheepishly, kissing Brian's neck and moving off him.  
  
"Sorry is bullshit, Sunshine," Brian laughed, pulling his and Justin's pants up, hitting the start button.   
  
"You are one horny little fucker, you know that?"   
  
Justin looked at him, smiled and said, "It was hot, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yeah, it was hot," Brian said as he grabbed Justin in a headlock and kissed him.   
  
The elevator doors slid open as soon as they got to their floor and they headed straight to the private Jacuzzi that was on one side of the suite. It sat on a raised platform in the middle of the room, facing the floor to ceiling glass window that allowed them a breathtaking view of Miami and its bustling water ways. There was a silver ice bucket with a bottle of 'Jewel of Russia' chilling in it and two glasses beside it on the tray. A small platter of cheese, fruit and assorted salami and crackers completed the package.  
  
Brian looked at him and asked, "When did you set this up?"  
  
"Long before I got my boner and you stood up to get in the pool. I knew this is where we'd end up," Justin said with a big grin on his face.  
  
Stopping only to pull his pants off, Brian made a straight line for the tub and stepped into the intensely hot water. He sank into it gratefully, enjoying the soothing effects on his poor abused asshole. Justin followed closely behind, sitting beside Brian, enjoying the warmth of the water and the gentle massaging of the pulsating jets against his legs and back.   
  
After a few minutes, Justin stepped out of the tub to get their drinks. He stood directly in front of Brian's face as he opened the bottle of Vodka and poured some into his and Brian's glass.   
  
"You know," Brian said to him as he reached out to take his glass from Justin. "Whoever designed this Jacuzzi should be commended for the excellent dimensions of this tub. This seating area, with its mouth-to-dick ratio is absolutely perfect!"  
  
Justin continued to stand over him, smiling mischievously, moving forward so that his dick was now about eight inches away from Brian's mouth. Brian took another swig of the ice cold Vodka and before he swallowed he pulled Justin towards him and took him into his mouth, surrounding him with the frosty liquid.  
  
"Fuck, that feels incredible," Justin said, holding on to Brian's head as the older man started working his magic with his tongue. All too quickly he felt himself releasing into the icy wetness.   
  
"That just put a whole new spin to 'White Russian'," Brian murmured as he swallowed every bit of his lover's essence.   
  
Justin laughed and stepped into the tub. Before reaching for his glass of Vodka, he stopped to kiss Brian, loving the feel and taste of his mouth.   
  
"You have any idea how beautiful you are and how much I love you?" Justin asked.  
  
"Sunshine, right now my ass and my knees know exactly how much you love me," Brian smirked at him.  
  
Justin smiled, "How does your poor ass feel?"  
  
"Like shit, if you'll pardon the pun, and you will pay for this." Brian said, his eyes betraying his amusement, contrary to what his mouth was saying.   
  
"I'm counting on it," Justin said, staring at Brian seductively.   
  
They continued to sit and enjoy the comfort of the hot jets of water, pulsing and massaging, alternately sipping their drinks, nibbling at the food and each other.   
  
They were interrupted by the ringing of the phone, a sound much detested by both of them.   
  
"Who the hell could that be?" Brian said. "All my key people are with me. They know how to contact me on my cell."   
  
"I'll get it," Justin said reaching for the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
There was silence on the other line, broken by the sound of someone taking a ragged breath and then silence again.   
  
"Hello? Who is this?" Justin asked, listening to the noises coming from the other end.   
  
The person on the other end had started to cry, quietly but distinctly. The sobs were increasing and getting progressively louder. Justin was starting to freak because he couldn't recognize the voice.   
  
"Please, whoever this is, tell me who you are?"  
  
"Justin"…was all she could manage.   
  
Justin sat up straight, eyes opened wide.  
  
"Daphe? Daphne, is that you?"  
  
The crying was much louder now, turning into desperate sobbing.  
  
"Justin, it's gone."   
  
"Daphne…what's gone? What are you talking about?" Justin asked.  
  
"Help me," was all she said.   
  
Then silence as the phone was disconnected.   
  
Justin put the phone down and looked at Brian.   
  
"I've got to go."  
  
"Go where?"  
  
"Home. Back to the Pitts," Justin said, standing up.  
  
"Hey," Brian pulled him back down. "Hold on a minute. Who was that and what the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"That was Daphne, Brian. She's in trouble, she needs me. I've got to go," Justin said.  
  
"Justin, stop a minute and be reasonable. What kind of trouble? What is going on with her?"  
  
"I don't know, Brian. I just know she sounded desperate on the phone. I've never heard her like that, in all the years I've known her. She has never, ever asked me for help that way. I've got to go and see what's wrong."  
  
"Justin," Brian said, "You know how important this week is for me. I want you to stay and be here for the awards ceremony."  
  
"I know, Brian, and believe me, if I could, I would. I'm sick about having to leave you like this, but I really have no choice."  
  
"Yes you do! You always have a choice," Brian spat out, starting to get very angry.  
  
"Look," Brian said. "Pick up that phone and get her husband on the line. He'll tell you what's going on. What's his name? Alexander something?"  
  
"Alex, Brian…his name is Alex," Justin said.  
  
"Fine," Brian spat out. "Get fucking Alex what-ever-the-fuck on the phone and ask him what the hell is going on!"  
  
Brian stepped out of the Jacuzzi and grabbed a towel that was close by. His mood had completely turned to shit and he was not willing to sit in that water for one more second.  
  
Justin grabbed his phone and looked in his addresses to see if he had Alex's work number.   
  
Finally finding it after scrolling through a hundred numbers he called and heard the receptionist say, "Dr. Cherny's office. How may I help you?"  
  
"Yes, this is Justin Taylor. I need to speak with Dr. Cherny please,"  
  
"I'm sorry sir; Dr. Cherny is not in today. He has a family emergency. If you leave me your name and number I can page him and he should return your call in approximately one hour," she said.  
  
"That's fine," Justin said and rattled off his phone number. He disconnected and looked at Brian.  
  
"They said he was off, due to a family emergency. Something must be seriously wrong, Brian. Neurologists don't just cancel out an entire day for something minor. He has surgeries scheduled months in advance from what Daphne's told me."  
  
Brian pulled Justin towards him and embraced him. "Sunshine, please, at least talk to him first before you go off half-cocked, okay? Let's hear what he has to say and then we'll decide what you should do."  
  
Justin looked at him, torn inside because he knew how important his being here meant to Brian. The Clio wasn't something that was won easily and it was a feat that might never be repeated. Brian needed him to share in this, for many reasons, but primarily because he had been by his side throughout the inception of Kinnetik; even the name had been his idea. Brian felt that the Clio belonged to both of them and he wanted Justin to be here, front and center, to see him accept the award.   
  
"Okay," Justin said. "I'll wait and talk with Alex first."  
  
Brian breathed a sigh of relief. He knew how stubborn Justin could be once he got an idea in his head and even though this minor victory could be short lived, it was better than watching him pack his bags to go rescue Daphne.   
  
Justin and Daphne had been friends since high school. She was the best 'fag hag' Brian had ever known, aside from Debbie Novotny, of course. Daphne was Justin's closest friend. They had always been there for each other, through thick and thin. Throughout all the dramas of his and Justin's early relationship, she had been there to help Justin retain his equilibrium and sanity, protecting him from himself and any outside forces that would intrude on his life.   
  
There had been many times when she would call Brian to tell him what was what, never sparing his feelings but being brutally frank. She had no qualms about saying things to Brian that no one would have dared to say, to protect her friend and make sure that his best interests were always met. She knew things about their relationship that no one else knew and she had remained loyal and steadfast and always there for Justin as well as for Brian, once she accepted the fact that he was here to stay.   
  
As the years went on, she moved forward with her life, leaving the Pitts to go to Medical school. She was extremely gifted and an outstanding student, making Dean's list easily and getting accepted into the finest residency programs the country had to offer. They were surprised when she chose to join the staff at Johns Hopkins because she had always sworn that she would like to move to California where the sun was constantly shining and she would never have to deal with snow, but when push came to shove, she decided to stay on the East Coast to be closer to her friends and family.   
  
All throughout her years of schooling and then her residency, she and Justin remained in constant communication, calling each other at least once weekly, to get updates.   
  
When Daphne told Justin about Alexander Cherny, he had gone into full protective mode and had actually had him investigated. He wanted to make sure that she had not hooked up with some weirdo Russian Rasputin or some Eastern European mob-related psycho. Brian of course told him he was being ridiculous and that Daphne certainly had good judgment skills; however Justin didn't stop queening until he got the report back from the private investigator that had Dr. Cherny pass inspection with flying colors. Of course, if Daphne ever got wind of the investigation there would have been hell to pay.  
  
Alexander Cherny was the son of Russian immigrants that had moved to the United States when he was only six-years old. He had been raised in New York City and was very American in his thinking and habits. The only thing Russian about him was his knowledge of the language and customs. In deference to his parents, he spoke their language whenever he was home, keeping them happy. He had no siblings, so his parents doted on him and slaved many long hours at their menial jobs to save enough money to give him the best.  
  
He was brilliant, outshining everyone around him, always reaching higher and being moved up the academic ladder at an alarming rate. Because of his outstanding abilities, many doors opened up for him that would never have been possible with his parent's modest income. He was only sixteen when he graduated high school, because he had skipped so many grades. He was a child prodigy and when he was given a full scholarship to Harvard, the press had a field day with him. He was the 'Doogie Howser' of the Russian community.   
  
Appearance-wise he was tall, over six feet, slim and blond with dark blue eyes. He looked like every drawing of the typical Russian aristocrat, with the broad Slavic face and high cheek bones. He had a full mouth, a little too pouty for someone so serious, but it certainly added the 'hotness' element to his overall appearance. His hair was thinning but still covered his entire head.   
  
When Daphne met him, the first thing she noticed were his hands. He had the hands of an artist, beautifully shaped, long and slender and he used them to perfection. His chosen field was Neurology, he was a surgeon. He was ten years older than Daphne and by the time she started her residency, he was already well established in his field and had built up quite a reputation.   
  
She worked alongside of him when he fell into her rotation and they became close friends. At first she saw him as a mentor, someone she could go to for advice in helping her decide which field of medicine she wanted to specialize in. But, as their friendship developed they soon realized that there was an unmistakable sexual attraction that couldn't be denied or ignored.   
  
Daphne always assumed she would marry someone from her own race because this was something her parents had always wanted for her. However, being raised in a primarily white neighborhood, the chances of meeting a nice black man was next to impossible. In fact, she had only dated white men while she was in high school and thought nothing of it. She was pretty much color blind in that sense. She had met some interesting black men while in college but had never really been attracted long enough to have anything serious come of it. In fact, most of her relationships with men in general were one-night stands, simply because she had no time for anything but her studies. There was not one minute to spare for anything else.   
  
The most serious relationship she had ever had with a man was with Justin, and that didn't really count, because he was Gay and because he was in love with Brian. He was her brother, her best friend. He was never her boyfriend even though he had consented to help her out many years ago, when she had asked him to be her first sexual experience.   
  
Her relationship with Alex was her first truly serious one. Both sets of parents objected at first; hers because he was white, his because she was black. It was ludicrous, but it was what it was. Eventually, after they had dated for over a year, everyone began to see that this wasn't going to go away and a slight change in thinking was called for.   
  
She had chosen Psychiatry as her field because it was an area that she felt offered her the most challenges. Everyday was different, every patient a new and exciting problem. It allowed her to use her analytical mind to its fullest, delving into areas that were hidden from most people. She would sit and listen for hours, interjecting here and there, and drawing out things from people that had been hidden for years. She had a knack for getting straight to a problem, helping her patients find a comfort zone with her that was more often than not gratifying and rewarding.   
  
Once she and Alex finally married, she decided to retain her maiden name professionally. It would have been too confusing to have two Dr. Cherny's dealing with the science of the brain; even though one dealt with the mental issues and the other with the physical ones. Dr. Daphne Chanders was a personality all on her own and she and Alex complimented each other perfectly, bringing out the best in each other.   
  
They had moved back to Pittsburgh a year ago, establishing their practices and buying a condominium in one of the new high rises that had been built around the downtown area. This way, they remained close to Allegheny General yet high enough in the air to not be bothered with neighbors or city noises. Their apartment consisted of two floors of living space, the top floor being the highest in Pittsburgh, towering over everything around them and affording them magnificent views of the city and its surrounding areas.   
  
This evening, the view meant nothing to Alex as he sat in his living room and stared out the window. He dreaded calling Justin. He had been putting this off ever since his receptionist called to give him the message. The thought of having to answer any of Justin's questions was abhorrent to him. Talking about the problem with someone else made it much more real. He wished that Daphne hadn't called Justin but he knew that eventually she would break down and do just that. Justin had been in her life far longer than he had. It was natural that she would call him when she was hurting. Finally, Alex picked up the phone and dialed Justin's number.  
  
"Hey," Justin answered, reading Alex's name off caller ID.  
  
"Justin. I'm returning your call." Alex sounded tired and upset.   
  
"Daphne called me earlier. She was crying and sounded distraught," Justin said. "What's going on with her?"  
  
"She must have called just before I gave her a sedative," Alex answered, "She's asleep right now, Justin."  
  
"Don't wake her up, just tell me. What's happening?"  
  
"She miscarried." Alex said sadly.   
  
"Oh," Justin said. "I didn't even know she was pregnant."  
  
"No one did," Alex replied. "She didn't want anyone to know until she had passed the danger point."  
  
"Danger point?"  
  
"This has happened before…twice," he explained.  
  
"Shit," Justin said softly. "I had no idea."  
  
"I'm surprised she's never told you," Alex said, "You know everything else about her."  
  
"Well, like you said, maybe she wanted to wait till she knew it would be okay. She sounded really upset on the phone though, almost desperate. She asked for my help? What can I do for her, Alex?"  
  
"Nothing, Justin, other than holding her hand and being here for her, as you've always been. There's not much else you can do."  
  
"I'm in Miami, Alex. Brian is receiving an award tomorrow night and I'd like to be here for him."  
  
"Stay, please. There is nothing you can do for Daphne right now. She'll be in and out of sleep for the next few days. I'll try and keep her sedated because she needs to rest and stay home. This one was pretty bad."  
  
"Do you think she'll be angry with me if I wait till after the awards ceremony?"  
  
"Justin, she won't even know you're here. Why don't you wait a few days and come back once your event is over. By then she will be better and hopefully on her way to recovery."  
  
"Well, I still need to talk to her though. Would you call me the next time she's up? I'll feel a lot better once I hear her voice."  
  
"Sure," Alex said.  
  
"Okay then, I'll talk to you later," Justin said, disconnecting.  
  
Justin looked at Brian, who was practically holding his breath, waiting for the decision.   
  
"I'll stay," Justin said.  
  
"Good," Brian said, relieved. "Now let's get back in the water and try and relax. Tell me what's happening with Daphne."  
  
TBC  
  
  
Authors Notes: Although this story is not a sequel in any way to my previous story, **Hell Week,** the time line continues. There may be references made to incidents that occurred in the past, as well as explanations on Gus' terms of endearment for his father, Justin. You don't have to read Hell Week to understand this story, but if you want to, you will find it posted on this site as well as my home page on live journal.   
  
All quotes used throughout this story on the meaning of Karma come from three sources, Wikipedia, Buddha Dharma Education Association and Buddhanet.


	2. Chapter 2

_Karma is a word of ancient origin meaning action or activity and its subsequent results. It is commonly understood as a term to denote the entire cycle of cause and effect as described in the philosophies of a number of Dharmic Religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism._   


**Chapter 2**  
  
Brian looked over at the two tables where Justin sat with Ted and Blake, Cynthia and Andrew and the rest of his staff. They were all smiling up at him as he stood behind the podium, waiting for the thunderous applause to end. He was dressed in a midnight blue Armani tuxedo, every hair on his head in perfect place; he had never looked so good. He held the coveted Clio award in his hand. Smiling broadly, he raised the statue towards the audience then turned to his people at the two tables below and toasted them.   
  
"I want to thank all of you for this honor, for the recognition of our ideas and all our efforts. This award means a lot to me but it really belongs to all the people who work for Kinnetik and who have made the company what it is. I want to publicly thank them for all their hard work, most especially my assistant, Cynthia, who has put up with my crap all these years."  
  
The audience laughed and waited for him to continue.  
  
"I also want to thank my accountant, financial adviser and friend, Ted Schmidt, whose keen analytical mind has seen us through many bumps in the road."  
  
He raised the trophy at Ted and toasted him with a big smile.   
  
"To the men and women in my creative art department who have been able to understand my thought processes and turn them into reality, I thank you. My account executives; guys, you are the best in the business and you make my job so much easier!"  
  
"To Brown Athletics, for entrusting a small, unknown ad agency with their business, for continuing to support us and stand by our ideas, no matter how radical or out of the box. For taking a chance with Kinnetik, thank you."  
  
The audience applauded loudly then became silent as they waited for Brian to continue. Most of the people in the audience had known him for years and knew that whatever came out of his mouth was usually worth listening to.   
  
Brian looked out into the crowd and then he turned and looked down at Justin. He wanted to say something special to him, but he wasn't about to get all lesbionic in front of this crowd. Finally he simple said, "And lastly, but most importantly, to my partner and my best friend, who believed in me and Kinnetik long before it was even an idea… Justin, this is for you."   
  
Justin smiled up at Brian, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He grabbed Cynthia's hand and squeezed it.  
  
"I knew I would lose my shit tonight, Cynthia, queening in front of all these people," he whispered.  
  
"Honey," Cynthia said, her eyes filled with tears too, "look around you. Everyone at this table is."  
  
Justin laughed when he saw she was right. Ted was wiping his eyes with a handkerchief, something that most people never even knew existed but that Ted still carried. The rest of Brian's staff were trying real hard not to cry but most of them were unsuccessful.  
  
The clapping continued long after Brian had left the stage, a true acknowledgment from his peers that he was at the top of his game.  
Brian got to the table and everyone crowded around him wanting to shake his hand and wish him well. Justin sat and waited, knowing that he would come to him in his own good time.   
  
"Hey," Brian said when he finally broke away from the crowd, and slipped into the chair beside him.   
  
"You made me fucking cry in front of all these people. That was really a nice speech, Brian," Justin said.  
  
"Thanks." He grabbed Justin's head and pulled him in for a long and lingering kiss, unmindful of his audience.  
  
"I'm glad you were here to see it. Who would have thought, when we sat at the bar at Babylon and you came up with the name, that we'd come this far?"  
  
"I always knew," Justin said. "It was you that needed convincing."  
  
  
The next evening they were leaning back in their first class seats on American Airlines on their way back to Pittsburgh. It was around eight at night. They had decided to take this late flight after Brian changed his mind and told Justin he would be going back with him. He was completely partied out and staying in Miami the extra two days without Justin made no sense, so at the last minute he switched Justin's ticket and got two on the eight o'clock flight instead.  
  
Everyone else stayed behind for two more days but knew that they were expected back at the office bright and early on Monday morning.   
Fun would be long over by then and the grueling pace at Kinnetik would start up again.  
  
Justin looked over at Brian and said, "Last night was amazing!"  
  
Brian smiled when he heard that. He turned to look at Justin and said, "Did you get 'punished' enough Sunshine, or shall we continue your lesson in the restroom up front?"   
  
"I don't think I can handle another round of 'punishment' at this point, Brian. You even wore me out, which is unbelievable, especially at your age!"  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
"How's your ass feeling this evening?" Justin asked innocently.  
  
"It's finally starting to feel normal; there will be no more plundering of those parts for a while, do you hear me, Mr. I-can't-wait-for-one-more-minute?"  
  
The mega-watt smile just beamed back at him, causing Brian to break into a laugh, forgetting that he was trying so hard to look intimidating. Justin hadn't been intimidated by him in so long he'd forgotten what a little twat he could be when he wanted to, even if he was thirty-three years old.   
  
"So have you called Daphne to tell her you're on the way?"  
  
"I did, yesterday. She sounded a little bit better; at least she could complete a sentence without crying. I guess that means she's on the road to recovery, right?"  
  
"I have no idea Justin. Never been pregnant, never miscarried."  
  
"Asshole," Justin said, looking at Brian like he was some kind of bug.  
  
"Please, don't use that word in reference to me for a while," Brian replied looking at Justin with a raised eyebrow.  
  
The twat stuck his tongue out and leaned his chair even further back to try and catch up on his beauty sleep. Brian picked up a magazine and started to read. He made a mental note to send his eye doctor another case of wine, in gratitude for the miracle he performed with the Lasix eye surgery.   
  
Brian remembered the first time he started suffering from Presbyopia, a very common condition that most people get as they start to age and the cornea no longer adjusts as quickly as it used to. For Brian it started around the time he turned forty-two. He had always had perfect twenty-twenty vision and all of a sudden he was having trouble seeing things up close. The thought of having to wear reading glasses and looking like his father made him break out into a sweat. He spent days ranting and raving about looking like a 'fucking geezer' until Justin got tired of the drama and picked up the phone to call the eye doctor. It was a simple solution, really, but something that hadn't even occurred to Brian, who was too busy having his little tantrum.   
  
The end result was the trip to Dr. Shulman's office and one week later he had the eye surgery. The transformation from drama-queen Brian back to self-assured, fuck-em-all Brian was instantaneous.   
  
Brian smiled to himself as he recalled the whole scenario. He looked over at Justin who was fast asleep by now and thought about how different his life would have been if they had never met under the street light all those years ago.  
  
The ups and downs of their long relationship had been almost as bad as the NASDAQ after Clinton left office. They had both lived in a constant state of high tension, never knowing from one day to the next whether their relationship would survive. Miraculously, and despite all the dire predictions of the naysayers, they did survive. They had not only survived, they were married and happy and were actually living the kind of life that Brian had mocked so many years ago.   
  
What he had thought would have been boring and predictable turned out to be anything but that. Living with Justin was a constant changing kaleidoscope of adventures. The most predictable thing about Justin was that he was unpredictable. Brian never knew what to expect or which Justin would show up for dinner. This is what sustained his interest, what made their relationship always challenging and new. Justin was emotional, mercurial and dramatic. He had the energy of three people, was an amazingly talented and original artist and was vocal about everything and everyone. The only thing that never changed about Justin was his love for Brian. It never wavered or bobbled in any way. His love was a steady beacon in Brian's life, the guiding light that always brought him home, grounded and safe.   
  
They both had incredible careers that took up a lot of their time; there was never a problem with one person clinging or being bored. They were very often traveling to different parts of the country on separate visits so the time they did have together was always special and important to them. Their sex life continued to be over-the-top. Considering they had been together for fifteen years, albeit monogamous for only seven of those, they were still able to find pleasure in each other, always looking for new and exciting ways to make things more erotic and different. It took constant work and imagination, but the end result was always worth it.  
  
Brian put the magazine in the seat pocket in front of him and leaned back to try and sleep. After years of traveling he had learned that any bit of rest one could grab on a plane was worth it by the time you arrived at your final destination. He always envied Justin who had the ability to sleep instantly and anywhere. Brian's sleeping habits were getting worse as he aged and he found that he basically could get by with only five hours of sleep which for many other people would have been called sleep deprivation.   
  
After a few minutes he realized sleep would not be coming easily. He gave up, pushed his seat back up and hit the call button. When the attendant came he asked for a scotch and then he reached for the phone and dialed Gus' number in Canada.  
  
Lindsay picked up on the second ring.  
  
"Hey, Linds, is Gus around?"  
  
"Hi Brian, yeah he's upstairs, I'll get him in a minute. Congrats on the Clio! I saw you on Entertainment Tonight."  
  
"No shit! How did I look?"  
  
Brian heard the smile in Lindsay's voice when she heard the question. "Beautiful and perfectly put together, as always."  
  
"I didn't know they were going to televise the awards. If I had I would have spent more time on my choice of clothes," Brian said.  
  
"Brian, I doubt that you would have done any better. You looked fabulous, even Melanie thought so."  
  
"Damn, I must have looked really good," Brian said out loud, knowing any compliments from Melanie were few and far between.   
  
"Oh, you know you looked great, Brian. Congratulations again! I'll go get Gus."  
  
"Thanks, Linds."  
  
"Hey, Dad," Gus said, a few minutes later.  
  
"Gus! How's it going?"  
  
"Great! I saw you on TV tonight. That was an important award, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, it was."  
  
"Well, I'm glad you got it. Where are you?"  
  
"On a plane, flying back to the Pitts."  
  
'Is 'Daddy J' with you?"  
  
"Yeah, but he's asleep. You know how he gets on airplanes."  
  
"I know. When he wakes up tell him that I entered one of my water colors in a contest that the city is having. I should know in a few weeks if I placed or not."  
  
"Oh? What's the contest for?"   
  
"The City is looking for a logo for the upcoming 2017 Gay Olympics, and I entered the contest."  
  
"No kidding?"  
  
"Yeah, I showed the painting to Mom and Mama and they thought it was good and encouraged me to enter it, so I did."  
  
"Wow, that's great son. 'Daddy J' will be so excited for you"  
  
"I know; tell him I used that new technique he taught me over the Christmas holidays. He'll know what I'm talking about."  
  
"I will. Is everything else okay?"  
  
"Yeah, Dad. Everything's good."   
  
"And Ashley? Are you still seeing her?"  
  
"Yup," Gus said.   
  
"That's cool. Need anything, son? Condoms…lube…anything?"  
  
Laughing out loud, Gus yelled, "Stop Dad!"   
  
"Just asking…I love you, Gus, take care of yourself and say hi to Ashley for me."  
  
"Love you too, Dad. Tell 'Daddy J' okay?"  
  
"I will, son, bye."  
  
Brian put the phone back down and smiled. His relationship with Gus had always been good but after the week that he and Justin had spent with him last September they had become extremely close and spoke on the phone as often as possible.   
  
Gus was now fifteen and was developing into quite a special young man. His personality was a combination of all four parents who were raising him, which really gave credence to the theory of nurture vs. nature. He was part artist and part techno-geek. A lot of left brain with a very well developed right brain. That in itself was very unusual. He could argue a case with the best of them, had Melanie's knack for doing numbers quickly in his head, yet he could turn around and take a blank canvas and produce a piece of artwork that would make Justin cry with pride. He had a sentimental and sweet side to him that was so Lindsay but he was also an avid sportsman, with the keen competitive nature that made him excel in football and ice hockey. On top of all of this, the boy was as straight as the day was long, loving his four gay parents and not thinking their lifestyle strange or unusual.   
  
He had started dating a cheerleader that he had met last fall when football season first started. That seemed to be going well, from what Brian just heard. The most important thing to Brian though was the fact that Gus was able and willing to communicate with his parents, at an age and time when most of his friends put up barriers and shut everyone out. That was the one thing that Brian was so thankful for, he and his son could talk about anything. And they did.   
  
When the plane finally landed, he and a sleepy Justin made their way out to the Limo that was waiting for them and headed home to Britin Manor. They had kept the loft in town to use on the days when they had to work late and didn't want to make the trek out to the suburbs, but home was still Britin. After owning it all these years the inside of the house had been remodeled and upgraded so many times it was nothing like the original that Brian had bought for Justin in 2005 as an enticement into marriage. The outside still looked the same, but inside it was completely modern and had every cutting edge piece of new technology there was available.   
  
The gourmet kitchen with its stainless steel appliances and sub-zero freezers would have made any chef happy to work in. They had a staff of three that came in daily but left in the evening because Brian was not comfortable having people around to intrude on his privacy at night. He didn't get the whole 'treat them like they're invisible' theory that so many of the wealthy subcribed to. Maybe because he was not born rich and everything that he had was earned through years of long, hard work. He was always mindful of his humble beginnings and never failed to treat his home staff with the courtesy that he felt they deserved. For having such a reputation as the slave-driver-asshole, Brian was in actuality, extremely kind and fair to all the people who worked for him. The only things he asked and expected of them was that they work hard and were completely and utterly loyal. This meant not talking to other people about anything they saw or heard that was none of their business.   
  
As they made their way into the house through the kitchen door, they were pleased to see that the cook had left them a light snack of fruit, cheese and chicken salad in case they were hungry. Brian took some grapes off the plate and went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.  
  
Justin passed the food and headed to the phone to pick up on any messages they may have missed while they were gone. There were several from an art gallery in Arizona asking him for a call back. He forwarded all those messages to his secretary, Anne. She would get them in the morning and take care of whatever he needed from his studio in town. Anne had been around for almost four years and was turning out to be quite indispensable to him. She had been recommended by Jennifer Taylor after she had bought a condominium from her when she moved to town in the late 2000's. She was a pleasant, very capable ex-paralegal that moved to Pittsburgh from her home town of Ann Arbor, Michigan.  
  
Justin continued to listen and hit the pause button after he heard the latest message.  
  
"Brian, come here and listen to this."  
  
Brian moved over to where Justin and the machine were at and listened as Justin hit the play button.   
  
"Justin, it hurts…"  
  
It was Daphne, speaking in a very soft voice, not sounding like her at all.   
  
"I need you to make this stop…the pain won't go away…my heart is breaking."  
  
Justin looked at Brian in shock. The date on the machine was yesterday's date, several hours after Justin had spoken to Daphne, when she had sounded pretty good.  
  
"I'm going to hang up…need a pain pill…cramping too much. I need to be strong for Alex, but I'm not, not at all..."  
  
TBC


	3. Chapter 3

_Karma literally means "deed" or "act" and more broadly names the universal principle of cause and effect, action and reaction which govern all life. If we sow goodness, we will reap goodness, if we sow evil, we will reap evil._ __  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Daphne lay in bed and took a long, ragged breath. The pain seemed better this morning; at least the spasms and bleeding had stopped. The aching in her heart though was a constant thing, varying in degrees from mild to intense. Alex had just left for the hospital after leaving her a large cup of coffee, an antidepressant and a piece of raisin toast for breakfast.   
  
She smiled wryly when she thought of his efforts. He was completely at a loss, trying desperately to fix whatever was broken inside his wife. Yet in spite of all his medical knowledge and years of schooling he was unable to help.   
  
She sat up and waited a few minutes for the waves of nausea and dizziness to pass. She knew that her body was just adjusting to an upright position after being horizontal for so long. She ran her fingers through her tangled hair, imagining how long it was going to take her to get it back to looking decent again. She got up gingerly and waited again as the dizziness hit once more. Eventually it stopped and she made her way over to the window and drew back the curtains to let the sunlight in.   
  
The view from where she stood was magnificent, her eyes took it all in and she sighed as the beauty of the sun rising over the city washed over her. This was her favorite time of the day, when most of the world slept and the phones never rang. She loved to have her first cup of coffee reclining on the chaise lounge that faced the window. It was her time to do things for herself without constant interruptions, go over her schedule, input and delete information into her Blackberry and generally do all the things necessary to make her life more organized. She would check her e-mails, respond to whatever needed her attention and then continue on to the bathroom where she took a long, leisurely bath. It took her a while to get into the bathing habit, because she had always preferred taking showers. Sitting in a tub was just something her triple A-type personality could never stand. It was boring and took too long; she never understood the appeal until she went to a stress and time management course and they suggested this as one way of helping make her day more tolerable.   
  
At first she balked at the idea, but even Alex thought she should stick it out for a few more days to see if she wouldn't learn to like it and eventually, she did. Now she couldn't imagine starting her ten hour day without it.  
  
Alex's way of reducing stress and tension was playing racquetball every morning. He always left the house at five and after a quick drive to the gym, which was attached to, but not part of, the hospital he did his thirty minutes of stretching and light weight lifting before he met up with Steve Atkins, cardiologist and friend, for their daily racquetball match. They had become close when they interned together many years ago in New York City and ended up accepting positions in the same hospital, here in Pittsburgh.   
  
Both Daphne and Alex knew how important it was to do things for themselves; to make time in their busy schedules for their bodies, to enable them to sustain the grueling pace of their medical careers. Alex's surgeries routinely took anywhere from nine to twelve hours in one stretch. This alone put tremendous stress on the body, coupled with the pressure of knowing you held a person's brain in your hands and one slip of the knife could mean the difference between a life well spent or one permanently disabled.   
  
Daphne's patients were different in that their demand on her was completely mental and it could literally suck her dry if she let it. She had trained herself to leave the problems behind, take nothing home except her body so that she had enough left in her to be there for Alex and enjoy their marriage. Their time together on a daily basis was not much. Eight to nine hours at most, six of which were spent sleeping. In spite of that, they remained close. They had been friends long before they had become lovers and that part of their marriage was the most important to them. They shared so many of the same ideologies and could talk for hours over dinner or sitting in front of the fireplace about things they saw or did on a daily basis. There were never awkward moments of silence, it was the complete opposite.   
  
It was such a revelation to Daphne that she and Alex could have this kind of communication and closeness. Previous to her marriage, her closest friend and confidant had been Justin and she never thought she would be able to find another relationship like that. Her sporadic affairs throughout her school years had always been with men who had trouble answering simple questions, let alone having a heart to heart discussion about anything serious. She had almost decided that all heteros were a bunch of Neanderthals with zero communication skills other than, 'harder, yeah baby', and 'pass the Ketchup'.   
  
But thankfully Alex Cherny stepped into her life and proved her completely wrong. He was a wonderful communicator but more importantly, an excellent listener. They laughed at the same things; an essential part of their relationship, as Daphne felt that without humor life was just too grim to bear. He loved her ability to zero in on a situation, bypassing all the bullshit and being able to tell it like it is. Both of them did not suffer fools gladly and more often than not were happy with their choices of new friends and acquaintances.  
  
When Alex first met Justin and Brian he was a little wary. He had never had any contact with Gay men, other than as patients, and he had no idea what to expect. The fact that his wife's best friend was Gay had come as a complete surprise to him, but in deference to her he vowed to view everything with an open mind and reserve judgment until he got to know them better. It didn't take long for him to realize that both men were exceptional, regardless of what their sexual preferences were.   
  
Daphne knew that Alex wondered what she and Justin had to talk about whenever he saw her on the phone with him. It was hard to explain the history and closeness to someone whose entire life revolved around academics, leaving very little time for socializing and friends. Alex's formative years were spent in isolation because all the people he was in school with were much older than him; the one down side of being a child prodigy. He had no idea what it was like to share experiences and secrets with a special friend. He couldn't relate to Daphne and Justin's closeness but he did respect it and never tried to interfere in anyway.   
  
Daphne stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and looked at her face. She didn't look half bad, she thought, considering she hadn't done any grooming in days. Her hair, of course, was a hopeless case, springing out around her face in a wild Afro that begged for a good shampoo, brushing and flat iron. She decided that today she would make the effort and try and get back to a semi-normal state. She pulled her nightgown over her head and tossed it in the hamper in the corner. Again she inspected her body, looking for any signs of its recent loss. Her breasts were still full, that would take a few more weeks to get back to normal. She had never been very busty but pregnancy had given her a nice fullness that she was going to miss. The rest of her looked the same; still slim and muscular, her stomach tight and flat, no signs of cellulite and looseness anywhere. At thirty- three Daphne could easily pass for a young woman in her twenties. The funny thing was she never really did much to make this happen…the hype of the cosmetic world and all the products that were supposed to keep one youthful were completely wasted on her. Her entire beauty regimen consisted of soap, water and Oil of Olay. That was it. Her make-up case had a smattering of eye shadows, mascara and a few wands of lip gloss, minimal to say the least. Yet, despite the lack of vanity and all its accouterments, she was a stunning young woman. Her skin was flawless; her teeth perfect, her eyes were liquid pools of brown toffee that showed every emotion without guile or pretense.   
  
This morning the eyes that looked back at her in the mirror showed all the pain and anguish she had been going through these last few months. She willed herself to look away and she moved over to the tub. She turned on the faucets, adjusting them to get the right mix of hot and cold, and then she sat on the little bench and waited for it to fill up. Daphne took some more sips of her coffee. It was quite tepid at this point but she didn't really care, nothing tasted very good these days. She drank the coffee hoping it would jump start her brain and get her moving.   
  
She glanced at the clock that was on the wall above her dresser and saw that almost forty minutes had gone by since she woke up. Justin had called last night to say he would be over bright and early today; she knew that she still had about an hour or so before that was going to happen. He had promised to bring her favorite cinnamon rolls from the Cin-Na-Bun off of Liberty Avenue in the hopes that it would rev-up the appetite that seemed to have disappeared.   
  
She barely remembered the calls she had made to him the first hours after she miscarried. She knew that she was pretty desperate at the time and had reached out to the closest friend she had, hoping he would make everything better. Alex was hurting enough; she didn't want to burden him with her grief so she had dumped on poor Justin who didn't even know she was pregnant. This morning she was going to have to deal with him and his third degree and explain to him why she hadn't said anything about her past pregnancies or the fact that they were even trying to have a child.  
  
She hoped that he would not berate her for not saying anything sooner. She really wasn't in the mood to deal with any of his sermons or much less have to explain in gory detail everything she had been through. She knew it would be good for her to talk about it; this is what she told her patients every day. It was an important part of the healing process, however, this physician was having trouble healing herself.   
  
She expected that Justin would eventually brow beat her into telling all, that was his style and she always ended up doing what he wanted.  
  
Almost thirty minutes later she finished putting away the blow dryer and looked in the mirror one more time. Her hair was still wild and full, but now it was clean and shiny and tangle free. Daphne grabbed hold of it and pinned it back with a clip rather than deal with the flat iron to try and do any straightening. She was exhausted enough. She put on some lip gloss and a touch of blush, hoping this would convince Justin that she was well on the road to recovery. No matter what she felt inside, the outside at least looked pretty damn good.   
  
She made her way into the bedroom and threw on a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt that said, 'Mental'. Finally, she made her way down the circular staircase and into her living room and waited for the sound of the buzzer announcing that Justin had arrived.   
  
At eight thirty sharp the doorman called to say that Justin was on his way up. Daphne stood by the open door and braced herself for the arrival of Justin who was a force of nature all on his own.   
  
"Hey, Daphe," Justin said, as soon as the elevator door slid open and he saw her standing there, waiting.  
  
Daphne smiled and moved over to give Justin a hug. They held on to each other for a few minutes until Justin pushed her away so that he could look in her eyes.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I'll live," she replied.  
  
"I brought you some breakfast," he said to her tentatively, not sure what kind of mood she was in.   
  
"I see that. Come on in…let's make another pot of coffee and enjoy the thousand calories per bite," she said, tongue-in-cheek.  
  
They moved into the kitchen area and she went over to the coffee machine and prepared another pot.  
  
Justin watched the whole time, his artist's eye seeing every detail of her body, checking her out to make sure she really was feeling better.   
  
Finally after her preparations were done, they moved over to the round table near the picture window and sat to wait for the coffee to brew. Justin brought over the box of cinnamon roles and Daphne had the plates and forks in hand.   
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Justin asked.  
  
"What's to talk about? I was pregnant, now I'm not."  
  
"Come on, Daphe. I know this hasn't been easy on you. You don't need to be brave on my account."  
  
He continued to look at her, the love and concern showing on his face. Unexpectedly and much to his surprise, tears started to flow down Daphne's face without any warning.  
  
"Hey," Justin said, reaching over to touch her on her face. "Please don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you any more than you already are."  
  
"It's not you, Justin. It's the hormones that are going crazy in my body. I'm sorry…I'll stop in a minute."   
  
Daphne reached over Justin's head to the little ledge behind him that held the phone and a box of tissue. She grabbed the box and proceeded to mop up the tears.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said again, apologizing for a body that was out of control, turning her into something she had always despised, an emotional wreck.   
  
"Don't apologize, okay. Cry all you want, Daphe," Justin said to her, taking her in his arms gently.   
  
Hearing those words only broke the dam and the tears flowed non-stop, turning into sobs. It was heart breaking for Justin because he didn't know how to fix this. All he could do was hold her tighter, murmuring words that meant nothing, cliché's that served no purpose other than paying lip service to no one in particular.  
  
"You'll get better, Daphe," he said softly. "Your body will heal and get stronger and you and Alex can try again."  
  
"No," Daphne said, in between sobs. "I don't want to try again; I can't go through this one more time."  
  
"It'll be okay," Justin said, not really knowing what he was talking about. "You guys are going to be parents yet and in a few years you won't even remember all this."  
  
Pushing away, Daphne looked at him, her face awash with tears. Her eyes now showing all the pain and heartbreak she tried to hide earlier.  
  
"It's never going to happen, Justin, it's not that simple."  
  
"Why? Have the doctors said you can't carry a child, ever?"  
  
"It's just too complicated, too much to do."  
  
"Aww, come on, Daphne, lighten up a little. How hard can it be? You'll just have to try again. You've always told me what a great lover Alex is; this will just give you more excuses to have marathon sex. What better incentive could there be?"   
  
This statement only brought on a renewed round of sobbing and more tears. Justin was shocked. He had no idea how bad her state of mind really was.  
  
"Daphne, stop, please," Justin begged.  
  
"It's not going to happen, Justin. Alex and I will never have a child."  
  
"Why?" Justin asked again.   
  
Daphne pulled away from him. She stood up and walked over to the window, her body language changing instantly from hapless to furious.   
  
Daphne had her back turned to him and she spoke very quietly. "It will never happen, Justin, because Alex is sterile."   
  
"He's what!"  
  
"You heard right…he is sterile."  
"But you were pregnant?" Justin said to her back.  
  
"I was," Daphne replied. She turned around to look at him. The sad Daphne was no longer there. Standing in front of him was one pissed off lady.  
  
"I was pregnant, through the miracle of modern science, a feat that is very involved and very invasive and not something I really wanted to discuss with you or anyone else!"  
  
Justin looked at her, too stunned to speak. He was at a complete loss for words, something he was not used to.  
  
"I had no idea, Daphne," he said.  
  
"No one did," she answered. "No one knows, not even our parents."  
  
"But you told me that he was a wonderful lover…that you've always had amazing sex?"  
  
Daphne looked at Justin like he was a complete moron. "I said he was sterile, Justin, not impotent! We fuck like rabbits…that part works fine. He just shoots blanks!"  
  
"Oh," Justin said, realizing his mistake. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked.  
  
Daphne snorted out a bitter laugh. "No, there is nothing you can do. Unless," she said, looking him straight in the eye, "You're willing to donate your sperm?"  
  
They both looked at each other in shock! Justin couldn't believe she just said that.   
  
Neither could Daphne.   
  
TBC


	4. Chapter 4

_Karma is neither fate, nor predestination imposed upon us by some mysterious unknown power to which we must helplessly submit ourselves, for man acts with free will, creating his own destiny. Karma refers to the totality of our actions and their concomitant reactions to this and previous lives, all of which determine our future._   


Chapter 4  
  
What the fuck was she thinking?  
  
This was the thought going through Justin's head as he drove away from Daphne's and headed back home. He had meant to stop by his studio this morning, to take care of anything that had piled up while he was in Miami, but he was too upset after hearing her news. All he wanted to do was hurry home to Brian and tell him about the entire conversation.   
  
He didn't understand several things, but he had been too disturbed to ask anymore questions and he could tell that Daphne was just as upset for revealing much more than she had intended. Although he and Daphne were extremely close, delving into her sex life was not really an everyday occurrence. She was always very private about that part of her marriage, never going into details other than to say that Alex was good in bed and that she was very satisfied.   
  
Justin in turn had never pushed for more information because he really had no desire to talk about it. Hetero sex was not his favorite topic of conversation and besides, she was almost his sister, for God sake. Hearing about her panting and moaning in bed was almost incestuous! And yet today she had revealed that there were serious problems in that part of her life and he didn't really know how to handle any of it.  
  
Sure, she had said that they fucked like rabbits and that Alex's machinery worked fine, but how could it if he was sterile? Justin needed to go on-line and do some research of his own before forming an opinion. Right now all he could think about was the fact that Daphne had never looked or acted this distressed. He would have given anything to have been able to help her out; anything of course except what she had suggested!  
  
He felt pretty sure that she had just thrown that out as a twisted joke, trying to make light of a very dark situation. However, more often then not Daphne's pronouncements had some basis in reality and so hearing her say that was like taking a peek into the secret recesses of her ever-working mind. She couldn't possibly have been serious, could she?  
  
Besides, what difference would his sperm make anyhow? She was the one that miscarried; sperm had nothing to do with it, or had it? Where did she get the sperm for this pregnancy, or the other two before that and why didn't it work?   
  
He supposed that eventually they were going to have to discuss this again so that he could get more details. Now was not a good time though, everything was too recent, the loss too fresh. He knew that Daphne had been completely embarrassed by her slip. She had retreated into her 'Dr. Chanders' face and had said nothing more about herself before they finished their breakfast and he announced that he was leaving.  
  
She said that she would probably go to work on Monday and that she would call him. He wondered if she would. Did he even want her to? What if she was serious about her statement and really expected him to donate his sperm? Holy fuck…and not in a good way, he thought wryly.  
  
Justin finally pulled into the driveway at Britin. He noticed that the Lamborghini was still parked in its usual spot, which meant that Brian hadn't left the house at all. He parked his Porsche next to Brian's car and entered the house through the side door.   
  
Max was already busy in the kitchen, preparing their meals for the day.   
  
"Hey, Mr. J, you're up early this morning."  
  
"I know. I had to run into town and have breakfast with Dr. Chanders."  
  
"Did you have a good time in Miami?" Max asked.  
  
"It was great, Max. Good food, good weather, good entertainment! You should go there sometime."  
  
"I'd like to one day."   
  
"Well you should go now, while you're still young and hot. Don't wait till you retire and have to be wheeled there," Justin said to him, knowing full well that Max had many years to go before he got to the wheelchair stage.  
  
They had discovered Max about two years ago when they were at a restaurant in Chicago. Brian had some business in the city and he had asked Justin to come along so they could do some shopping. It was one of the few times that he and Justin could actually be in the same city at the same time and so he wanted to take advantage of the situation and replenish Justin's pathetic, paint-spattered wardrobe. After an exhausting day traipsing up and down the Magnificent Mile, spending an obscene amount of money on clothes, they decided to have dinner at a small restaurant in Greek Town that was highly recommended by their concierge.  
  
Brian had ordered a Caesar salad and he and Justin had watched as the waiter prepared it from scratch right at their table. This was one of his favorite dishes and seeing it prepared fresh only assured him that it would be first class and not taste like the bottled shit most restaurants served. He watched as the waiter continued with the preparation, mixing the egg yolk and oil right there at the table, throwing in the anchovies, bacon bits and croutons.   
  
Shortly before they finished their dinner, they were surprised by the appearance of one of the chefs. He was making the rounds, checking on the customers to see if everything was to their satisfaction. When he came up to their table they couldn't help but notice how good looking he was. He was obviously gay, but he didn't fawn over Brian or Justin in any way. He was respectful and businesslike and did his job very well. They wondered why he would want to work in the restaurant business when he could have been in some magazine layout modeling an Armani suit.   
  
He was probably in his late twenties or early thirties, curly brown hair, matching brown puppy dog eyes with a body that was tanned and finely muscular and chiseled in all the right places. He looked very much like John-John Kennedy. Brian didn't know which fascinated him more, the salad or the person making it. Justin was equally as taken with the young man because he was charming and personable, talking to them non-stop about Chicago and making suggestions as to where they should go the next day.   
  
It had been a very enjoyable evening and when they were getting ready to go, Brian had given Max a very generous tip and told him that if he were ever considering a change he should look him up. He had handed him his card as they left.  
  
Several months later Max had shown up at Kinnetik, looking for a job. Brian was delighted and after Ted had checked out his credentials and references, Brian offered him a job as his personal chef. As time went on the job expanded into more of a personal assistant-handyman-do it all-major domo type role to both Brian and Justin. Max pretty much ran things at Britin, supervising the other two members of the household staff which included Lorayna, the cleaning lady who also did the laundry and her son, Raoul, who was in charge of the upkeep of the garden, tennis court and pool area. Max also moonlighted as a model for Kinnetik, whenever they needed his type for a photo shoot. He had an apartment on Liberty Avenue that was reminiscent of the loft in Brian's heyday.   
  
So far the arrangement had worked to everyone's advantage. Brian had his very own salad making machine and Max had entrée into the kind of life he would never have had if he had stayed in Chicago. He had easy access to Liberty Avenue and any hot young body he was interested in. He was extremely grateful to Brian and Justin for giving him the opportunity and never lost sight of where his primary loyalties lay. He would have jumped to the moon and back if they had ever asked him to.   
  
The most ironic thing of all was that Max Steiner did not need the job. He came from a very wealthy Jewish family in Skokie, a suburb outside Chicago. He and his parents had clashed over every choice he had made, starting with his wanting to go to culinary school. His father had envisioned him working by his side in the financial investment firm they owned in Chicago. Max tried it for a few summers and thought he would die of boredom. Pushing paper and dealing with money and numbers all day was not his idea of fun. When he had added insult to injury by announcing he was gay the drama only intensified. Fortunately, he did have another brother who was willing to step into his place so his parents had reluctantly allowed him to pursue his dreams in the culinary world. They never spoke about his being gay, preferring to ignore it, hoping it was a momentary aberration on Max's part and that eventually he would snap out of it.   
  
The Jewish community in Chicago and Skokie is huge, yet everyone knows everyone. The probability of Max's private life remaining so was zero to none. Everywhere he turned in the city he bumped into a friend of his parents or a relative of some sort. It put a huge constraint on his dating or every finding a place to go to where he could just be himself. Even the few gay bars in the city always ended up being another place where he would bump into someone his family knew.   
  
When he met Brian and Justin that night in the restaurant and Brian had handed him his card he never thought to explore it any further. Leaving Chicago wasn't really in his plans. However, one day he was bored and playing on the computer, so he Googled Brian Kinney and Kinnetik and was shocked at what he discovered. How great would it be to work for someone who was actually gay and successful to boot?  
Pittsburgh of course was a whole other story. It would probably be a huge let down after Chicago but he was a risk taker and decided to give it a try. He never regretted his decision.  
  
"Where's Mr. B?" Justin asked.  
  
"He's upstairs, in his office. He's been there since he got up."  
  
"Has he eaten anything?"  
  
"No, but he's consumed two pots of coffee so he's probably vibrating in place right now."  
  
"Yeah, really; how about making him an omelet of some sort and toast, and bringing it upstairs."  
  
"I'm on it."  
  
"Thanks, Max."  
  
Justin took the stairs up to the second floor. Brian's home office was in a room at the back of the house. It had a large picture window that allowed him a view of Britin's gardens with its tennis court, Olympic size pool and six-car garages. They used to have stables but they had torn them down several years ago when they both decided horses were not their thing. Brian preferred to have cars for toys.  
  
"Hey," Justin said, as he walked through the door.  
  
Brian looked up from the computer on his desk. "Hey, yourself."   
  
Justin moved over to where Brian sat and bent down to kiss him on the mouth.   
  
"You look like you could use a break. How long have you been sitting here?"  
  
"Oh, a couple hours," Brian replied. "There were a million e-mails I had to deal with and I wanted to get them all out of the way before I showed up at Kinnetik on Monday. Nothing worse than a cluttered mail box on the first day of the week."   
  
"Anything important?"  
  
"No, but a lot of congratulation messages on the Clio. Winning that thing was huge, Justin. You have no idea what that's going to do for the business."  
  
"I can only imagine," Justin said rolling his eyes. If Brian's business took off any more he would never see him.  
  
"So," Brian said, turning off his computer and giving Justin his full attention, "What's the deal with Daphne?"  
  
"Oh my God, Brian! You will never believe what she just told me."  
  
"Try me," Brian said.   
  
Justin proceeded to tell all, and as he was talking, Max came in and placed the breakfast tray on the table and silently left the room. Brian moved over to see what was on the table and as he sat and picked at the omelet Justin continued to talk and talk, going into every detail of his conversation with Daphne.  
  
"Holy shit!" Brian said when Justin got to the last part of the conversation. "She can't be serious?"  
  
"I don't think so, but she scared the crap out of me, that's for sure," Justin said.   
  
"Jesus, that would scare the crap out of me too," Brian replied, swallowing the last bite of his omelet.  
  
"I'm sure she was just reacting, Brian. When her body gets back to normal we'll have another conversation and she'll tell me more about these pregnancies and how they've come about. Today was just not a good day to do it."  
  
"No, I wouldn't think so. I'm amazed you even got this much out of her. Daphne's pretty tight lipped when it comes to her and Alex."  
  
"Really," Justin replied. "I hope this doesn't affect their marriage though. She's really happy with him."  
  
"Well, we'll just have to see, Sunshine. Now, how about making your husband, partner, love of your life, happy this morning?" Brian said, looking at Justin with an evil glint in his eye.  
  
"What did you have in mind, Mr. Kinney?" Justin asked, licking his lips and moving his hand up Brian's leg towards his groin.   
  
"I think we should start with a trip to the bedroom and I'll explain everything as we go," Brian answered, his voice changing as he felt Justin's hand on his very evident hard on.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Across town Alex parked his car in his slot in the underground parking at the condo and headed towards the elevator. He had just come from a very difficult situation, having to explain to a new patient that he had Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig disease. His keys dug into his palm as he remembered the look on his patient's face as he delivered the bad news. That it was a fatal, neuro-muscular disease, with no known cause or cure, not the brain tumor that everyone was hoping for. At least with a tumor the guy would have had a fifty-fifty chance. There wasn't a brain tumor out there that Alex couldn't try to remove. Instead, his patient had just been given a death sentence with this new prognosis.  
  
This had pushed Alex into an even more depressed state of mind which he knew he should snap out of if he hoped to help Daphne get over her recent loss. No sense in both of them being morose.   
  
When the elevator stopped at the top of the building and he stepped into his foyer he noticed that Daphne had been downstairs this morning. There were still dishes left out on the kitchen table. This was a good sign; she had actually left her bed and eaten something.  
  
Climbing up the stairs to their bedroom he walked in and saw that she had bathed and even had a bit of lip gloss on. Her hair was wild and untamed, springing around her face, just the way he liked it. It reminded him of pictures he had seen of Diana Ross, the lead singer of the group, The Supremes. He had always been attracted to her music and Motown in general, even though that was all years before his time. When Motown was at its height, he hadn't even been born yet. However, that was immaterial as the music was timeless and continued to live on.  
  
"Hey beautiful," he said to his wife, as she looked up when he walked through their bedroom door.  
  
"Hi honey," Daphne answered.   
  
Alex noticed that she looked better this evening. The eyes that stared back at him weren't as haunted and she seemed excited to see him.   
  
"You look like you've had a shitty day," Daphne mentioned.   
  
Alex could never hide the fact that he was under stress. The pinched look around his mouth always gave him away.   
  
"Oh, I just had to tell a really nice guy that he had ALS."  
  
"That fucking sucks," she said. "You would think that after all these years, and all the research in stem-cells, that they would find a cure for that mother-fucking disease."  
  
"I know," Alex said. "He may as well go straight to the funeral home and make his arrangements."  
  
"It's such an awful disease," she said.  
  
"That it is," Alex replied. "So, I see that there are dishes out in the kitchen, a good sign, Dr. Chanders. This means my favorite patient actually ate something, is that correct?"  
  
"Yeah, Justin came over for breakfast this morning and we had some cinnamon rolls. I also had some soup for lunch so, all in all, I've had a pretty good day, food wise."  
  
"That's wonderful, Daphe," he said gently as he put his arms around her and nuzzled her neck. She smelled so good, he thought to himself. He would be glad when she fully recovered from this ordeal and they could get back to normal. He missed having her in his arms at night. She had never pushed him away but he could tell that the last few weeks had been horrible for her and she had shied away from any physical contact.   
  
Tonight she actually responded to his touch, which again was a very good sign.  
  
"So how was Justin's trip to Miami?" Alex asked.  
  
"Great! I guess Brian got this amazing award and Justin was telling me all about it."  
  
"I know. He told me a little bit about it a few days ago when he called from Miami," Alex said.  
  
"When did he call you?" Daphne asked.  
  
"Oh, three or four days ago, I don't remember," Alex answered.  
  
"Oh," Daphne said.  
  
"So, what else did you talk about?" Alex asked.  
  
"A little bit about the pregnancy," she replied.   
  
Alex looked at her, surprised. "I thought you hadn't planned on saying anything to him."  
  
"I didn't plan it, Hon, it just sort of happened," she said, looking away from Alex.  
  
"What exactly did you say to him, Daphne?"  
  
"I kind of told him a little bit about what's been going on with us," she said very softly, bracing herself for Alex's reaction.  
  
"You didn't tell him about me, did you?" Alex asked, reaching over to her and turning her around gently so he could see her face.  
  
She looked at him with tears shinning in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Alex, it just sort of slipped out."  
  
"You didn't," he said.  
  
"He knows," she answered.   
  
TBC


	5. Chapter 5

_Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The effects of all deeds actively create past, present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to others. Karma is not about retribution, vengeance, punishment or reward. Karma simply deals with what is._ _  
  
_ Chapter 5  
  
Almost six weeks had gone by since Justin and Daphne had met for breakfast. Daphne had just returned from a visit with her ob-gynecologist who had confirmed that everything was back to normal. The doctor had told her that she was ready to try getting pregnant again, if this was something she wanted to attempt once more.  
  
Daphne wasn't sure she wanted to start the nightmare all over again. Alex had reassured her repeatedly that a child was not a necessity in his life and that she should just accept the fact that they were never going to have children. Daphne wasn't sure she was ready to do that either.   
  
What she needed to do was talk this out, she thought to herself. She had to go through everything in her mind, one step at a time, before she could arrive at a decision which would ultimately affect her life forever. This wasn't an easy thing; she knew it would take her a while, but once she decided, it would be done. Daphne wanted to call her best friend and use him as a sounding board. This had always helped her in the past. She and Justin routinely talked about their problems and more often than not, would arrive at very good conclusions.  
  
However, she had no idea if Justin would want to meet with her after that bombshell she dropped on him. He's probably scared to death, she thought, thinking I meant every word I said that day. And maybe I did? If not, it certainly was some Freudian slip that came out at a most inopportune time.   
  
She picked up the phone and dialed Justin's cell.   
  
"Hey, Daphe," Justin answered on the second ring. "How's it going?"  
  
"Hi, Justin. Are you in town? I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me today."  
  
"Yes, I'm actually at my studio today. That would be great! Where and when?"  
  
"What about that new Thai restaurant across the street from me? I've heard it's pretty good."  
  
"That fine," Justin replied. "I'll meet you at twelve-thirty."  
  
"Okay," Daphne answered.  
  
Justin hung up and stared at the phone for a long time. He wondered where this lunch meeting was going to lead. Ever since that morning when he had breakfast with Daphne he had thought about nothing but her statement to him. _Maybe you can donate your sperm?_  
  
At first he brushed it off as some kind of twisted joke. Later on though, in the privacy of his own home, lying in bed beside Brian he thought about it, a lot. What if she was serious? Would he do this for his best friend? It wouldn't just be a question of donating sperm. That part would probably be a piece of cake, he thought.   
  
He remembered how Brian and Michael had, at separate times, gone through this same thing; jacking off into a container and having the little swimmers injected into the girls by their respective partners. He supposed he could endure that humiliation. The problem was he didn't think he could just walk away from a human being that he helped create without so much as a backward glance.  
  
The big difference between Daphne and Mel and Linds was that she would not want Justin to be acknowledged as the father of the child. He was pretty sure of that. In that case, Justin would have nothing to do with the baby. His biological child would be raised by Daphne and her husband. Justin would be known as 'Uncle Justin', a family friend. He would never have a say in any decision that was made for his child, nor would he ever be able to participate in anything the child did in the future.  
  
He was sure that it would be that way, if in fact Daphne was serious about her proposal. And Justin knew he would never allow it.   
  
For years he had berated Brian for not being a more involved father, for giving up his parental rights. Fortunately, circumstances had allowed for Brian to make up for that and he and Justin had become a big part of Gus' life, in spite of the piece of paper that Brian had signed over to Melanie. Things had all worked out for the best and the time they now had with Gus was wonderful and rewarding and such an important part of their lives. Justin couldn't imagine having a child of his own out there and not being able to hold or love it or teach it anything. He just couldn't do it.  
  
That being said, he had to face that fact that he would have to say no to his oldest and dearest friend. Someone who had been there for him through thick and thin, someone who would pretty much lay her life on the line, if needed. How could he do that?  
  
This moral dilemma was literally making him sick. He had lost weight over the last few weeks and Brian had even mentioned the other night that he was starting to look rather peaked. Brian had worried about it, asking him to go see a doctor and find out why he had lost his appetite, a sure sign that something was wrong. Justin had never pushed away a plate of food in all the years he and Brian had been together, however lately he just hadn't been interested.   
  
It was worrisome and Brian was always watchful of any changes in Justin. Justin couldn't tell him what was really bothering him because he wasn't sure what Brian's reaction would be. Or maybe he was sure of what Brian would say, and he didn't want to hear it. That was closer to the truth. Brian would probably tell him to get over it and donate the sperm. What the fuck, it was no big deal, he would say. But it was a big deal, a very big fucking deal, and Justin didn't want to make any decisions lightly.  
  
He picked up his phone again and dialed Brian.  
  
"Hey," Brian answered immediately.   
  
"Hi. I just wanted to let you know I'm having lunch with Daphne today so I won't be stopping by Kinnetik."  
  
"Shit," Brian said. "I was so looking forward to having you for lunch today, Sunshine. I haven't had any blond-boy ass in a while."  
  
"Oh right, Brian. It's been at least six hours since you last had that delicacy."  
  
"Well, I was sitting at my desk thinking about it and getting ready for lunch, which you promised you were going to share with me, remember?"  
  
"I know I did. And it was really nice of you to sit there and prepare everything for this luncheon of ours but you'll just have to complete the meal without me."  
  
"You know it won't be as much fun," Brian said seductively.  
  
"Stop talking like that Brian, you're making me hard."  
  
"Precisely, Sunshine. I've been sitting here with a woody for the last thirty minutes and now you're telling me that I'm going to have to resort to a do-it-yourself lunch? Not fair, Mr. Taylor."  
  
"God," Justin groaned into the phone. "How about taking a little stroll towards the restroom, Mr. Kinney, and let's see if I can't walk you through this problem over the phone?"  
  
Brian laughed, "I'm heading there right now."  
  
"Good," Justin said as he too headed towards the bathroom to take care of the rather large problem that had suddenly come up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Daphne stared at the menu for at least five minutes before making a decision. Justin had come in a few minutes ago and after hugging her and greeting her warmly he sat down and started reading the menu.   
  
After ordering, Justin looked at her and said, "So, how have you been?"  
  
"I'm much better, Justin. I saw my doctor today and she said everything is back to normal. How about you?"  
  
"I'm fine, Daphe. Gus is arriving at the end of the week for his summer stay with us, so that'll be nice. We haven't seen him since Christmas."  
  
"That will be wonderful for you guys. What does he do when he's at Britin?"  
  
"Not a whole lot. I try and spend a couple hours a day with him in the studio, teaching him new techniques and letting him paint whatever he wants to. After that we pretty much let him do his own thing. We try not to keep too tight of a schedule since he's on summer break and needs to unwind. The kid's life is regimented enough as it is. Everyone needs to be able to relax for a few weeks each year."  
  
"That sounds like fun," she said.  
  
"It is," Justin replied. "Brian is planning a few side trips with him, I think I heard talk of New York and Las Vegas. I'm not sure when, or how long, but we'll probably make a few trips with him before he has to go back in late August."  
  
"Does JR come too?"  
  
"Not always. This year she's staying in Toronto."   
  
"Oh," Daphne said.  
  
Justin put down his chopsticks and looked at Daphne. "Are we going to talk about this or shall we beat around the bush forever?"  
  
"There's nothing to talk about, really. I should never have said anything to you. Alex was furious when I told him that I had mentioned the problem we'd been having."  
  
"Look," Justin said to her, "It's not like I'm going to take out a full page ad somewhere and announce this to the whole world. He needs to know that I won't discuss this with anyone."  
  
"You've told Brian, haven't you?" she asked.  
  
"That's different, Daphne, and you know it. Of course I've told him."  
  
"So, now that's two people that know," she said, "Two more than we would like."  
  
"You've got to trust us, Daphne; you know we would never say anything to anyone."  
  
"I know Justin," Daphne said, picking at her food with the chopsticks in her hand. She looked at him with eyes that were filling up with tears.  
  
"Hey," Justin said to her as he reached across the table to take her free hand. "I am here for you if you need me. You have to know that. If you don't want to discuss this right now, that's perfectly fine with me, however, I'm all ears if you need to talk today or tomorrow or whenever you are ready, okay?"  
  
She looked at her best friend and decided that if she didn't tell him everything she would lose her mind and quit functioning. She needed to be able to tell all because talking to Alex alone was not helping. He was too involved in this and couldn't make impartial decisions. For all the years she had know Justin she knew that he would be honest, if nothing else, and they could talk about all the issues out loud without fear of hurting anyone's feelings.   
  
Pushing her plate back Daphne said, "Okay, I do need to talk about this, but I'd like to do it somewhere more private, just in case I loose it and start to make a scene."  
  
"Daphe," Justin said, "The only drama queen allowed here is me, so don't think you can be taking up that spot. I already have dibs on it."  
  
Daphne laughed when she heard that. He was right; a bigger drama queen than Justin didn't exist, well, maybe Emmett came real close, but for high drama, Justin seemed to always top the bill.  
  
Justin raised his hand to signal a waiter and after he paid the bill they stood up to go out to his car. Daphne had just crossed the street from the hospital so they didn't have to worry about her vehicle.  
  
Getting into Justin's car, Daphne admired the beautifully appointed leather interior. The seats were covered in pale gray glove leather that was as soft as butter to the touch. The wood paneling gleamed and there was not a speck of dust or dirt anywhere.   
  
"Boy, whoever maintains your vehicle certainly does a nice job, and I know it's not you because you are somewhat of a slob," Daphne said to him in her most prissy voice.  
  
"Excuse me? I'll have you know that over the years I have reformed; all of Brian's anal tendencies have rubbed off, a little bit," he said with a grin. "However, in this case, you are right. I have nothing to do with the upkeep of this car, its all Raoul. He's our grounds keeper; he's great with cars."  
  
"That's right, I forgot about him. Well hooray for Raoul," she said.   
  
"So, Daphe, where do you want to do this?" Justin asked.  
  
"Why don't we go to your studio in town," she said.  
  
"That's fine," he replied. "I'll just let Anne go home for the rest of the day. She'll be thrilled."  
  
They drove silently across town and when Justin got to his studio he pulled into his parking spot. He and Daphne made their way into the building that housed not only his studio but also offices for the foundation that he and Brian had founded several years ago for the starving Gay artists.  
  
He buzzed Anne when he got to his private office and told her to take the afternoon off. The 'thank you' he got from her made him smile. Poor Anne worked her butt off for him whenever he was in town so letting her have an afternoon off was always a nice treat.  
  
He opened the little fridge he had on one side of the room and pulled out two bottles of Evian. He handed one to Daphne and sat down on the sofa, put his feet up on the table in front of him and said, "Okay, I'm listening."  
  
Daphne looked at him, took a deep breath and started talking. She told him that about six months after they had been married, she and Alex decided that they would like to start a family. He was in his early forties, she was thirty-one, both well settled in their careers and ever mindful of the biologic time clock that had become such a buzz word to many women who had put off child bearing till they had established themselves in the professional world. At first when she didn't become pregnant they thought nothing of it, making jokes about how they should try harder, use different positions, turn on the porn channels. After several more months of trying, the atmosphere started changing. Seeing the blood arrive like clock work every month became a cause for sadness or tension for several days thereafter.   
  
Alex would reassure her, telling her that it was probably stress related and this lead to her taking the courses in stress management and the whole tub/bath taking every morning. After several more months of failure, they decided she should see a specialist to determine if there was something actually physically wrong with her.  
  
She was told there was absolutely nothing wrong. She was a specimen of perfect physical health, more than capable of having a child and going through a pregnancy. Which lead to Alex's submitting to tests, reluctantly, to find out if in fact he were the cause of the problem? She remembered the day clearly in her mind, when Alex had come to her office at the hospital, asking her to cancel out her patients for the day and go home with him.  
  
They had both cried in each others arms when he told her that his sperm count had yielded the verdict of complete and irreversible sterility. He was stunned when he heard the news. For the first time in Alex Cherny's life he was not the first or the best. He was, in fact, a big loser in this very important contest of life and no one knew why or how it happened. The best they could figure was the bout of Measles he had when he was around ten years old. Since he was born in Russia, in a pretty remote village, his parents did not have access to all the latest vaccines and even when they migrated to America, they were never told to have him vaccinated against Measles.  
  
When he caught it as a youngster, it was a relatively simple case. He had a very high fever for several days but recovered quickly and the doctors never mentioned that sterility could be a side effect of the fever. Neither his parents nor his regular pediatrician thought anything more of what they deemed to be a relatively benign childhood disease. Yet it had been devastating, unbeknownst to anyone.   
  
He and Daphne talked about their options. Adoption was always one, but they had decided against it and opted to try a sperm donor. Alex wanted to give his wife the opportunity to have a biological child, even though it would be a donor sperm that would help her get pregnant. After coming to terms with the verdict, he decided that it was the least he could do. At least one of their genes would be present in the child they were going to raise, which was fine with him. She had been reluctant at first, not wanting to hurt his feelings but after he reassured her for several weeks, she was convinced that he too preferred this method to any other choice. It would be a private thing they would embark on, with the help of their doctor, and no one would know the child was not his. In theory it was perfect.  
  
They had spent a long time pouring over the bios of all the sperm donors, trying to make sure they had as close a match to Alex as possible. Physically, this would not be a problem. Blond men with blue eyes were always in demand at a sperm bank and they always had plenty of those on supply. Finding someone with an IQ to match Alex's was a different story. They knew the chances of that happening were pretty remote; geniuses didn't usually hang around to donate their sperm to other people, but eventually they found a donor who was not only physically acceptable but mentally as well. His IQ was nowhere near Alex's but was certainly in the ninetieth percentile for most normal people.   
  
"So, it sounds like everything was going according to plan," Justin said to Daphne, after he listened to her explanation.   
  
"Well, initially everything was pretty normal, as normal as anything like this could be," she said.  
  
"But…What changed?"  
  
"Nothing happened. I wasn't getting pregnant."  
  
"But you were pregnant," Justin said.  
  
"That's because we switched to IVF," she said.  
  
"What that?" Justin asked, clueless.  
  
"In Vito Fertilization. They make the baby in a Petri dish and then implant it in the uterus; that's the non-medical version," she told Justin sarcastically.   
  
"Gross," Justin said. "So, then what happened?"  
  
"It wouldn't take," she said. "I went through all the four steps, the stimulating of the ovaries by taking hormones, the collection of the eggs, securing the sperm and then combining the sperm and egg in a laboratory to provide the perfect environment for fertilization and growth. Then when they transferred the embryos to my uterus, I miscarried. This has happened three times, Justin," Daphne said with such a haunted look in her eyes.  
  
"Do they know why?" Justin asked.  
  
"Who knows, Justin. Your guess is as good as mine. None of the doctors know either. A chance of a female in her early thirties getting pregnant through IVF is about thirty percent. Obviously, I'm in the seventieth percentile. For some reason, my body keeps rejecting these embryos."  
  
Justin looked at his friend who was trying so bravely to not lose it in front of him. He could tell that the tears were so close to the surface, yet Daphne was doing her best to remain calm and professional as she explained the whole process to Justin.  
  
"Well, you'll just have to try again, Daphe; it's worth it," Justin said to her.  
  
"I don't know if I can, Justin. We've already spent over forty thousand dollars in the last eight months, and have nothing to show for it but heartache."  
  
"Holy Shit! That's a lot of money," he said. "I had no idea it cost that much to do this."  
  
"Yes, it's very expensive, as well as painful and humiliating and invasive and all around bullshit!" she said, looking at him with a little bit of the old Daphne in her eyes.  
  
"I guess it's really not nice to fool Mother Nature is it?" he said.  
  
"I guess not," she said, morosely.  
  
"So why would you make that statement to me, about me donating my sperm? Is it the expense? Because if that's it, I will give you all the money you need to do this, until it works," Justin said to her taking both her hands in his and giving her a squeeze.  
  
She huffed out a laugh. "Justin, Alex and I have a combined annual income of over four hundred thousand dollars. Money is not the issue here."  
  
"Oh," Justin said, feeling foolish. "What is then?"  
  
"It's the pain and suffering. Having to go through all that and then having it fail. I can't deal with it anymore. However…"  
  
"Yes?" Justin asked, waiting.  
  
"If we did it, the normal way…if you would have sex with me until I got pregnant, then maybe it would be worth a try?"  
  
"Have you gone nuts, Daphne?"  
  
"No, Justin, hear me out for a minute."  
  
Justin looked at her horrified. He didn't know whether he should shake her or just get up and leave the room. She had clearly taken leave of her senses, too distraught over her recent losses to realize what she was saying or asking of him.  
  
"Justin, don't look at me like that! I am not going crazy. I know that what I'm asking you to do is difficult and against your very nature but it might be my only chance to get pregnant. Maybe I am mentally blocking IVF because it's so unnatural. Maybe that's why it's not working. Having you as my support system will calm me and make everything more environmentally friendly for the embryo."  
  
"Fuck that shit!" Justin said. "What about my comfort level? I am Gay, Daphne. I'm married, I'm in love with Brian…you and Alex love each other…this is not the same as it was when we were in high school and I was the first guy who slept with you. Everything is different now."  
  
Justin could see Daphne's face changing as he spoke out. He saw her eyes well up and the tears started flowing. He mentally cursed her hormone levels that were still so out of whack, causing her to break into tears at the slightest provocation.   
  
"And here's another thing," Justin ranted on. "Have you seriously thought about what would happen, if I was stupid enough to go along with this crazy idea of yours? What if you did get pregnant? Would I have any parental rights? Am I supposed to just walk away from my first biological child and let it be raised by you and Alex?"   
  
Daphne looked at him, heard his words and realized he was right. How could she have thought this would ever work? Justin would never, ever abandon a child he created, no matter how it was done or who it was done with. He would never do it.  
  
TBC


	6. Chapter 6

_Karma is not punishment or retribution, but simply an extended expression of natural acts. The effects experienced are also able to be mitigated by actions and are not necessarily fateful. That is to say, a particular action now doesn't bind you to some particular, pre-determined future experience or reaction; it's not a simple, one-to-one correspondence of reward/punishment..._   
  
Chapter 6  
  
Gus stood in front of his easel, paintbrush still in hand, and stepped back to get a better look at the half-finished painting.   
  
"What do you think, 'Daddy J', do I need to add more depth?" Gus asked Justin who was on the opposite side of the room working on his own canvas.  
  
Justin moved over to where Gus was and took a look. He was really quite pleased with Gus' progress in art and never failed to tell him so.  
  
"You could probably get by the way it is, but I would add some black and ochre over here, just to give it a little more depth," Justin said, pointing to a spot.   
  
"That's what I thought," Gus said.  
  
"Why don't you do that later, Gus? Let's take a break and go for a swim?"  
  
"Yeah, I'd like that. My eyes are starting to cross with all these lines; I do need a break," he said to Justin.  
  
They left the studio, which was on the third floor of Britin Manor, and made their way down to the kitchen and then out to the pool house where they could change. On their way through the kitchen Gus asked Max if he would send down some food because he was starving.   
  
Max was more than happy to oblige. He loved it when Gus was in town because the food volume was always upped a notch and the world of trans-fat and cholesterol counting came to a screeching halt.   
  
Brian and Justin always ate well, but they definitely counted calories and it was a challenge for Max to come up with new and exciting ways to make meals appetizing and appealing, yet healthy enough to satisfy Brian. Justin was easier to please; he pretty much ate whatever you put in front of him. Brian on the other hand, was very picky and discerning in his choices. This made Max's work that much harder.  
  
When Max was done preparing the grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, he placed them on a platter surrounded by dill pickles, celery and carrot sticks with two little cups of dipping sauces. Another plate heaped with homemade French fries accompanied the sandwiches and some chocolate chip brownies drizzled with caramel topped it all off.   
  
He made his way down to the pool house where Gus and Justin had already changed and were both in the water doing laps. He placed the food on the round table that was in the middle of the patio area and watched as the two men continued their exercising.   
  
Gus finished first and swam over to the edge then pulled himself up and out of the water. He stood by the side of the pool, letting the water drip off him, enjoying the sun beating down on his back. Max couldn't help but notice what a beautiful young man Gus was; he looked so much like Brian, he could have been his twin. He was now about six-feet two-inches, lean and muscular with a natural grace to his movements that belied his age. There was nothing awkward about him, no acne to mar his skin. He looked at Max and the food and broke into a huge smile which lit up his face, changing his look entirely. Now you could see more of Gus and less of Brian. The hazel eyes with their specks of dark blue sparkled with the expectancy of youth, a true mirror of his feelings. Eventually, he would learn to disguise his thoughts and hide behind the mask most adults wore.   
  
"Food! Max you are awesome…what did you make?"  
  
"Lots of stuff, Gus, come check it out," Max replied.  
  
Justin had finished his laps and made his way to the side of the pool and out of the water. He grabbed the towel that he had left by one of the chairs and started to dry off. Walking over to the table he picked up a sandwich and took a bite.  
  
"God Max, this is so good! I didn't realize how hungry I was until I saw the platter," Justin said with his mouth full.  
  
"You haven't been eating much lately," Max said, "I'm glad you're hungry."  
  
That statement made Justin think about the reason why he hadn't been eating much. He hadn't heard from Daphne since they had their talk in his studio almost two weeks ago.   
  
For years they had talked on a weekly basis, so not speaking to her for this long was in and of itself weird. He was still upset over that entire conversation and he was pretty sure she was still smarting from the way he had spoken to her.   
  
He had not even recounted the whole scene to Brian because he knew that Brian would have gone ballistic and picked up the phone to give Daphne a piece of his mind. She didn't need that on top of everything else she was dealing with.  
  
But for God's sake, what the fuck was she thinking, he asked himself again for the hundredth time. How did she even come up with that idea? Sure, he had been willing to sleep with her when he was seventeen, but at that age he would have "gotten hard rubbing up against a tree", to quote his darling partner. This was 2015 for Christ's sake, he was thirty-three years old and he sure as fuck was not remotely attracted to or interested in having sex with a female, much less with Daphne who was like his sister, almost! The thought alone made him shudder.  
  
Then there was the problem of the eventual outcome of the sexual experiment. He refused to even think about that. There was no way in hell he would let someone else raise his child; it was out of the question. As far as he was concerned, there was no negotiating on that point.   
  
Yet he kept thinking about Daphne and worrying. The look in her eyes was so haunted, she seemed so desperate. It was a horrible feeling to know she was in so much pain and he couldn't help her. For years she had always been his support system, the shoulder he had cried on, the one person he knew he could count on to always be there for him, no matter what stupid thing he did. She had rescued him from himself so often he couldn't remember all the incidents; he just remembered her always being there for him.   
  
And here he was turning her down, refusing to help her at this critical juncture in her life. It was literally making him sick. He had lost all interest in eating, sleeping, and, God forbid, even sex was not quite as appealing as it normally was. He was surprised that Brian had stopped mentioning his lack of appetite. Brian always noticed everything, especially when things with him were out of whack.  
  
Brian had been patient with him and his lack of interest in bed, working doubly hard to try and satisfy him. He had asked him if he was preoccupied with something at work, stressing over an art project that wasn't going well. Justin didn't have the heart to tell Brian that it had nothing to do with his art. It definitely had nothing to do with Brian's body or his technique. Brian would have turned him on even if he was half-dead. That wasn't the problem.   
  
What he was feeling was guilty. Guilty because he was happy, because he was fulfilled, because his life was everything he wanted and yet his closest and dearest friend was miserable. He felt guilty because he was refusing to help her. He had read somewhere once that guilt was a useless emotion. It served no purpose whatsoever, but here he was, drowning in a guilt trip so huge, that had a grip on him so tight, he was choking.   
  
He kept going over the conversation he and Daphne had at his studio. He kept seeing her eyes, brimming with tears, looking haunted and broken. This was not the Daphne he knew. His Daphne was a fighter, someone who always looked at the bright side and always found a solution to whatever problem came her way.   
  
Yet, no matter which way he looked at it, he couldn't seem to find a solution.   
  
And then there was the other issue which he finally acknowledged to himself the other night as he lay in bed wide awake. Deep down inside, buried somewhere deep in his subconscious, was the desire to have his own biological child. He had never really given it serious thought before because he didn't think he would ever be given the opportunity. Daphne's whole scheme brought this desire to a forefront and now he couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of actually having his own child.   
  
He loved Gus with all his heart. He was his son in every way except by blood, so these feelings that he was having now, the wanting to have his own child, were making him feel doubly guilty. As if he was betraying not only Brian and Daphne, but Gus as well.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At Kinnetik Brian hung up after listening to Justin's phone go to voice mail. He knew he and Gus were home today, but no one seemed to be near a fucking phone which was really pissing him off. Even Max wasn't picking up!  
  
He knew that he was over-reacting, but he hated not knowing where Justin was and he hated not knowing what was bothering him. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that something was troubling Justin but, for the first time in many years, it seemed as if Justin was keeping something secret from him.  
  
Justin hadn't been himself ever since they got back from Miami. On the surface everything appeared the same, except it wasn't. It all started that day he came back from having breakfast with Daphne.  
  
He would catch Justin sitting and staring out into space, not paying attention to anything he was saying. He was distracted and seemed listless and bored. He had barely gone into his studio, let alone picked up a paint brush. The only thing that brought any kind of reaction was when Gus arrived for his vacation with them. That seemed to jump start Justin a little bit, he seemed a bit more interested, especially in the art department.   
  
The boredom and listlessness was being carried into their bedroom, a definite sign that things were not right. Sex had always been so good between them, it was hard not to notice when it wasn't. All the right moves were there, the body parts all still worked, yet Brian could tell the spark was dimmed and he didn't like it one damn bit!  
  
He was determined to find out what the fuck was on his partner's mind and since he could get nothing out of him he decided to call Daphne and see if she had a clue as to what his problem was.  
  
Surprisingly, Daphne picked up the phone when he called. Brian had expected her secretary or a machine, so he was a little tongue tied when he heard her voice.   
  
"Hey, Daphne, it's Brian. I'm surprised you answered the phone."  
  
"Oh! Hi Brian," she said warmly, "You caught me in between patients. What's up?"  
  
"Nothing important, I just wondered if you had heard from Justin lately?"  
  
Daphne was silent on the other end.   
  
"Daphne, are you there?"  
  
"Yes, I'm here, and no, I have not heard from Justin," she replied, her voice changing suddenly, becoming colder and distant.  
  
_What the fuck?_  
  
"When was the last time you talked to him?" Brian asked out loud.  
  
"It's been a while," she replied.  
  
"Is it since that day you guys had lunch?" Brian asked.  
  
"Yes," she answered curtly.  
  
_Something is definitely wrong here._  
  
"So, I don't suppose you know why he's been so distracted? Is there something bothering him I should know about?"  
  
"You'll have to ask him Brian, I don't have an answer for you," she said, again in her most professional voice.  
  
"How are you doing?" he asked, changing his direction of questioning, hoping it would thaw her out some.  
  
"Fine," she replied.  
  
_Fuck!_  
  
"Well, I guess I'll let you go then. Don't want to interrupt your busy schedule," he said, waiting for her to contradict him.  
  
"Thank you," she said, hanging up.   
  
_What the hell was that all about?_  
  
Now Brian was seriously worried. Daphne was acting more nervous than a whore in church and all his radars were telling him this had to do with Justin.   
  
He picked up the phone and called her back.  
  
Again, she answered on the first ring.  
  
"Daphne, what the fuck is going on here?" Brian asked.  
  
"Nothing, Brian. You need to stop calling me. Ask Justin what's going on with him, I don't know."   
  
"That is bullshit of the first order and you know it!" Brian barked out. "You know everything about him, just as he knows everything about you. So, why don't we cut to the chase and get it all out in the open because I'm tired of playing games and if you don't tell me what's going on I'll come to your office and sit on your sofa until you do!"  
  
Daphne leaned her head back on her chair and closed her eyes. She had been expecting a call, but never from Brian. She had hoped that Justin would call her eventually, after he had time to process everything they had talked about. Now she had to deal with Brian and tell him what happened between her and Justin. She knew that if she didn't he would make serious on his threat and come over and sit in front of her until she did. Getting on Brian's bad side was not something one did voluntarily. She ran her fingers through her hair trying to decide what to do.  
  
"I'd like to tell you Brian," she said finally, "I just can't. I'm not ready to talk about this with anyone right now. Please, respect my wishes and leave me alone," her voice breaking at the end of her sentence.  
  
"Daphne," Brian spoke, more gently this time. "Please…I'm really worried about him. You've got to tell me; I know you are involved somehow."  
  
"I suppose I am," she said softly. "However, this has more to do with me than him, Brian. Justin is just reacting to my problems."  
  
"Wouldn't you feel better if you talked to someone about it?" he asked.  
  
"I already have; to Justin. And no, I don't feel better Brian, I feel worse if you want to know the truth."  
  
"Look, there is no problem so big that can't be fixed if we set our minds to it," he told her. "I would like to try and help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what's bothering you. Does this have something to do with the pregnancy and Alex's problem?" he asked.   
  
"Yes," she said.  
  
"I already know about that. Justin told me as soon as you told him…so there are no secrets, okay?" he said gently, trying to calm her and get her to open up.  
  
"It's what I asked him to do after our initial conversation that has him upset, Brian. He hasn't told you about that, has he?" she asked.  
  
"No," Brian answered. He sat up straight, relieved that he was finally getting somewhere.  
  
Daphne thought about it and broke down, deciding to tell all. She figured she had nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain. If she could convince Brian that her idea was a good one, than maybe he could convince Justin.  
  
She took a deep breath and started to talk. She talked for several minutes without Brian interrupting her once. He sat and listened to her story. When she got to the part where she had asked Justin to have sex with her he went rigid, gripping the phone so hard his hand hurt. He was in shock! He couldn't believe he was hearing any of this. It was like a fucking soap opera, with himself and Justin as the lead actors! He didn't like that at all!  
  
"Brian, are you there?" she asked.  
  
"Yes," he replied. Now it was his turn to be cold and distant.  
  
"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked.  
  
"Daphne, honestly I'm in shock right now…I don't know what to say. I have to think about this and get back to you. I just know one thing."  
  
"What is it, Brian?"  
  
"You will not sleep with Justin. Not now, or anytime in the future," he said, with such anger in his voice Daphne could feel it radiating over the phone line.  
  
"I see," she said as the tears started rolling down her cheeks.  
  
Brian disconnected. He looked at the phone in his hand and angrily flung it against the door, smashing it into a million pieces. 

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

_Karma refers to the totality of our actions and their concomitant reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determines our future. The conquest of Karma lies in intelligent action and dispassionate reaction. Not all Karma rebounds immediately. Some accumulates and returns unexpectedly in this or other births._   


Chapter 7  
  
Brian sat at the wheel of his car. He was going at least ninety miles an hour but was oblivious to the speed. All he wanted to do was get home and talk to Justin, the sooner the better. If he had a helicopter he would have chosen that means of transportation.  
  
Cynthia was surprised when he had come storming out of his office telling her to cancel all his appointments for the day. It was so unlike him to do that. Maybe years ago he could follow his whims and take time off whenever he felt like it, but in recent years it had not been like that. They were far too busy and Brian's schedule with clients was run like a fine Swiss watch. Everything was synchronized perfectly and one glitch would affect days of scheduling.  
  
He didn't care at this point. He needed to go home and see Justin, hold him and tell him he knew. No wonder Sunshine was a mess! Jesus, if Lindsay had called him out of the blue and asked him to sleep with her, no matter how good the reason, he would be having a nervous breakdown as well.   
  
Brian felt sorry for Daphne but he also refused to even contemplate what she had suggested. It was ludicrous! That was something people dreamed about on the staff of the Enquirer or Star magazine. It was not something he was going to be a part of, nor was Justin. Hadn't she ever heard of adoption, for Christ's sake?   
  
Fuck, fuck and double fuck! Did Alex even know that she had suggested that? Surely he wouldn't approve of the idea? No man in his right mind would be happy with the thought of his partner having sex with someone else, for whatever reason. He couldn't imagine that Dr. Alex Cherny would have any part in this. This was all Daphne, whose mind seemed to be seriously affected by her recent tragedies. She needed to get on Prozac and get on with her life, for fuck's sake. This was all bullshit!  
  
Brian mentally ranted and raved until he got to Britin. He roared into the gates and came to a screeching halt. He left the car in the middle of the circular driveway and entered the house through the side door in the kitchen.   
  
"Justin!" He yelled out.   
  
The kitchen was empty; he made his way into the house and took the stairs up to the studio. That too was empty. No sign of Gus or Justin.  
He moved over to the window that looked out onto the backyard and saw them by the pool, sunning themselves. Even Max was out there, chatting with them.  
  
Breathing a sigh of relief he turned and headed out the door. He stopped at their bedroom, took off his coat and threw it on the bed. He looked at himself in the mirror and didn't really like what he saw there. He looked completely out of control and he had to will himself to stop and take a deep breath. Justin would freak even more if he saw him this way, home from work at an odd time, queening. That wasn't what he wanted. He needed to be calm and in control so that Justin would in turn feel comfortable talking to him and dealing with Daphne's issues without having to worry about Brian's reactions.  
  
It didn't matter that he was freaking on the inside. Brian knew that ridiculous as this whole thing sounded, Justin must be thinking about it or he would have opened up and spilled the beans a long time ago. This was the part that was the most worrisome. The fact that he hadn't told Brian about that conversation was a sure indication that he was actually fucking thinking about it!  
  
He moved into his dressing room and pulled out a pair of swimming trunks. He undressed, pulled on the black pants, grabbed a towel and his sunglasses and headed on down to the pool.   
  
"Dad," Gus yelled when he saw him approaching, "You're home early!"  
  
"Hey Gus, I got lucky. My meetings were canceled for the day so I decided to come home and join you guys."  
  
Brian walked up to Gus and kissed him on the cheek. He moved over to where Justin was and pulled him into his arms and kissed him on the mouth.  
  
"So early?" Justin said, surprised to see him.  
  
"Yeah, I had the time. It was such a beautiful afternoon and when I called and no one answered, I assumed you'd be out by the pool, so here I am."  
  
"That's nice," Justin said with a smile. He caressed Brian's face and kissed him again.  
  
Brian could tell he was genuinely happy to see him. His body language told him in more ways than his words that he was happy he was home. It was such a relief to be here and have him up close; he pushed Daphne out of his mind for now and decided to shelf the conversation for another time. No sense in getting anyone upset today.  
  
"Max," Brian said.  
  
"Yeah, Mr. B, what can I get you?"  
  
"Why don't you grab me a cold beer and then get changed and join us in the water?"  
  
"I'll get the beer but I've got to get started on dinner. I promised Gus I'd make his favorite tonight."  
  
"Ribs?" Brian asked.  
  
"Yup," Max replied. "Apparently they don't make ribs in Toronto the way he likes them."  
  
"God, I can feel my arteries clogging already," Brian said, anticipating the amazing meal Max was going to prepare.  
  
"Make me a big salad while you're at it, okay? Maybe if I have that I won't be tempted by the ribs," Brian asked, knowing damn well he'd eat the ribs.  
  
"Sure, no problem Mr. B," Max said.   
  
Brian took off his sunglasses and placed them on the table along with his towel. He went over to the side of the pool and dove in. The water was cool and refreshing and was just what he needed to clear his head and get Daphne out of his mind. There would be time to discuss her later, in the privacy of their room. Gus didn't need to be privy to any of this. He would never understand Daphne's request because it was unbelievable and something they only dreamed up in Hollywood. A fifteen-year old would never understand. Hell, he was forty-five and he didn't understand her thought process. And it had nothing to do with her being a female; it was just bizarre, period!  
  
Justin continued to lie on the lounge chair beside the pool. He watched as Brian did his laps, pretending nothing was out of the ordinary. Justin knew something was wrong the moment he saw Brian coming down the steps towards them with a towel in his hand.   
  
The last time Brian Kinney had taken an afternoon off for no reason was so long ago he couldn't remember what the reason was. It was probably that time he had his eye surgery, but even then, he had an excuse. Today was completely unexpected and out of character. Brian's radar must be working overtime again, Justin thought to himself. He knows I'm fucked up and he wants to know why.   
  
Well, I suppose we may as well talk about it once and for all and get this out of the way. I need to vocalize my feelings so that he can tell me how stupid I am for even contemplating this. No one but Brian had the ability to throw the truth in his face like a bucket of cold water and shock him to his senses.   
  
He'll tell me I'm being ridiculous and sentimental and I should stop thinking about Daphne and babies in general. Our lifestyle would never accommodate a new child. We are both too busy and neither one of us would be able to see to the child's needs. Sure, a good nanny would be easy to find, but is this what I want, to finally have my own biological child only to have it raised by a nanny? And what are we going to do with the mother of the child? Daphne wasn't something that was going to go away. Furthermore, she and her husband would never let me have access to the baby, so the point is moot.   
  
He was doing it again; running the same issues round and round in his head, like a rat in a maze. There was just no way out of this dilemma.   
  
Brian swam over to the side of the pool close to where Justin lay. He pulled himself up and out of the water, moving over to Justin. He stood over him shaking his head to rid it of the extra moisture. He looked beautiful as Justin stared up at him, almost as beautiful as he did that night at the loft so many years ago when he poured the bottled water over his face. The sun was bouncing off the drops of water on his body, causing him to glisten like some kind of heavenly creature standing there. For the first time in days Justin could feel himself responding to Brian sexually without any prompting on his lover's part.   
  
Brian saw the physical reaction instantly and gave Justin his most wicked smile as he sat down on the same chair beside him and pulled a towel over Justin's lap to hide the evidence. He looked over his shoulder to see where Gus was and found that he was busy doing laps again. Max had gone into the house so they were pretty much audience-free.   
  
He kissed Justin as his hand slid under the towel, moving in the general direction of the ever-growing erection that was waiting for him. He slipped his hand under the elastic and glided it slowly across Justin's stomach and downward, feeling the soft hair that surrounded his now very rigid penis. He took Justin in his hand, encircling the impressive girth and began to stroke and massage as Justin moaned into his mouth; his breathing changing and quickening. Brian rubbed his thumb around the head, feeling the drops of liquid that appeared like magic, lubricating the area, allowing his finger to slide and stroke effortlessly.   
  
"Get off Sunshine, come for me, now!" Brian whispered, as he continued to manipulate him. Brian's erection was straining against his shorts as well but his sole focus was on the beautiful man he was holding.   
  
"Fuck," Justin shuddered and groaned, "I haven't had a hand job from you in public in ages."  
  
"I know," Brian said, "It's fucking hot; you are fucking hot and I can't wait to get you upstairs and put my mouth on your beautiful ass and eat you."  
  
"Jesus," Justin said, reacting to those words and Brian's busy hand. He could feel himself almost there, straining, getting ready to shoot all over the towel.  
  
One more pull and it was over. He felt himself coming as he clenched Brian around the neck with both arms, hiding his face in his shoulder and whimpering as the fluid poured out of him.   
  
"Oh, my God," he huffed out, feeling himself turn to mush as Brian continued to hold on to him, whispering obscenities in his ear.   
  
Brian moved Justin away from him and pushed him back on the lounge chair. Justin's eyes were two shades darker, glazed over with lust. His mouth was red and swollen, slightly open as he gulped in air, trying to get back his equilibrium that had just been upended.  
  
"You are out of this world! You know that, don't you?" Justin said, looking at Brian with a completely satisfied look on his face.   
  
Brian saw his partner and felt his heart turn over. The man so owned him, it was crazy! He never tired of looking at him.   
  
"No, you are," Brian said softly, "I love you, Sunshine. Tell Gus we're going inside to change, I can't walk over there. I seem to have this rather large problem that needs your attention asap," Brian said.   
  
Justin laughed and shoved another towel at Brian as they both stood up to go into the house. Justin yelled at Gus over his shoulder, telling him to stay in the water as long as he wanted.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was almost midnight and they were sitting in bed watching television. Dinner had been a gastronomic extravaganza that Max seemed to accomplish effortlessly. Bones were piled high on three plates, even though Brian had sworn he would not touch the ribs. Pushing away any of Max's food was nearly impossible. Max had cleared out the kitchen shortly after they had begun eating and had left for the night. Gus was in his room, asleep.  
  
Justin was on his side, rubbing his hand up and down Brian's arm, trying to distract him from listening to the news.   
  
"Hey," Justin said. "Turn off the set and look at me."  
  
Brian complied and reached for the remote. He switched the television to radio and listened as soft jazz started to filter through the speakers.  
He lay down beside Justin and turned over on his side to stare into the cobalt orbs that were looking at him.  
  
"You know, don't you?" Justin asked him.  
  
"Yeah," Brian said.  
  
"How?"   
  
"I called Daphne and asked her what was going on."  
  
"Did she tell you everything?" Justin asked nervously.  
  
"Oh, yeah," Brian said.   
  
"Can you believe it?" Justin said.  
  
Brian huffed out a soft laugh. "It's pretty incredible, but I guess it's real in her head. I don't understand why she thinks you would be remotely interested in helping her this way. It's ridiculous!" Brian said.  
  
"Well, maybe because I'm her best friend," Justin answered softly.  
  
"You're her best friend, Justin. Not her husband!"  
  
"I know, Brian. But he can't help her right now and she's desperate, clutching at straws."   
  
"Be that as it may, it's still ludicrous! It's a pathetic plot and it would have never made it beyond the script stage, on any venue!" Brian pointed out.  
  
"It's not that ridiculous," Justin said, starting to get a little defensive.  
  
"Excuse me?" Brian asked.  
  
"Well, you did it for Lindsay," Justin said irately, "And Michael helped out Melanie."  
  
"Whoa, back up a minute there, Sunshine," Brian said, starting to get a little defensive himself.   
  
"First of all," Brian said, "Lindsay and Melanie are lesbians. There was no husband in sight. I can understand them not wanting to go to a sperm bank and using some unknown donor. That makes perfect sense, and furthermore, neither one of them asked me or Michael to have sex with them!" Brian spat out.  
  
Justin sat up and crossed his legs. He grabbed a pillow and held it against his chest as he listened to Brian.   
  
"I know; that part is not cool," Justin said.  
  
"NOT COOL? It's so not cool it's fucking insane!" Brian said.  
  
"Stop queening, Brian," Justin said calmly, "I never even considered that, and I told her in no uncertain terms."  
  
"Okay," Brian said, backing off a little bit. "At least we agree on that much. So, why are you still stressing over this?" he asked.  
  
"Because," Justin said, reluctantly, "There is a part of me that wants to do this, to donate my sperm, to have my own child."  
  
Brian heard that and felt like a knife was just twisted into his gut.   
  
"You have a child, Justin," Brian said quietly.  
  
"No, Brian," Justin said, with tears in his eyes, "You have a child. Gus is only mine because I love him and he loves me. He is my child through marriage, through osmosis, through whatever you want to call it. He is the child of my heart, I was there when he was born; I fucking picked his name, for God's sake!" Justin looked at Brian and felt his tears flowing freely down his face, his misery now apparent to both of them.  
  
Brian reached for Justin and took him in his arms. He held him and pressed his face to his hair, inhaling the smell of the shampoo that they both shared. He could feel Justin's tension as he tried unsuccessfully to control the tears, confused and disturbed by all these new feelings.   
  
Justin didn't want to hurt Brian or Gus, yet he was unable to stop this yearning he now had to have his own biological child. It seemed that Daphne's problem had just opened up a Pandora's Box and they were both surprised by the contents.   
  
"Have you really thought this through, Justin?" Brian asked quietly into Justin's ear.   
  
Justin pulled away from Brian and stared at him. The beautiful hazel eyes with their intoxicating mix of brown and gold and green were muted tonight, the pain and confusion showing through as they stared right back at him. Brian remained calm though, as he desperately tried to understand what Justin was going through.   
  
Brian didn't understand this need to have a child; it was not something he had ever experienced himself. Lindsay had wanted Gus. Brian had only gone along for the ride and would have happily gone through life without ever experiencing fatherhood. However, the fact was, Gus was here, and a reality, and a huge part of his life. That was undeniable. Brian couldn't imagine a life without him. His moments with his son had been the most rewarding of his life; he would never change that for a minute. So, depriving Justin would have been as bad as depriving Gus of ever having a life to begin with.   
  
"I've thought of nothing else, Brian. It's making me crazy and I need you to help me with this decision," Justin said.  
  
"It's a little bit different though, with Daphne," Brian said. "She is married and will probably not want to acknowledge you as the father, isn't that right?" he asked.  
  
"Right," Justin said, taking in a huge ragged breath. His head hurt from all the crying and his eyes felt all hot and itchy, but it was such a relief to get this out in the open and talk about it with Brian. Even though he knew that Brian was hurting inside.  
  
"I'm not sure what it is you want me to say, Justin. It seems this problem is two-fold. You can't really help Daphne by donating your sperm because she will have a child of yours that you can't acknowledge or raise. Secondly, even if you did find a way to help her out somehow, that leaves the problem of you now wanting your own kid. I thought you were happy? Didn't you just tell me the other night how complete you were?" Brian asked, looking away from Justin so that he wouldn't see the pain in his eyes.  
  
Justin heard the pain though. He heard it and it made his stomach heave, knowing he was deliberately hurting the person he most loved in this world.   
  
"I am happy Brian. I'm fulfilled in my career, our marriage is stronger than it ever was. Please, don't think I'm not happy," Justin said, reaching over to turn Brian so he was looking at him once more.   
  
"This has nothing to do with us," Justin tried to explain. "For years I have loved and nurtured our son, enjoying our time with him, loving it when he calls me "Daddy J" knowing he loves me as much as any son could love a father. Gus is an amazing child, he is such a special human being, I feel blessed to be a part of his life, to share in the raising of him, even though it is part-time."  
  
"Then why, Justin? Why is there this need all of a sudden to have another child?"  
  
"I don't know, Brian. I'm not sure myself and this is what's making it so confusing and painful. I guess that when I heard Daphne's request, I realized that I could have my own child as well, if I wanted to. I could find someone who would be willing to carry the baby for me. I never thought I would have that option."  
  
"A surrogate?" Brian asked, surprised.  
  
"Maybe, I'm not sure. I really would have preferred the mother to be someone I know, like Daphne, but then it would get too complicated."  
  
"It's always complicated, Justin. Even under the most normal circumstances, deciding to have a child is a huge decision. We're not talking about a puppy that can be returned if we decide we can't deal with it. We are talking about a human being, someone who will be in our lives forever, till we are both dead." Brian said reasonably. "And I know we've been incredibly lucky with Gus. He's such a great person and we get along with him so well. That doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again. Look at me and Claire. We come from the same mother and father and two more different people never existed," Brian said with conviction.  
  
"And being Gay makes it even more complicated," Brian continued. "We can't just roll over, fuck and then run to the drug store in a month to buy an early pregnancy test. Everything we do has to be deliberate and planned out. We would have to legally adopt the child to make sure we had all parental rights, so whoever was to carry the baby would have to be willing to give up theirs. This all takes time and planning and money, which is really beside the point, but it's a reality that you need to address."  
  
"And lastly," Brian said, "have you thought about how this is going to affect our lifestyle? Right now we come and go as we please, flying all over the country as business calls. That will have to stop if we have a baby in the house. One of us will have to stay home; or were you planning on having the child raised by a nanny? Are you willing to change the way you live? I don't think I want to do that," Brian said with finality to his statement. "In fact, I know I don't want to do that."  
  
Justin looked stricken as he listened to Brian talk.   
  
He heard everything he was saying; he knew Brian was right, on every point.   
  
And yet…

TBC   



	8. Chapter 8

_Karma is a more reasonable concept than eternal damnation for the wicked. Spirituality or a belief that virtue is rewarded and sin creates suffering eventually leads to a belief in Karma._   
  
Chapter 8  
  
Max stood in his apartment in front of the mirror, preening, trying to decide what hot shirt he should wear tonight. He had picked and discarded several, throwing all the rejects on the floor. There was a small pile that he would eventually have to pick up but he couldn't care less at this point. Right now all he wanted to do was find something that would make him look good.  
  
He needed to get laid. It had been too long and he realized how horny he was when he happened to catch Brian and Justin going at it this afternoon by the pool. They had no idea he could see them and he really wasn't into voyeurism, but he couldn't help watching in fascination as he stood over the sink peeling potatoes. He couldn't actually see what Brian was doing, but he knew his hands were real busy under the towel and they were making Justin crazy. When he saw Justin wrapping his arms around Brian's neck and squeezing tight, Max knew that Justin had just come and his own erection was a painful reminder that he needed to go out and get fucked. His forced celibacy was going to end, tonight!  
  
He finally decided on a black t-shirt that looked like it was painted on him. It had white piping around the collar and a white stripe down one sleeve. Max had bought it a few weeks ago when he had been in town to do some shopping for Justin, a side job that he did occasionally whenever Justin decided he needed something new to wear.   
  
Justin hated clothes shopping; it was a very un-Gay characteristic of his. Max never knew anyone else who hated shopping as much as Justin. He would listen to Brian chastising him about his clothes and the pitiful state they were in and Justin would just roll his eyes and give Max his credit card, telling him to go get some new shirts and pants so Brian would stop queening. It was really funny because Justin loved it when Max brought him the new clothes. He liked to dress and look nice for Brian, he just didn't like the time it took to get the end results. He hated the crowds and the waiting. So he sent other people, or he had the stores send clothes to the house so he could pick out some outfits and send the rest back. Once he got into his studio and got caught up in an art project, everything else stopped. He would get into a painting frenzy and have little time to stop and go to the bathroom, much less go clothes shopping; which was fine with Max.   
  
He loved to shop! Especially when he could spend other people's money and buy pricey outfits that he had only seen in magazines. If cooking had not been such a passion, he would have chosen a career as a personal shopper. He had been well-honed in the art by a mother and sister who knew every store on the Magnificent Mile in Chicago.   
  
Max looked at himself in the mirror and finally approved. He saw a tall, well proportioned brunette with a small waist, tight abs, and muscles on his arms and back that were easily outlined by the t-shirt that was stretched to its maximum. His hair had big, soft curls and he wore it long, because it suited him better. His eyes were a warm brown, surrounded by dark eyelashes long enough to cause immediate envy by every woman he had ever known. His mouth was wide with full lips that easily stretched into a beautiful smile showing off the perfectly straight, white teeth that his parents had paid six-thousand dollars in orthodontic work for. He knew he was quite beautiful and a definite head turner, however, he wasn't the kind of cocky hot stud that roamed the back rooms, expecting men to throw themselves at his feet. In fact, it was quite the opposite.  
  
Max Steiner was almost insecure when it came to relationships. Sure, he could be charming and gregarious with customers he waited on and he was not afraid to strike up a conversation with a stranger, but when it came to prowling the back rooms of Gay bars or sizing up a trick and making a move, he was rather timid. He had to think long and hard before he was willing to risk a rejection or have someone turn around and look away. He supposed it had to do with all those years in Chicago where he had to hide his sexuality. He never knew which one of the men standing at a bar was a friend of the family so he was very tentative about walking up to someone and propositioning them.   
  
He'd only had one real relationship in his thirty years of existence and that was short-lived. Neil had been a neighbor in Skokie; they had lived beside each other for years and went to all the same schools. They were both Jewish and knew that their parents would react in horror if they ever found out they were Gay. They discovered their sexuality one night when their parents were at a party and had left the two teenagers alone to baby-sit Max's sister and brother, Andie and Ari. Both kids were well behaved and shortly after dinner they were put to bed without much fuss. This left Max and Neil with nothing to do but watch television and try to entertain themselves. They happened to have cable TV, and after figuring out how to disable the parental locks, they stumbled upon an old series that had aired in the early 2000's. It was called, 'Gay As Blazes', and starred the most gorgeous men they had ever seen.   
  
By the end of the hour, they both had boners that needed immediate attending to. When each one of them noticed that they were sexually attracted to the male characters on TV, they realized that they had yet another thing in common. Their initial fumbling was awkward and over before they knew it. However, after that and through the next year of high school and one more of college, they continued to meet clandestinely and jerk each other off, graduating eventually to blow jobs, but neither one of them dared to put on a condom or get fucked. That would have been too daring for them and a true confirmation of their homosexuality. What they were doing to that point could still be written off as playing and experimentation.  
  
After he and Neil had moved away from each other, Max's life got caught up in the business of learning his trade and dealing with his parents and his choices. There wasn't much time for him to meet or get involved with anyone. He had many more one night stands and he had actually graduated to fucking but it all seemed emotionless and mechanical and cold. Being with strangers was not his idea of a good time. Sure, he needed to get off, and an orgasm was an orgasm, but what he was looking for was that elusive thing called love that he had only read about. He wanted to believe that having a relationship with another man was possible, a true relationship built on trust, commitment and mutual respect. He had not believed such a thing was possible between two Gay men until he met Brian and Justin two years ago.   
  
They were a wonderful surprise for him. They were everything he hoped to find one day and seeing them love each other daily was so heart warming; it was a goal that he now knew was attainable. It would be possible to find it; he just had to look long and hard. He had no idea how long or how difficult it had been for Brian and Justin to get to this point. All the drama of their relationship had been over long before Max came along. What he was seeing was the end result which would have been a cause of envy for anyone.   
  
Another reason he was not into prowling the back rooms was that his parents had instilled a very real fear of HIV into him; telling him all the horror stories, making him watch the videos, seeing the movie Philadelphia over and over again. He was rabidly afraid of unsafe sex, always carrying condoms and never, ever being lax or careless. Although he wanted to be in a relationship he was not willing to kiss a million frogs till he found his prince. Men were throwing themselves at him all the time because he was so attractive but he preferred to watch and wait, hitting the bars only when the physical need became too much. The quest for the right guy and the right time had become his obsession. He refused to compromise. He wanted everything to be just right. In the meantime, he consoled himself with the occasional one night stand.   
  
Tonight would definitely be one of those nights. He didn't care where or who with, so long as the mouth was warm and could suck like a Hoover. He decided to go to Babylon even though he rarely frequented the place, because Brian owned it. He had no desire for his employer to know anything about his sex life so he usually stayed clear of that club.   
  
Tonight though, he was in the mood for a bigger and better choice. He had heard that the men who frequented Babylon were older and wealthier. They were, for the most part, the upper class of the Gay world in Pittsburgh. At some point Babylon had evolved from being the meat market it used to be long ago to what it was now. He supposed it had to do with Brian's ownership and his knack for turning everything he touched into the best and the most in demand. The entrance fee was three times higher than other clubs, but the liquor served was always top shelf. Regular patrons were watched by security and were never allowed to drive home if they were too drunk or a little too high. There was a fleet of limos that Brian kept on standby for this purpose alone. There was a dress code now and fucking in public was frowned upon. The back room had been converted into several private rooms where one could go for intimate moments, if the need arose. This alleviated the problem of public displays. All in all, Babylon had evolved into a men's club where one could go to have fun and meet other Gay men who were successful and had disposable incomes in the five figure range. One could go there and feel safe.  
  
Max walked through the doors to the comforting sound of the thumpa-thumpa that never seemed to change. He quickly scanned the place and he saw a few men that might prove interesting. He could feel the eyes on him as he walked across the room towards the bar. He was fresh meat, a new body, and a very beautiful one at that. He knew he looked good tonight and he hoped his mission would be successful.   
  
He asked for tequila when he got to the bar and he turned to watch the dancing crowd. To his right stood an older guy, good looking in a wholesome, non-descript way, holding a Cosmopolitan in one hand. He had the body of much younger man, judging by the bulge of his biceps straining through his deep purple cashmere Missoni sweater. He was definitely a queen but a very dignified one. His well cut gray woolen pants fell perfectly down his very long legs to break nicely on his black Prada loafers. Max had the ability to recognize labels a mile away. It was another one of the secret traits that he had picked up from his mother and sister on their endless shopping sprees.   
  
He could feel the guy checking him out and finally he felt a soft hand on his arm.  
  
"I'd like to buy you a drink, if you are so inclined?"  
  
Max looked at him, amused that someone would even know the meaning of the word, 'inclined', let alone use it, in this day and age. The face that looked at him was open and disarming. He had blue eyes that sparkled, an upturned nose, and when he smiled there was a very slight gap between his two front teeth that was really rather cute and enhanced his boyish look. His light brown hair was receding but thankfully he had not resorted to the dreaded comb-over that was so repulsive. This guy seemed to be very comfortable in his skin.   
  
"Sure," Max said, turning on his full charm.  
  
"Excellent! What would you like?"   
  
"Well, I just had a shot of tequila, so I think I'll stick to that for now."  
  
"Fine with me," the man said, in a lilting, barely noticeable southern accent. "My name is Emmett, by the way, Emmett Honeycutt."   
  
"Max Steiner," he said, reaching his hand out to shake Emmett's. He was surprised by the strength of the other man's grip; he had expected a limp wrist but got the complete opposite.  
  
"Are you new in town?" Emmett asked. _Where the fuck did he come from?_   
  
"No, I've been around for a couple of years now, I just don't get out much," Max laughed, looking a little embarrassed by that admission.  
  
"Honey, you must be Pittsburgh's best kept secret, because I know everyone in this town and I certainly would have heard about you." Emmett said, staring at brown eyes, fringed by the most incredible eyelashes he had ever seen.  
  
Max smiled at him as they continued to check each other out.   
  
"I've been really busy with my new job," Max said. "I haven't had much time to socialize."  
  
"That is unfortunate for you," Emmett said seductively, "But lucky for me, because if I haven't heard of you, Honey, no one else has."  
  
"I guess not," Max said, flashing Emmett his beautiful smile.  
  
_Holy shit, the man is gorgeous!_  
  
"What do you do, Max?"  
  
"I'm a chef."   
  
"No way!" Emmett said. Now he was very intrigued, because in his line of work he knew every chef in the greater Pittsburgh area and beyond that. How was it that he had not heard of this guy?  
  
"Well, now I really am curious," he said out loud. "Where do you work?"  
  
"I don't work in a restaurant. I work for an individual family, as their private chef."  
  
"Well, that explains it then, because if you worked in a restaurant I'm sure our paths would have crossed before this."  
  
"Why?" Max asked. "What do you do?"  
  
"I'm a party planner. I own 'Fabulous', Pittsburgh's premier party planning company," Emmett said proudly.  
  
"I've heard of it" Max said. "I think my bosses use your company for their business functions."  
  
"Who do you work for?" Emmett asked.  
  
"Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor," Max said, wetting his lips, licking off the salt that clung there from the shot glass.  
  
Emmett's stomach dropped about two feet, first when he heard who Max worked for and secondly when he watched Max's tongue licking at his lips, turning his mouth into a wet, shiny oasis that he was dying to take a drink out from.  
  
"So, you are the amazing chef that Brian found in Chicago," Emmett said, unable to take his eyes off of Max. "Now I know why I've never met you; he's been hiding you away at Britin Manor, all to himself."   
  
"You know him," Max said, alarmed that his life and Brian's would somehow intersect again.  
  
"Honey, everybody knows Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor, but don't you worry your little head about it, what you do on your own time is really none of their business, unless you want it to be?" Emmett said.  
  
"No," Max said emphatically. "What I do after work is my business, and no one else's."  
  
"Then I say, put your glass down, and you're dancing shoes on, and let's party," Emmett said, smiling broadly.  
  
Max felt Emmett put his hand on his back and gently push him out towards the dance floor. They joined the throng of bodies and began the familiar ritual, moving and swaying to the music, checking out each other's bodies, trying to decide how soon to make the move that would lead them to their ultimate goal.  
  
Max noticed what an amazing dancer Emmett was. He had great rhythm and moves that were difficult for anyone less accomplished. He certainly didn't act like any older guy that Max had ever met. He wondered exactly how old he really was? Probably Brian's age, he thought.  
  
Emmett couldn't take his eyes off the young man in front of him. He was the spitting image of John Kennedy, the year they had put him on the cover of people magazine as the world's sexiest man. He was also quietly confident and charmingly unaffected by his beauty, a quality that Emmett found hard to resist.   
  
They continued dancing, getting closer to each other. Soon Emmett had Max in his arms as they moved on to stage two of the mating game. He fit quite nicely, tall enough to look him in the eye, yet not over powering him in any way. He could feel Max's muscles through the thin t-shirt. He was tight and wiry in all the right places, yet graceful and pliant at the same time, able to follow most of Emmett's moves, willing to be led and not being pushy or trying to assert himself. This guy was definitely a top, Emmett thought, but tonight he was acting like a bottom.  
  
Emmett could feel his heart racing, not from over-exertion; he was in excellent physical shape for a thirty-nine year old. His heart was racing with the anticipation of what lay ahead tonight. He could feel the mutual attraction, the spark was definitely growing into a huge flame and he sensed that Max was getting burned by the same fire. His eyes would close when Emmett pressed his face to his neck, inhaling the unique woodsy smell. Max's cologne was definitely high end; maybe Prada or Gautier, Emmett wasn't quite sure which yet. Whatever it was, it was making him crazy with desire.   
  
Emmett's hands continued to play Max, moving up and down his arms and back, pulling him closer so that he could feel his groin against him and the unmistakable sign of his ever-growing interest.   
  
"Would you like to get out of here, and go somewhere more private?" Emmett whispered into Max's ear.   
  
Max pulled Emmett closer to him, pressing Emmett's hips up to his hardness. This was the only answer Emmett needed. He held Max's hand and walked him off the dance floor, heading straight to the coat closet to grab their jackets.  
  
"You're place or mine?" Emmett asked, as they moved outside to the waiting car.  
  
Max turned to him and leaned in to kiss him deeply. His arms encircled Emmett's neck; he pushed his body closer, feeling Emmett's desire pressing against his stomach. He was intoxicated with the feeling that only a first kiss can bring; the heat was unmistakable. Emmett wrapped his arms around Max's waist, bringing him even closer as Max proceeded to ravage him with his mouth. His tongue traced the inside of Emmett's lips, encircling them. He was rewarded with a soft moan from Emmett. He pushed his tongue in gently, as it met its partner, exploring the new taste that was sweet and fresh, sucking on lips that had been tempting him for the last hour.   
  
He pulled away and looked at Emmett. The tension between the two of them was palpable and urgent. All Max could think of was getting this man home and tearing off his clothes. His breathing had accelerated and he seemed to be having trouble catching his breath. The air was ripe with anticipation.   
  
"You lead," Max said.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Justin watched Brian as he lay on his side sleeping. He had rolled over after their talk and closed his eyes, not giving Justin the option to argue his case or even discuss it further. He had shut himself in, withdrawn behind his wall.   
  
Justin knew he had hurt him. He knew it the minute the words were coming out of his mouth and he was telling Brian how he felt. Justin was sick to his stomach, and it wasn't from the ribs they had consumed at dinner. He wanted to go to the bathroom and hurl out the food, along with this horrible mess that seemed to be stuck somewhere between his gut and his heart.   
  
He didn't know how to fix this or make this easy for Brian or Daphne. All he knew was that he was caught somewhere in the middle and that was never a good place to be.   
  
He got off the bed and threw on a pair of sweat pants. He left their bedroom and padded down the hallway quietly, hoping that he wouldn't wake anyone. He let himself into his studio and set up a small blank canvas, picked up his charcoals and started to draw.  
  
His hand moved across the white expanse, swirling and shading, driven by something he had no control over. He had always said that his art just came through him, that he had no clue where it was coming from and tonight, in the midst of his confusion and angst, his hand was moving of its own volition, pulling out the feelings from deep down inside, doing what it always did when he was unhappy and perturbed.   
  
It was creating and building; color upon color, layer upon layer, form upon form. He drew with frenzy, unmindful that it was two in the morning and the house was as quiet as a tomb. He drew because he had too, to finish what he started, to at least be in charge of one thing in his life; a life which seemed to be up-ended all of a sudden.   
  
He finally stepped back to take a look; his artist's eye seeing nuances and subtle variances in spots that the ordinary eye would never see. He made the necessary corrections and then he rubbed his eyes with his hands and threw the box of charcoals down.  
  
He was exhausted suddenly, his body felt drained of all energy, as if his life blood had left him through his hands and was now sitting on the canvas that stared back at him. He dragged himself out of the room and walked the hallway leading from his studio to the bedroom, as if he were sleepwalking or in some kind of a trance.   
  
He climbed into bed and his movement woke Brian. He felt him turn over and move towards his side of the bed. He felt Brian's arms move around his body to pull him towards his side, spooned up against him. He heard him whispering, "I love you", softly, over and over. He heard it and wept.   
  
TBC


	9. Chapter 9

_According to Karma, performance of positive action results with the reaction of a good conditioning in one's experience, whereas a negative action results in a reaction of a bad response. This may be an immediate result following the act, or a delayed result occurring either in the present life or the next._   


Chapter 9  
  
Emmett was in trouble. He knew it as soon as Max came for the fourth time that night. He knew it as he lay prone on the bed, feeling Max plowing into him, hearing him moan and huff with each push, feeling the little bites Max was leaving on his shoulders, marking him. He knew it when Max turned him over, placed his legs on his shoulder and rammed into him again, his beautiful brown hair falling over his forehead, now covered with drops of sweat from the exertions of the last few hours. As soon as Max came, he tied off the condom and dropped it on the side of the bed adding it to the three that were already there. Emmett knew he was in trouble when Max reached for him, holding him in his arms, all wet and sticky and not jumping up and out of the bed and out of his life. Emmett lay there, in the arms of a very talented young lover and thought to himself, I am in deep shit!  
  
He hadn't felt this way in many years. What he was experiencing was a feeling that he had lain to rest years ago, after he and Drew Boyd had parted ways. No one had excited him as much as Drew. The mere sight of him would leave Emmett breathless, yet tonight, in the presence of this wonderful fresh face he had found the same feelings. He didn't think it was possible to ever have that again, but he was in the grip of an attraction so powerful it was terrifying him.   
  
The fear came from the knowledge that this would not last, it would end, just like every other relationship he had ever had. The only one that had remotely come close to the prospect of a long term union was with a wonderful man who ended up dying in his arms, leaving him heartbroken and bereft. His next relationship, with Ted, his best friend, should never have begun in the first place. It was a special bond that had changed out of their mutual need, and had ended badly. Ted was his dearest and oldest friend, someone he could go to anytime he needed a level head and sound advice. He was the father, brother, husband he had never had. But ultimately, he was just a friend, not the lover that they misguidedly hoped he would be.   
  
Emmett heard Max snoring lightly. He could feel his body pressed up against him as they lay there spooning, a perfect fit. He didn't dare move lest he wake him and have the dream shattered. There was time enough for that; time to see the veil of coldness slide over eyes that were hot with passion not too long ago. There was lots of time to hear the inevitable words, "I'll call you", knowing full well they were lies. Emmett wanted to stay in his bed with Max, being held by him, as long as he could.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Justin lay on his side, listening to Brian breathe softly. After Brian's initial movements, when he had drawn Justin to his body, he had not stirred once since Justin had come back to the room after leaving the studio earlier. Brian would usually wake to a pin dropping and the fact that he had slept through Justin's nocturnal wanderings was a sure indication that he was troubled and needed to escape.   
  
Justin's eyes welled up again as he thought of Brian softly whispering, "I love you", saying the words over and over, laying his heart and soul bare.   
  
He knew that he had to make a decision. He still was unclear as to what he wanted though. Everything Brian said last night made sense. They were arguments that Justin had stored in his brain, going through them one by one. The most important thing in Justin's life was Brian. Everything else came in second. Nothing had ever derailed him when it came to his priorities with Brian and he was not about to change that. Whatever he decided needed to be something that would be good for both of them, because they were Brian and Justin, not just Justin, a solo act.   
  
Justin's relationship with Gus had grown through the years to a point where they were as close as any father and son could be. They shared many mutual interests; foremost among them was their love of art. Justin had been surprised long ago when Gus was a child and he had picked up a crayon for the first time. He had stayed within the lines, surprising in and of itself, and as time progressed, his capabilities in that area became more and more apparent. He couldn't have been more like him, in that respect, if he had sired him himself.   
  
There were no guarantees in life as far as children were concerned. On some level Justin knew that. It was always a crap shoot; you never knew what you were going to get. The same mother and father could produce three children and all three could be completely different. Brian and Lindsay had somehow produced this perfect child but there were no guarantees that the next child that came into their lives would be anything like that. That was not to say that he wouldn't love whatever he was presented with, but was he not expecting another little Gus? In his heart of hearts, didn't he think he was going to have another child just like him?  
  
It was an unrealistic expectation and he had to accept that. There would never be another Gus, just as there would never be another Brian or another Justin. They were all unique in their own way and trying to replicate each other was pointless. Even if they lived in a perfect world where two men could create a child together, the likelihood of having another Gus was zero to none.   
  
Which then lead him to the next question. Did he really want another child for all the right reasons or did he want another child because he just realized he could have one, if he so chose? Why do people have children? Do they need to leave a little piece of themselves in the world when they go, to justify their existence, to prove they had actually been there? Was it an ego thing? Did not having his own child diminish him in any way?   
  
When two people are in love and create another life, do they do it because they want a piece of each other or it is just a natural progression of events, a way of populating the planet, making sure that the body you were given does exactly what it was designed to do?   
  
He had his art. That would live on forever and be the legacy that he would leave in this world. He had found the love of his life, against all odds; he had everything he wanted in a man and a relationship. He was content, fulfilled on every level. Why was he even contemplating this?  
  
Justin was exhausted, tired of this internal battle. He turned back towards Brian and moved over to his side of the bed. He gently slid his arm under his neck and brought him closer, enveloping him, adjusting their bodies so that they were spooned together. He inhaled Brian's special scent as he rubbed his face on Brian's bare shoulder. Justin knew then that what he really wanted was Brian's child. He didn't want a child with some nameless, faceless surrogate. The only child he would ever want in his life was Brian's. And he already had that. Could he possibly have room for another?   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Daphne closed her eyes as the waves of the orgasm swept over her body. She felt her limbs relaxing, unclenching, as the pulsing slowly came to an end, calming her, bringing her peace. Alex still lay on her, his weight heavy against her chest but comfortable and reassuring. His face was pressed up against her neck and she could hear him trying to regulate his breathing. She felt his heartbeat, strong and steady, just like its owner. She ran her hand through his hair, loving the silky feel of it.   
  
It had been many weeks since the miscarriage. Sexually they were back to the comfortable place they had been months ago, before this whole macabre dance began. The urgency of mating and trying to reproduce was now gone. They had sex because they wanted to, not because the thermometer said it was time or because the Clomid was making her ovaries look and feel like grapefruit. The pressure on Alex was off; they knew what the bottom line was.   
  
Daphne felt good about that, she hated having sex because everyone was expecting it. The doctors had encouraged them to continue mating, as if they were trying to conceive, even though they both knew that he was sterile. It was supposed to help stimulate her hormones, as if the fucking pills weren't enough.   
  
She was glad that bullshit was over and done with. No more fooling mother nature, she thought to herself. I can't do this anymore. If Justin won't do it my way, then I give up. I will not go through that again. Being a lab rat was not exactly her idea of fun.   
  
Yet, she really wanted a child. She felt that she and Alex could give so much; they had so much love and knowledge to impart, to share with someone they both loved. It was killing her that she couldn't do what every other Tom, Dick and Harry could do by shooting a load in the dark of the night. The overachiever in her just wouldn't let it rest!  
  
But the whole experience with IVF had been a nightmare and she was afraid to start the whole thing again. Not without the right support system. The mental strain was far worse than the physical one, and she needed someone there, beside her, at all times, to help get her through it. Alex was too busy with his career, his patient's needs were very important to him and she didn't want to burden him with a daily blow-by-blow account of the pain in her ovaries.   
  
She knew he would be hurt and insulted if she ever vocalized her thoughts. He considered himself a good husband, supportive and attentive to her every need. And he was, for the most part. But he wasn't Justin. He had no patience with hearing every detail of her life; he could never stay on the phone with her for hours, talking about nothing, whereas Justin had never had a problem with that. He had always been there for her and she missed it terribly.   
  
She knew that it would be different if she could get Justin to reconsider and take an active role in her quest to conceive. Okay, maybe she had gone a bit overboard by asking him to have sex with her, and her only excuse was hormonal malfunction. She realized that would never happen. In fact, she was glad he had rejected her initial proposition. That would have been too weird!   
  
However, she didn't understand why he was so reluctant to give up his sperm to help her conceive. He was a perfect candidate. He was blond and blue-eyed, like Alex, and he was brilliant. Their child would look exactly like a child she would have had with Alex. No one would know the difference, except him, of course. He would know and that was the part he couldn't come to terms with.   
  
How could she explain to her child any role Justin would play in its conception? Even if she and Alex agreed to be honest with the child and tell them from the beginning that Justin was the biological father, would Justin settle for that? Would that make Justin change his mind?  
  
"Alex," Daphne said softly, hoping he was still awake.  
  
He rolled off her and lay on his back. "Hmm?"  
  
"Are you awake?"  
  
"My brain still functions, if that means anything," Alex replied sleepily.  
  
"Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Beautiful, you know you can ask me anything you want. Only it's late, and I have to be up and in surgery in approximately five hours, I need to rest."  
  
"I know," Daphne said as she turned over to her side and looked into Alex's blue, blue eyes. "But, this is important."  
  
He smiled at her gently. Everything with his Type A wife was important. She was the most impatient person he ever knew. He caressed her beautiful face, pushing her hair out of her eyes and noticing again how much she had improved in the last few weeks.   
  
"Go ahead," he said, encouraging her to talk.  
  
"If I can convince Justin to become the sperm donor, would you be willing to share your parental rights with him?"  
  
"What did you just say?" he asked, looking at her, puzzled.  
  
"If I tell Justin that you and I are willing to share our parental rights with him, that we will acknowledge him as the biological father, he may actually consider doing this. Would you be willing to do that?"  
  
"Jesus Christ, Daphne!" Alex sat up and stared at his wife. She was lying on the bed looking up at him innocently with her big brown eyes.   
  
"I know it's late," Alex said, shaking his head, "And I'm slightly brain dead from some very satisfying sex, but I can't believe what I'm hearing."   
  
"Why?" Daphne asked.   
  
"Daphe, you are asking me to let someone else make decisions for this child, to have a say in whatever we decide or whatever we do. I'm not sure I want that," he continued.   
  
"Alex, will you at least, think about it?" Daphne asked with that stubborn look on her face that he recognized too well.   
  
"This would be no different if we had decided to adopt a child," she rationalized. "We would have to tell the child it was adopted, they would most likely want to know who their biological mother or father was, and we would have to go through all of this anyhow. At least with Justin, I know what we're getting. I know Justin better than I know my own self," she said. "I know he is good and kind and loving; he is incredibly talented and highly intelligent, his life is full with Brian and their son, he would be willing to share, I just need to convince him that it's the right thing to do," Daphne finished.  
  
"You are forgetting one very important thing here, Daphne," Alex said.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"We are dealing with another human being, an unknown one at this point. We have no idea how that person will react, how this kind of information will affect their psyche or their personality."  
  
"Alex, you know that if we were to tell the child everything from the minute it could understand, it wouldn't be a problem. Look how great Gus turned out. He was told that his parents were Gay; he knows how he was conceived. That hasn't turned him into a serial killer or a weirdo, so why would you think that?" Daphne asked.  
  
"I'm thinking it because I am a scientist, Daphne. I have to see all the sides of the puzzle, not just your side. I know what could happen; the worst case scenario is always possible. Just because it didn't happen to Gus doesn't mean it won't happen to our child. I have to think this through, Daphe, I will not make a decision at this time of the night," he said, clearly annoyed at this point, knowing his sleep wasn't going to be easy to come by tonight, or tomorrow night for that matter.  
  
"But you'll consider it?" she asked again, like a dog with a bone, unwilling to give up the discussion.  
  
"Yes," he answered curtly, as he reached over to turn off the light.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max opened his eyes, disoriented. He couldn't remember where he was. He felt arms around him and heard a soft, snoring, warm breath on the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and opened them again, remembering last night.   
  
The sex had been over the top! He had never been with anyone this good in bed before. It was surprising and wonderful, all at once. He never expected this. When he left Babylon with Emmett, he only had one thought; to get off, no matter how or who with. He just needed to get laid. He had no idea that he was leaving with such a talented and controlled lover. Emmett was a master in the bedroom, generous to a fault, with the most educated tongue Max had ever encountered in his life.   
  
Just thinking about all the things they did brought an immediate reaction and he could feel himself getting hard again. Granted, it was early in the morning and he wouldn't have been a healthy male if he didn't wake up with some respectable wood, but his was not brought on by nature, his hardness was a direct response to the memories of last night and this amazingly generous person he was in bed with.  
  
He slowly took Emmett's arms away from his waist so that he could get up without disturbing him. He moved over to the side of the bed and got up. He looked around and now noticed things in the room that he had not seen before.   
  
He smiled when he saw the riot of colors, pinks and purples and blues; definitely not a low key hue in sight. One entire wall was taken up by a painting that Max recognized as an original Taylor. He walked up to the painting and saw Justin's mark on the lower right side. The painting was of an older gentleman in a red cardigan sweater. He had a kind face with a subtle smile, almost a Mona Lisa kind of quality to it.  
It was a peaceful and comfortable portrait, a man sitting on a big easy chair, holding a jar of pickles with a slightly amused look on his face. Max stared at it for a while and wondered who he was.   
  
He looked around trying to find a bathroom door and didn't see one. It's probably out in the hallway.  
  
He made his way over to the door, opened it and saw another door a few feet away. He sighed with relief when he saw that it was indeed the bathroom. He stood over the john taking a much needed piss, all the while looking around at more bizarre colors everywhere. The bathroom walls were black and white tile, but the shower curtain and the bathroom mats were all done in a faux leopard print with faces of tigers and lions everywhere. It was quite disconcerting having all these eyes looking at him while he peed.  
  
He laughed softly and shook his head. He stepped over to the sink and washed his face and grabbed some mouthwash to rinse out. He didn't see any extra toothbrushes sitting out on the sink and he didn't want to open the medicine cabinet because he felt it would be an invasion of Emmett's privacy, so he did the best oral hygiene he could manage with the mouthwash and a soft wash cloth he found hanging on the towel rack.  
  
The face that looked back at him in the mirror was handsome, even in the harsh morning light. He had a dark shadow of stubble that only enhanced his look, his hair was tousled, the curls uncontrolled and wild. He didn't look half bad, considering they had been up most of the night. He knew that most men found him hot and he was thankful that nature had been kind and he had good genes. His parents however, had always stressed the importance of inner qualities such as work ethic, honesty and integrity, commitment to family and friends. They didn't put much importance on physical beauty and as such, neither did Max. He supposed he could afford to feel that way because he was in fact, extremely attractive. It would have been a different story if he was a troll, but thankfully he wasn't.   
  
He made his way out of the bathroom, still stark naked, and wandered around the apartment, noticing more idiosyncrasies about his host. There were tchotchke's all over the place, in different shapes and sizes. His mother would have a fit trying to dust everything and keep it all neat and clean. He saw a huge glass penis in a special spot on a shelf. He went up to it and saw that it had the name Fetch Dixon engraved on the wooden base. That was certainly interesting? He wondered what that was all about.  
  
Moving towards the kitchen he was most pleasantly surprised at what he found. Stainless steel counter tops and appliances, state of the art cookware, a Wolf stove, a sub-zero refrigerator; everything that made his little chef's heart do a flip-flop with happiness. He decided to get busy and make some breakfast for both of them. They would need to replenish their bodily fluids, as well as get some protein to re-energize as he planned on staying in today and fucking Emmett's brains out!  
  
Emmett heard the noise in the kitchen and wondered what the fuck was going on. He had felt Max leave the bed earlier and had resigned himself to the fact that another one would be making a quick get away. He dozed, shrugging off the disappointment, knowing that it was inevitable.   
  
The noise that woke him was a surprise though. He thought Max would have been long gone. More surprising was the fact that his bedroom door opened and the most beautiful man walked in, holding two plates. He was butt naked, looking splendid in the morning sun, with pecs and abs that were to die for and a penis that was a sight to behold.   
  
_Michelangelo, Emmett thought to himself, your David ain't shit beside this one. My, my, my!_  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brian lay in bed smoking a cigarette. It was probably five-thirty in the morning, a few minutes before he normally would be up and in the shower. He looked over at a sleeping Justin. He was on his stomach and his head was turned away from Brian. His hair was fanned out on the pillow and Brian reached over to touch it and twirl a few strands around his finger. The duvet had slipped down to Justin's waist; his back was bare and Brian could see the light dusting of freckles on his shoulders.   
  
He wanted to do more than touch Justin's hair but he held back, wanting to go over last night's conversation one more time in his head. He needed to digest everything he heard, before he woke him.  
  
He couldn't believe they were facing this crisis. Two months ago their lives were perfect. Now, major decisions had to be made and he couldn't understand how or why Justin was being so obstinate. Didn't he realize how much would change if he went ahead with this whole baby adventure?  
  
Brian had absolutely no desire to have another child in his life. The one that he already had was more than enough. He loved Gus with all his heart and he knew how lucky he was that Gus had turned out so well. He also realized he and Justin had very little to do with it. Most of the hard work in child rearing had been Lindsay and Melanie's doing. They were seventy-five percent responsible for how great he had turned out. The other twenty-five percent was good luck, as far as he was concerned. Brian wasn't fool enough to think that he and Justin had contributed that much to the end result.   
  
What they were seeing now with Gus was the product of years of hard work. The one week they had shared with him last year had given them a small glimpse of what it would have been like to share in his daily life. It was hard work, mentally and physically. One had to be available twenty-four, seven, willing and able to give love and time unconditionally. It was the least a child deserved and if one was not willing to go all the way, then it shouldn't happen.  
  
He knew that he wasn't willing to go through all that. On the other hand, he didn't want to lose Justin over this. He had no right to deprive him of his own biological child, if that is really what he wanted. But was it?   
  
Justin never talked about children, other than Gus. He had never, in all the years they were together, ever mentioned the desire to have his own kid. He wasn't even close to Jenny Rebecca, even though Brian was sure that he cared for her and felt some sort of love. Gus was Justin's primary concern. He always had been. This is what made this all so disturbing. This had come out of left field, out of nowhere, smacking him in the face.   
  
Maybe Justin was just having a mid-life crisis, Brian thought to himself. Maybe he was feeling his biological clock ticking away and thinking he had to do something about it. Or maybe he was just being infected by Daphne's desire to have a child and all this baby talk. He wasn't really thinking about the big picture and everything that would change if he did pursue this.   
  
This is all fucking bullshit, and needs to stop, Brian thought angrily. He was tired of all the worrying and uncertainty. The drama and the guessing games were becoming tedious and taking up too much of his time; making him lose his focus at work and his equilibrium and peace at home. He needed to put an end to this because it was giving him a major headache and a limp dick.   
  
Two very bad combinations!  
  
TBC


	10. Chapter 10

If we accept the basic ethical purpose of Karma is to behave responsibly, and the tenet of Karma may be simply stated, 'if you do good things, good things will happen to you-if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you', then it is possible for us to identify analogs with other religions that do not rely on Karma as a metaphysical assertion or doctrine.  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Alex picked up the phone and dialed Kinnetik's number. He asked to speak with Brian and was told that he was unavailable. He left his name and number and hoped Brian would call back before his next patient arrived.  
  
It was the Tuesday after Daphne had laid her bombshell on him. He had thought of nothing else since then and he was hoping that talking with Brian would somehow clear things up and put some closure on this whole dilemma.  
  
Who knew that this would turn into such a quagmire? He felt like everywhere he stepped, he only sank further into the muck and he was getting tired and frustrated with the whole thing. Eight months was a long time to be on an emotional roller coaster and his nerves were starting to fray; not a good thing for a Neurologist who had to have nerves of steel and a steady hand.   
  
He wished there was a magic pill to make everything better for Daphne. He knew how difficult this had been for her. The mental strain was far worse than the physical and he admired her for holding up this long. In the beginning when they had talked about a sperm donor they thought it would be a simple thing. Pick the sperm, have it injected at the right time and then presto, a pregnancy would occur.   
  
It hadn't quite worked out that way. For some reason, she couldn't get pregnant. The doctors couldn't explain it either so they had to take the next step which was in vitro. That was so much more involved, with all the hormone shots, the procedures to harvest the eggs and implantation of the embryos. He didn't understand why the pregnancies kept failing. It was very puzzling and her doctors really had no answer. They just encouraged them to try again. Easy for them to say, he thought, annoyed. It wasn't their bodies that were being used and abused.  
  
He could understand her wanting to try something different. What he didn't understand was this need to have Justin involved in the whole thing. He wanted to keep this a private affair, between him, his wife, and the doctors. Now it was turning into a circus with too many people involved and it was really going against his grain and disturbing him very much. Alex had always been very private about his feelings and his life in general. Being an only child had turned him into an introspective person, someone who was reluctant to open up and tell all. Daphne was the first person he had ever really felt comfortable with. She had the ability to loosen him up and make him talk about anything.   
  
He didn't really understand her relationship with Justin, but he respected it. They had a shared history of many years that he could never compete with. He knew that she loved Justin on many levels and he supposed he should be jealous, but he wasn't. Justin was so obviously in love with Brian and happy with who he was. To be jealous of his relationship with Daphne would have been ridiculous.   
  
What did bother him though was the fact that Justin would be able to give Daphne something that he, Alex, would never be able to give her. If he agreed to let Justin inseminate her and the pregnancy was successful, their bond would become so much stronger and he may as well not even be in the picture. Why would Daphne even want to stay with him? How would he be able to maintain any semblance of self-respect in his own home when he would have to share every decision about his child with someone other than his wife? Giving up his parental rights or sharing them with Justin seemed too big of a sacrifice. He didn't think it was fair that Daphne was asking him to do this; it was not only unfair, it was wrong.   
  
He wanted to speak with Brian because he seemed to be much more realistic, someone with a level head who could help him talk some sense into Justin. If Justin were to understand where Alex was coming from and he point blank refused Daphne, then they could get on with their lives and maybe think about adoption.   
  
He felt bad about going behind Daphne's back. He wasn't even sure how Brian would react, but somehow he felt that Brian would understand where he was coming from. They were closer in age and they both lived and dealt with very emotional partners; maybe that alone would be enough of a bond.  
  
His phone rang, interrupting his thoughts. Brian was on the line, according to his secretary.  
  
"Brian," Alex said, "Thanks for calling back."  
  
"No problem. What can I do for you, Alex?"  
  
"I was wondering if you would be willing to meet with me? I'd like to talk to you about Daphne and Justin."  
  
"Yeah, I think it's a good idea. Where do you want to do this?" Brian asked.  
  
"Well, I'd really prefer to keep this private, just between the two of us," Alex said.  
  
"Then in that case, you'd better not come here. You know how we fags love to gossip; half my staff will know you're here before you pull your keys out of the ignition," Brian said sarcastically.  
  
"I didn't mean it that way, Brian," Alex said defensively. "I just don't want Daphne to think I'm doing anything behind her back," he said, again trying to explain his need for privacy.  
  
"Look Alex," Brian said, "Whatever we talk about will be between the two of us, until I tell you otherwise. Why don't I come over to your office?"  
  
"That would be great, Brian. Thanks a lot," Alex said gratefully.  
  
"I can be there in an hour," Brian said. "Does that work for you?"  
  
Alex looked at his scheduler on the computer and said that would be fine.  
  
They hung up and Alex buzzed his secretary to let the next patient in.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brian hung up and stared at the phone for a long time. He hoped that this meeting would accomplish something, but somehow, he doubted it. Alex seemed to be under the impression that he could persuade Justin to make certain decisions. Brian knew from experience that this wasn't so.   
  
It had been years since he had been able to make Justin do anything. Justin had always been his own person and made his own decisions, even though Brian liked to think that he somehow influenced him and steered him in the right direction. Ultimately, Justin made up his own mind about everything he did. There had been many knock-down, drag-out fights over the years when they disagreed on certain things, but they had always been able to compromise and come to an agreement by the end of the fight, and the make-up sex was always hot! Brian smiled thinking about that. There had never really been anything major that they had not agreed on; at least not in the last five years.   
  
He could tell that Justin was still undecided by what he was going to do. He knew it this morning when Justin half-heartedly participated in their shower routine. All the right moves were there, but he could tell Justin's mind was a million miles away. Even when he went down on his knees and took Brian into his mouth, the blowjob he delivered was perfunctory and unsatisfying.   
  
He picked up the phone again and rang Cynthia to let her know he was leaving the building.  
  
"When will you be back?" Cynthia asked.  
  
"As soon as I can," Brian answered, not giving her much more information.  
  
He stood up and made his way out of the building and down to the parking garage. He had moved Kinnetik out of the old bath house years ago when they started expanding. The bath house had served its purpose but it had been time to move on. This three story building had much more room, and he quickly used up every square inch of it with his ever-growing staff.   
  
The private elevator took him directly to his parking slot and he got into the Lamborghini Murcielago that Justin had bought him as a present on his last birthday. He and Justin were into their Italian phase right now and they were both driving cars that were ridiculously expensive and powerful. He still kept most of their old vehicles, housing them in the old stables that he had converted into a six-car garage. It was just one of the perks of having money that he felt he could indulge in. Cars were always a passion and he bought and discarded them the way other people did shoes. He had done the German phase several years ago, with the BMW's and Mercedes Benz's and had moved on to the Italian cars that he and Justin were driving right now. Eventually, those would go when something new caught his fancy.  
  
The roar of the engine was music to his ears as he started up the car and made his way out of the garage. He loved everything Italian, starting with the Armani's and the Prada's, moving on to their sleek, minimalist, modern furniture and ending up with the cars that were a testimony to the Italian art of craftsmanship, unrivaled anywhere in the world. The only thing of Italy he wasn't too crazy about was the food, and that was because it was carbohydrate heavy and not conducive to his quest to remain slim.   
  
He made his way across town and when he got to Allegheny General he handed the car over to the valet with an extra tip to make sure he parked it far away from the crazies who might inadvertently slam into the side of the car with their doors.  
  
He looked at the hospital directory in the lobby and he quickly found Dr. Alexander Cherny's suite number and headed towards it.   
  
Alex's secretary was expecting him and as soon as he got there she ushered Brian into the office.  
  
Alex stood up from behind the desk, and walked around it to shake Brian's hand. "Thanks for coming, Brian."  
  
"You're welcome," Brian said. He watched as Alex moved back around his desk to sit in his chair. Brian sat in the chair opposite Alex, waiting for him to start the conversation.  
  
"I'm not sure how much Justin has told you about what is going on with Daphne," Alex said.  
  
"I know that you guys have been trying to have a child and all your attempts so far have been unsuccessful," Brian replied.  
  
"Yes, that's true," Alex said. "Has Justin gone into any details or has he mentioned the fact that Daphne is trying to convince him to become the sperm donor?"  
  
"I'm not sure what you mean about the details," Brian said hesitantly, "I do know about the request to have Justin be the donor."  
  
"How do you feel about all of this?" he asked Brian.  
  
"I sympathize with you both, but I really don't think Justin should be the sperm donor, for several reasons," Brian said.  
  
Alex was relieved to hear that. At least it appeared that he and Brian were on the same page.  
  
"Can you discuss your concerns with me, Brian?" Alex asked.  
  
"For one thing, Justin could never walk away from his own child. If he were to become the father, he would want to have some say in decisions that were made and I would think that would be a problem for you," Brian said.  
  
"Yes," Alex replied. "I'm not comfortable with that, at all."  
  
"Secondly," Brian continued, "Daphne seems to think that you would be willing to give up your parental rights and you've just said that you aren't. This is going to cause enormous stress between everyone and could possibly ruin a friendship of many years, a friendship that I know is very important to both of them. It could also ruin your marriage, Alex," Brian said. "And it would definitely put a strain on mine."  
  
"Look, Alex," Brian said, leaning forward, "I know you're sitting here talking to me for only one reason. You love your wife and want to make her happy. It's probably killing you to have to talk to me about something so private. I know it would bother the hell out of me if I were in your shoes," Brian said.  
  
Alex looked at him with relief. He ran his right hand through his hair, and stood up and began to pace. The controlled doctor Cherny was starting to unravel in front of Brian's eyes and it was not a pretty sight.   
  
Brian completely empathized. He knew what it felt like to lose control because of a trick nature had played on you. He remembered how powerless he felt the day he was told he had cancer. It was a horrible feeling knowing that someone else was driving the car and you were only a passenger. Judging from everything he had heard of this guy, he could only imagine how difficult this whole thing must be for him.  
  
"Alex, can I ask you something?" Brian said.  
  
"Sure," Alex answered, coming back to his chair and sitting down again.  
  
"Why does Daphne think that Justin's sperm would be any different from what she has tried so far?"  
  
"I really don't think it's his sperm, Brian. It's his support and the fact that he would be readily available, day or night, if she needed him to make the donation. Artificial insemination is a tricky thing, it's not as simple as most people think it is," Alex said.  
  
"Well, I know that Lindsay and I had to try several times before she got pregnant with Gus," Brian said. "But Melanie and Michael got lucky the very first time, so it can't be that hard?"  
  
"You are not talking about IVF Brian," Alex said.  
  
"IVF?" Brian asked, clearly hearing this term for the first time.  
  
'In Vitro," Alex said.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"We tried it the simple way, the way that you and Michael did with Lindsay and Melanie, that didn't work. We tried that for several months and she never got pregnant. It was frustrating and each time she'd get her period there would be days of anger and sadness and it became very tense around our house," Alex said.  
  
"I'll bet," Brian replied. "Daphne never did like to lose."  
  
"Neither do I," Alex answered, the blue eyes turning icy.  
  
"So then what happened?" Brian asked.  
  
"Then we decided to try in vitro. This is a procedure that involves the actual harvesting of Daphne's eggs and then uniting them with sperm in a Petri dish and waiting for the cells to divide after which an embryo is created. When that happens, the embryo is implanted into the uterus in the hopes that it will attach and grow into a fetus and eventually a baby."  
  
"It sounds a little like a horror movie," Brian said. "Frankenstein meets the twenty first century."  
  
"Same concept, I suppose," Alex replied, tongue in cheek.  
  
"And that didn't work either?" Brian asked, with raised eyebrows.  
  
"It worked, but she miscarried three times, well into the fourth week of each pregnancy. The doctors can't explain it. She is a very healthy young woman, there is no reason why this should be happening," he said, the frustration apparent in his voice.  
  
"Has it ever occurred to either one of you that this is not meant to be?" Brian asked gently.  
  
"No," Alex said emphatically. "Failure is not an option!"  
  
Brian looked at Alex and saw how he had become such a success. This guy didn't know the meaning of the word 'no'. He had never failed at anything in his life; every goal he had ever set out to achieve had been easily attained. Having a child was now the new challenge that he intended to take on and win.  
  
"What is it you want of me, Alex?" Brian asked.  
  
"I want you to tell Justin to say no to Daphne. I want you to make him turn her down so that we can move on. If she is not willing to try IVF again with another donor, we can talk about adoption. There are too many babies out there that need good homes. I'm willing to do that, and the sooner she realizes she will never carry a child, the sooner we can start the adoption process."  
  
Brian huffed out a laugh. "You obviously don't know Justin very well," he said, looking at Alex with wry amusement.   
  
"What?" Alex said.  
  
"Telling Justin what to do is like telling you to stop breathing, telling a fucking tidal wave to stop moving towards land, telling the sun to stop rising in the morning; are you seeing a trend here?" Brian asked.  
  
"I guess he's stubborn?"  
  
"Stubborn is not really the word I would use," Brian said as he stood up to leave. "More like, intractable, immovable, obstinate and an all around pain in the ass when he digs his heels into something."   
  
"Please," Alex said, "Do what you can, okay?"  
  
"We'll see," Brian said. "We'll just have to see how this all plays out, Alex."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brian got into his car and started the trek across town. He picked up the phone and dialed Justin.  
  
"Hey," Justin said, as he picked up after one ring.  
  
"Hey, yourself," Brian answered. "What're you doing?"  
  
"I'm in my studio, standing in front of a blank canvas, trying to get inspired."  
  
"Any luck?"  
  
"No; not really."  
  
"Where's Gus?"  
  
"He's in town with Debbie. She called earlier and asked if he'd like to have lunch, go to a movie and do some shopping."  
  
"That was nice of her," Brian said. "So, you're free?"  
  
"I guess so, what's on your mind?"  
  
"How about meeting me at the loft? Stop at the Thai place on your way in. We can have some lunch and then maybe I can inspire you with my naked body?"  
  
"You are ever the romantic, Brian…how can I refuse such an offer?"  
  
"Okay, I'll see you in a bit," Brian answered, smiling.   
  
"Sunshine?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Don't even bother with the underwear, okay?"  
  
Justin laughed and hung up. He left the studio and went to his room to change.   
  
Brian seemed to be in a better mood. Justin knew he was none too happy this morning when he left. His radar was telling him that Brian was definitely not impressed with his lackluster performance in the shower earlier today. He would have to redeem himself at the loft to make up for that. He actually was looking forward to their date. It would be a chance for him to discuss his thoughts with Brian some more and maybe this could all be resolved today.  
  
He threw on a pair of tight black jeans, going commando in deference to Brian's request. He brushed his teeth, ran a brush quickly through his hair, then shook it out again, leaving it disheveled and messy around his face, the way Brian liked it. A grey sweater and black jacket completed the look and he made his way out the door and down the stairs to the kitchen.  
  
Max was on his cell phone and he quickly hung up as soon as Justin walked through the door. He seemed a little flustered, as if he had been caught doing something wrong.   
  
"Hey Max," Justin said. "Is everything okay?"  
  
"Sure Mr. J," Max said, unable to look him in the eye.  
  
"Really? You don't seem okay."  
  
"I'm fine," Max said, smiling sheepishly. "I was just talking to someone and I was a little distracted."  
  
"Max! You've met somebody?" Justin said, completely surprised.  
  
"Yeah," Max answered with this dreamy look.  
  
Justin watched him and was delighted that he seemed genuinely excited about this person he had just met. He and Brian had talked about the fact that Max never really dated or prowled the back rooms. Brian couldn't understand how someone so hot wouldn't be doing that.  Justin figured he just hadn't met anyone he was interested in and he didn't pry. He felt it was none of their business.  
  
"Good for you, Max! Are you seeing him again tonight?"  
  
The blush crept up Max's face and Justin was amused to see the reaction to his question. "I hope so," Max answered.  
  
"Anyone we know?" Justin asked, as he started to head towards the door.  
  
Max turned around and faced the window over the sink so Justin couldn't see his face.   
  
"I don't think so, Mr. J."  
  
Justin stopped in his tracks, definitely intrigued. Max was clearly lying. He wondered who he was seeing, and why didn't Max want him to know?   
  
Hopefully it wasn't somebody who would hurt him. Max was a great guy and deserved the best. He would hate to see him hook up with the wrong person.  
  
"Well, I'm off to meet Brian. You can reach me on my cell if you need anything while I'm in town."  
  
"Is Gus going to be home for dinner, Mr. J?" Max asked.  
  
"I doubt it. Debbie's kidnapped him for the day and she'll probably stuff him with her lasagna until he pukes. You don't have to worry about dinner for anyone, if that's what you're asking."  
  
"In that case, you think I can leave a little earlier today? We were hoping to catch a movie and dinner afterwards?"  
  
Justin smiled at Max. He looked like a teenager going on a first date.   
  
"Go for it, Max, leave as early as you want. You know, you're going to have to break down and tell us who it is," Justin said, looking at Max's big brown eyes. "I will bug you mercilessly until you do."   
  
Max laughed when he heard that. "Give it some time, boss. I'll tell you, if it ever gets serious enough."  
  
"Okay, have it your way. But, be careful…there are lots of assholes out there. I don't want to see you get hurt," he said, genuinely wishing Max the best.  
  
"Thanks, Mr. J. So far, this guy's been great!"  
  
Justin looked at him and raised his eyebrows.   
  
TBC


	11. Chapter 11

_As we sow, we reap somewhere and sometime, in this life or in a future birth. What we reap today is what we have sown in the present or the past. "According to the seed that's sown, so is the fruit you reap there from, doer of good will gather good, doer of evil, evil reaps. Down is the seed and thou shalt taste the fruit thereof."_ _  
  
_ Chapter 11  
  
Brian groaned loudly as he watched Justin moving up and down on his cock, minutes away from the orgasm that was reaching its crescendo. He was captivated by the sight of the blond looking completely out of control as he rode him, his head bent forward, hair falling wild over his eyes, lips pink and wet, clenched in concentration. He was beautiful in his rapture, a piece of art, worthy of being painted himself.   
  
Justin's legs tightened around his hips as he rode him, impaling himself with each push. Their bodies were now slick with sweat; slipping and sliding against each other, awakening every nerve ending. Justin bent forward and put his mouth on Brian's nipples, sucking on the little nubs, tasting the salt, flicking his tongue around them even as his hips continued their movement, creating the unbearable friction that was causing Brian to moan louder, out of control with desire.   
  
He opened his eyes and watched as Justin's beautiful face hovered over him. "Brian," Justin whispered, repeating his name over and over like a mantra as he moved up and down, controlling the tempo that was bringing them both such pleasure. Justin adjusted himself allowing Brian to go deeper this time, filling every space, hitting that sweet spot that always made him cry out. He paused for a split second to savor the sensation then he moved his hips, getting ready to lift up to change position, causing Brian to cry out in protest. "No," he huffed out as he reached for Justin, pulling him back, hard and fast, pressing in as far as possible without hurting him. Everything felt hot and tight, the sensations almost unbearable as each move brought them closer to the moment when the wave would finally break, lapping at both of them, freeing them from this desperate need to come again and again, together, hot and wet and trembling.   
  
Brian pulled Justin's head towards him, craving the taste of those lips, needing to lick and suck them, feeling Justin's tongue pushing against his, fucking each other with their mouths. He rubbed his hands up and down Justin's torso, clenching and unclenching, marking the perfect white skin, leaving red spots where he pressed. He moved his hands up, cupping Justin's face, stilling his hips to try and slow things down as he watched the beautiful blond head turn towards his right palm, rubbing his face against his hand, sighing contentedly, and then licking his hand gently, like a cat grooming himself. Justin sucked on Brian's fingers, one by one, blue eyes burning into him, wetting and blowing on each digit, making his stomach turn inside out with want. His hand was now covered with saliva and he continued to watch, as Justin moved his hand down wrapping Brian's fingers around his cock, enveloping the girth in a vice made slippery with the combination of saliva and pre-cum that dotted the slit. He moved it back and forth, covering Brian's hand with his own, sharing in the task. Their hands pushed and pulled, in complete sync with the rhythm of Justin's hips as they started rutting against each other once again. Finally hot liquid spurted all over Brian's stomach as Justin let go, shuddering and moaning, his pleasure triggering Brian's release as he felt Justin's body clenching around him.   
  
"Justin…fuck…don't stop."   
  
Justin continued to move, holding the pace. He wrapped his arms around Brian, feeling the pulsing deep inside him as he was invaded, hot and strong. It seemed to go on forever until finally, he   
collapsed on top of Brian, hair matted and wet, cum smeared between the two of them.   
  
"God," Justin panted out, exhausted.  
  
Brian lay there, trying to catch his breath, waiting for his heart to stop beating like a conga drum. "Holy fuck," he whispered, "that was so hot."  
  
Justin passed his hand over Brian's hair, moving down to his cheeks. He ran his thumb over Brian's mouth, tracing the outline of his lips, remembering the damage they had done to him not two minutes ago.  
  
"Love you," Justin whispered.  
  
"Me too…"  
  
They slept in the same position. Justin draped over Brian, purring gently like a big Cheshire cat. Brian didn't mind the weight on his chest, he held on to him tenderly, acknowledging that this was where he wanted to be, always and forever. Somewhere in the next half hour they separated, Justin moving off Brian and turning around, scooting his butt up to Brian's stomach. Brian took him in his arms, enveloping him automatically, wanting him close.  
  
There was fucking and there was making love…years after they met Brian finally admitted that. This afternoon was definitely a love making session of the first order. Their bodies automatically finding the one place that always brought them peace, reveling in feelings that soothed each other, like a balm over a cut.   
  
Brian woke slowly with a smile on his face, his body relaxed and at peace from its earlier release. He knew he had to get up in a minute; he had left Cynthia with the promise of getting back as soon as he could. That was several hours ago and he could only imagine the chaos that was occurring at Kinnetik with him being incommunicado. He had turned all the phones off, as soon as he and Justin had stepped through the loft door. He didn't want any interruptions and neither did Justin.   
  
His staff probably figured out where he was but they had strict orders never to show up at the loft unannounced. Only a third world war could interrupt an afternoon with Justin, and then only if Kinnetik was the target of a bomb or worse. Cynthia and Ted put up with the aggravation of the wait, knowing that a happy Brian made for a happier work day.   
  
"Justin," Brian whispered softly into his ear.  
  
"Sleepy…leave me alone," Justin whined.  
  
"We gotta get up, I need to go back to work," Brian said as he slowly extricated himself from the tangle of arms, legs and duvets.  
  
"You go," Justin said, "I need to sleep."  
  
"Come on; get in the shower with me. You know you'll be up as soon as I walk out that door."  
  
"No I won't," Justin replied. "I'll lie here all afternoon and wait for you to come back from work, so you can fuck me again."  
  
"Jesus," Brian laughed, "You planning on killing me or what? I am forty-five years old you know. My heart can only take so much excitement in one day!"   
  
"You may be forty-five, Brian, but someone forgot to tell you're cock. It still thinks it's twenty-nine."   
  
And right on command, as if it had a brain of its own and heard every word, it stood at attention, proud and ready for round two.  
  
Justin laughed when he saw the reaction he got. He stopped laughing when Brian turned him over, flipped open the lube cap and placed a liberal portion on his hand to prepare him. Brian listened to Justin inhale as his cock slid in effortlessly. His breathing became erratic, accelerating in direct proportion to the frantic movements of Brian's beautiful hips. Brian grabbed handfuls of Justin's hair, holding on to him as he played with him, alternately pushing in as deep as possible, then pulling out almost all the way. He could hear Justin whimpering with each push, taking in little breaths. Brian pulled Justin up on his hands and knees giving him better access and he encircled his hands around the slim hips, moving around his body towards Justin's cock that was now rigid and waiting to be held. He closed his right hand around it, pulling and pushing, fucking him with his hand as he rode his beautiful, tight, demanding ass. The moans that were coming out of Justin only urged him on, encouraging him to push deeper, harder. He felt himself coming, the wave pushing him up and over quickly, violently. He shuddered as the orgasm passed through him even as he felt Justin spurt hot and wet on his hand and all over the sheets.   
  
"Fuck…me…Brian!"   
  
Justin's head was bent forward, his forehead resting on his hand as he felt Brian's breath, puffing on his back and shoulders. "I just did, Sunshine."  
  
"Christ…!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
The ride back to Kinnetik was short in distance, but long enough to give Brian enough time to get the satisfied, just-fucked-look off his face and substitute it with his business mask.   
  
He may have fooled everyone else, but Cynthia knew where he'd been as soon as he walked through the door. The still damp hair was always a sure sign.   
  
"Better?" she asked with a big smile on her face, as he strode towards her.  
  
He gave her a dirty look, daring her to say one more word. "Much! Any messages?"  
  
"Nothing crucial. Oh, there was one call from Dr. Daphne Chanders. She asked that you return the call at this number."   
  
She handed him a slip of paper with the phone number on it.  
  
_Now what?_  
  
He closed the door of his office behind him, placed his briefcase on his desk and picked up the phone. Dialing the numbers, he waited for Daphne to pick up.  
  
"Dr. Chanders," Daphne said.  
  
"Hey, Daphne, it's Brian."  
  
"Oh, hi Brian. Thanks for returning my call."  
  
"Sure…what's up?"  
  
"I understand you went to see Alex this morning?"  
  
_That was fast!_   
  
"Actually, Alex called me."  
  
"Really?" she said in an icy tone.  
  
"Yes, really," Brian replied, equally as frigid.  
  
"What did he want?"  
  
"I think you should ask Alex that Daphne, not me," Brian replied.  
  
"Well, I'm asking you."  
  
"And I really don't want to talk about it," Brian said.   
  
"Are you and Alex planning something behind my back? I can't believe he would call you and talk about anything private," she said. "He is not like that."  
  
Brian rolled his eyes and rubbed his neck with his left hand. He could feel the headache starting its slow creep up his neck, heading straight for his eyeballs, which were already starting to smart.  
  
"Daphne, look, I already said I'm not talking about this. Call your husband if you need to know so badly," Brian answered.  
  
"Well, I don't want him to think I'm spying on him," she said.  
  
"Duh," Brian replied.  
  
"I'm not spying! I happened to call Alex while you were there and his secretary told me he wasn't to be interrupted. When I asked her who he was with she gave me your name," Daphne said.  
  
"He should really consider firing that woman," Brian spat out. "I would, if she were my secretary!"  
  
"Are you two plotting something that involves Justin and me? Because if you are, we won't put up with it, you know," Daphne finished.  
  
Brian snapped. "Look, all Alex wanted to do was talk about the request you made, to have Justin be your sperm donor. He wanted to know how I felt about the whole thing."  
  
"Well, I know exactly how you feel, Brian. And I suppose Alex was overjoyed that you think it's a bad idea too," Daphne said.  
  
"Daphne, no one is overjoyed about anything at this point! This whole situation is not good for anyone. Maybe Alex needed to talk to somebody who is not emotionally involved in this, someone who can see the big picture. You have obviously moved on to the obsessive stage of this whole issue and can't be reasoned with."  
  
"Excuse me?" Daphne said in an indignant voice. "I am the most reasonable person around here."  
  
"Right, Daphne, that's why you're on the phone with me right now playing twenty questions," Brian shot out, sarcastically.  
  
"I am not being emotional, Brian," Daphne said with a raised voice. "I just want to know what the fuck you and Alex talked about."  
  
"And I just told you," Brian spat out. "I am hanging up, right now."  
  
He slammed the phone on the receiver, buzzed Cynthia and told her he was not taking any calls from anyone, especially Dr. Chanders. He pulled a drawer open and fished out the bottle of Aspirin that he kept there for emergencies; he was definitely having one right now. The headache that had started out as a mild trickle had escalated into an ongoing avalanche and he could feel it banging up against his eyes, promising to turn into one of his more memorable ones. He dry swallowed three pills and leaned back against his chair, closing his eyes, waiting for the pain to ease up.  
  
Ten minutes later, Cynthia buzzed him.  
  
"What?" he said, trying not to move.  
  
"I know you said you didn't want any interruptions, but Justin's on the phone."  
  
_Fuck!_  
  
"I'll take the call, Cynthia."  
  
"Hey," he said quietly into the phone. Even his own voice was bothering him at this point.  
  
"Brian, why didn't you tell me you saw Alex Cherny this morning?"  
  
_Double fuck…_  
  
"I didn't think it was important," he answered.  
  
"You didn't think it was important?" Justin asked, incredulous.  
  
"No."  
  
"Anytime you have a conversation about me with someone else, consider it important!" Justin spat out.  
  
"How do you know it was about you?" Brian asked, already knowing what the answer was going to be.  
  
"Look, stop the bullshit, okay? I just got off the phone with Daphne and she told me everything. You and Alex had no right to sit there and discuss our feelings and make any decisions for us," Justin said, gearing up into a major rant.  
  
"Justin," Brian said in a very low voice, "We didn't make any decisions about anything. Alex just wanted to talk, to see how I felt about the whole donor issue. Nothing was decided."  
  
"I thought that the days of Brian Kinney deciding what was best for Justin Taylor were long gone! You better not have decided anything, because it's not your decision to make," Justin said in his best Waspy tone of voice.  
  
"Listen to what I am saying, Justin. We did not decide anything. All we did was have a conversation, an informative one. He explained some things to me, about IVF that I didn't know," Brian repeated to Justin, trying to get through the wall of indignation that he was facing.  
  
"Whatever! You should have told me, Brian. I can't believe we spent all afternoon together and you didn't say one word about it."  
  
"Justin, Alex and Daphne were the last things on my mind when I had my cock up your ass!"  
  
"Fuck you, Brian."  
  
The line went dead. Brian stared at it for a minute and put his head back on the chair and closed his eyes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Justin slammed the door of his car and started the engine. He couldn't decide whether he should go home and tear into a blank canvas or go to a bar and get drunk. The bar sounded much better, but of course Babylon was out of the question, as Brian would hear about it the minute he walked through the door. It was always amazing how Brian found out everything about him one minute after it happened yet he always seemed to be the last person to find out things about Brian.  
  
Woody's wasn't a better choice because the same communication system would relay the message to Brian that his partner was getting shit-faced. This left a private residence and Justin decided to call Emmett who was always willing to give him a shoulder to cry on and an ear to bend. He dialed Emmett's number and waited.  
  
"Fabulous, Pittsburgh's Premier Party Place," someone answered, in a high, lilting voice. Justin didn't recognize it.   
  
"Hi, this is Justin Taylor. Is Emmett around?"  
  
"Oh, hi Mr. Taylor," the voice gushed on the other line. "Mr. Honeycutt has left for the day."  
  
"It's pretty early isn't it? He usually hangs around much later than this."  
  
"Yes, you're absolutely right, Sugar! But he had a 'date'!" the voice on the other end whispered conspiratorially.  
  
"Who am I talking to?" Justin asked, curious.  
  
"Oh, it's Rick, I'm Mr. Honeycutt's new assistant. We haven't met yet but I've heard so much about you! I just love your art! Every piece that we have in this place is just so amazing; I can't wait to meet you!"  
  
Justin smiled as he listened to the enthusiasm coming from the voice on the other end. He sounded like a major bottom.   
  
"So, Rick," Justin asked. "Do you have any idea where Emmett's gone on his date? And who with?"  
  
"Oh, Sugar, I can't even begin to tell you! All I know is that Mr. Honeycutt has been walking around with this very satisfied smile on his face. Whoever he's with is responsible for that," Rick said, more than happy to share the gossip with Justin.  
  
"Really?" Justin said. "And you have no idea who this guy is?"  
  
"Oh no! Mr. Honeycutt's been as silent as my dead grandma, Vera. I can't get one detail out of him!" Rick lowered his voice to a whisper and said,"Mr. Honeycutt says he doesn't want to jinx this by talking about it, so whoever it is, must be to die for."   
  
"Well, I guess I'll try his cell and see if he picks up," Justin told Rick.  
  
"I'll make sure he gets the message that you called, Sugar," Rick replied.  
  
"Thanks," Justin said and disconnected.  
  
_Great! Now where the fuck do I go?_  
  
He kept on driving in the general direction of Emmett's house. He decided to take a chance and stop in. Maybe he was home, and Rick was mistaken about the date. If Em was dating someone new he would have heard about it by now. It was pretty hard to keep a secret in this town, especially when it involved a celebrity like Emmett. After his stint as 'The Queer Guy' many years ago, Channel 5 had decided to build a whole new show around him which had become a hit and had stayed on the air for three years. Emmett had become a household name and the likelihood of him 'dating' incognito was almost impossible.  
  
Emmett had given Justin an extra key several years ago, in case he ever needed someone to house sit or water his plants. He'd never used it but tonight it would come in handy and allow him access to the house if Emmett wasn't home.   
  
Justin had never entered anyone's home without permission but he felt justified in using it now because this was an emergency and Emmett wouldn't mind if his good friend helped himself to a few drinks while he waited for him to come home. Justin needed to talk to someone and Emmett, for all his flamboyant and dramatic ways, still remained one of the most sensible and grounded people Justin knew.   
  
He got to the house, which was on a street off of Liberty Avenue, in a new district that had been gentrified by the high end queers of Pittsburgh. The houses in this area were not cheap, yet the waiting list to buy a home around here was a mile long. Emmett had been very lucky and had bought his house several years ago before anyone realized how popular the area would become.  
  
Justin parked his car, riffling through all his keys, trying to find the right one. Finally, he found the one that would open Emmett's red front door. He got out of the car and made his way up the walkway and put the key in the lock.   
  
He gently opened the door and peered inside. No one was there, that he could see. The house was silent and smelled of apple pie. He must have left his Yankee candles burning extra long, Justin thought to himself. The smell was making him hungry and he realized he hadn't eaten anything since he and Brian had shared that Thai lunch many hours ago. Thinking about the lunch with Brian and the afternoon he spent with him just brought back all the reasons why he was here in the first place. _He fucking should have said something!_  
  
He made his way over to the kitchen and yanked opened the refrigerator to scrounge for food. He found a plate of cold cuts and several bottles of Corona. He pulled out the plate, grabbed a beer and made his way over to the eating area in the corner.   
  
Not one minute later he heard a loud moan, followed by an unholy groaning that could only mean one thing. Those noises were unmistakable! They were coming from the bedroom, behind the closed doors and Justin realized that Emmett was in fact in the house, having sex with his mystery date.  
  
Shit! He felt like an absolute dork, standing there eating cold cuts listening to his friend getting it on. He decided to leave as quietly as he came in, hoping that no one would realize he had even been there.  
He could feel the blush creeping up his face; he was so embarrassed by his intrusion and he hoped that neither one of them would find out that someone had been listening to what should have been a very private moment. He made his way back to the fridge to put the plate away and crept over to the sink to put the bottle of Corona in the trash can underneath it.   
  
As he did so, he heard the bedroom door open and he held his breath, praying that no one would come into the kitchen. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be. All too soon he was confronted by the sight of a beautiful Max Steiner walking into the kitchen stark naked!   
  
"Max!" Justin exclaimed. _What the fuck?_  
  
"Mr. J!" Max answered back, shocked to see his employer standing there.  
  
Emmett walked in two minutes later, handing Max a robe. He stood behind Max, as he quickly threw on the garment, then Emmett wrapped his arms around him, perching his head on Max's shoulder.   
  
"Hi Honey," Emmett said to Justin, who was still looking at both of them, as if he had seen a ghost. "I believe you already know my date? What brings you to this neck of the woods?"  
  
TBC


	12. Chapter 12

_Karma is action, and Vipaka, fruit or result, is its reaction. Just as every object is accompanied by a shadow, even so every volitional activity is inevitably accompanied by its due effect. Karma is like potential seed. Vipaka could be likened to the fruit arising from the tree-the effect or result._ _  
  
_ Chapter 12  
  
Brian sat in the dark in the great room at Britin Manor, staring at the giant TV screen, seeing nothing, hearing even less. He was well into his seventh beer, having reached for one as soon as he got home at six and realized that he was alone in the house.   
  
He had given up trying to reach Justin. Each time he heard the phone go straight to voice mail he got more and more frustrated. He'd been through every emotion starting with guilt, moving on to irritation, then anger and finally anxiety. The longer Justin remained silent and incommunicado, the more anxious he got. He had left him several messages, saying basically the same thing, "Where the fuck are you, call me."   
  
He vaguely remembered Justin saying that Gus was with Debbie so he wasn't too worried about his absence. In a way he was grateful that he wasn't around to witness his meltdown. He couldn't believe that Justin hadn't returned a single call. That he was that angry. What the fuck was he supposed to do, give him a running commentary on his daily whereabouts? Did he honestly think that he and Alex were conspiring? He should be here, at home, talking with me, Brian thought to himself. If he's that fucking pissed, then he should be here screaming and having his little tantrum instead of this silence. It was the silence that was killing Brian. He knew he could talk his way out of anything, but if there was no one to talk to, he was screwed.   
  
God only knew where the fuck Justin was. He couldn't even begin to venture a guess. He'd already tried all the likely places with no luck!   
  
Well fuck him! And fuck Daphne and double fuck Alex Cherny! He stood up abruptly and made his way over to the bar in the corner of the room and opened the small refrigerator behind it to pull out another beer.   
  
He hated the thought of not knowing where Justin was. It was eating away at him…not knowing if he was alone or with someone; what he was thinking about. Leaving Justin by himself troubled and deep in thought, on the verge of any major decision, was always worrisome to Brian. Too many times in the past he had been the recipient of Justin's internal battles, always holding his breath when Justin preceded a sentence with the phrase, "I've been doing some thinking."   
  
_I quit school, because I can't paint anymore... I don't need your help; I'll become a Go-go dancer… I 'm going to join the Pink Posse… I need to take a stand… I will not apologize to the board, Stockwell is a homophobe! I'm thinking of going to Hollywood to help with the Rage movie... Our relationship isn't working for me… Why are we together?_   
  
Brian's stomach was in knots and the only thing he could do at this point was have another beer. He knew their relationship had evolved beyond the stage where Justin would do anything stupid; however, nothing that had happened in the last few weeks had been expected or ordinary. Who knew where this would end?  
  
He was tired of all of it. They had gone over this ad-nauseum; Justin knew exactly how he felt. What was left to say? He didn't want another kid, he didn't want Justin to help Daphne, he wanted to turn back the clock and pretend that it was still May and they were in Miami, fucking in the elevator.   
  
He picked up the phone and tried him again. No answer, again. He kicked at the coffee table, moving it a few feet, listening to the bottles clink against each other. Fuck him! It was now almost eleven. The two six-packs were empty and he was well into the third one.   
  
He leaned back on the sofa and must have dozed off for a minute because the next thing he heard were low voices murmuring outside in the hallway. He heard Gus saying, "Thanks a lot, Grandma Deb. I had lots of fun."   
  
He sat up abruptly, hoping they wouldn't come in to the room and see him.  
  
Then he heard Deb asking if Gus was sure his Dad was home.   
  
"Oh he's here. His car's in the driveway, he's probably upstairs in his office."  
  
"Okay then," Debbie said, "If you're sure, then I'll get going."  
  
"That's fine," Gus answered. "Thanks again for everything. I had a really good time."  
  
You're welcome, honey. Anytime. Feel free to call me and we'll do this again," Deb replied.  
  
Brian heard the front door close and then a car started up. He relaxed and leaned back on the sofa again. He was still holding a beer bottle in his hand, amazed that it hadn't fallen on the floor while he napped.  
  
"Dad?" Gus called out, trying to figure out where he was.   
  
"Sonny Boy, I'm in here." _Fuck, I don't want him to see me like this._  
  
"Hey Dad," Gus said when he walked into the great room. "Why is the TV on mute? What are you doing here in the dark and where is 'DJ'?"  
  
"Jesus Christ son. You're getting to be more like your mother every day. Stop with the third degree, okay?"  
  
Gus looked at Brian then he looked at the coffee table. There were fourteen bottles lined up in a straight row, like little soldiers on parade. The ashtray was heaped with cigarettes and Brian was still in his work clothes. He had taken off his shoes and socks and had thrown his jacket on one of the sofas, but he still had a dress shirt on and his tie was hanging loose around his neck.   
  
_He's drunk out of his mind!_ Gus had never seen Brian this way before. He'd been around when his parents had parties or friends over. He'd seen them all drinking, but no one had ever gotten falling-down drunk, especially not Brian. Gus was used to his parents entertaining and serving booze, maybe once in a while he'd seen Brian a little tipsy and having fun, but this was the first time he'd seen him really and truly drunk.   
  
"You didn't answer me, Dad. Where is 'Daddy J'?"  
  
"How the fuck should I know!" Brian answered, avoiding Gus' eye.  
  
"Have you eaten anything, Dad? Why don't I make us something to eat?"  
  
"Didn't you just have dinner with Grandma Deb? How could you possibly have room for more food?" Brian asked in disgust.   
  
He lifted the beer bottle to his mouth and took a large gulp. The taste was no longer bringing him any pleasure, quite the contrary, it was making him nauseous and he knew he should stop; he just didn't have the impetus to do it. He could see that Gus was staring at him and he wished he would go upstairs and leave him alone in his misery. The last thing he needed at this point was someone sitting in judgment, especially when that someone was his son.   
  
"I always have room for food, Dad. We had dinner hours ago; I'll go make us some sandwiches," Gus said, bringing up the subject of food again.  
  
"Don't bother, you know I never eat carbs at night," Brian said with a straight face.  
  
Gus looked at all the beer bottles on the table, shook his head and said, "Well, you'll just have to make an exception tonight, cause I hate to eat by myself, okay Dad?"  
  
"Whatever," Brian said sullenly.  
  
Gus went to the kitchen and started to make his father a sandwich. He was a little worried, not so much because Brian was drunk, but because he and Justin had obviously had a fight. Gus was used to Melanie and Lindsay's fights. They had them all the time. They were yelling and arguing one minute and kissing and making up the next. It wasn't a big deal; he knew they would always come around and resolve whatever the problem was. This was the first time that he had been around to witness a fight between his two Dads.   
  
They never had fights in front of him. In fact, they seemed like the ideal couple in Gus' eyes. Seeing Brian this way tonight was certainly an eye opener. He finished making the turkey and cheese sandwiches, grabbed two bottles of soda and threw everything on a tray and brought it out to the great room.  
  
Brian had not moved from his spot in front of the sofa. He had only added one more dead bottle to the line facing him on the coffee table.   
  
"Come on, Dad. Here's the sandwich. Let's turn up the volume of the TV and eat, okay?"  
  
"Don't want to eat, Sonny Boy. Not hungry…"  
  
Gus reached over to his Dad and held his arm gently. "Come on, Dad, please? Eat something. You've had enough beer for one night."  
  
Brian looked at his son and felt shame for the first time in a long time. He hated having Gus see him this way. He didn't want Gus to know that he had clay feet, that he wasn't perfect in every way. For years Brian had set out to prove to himself and to Gus that he was a good father, far better than anything Jack Kinney ever was. And he had succeeded. He was a great dad, he got along with Gus famously and they had nothing but respect for each other. He didn't want tonight to be the cause of any of that respect being tarnished, even a little bit.   
  
He leaned forward and put the beer bottle on the table, pushing it away. "You're right Sonny Boy. I've had enough. What's in the sandwich?"  
  
"Your favorite, Dad. Turkey and cheese, here, take your plate."  
  
"Okay," Brian said, reaching out for the plate and taking a bite of the sandwich that he neither wanted nor tasted. He did his best to choke it down, as well as the dread in the pit of his stomach as he thought about Justin and where he could possibly be.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Across town Justin and Emmett had just finished the delicious dinner that Max had prepared for them. He had made Beef Stroganoff with egg noodles on the side, a salad and chocolate mousse for desert. He had done all of it while Justin and Emmett were talking, refusing their help and barring them from the kitchen.   
  
He was in his element and was not about to have anyone in his way. He had rearranged Emmett's kitchen days ago because nothing was where it was supposed to be and it was driving him crazy not knowing which cupboard contained what. Even though Emmett had the best pans, the best utensils, the best ingredients and spices available, nothing was accessible or even visible. Max spent half the time looking for things that were stuffed away somewhere, some still in their original wrappings, ignored and forgotten. He had finally arranged everything to his satisfaction and the resulting meals that came out of the kitchen were a testimony to his comfort level.   
  
"Oh-my-God," Emmett said, "Can this man cook or what."  
  
"I know," Justin groaned. "I think I've gained ten pounds since he started working for us two years ago."  
  
"Well, you were too skinny to begin with anyway, Honey," Emmett said to his friend. "I, on the other hand, do not need to gain one ounce," he said, looking at Max who sat across from him with a satisfied smile on his face.  
  
"You are both obsessive about your weight," Max said. "I've never seen two guys in better shape. You can afford to eat once in a while. Besides, I love to watch people eat my food." He laughed and said, "It's the Jewish mother gene in me."   
  
Justin smiled when he heard that. "I guess Brian has rubbed off on me in more ways than one. I never worried about what I put into my mouth until he and I got married and I had to listen to his constant rants about fat and caloric intake. I guess once in a while its okay to indulge, Max, but the problem is, with you around, it's not once in a while. It's an everyday occurrence, one that I am very grateful for, but my scale says differently."   
  
"You look just fine, sweetie," Emmett said. "Better than fine, if that's even possible. And I'm sure Brian would agree with me."   
  
Justin glanced at his watch and said, "Speaking of Brian, I should really get going. It's late and I'm sure he's probably pissed because I haven't returned any of his calls and he doesn't have a clue where I'm at."  
  
"You can call him," Emmett said.  
  
"That's okay," Justin shook his head. "I'll deal with it when I get home."  
  
He stood up, picked up his plate and wine glass and took them to the kitchen.   
  
"Just leave everything in the sink, Justin. We'll take care of it," Emmett said.  
  
"Okay," Justin replied.  
  
"Thanks so much for dinner, Em, and for listening," Justin said as he pulled his jacket out of the hall closet and put it on. "I really needed to talk to someone and you were great, as usual."  
  
"Honey, you call me anytime you need to talk. A girl can always use a shoulder to cry on and you know I'm always up for that."  
  
Justin laughed.   
  
"I'm really happy that you and Max have hooked up. He's a great guy; you both deserve each other," Justin said smiling at his friend.   
  
"Honey, I feel like I'm twenty-three again, it's like I've just won the lottery! He makes me incredibly happy, I can't believe that you've had him at your house all this time and I've just met him," Emmett said shyly.  
  
"Well, there must be a reason for that," Justin said. "Maybe we were saving him, just for you."  
  
"Whatever it is, I'll take it," Emmett said, clapping his hands and smiling broadly.  
  
"Bye Max, thanks for dinner," Justin called out to Max who was in the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, my pleasure, Mr. J."  
  
"Isn't he the best?" Emmett gushed, unable to contain his excitement.  
  
"He's great," Justin reiterated. He gave Emmett a hug, grabbed his keys which were lying on the table in the foyer and left.  
  
In the car, Justin thought about his evening with Emmett and the very surprising and somewhat enlightening talk he had with him. He felt oddly comforted, hopeful that there might possibly be a solution to his dilemma. Emmett had talked about a whole new approach to viewing the world, something Justin had never really taken the time to explore or study.   
  
The conversation had started with him giving Emmett a brief overview of his inner conflict and the tension at home between him and Brian over the situation with Daphne. Emmett was a gossip and could be a huge drama queen, but he was first and foremost a true and loyal friend and he had never in all the years Justin had known him betrayed a confidence. Justin felt pretty sure that this secret would be safe with him.  
  
Emmett had listened to what Justin had to say. He was surprised when he heard what was going on, and more surprised at Daphne's request and subsequent attitude. He had known her almost as long as he knew Justin and he never remembered her being this selfish or inconsiderate, in fact, he had found her to be one of the most caring people he had ever known, especially when it came to Justin. He wrote the whole thing off as a temporary female aberration, reassuring Justin that she would eventually return to her normal self.   
  
He then talked about the time in his life shortly after he and Drew Boyd had broken up. He had been completely devastated, he told Justin, regretting the fact that he had released Drew to put him back in the water, so to speak. In retrospect, he felt that he should have kept him. He should have fought for him, should have insisted that they stay together and not let him go off and sow his wild, suddenly discovered Gay oats! If he had put his foot down maybe they would still be together. Instead, he had let him go; leaving himself completely alone, surrounded by people in good relationships.   
  
All his friends had finally found the loves of their life. Michael had Ben. Teddy had Blake. And Brian and Justin would eventually end up together; there was never any doubt in Emmett's mind about that. Even Debbie had Carl! He, on the other hand, was alone and lonely, and contemplating suicide. He was desperate, delving into the world of over-eating, over-drinking and having way too much indiscriminate sex with nameless one-night stands. He was having a walking nervous breakdown, sunk in a deep depression and no one knew it except him.   
  
Even after Channel 5 had started a whole new show for him, he continued on his path of self destruction, clandestinely, still managing to function at work. One day he was asked to interview a couple of men who had been trapped in an avalanche in the Sierra mountains in California. When he asked them how they had survived six days, trapped, without food or water, they each said that they were Buddhists and believed in the teachings of Buddha and this had kept them alive and sane.  
  
Emmett was intrigued by this answer. This was certainly not the first time he had heard about Buddhism; Ben Bruckner was the first one to talk about it years ago when he and Michael had hooked up and Emmett had first met him. The problem was that at that time, Emmett was either not listening to a word that Ben had to say on the topic or he equated Ben's interest in Buddhism with his HIV status. He figured that it was just Ben's way of coping with his disease. Emmett had categorized it as holistic medicine, just another part of Ben's health regimen, and never gave it much more thought.   
  
When he interviewed the two guys that had been trapped in the avalanche it was like a light bulb went off in his head and he remembered how calm and peaceful Ben always was, in spite of the fact that he was walking around with a time bomb in his body that could go off at any minute.   
  
He decided to look into the religion by himself, without bothering Ben or Michael because he didn't really want to become the talk of the town, a certainty if Michael and Debbie got wind of his problems. He just wanted to do it on his own. What he discovered was a wonderful new way of looking at the world. It made so much sense to him, much more sense than any of the religious spouting he had heard throughout the years from his Aunt Lula, all his teachers, and every priest and shrink he had known in his entire life. It brought him comfort and a lot of answers to questions that were plaguing him. The more he studied it, the more peace he derived and soon he had completely converted.   
  
He showed Justin the small area in his house that he had turned into a Buddhist shrine. The incense burned twenty-four hours a day. He explained the basics of Buddhism, the importance of meditation and offered to help Justin find enlightenment, if he so chose.   
  
Justin was interested. He felt that at this point in time he had nothing to lose and everything to gain. He knew he was at a crossroad in his life, a point where the wrong decision would affect him and Brian forever. He didn't want to make a poor decision. He wanted to make sure that he had explored all his options; that he had thought the whole thing through. He didn't know if Emmett's way would solve the problem, but it certainly was food for thought.   
  
First things first though. He needed to go home and deal with Brian. God only knew what he had been up to since he had slammed the phone on him earlier this afternoon. It was almost midnight and they hadn't spoken since then. He was pretty sure Brian was livid right now, wondering where the fuck he was. _Tough shit, he thought. He should have told me about his meeting with Alex._   
  
He roared into the driveway at Britin, not caring who he woke up. He killed the engine of the Targa and got out of his car. He opened the front door and the first thing he saw was Gus, sitting on the stairs, waiting up for him.  
  
_Oh fuck, I forgot about him!_  
  
"Gus! What are you doing up at this hour?"  
  
"Waiting for you," Gus said, looking pretty miserable. "Where were you?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Baby, I should have called. I had dinner with Emmett."  
  
"Oh," Gus said, sounding relieved.   
  
"Where's Dad?" Justin asked.  
  
"I put him to bed about twenty minutes ago," Gus said.  
  
"You put him to bed?" Justin asked, trying to understand the sentence.  
  
"Yeah, he was pretty drunk. He was babbling on about twats and cell phones and inconsiderate people who leave their voice mail on instead of answering the phone. It was pretty funny, actually," Gus said, smiling, remembering Brian's mini-rant.  
  
"The fuck it was," Justin said, annoyed.  
  
"Yeah, but it's all good, he's asleep now, and you're home. I'm going to bed."   
  
He got up, jumped down the two steps and gave Justin a hug. He clung to Justin for a minute then pulled away and looked down at him seriously and said, "Don't do that again, okay 'DJ'?"  
  
"What?" Justin asked, looking up at Gus who was a good head taller than him.  
  
"Fight with him and then disappear. He loves you so much, he was queening, big time," Gus said, looking at Justin with Brian's hazel eyes.  
  
"Sorry, Baby," Justin replied sheepishly.   
  
Justin kissed Gus on his cheek and ruffled his hair. "Go to bed, son, I'll see you in the morning."  
  
"Night, 'D'," Gus said.  
  
"Night, Gus. I love you," Justin said quietly.  
  
"Me too," Gus called over his shoulder as he made his way upstairs.  
  
Justin climbed the stairs and went down the hall to the bedroom he shared with Brian. He thought about Gus' statement, about Brian queening. He knew that he had over-reacted this afternoon after he got off the phone with Daphne. He was just irritated that everyone seemed to be intent on making a decision for him when in actuality he had not made any headway in deciding anything at all. That was probably what annoyed him the most. He still didn't know what the fuck to do!  
  
Gus had left a small lamp on so that it cast enough light for him to get around without banging into anything. He went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He removed his clothes, threw them in the hamper, took a piss and then went back into the bedroom.  
  
As he got into bed he noticed that Gus had removed all of Brian's clothes, except for his underwear. Getting under the covers, he pulled the duvet over his shoulder and made his way over to Brian's side of the bed. All the anger he felt earlier today had evaporated as soon as he saw Gus and heard that Brian had been so upset.   
  
He pressed his face up against Brian's neck, and then he wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him up against him. He smelled like the Corona distillery, but Justin didn't care. He just needed to have him in his arms. His emotions overtook him quickly, surprising him with their intensity as he felt little pinpricks of tears at the back of his eyes, threatening to overflow. He felt an overpowering urge to wake Brian and tell him how much he loved and needed him, in spite of the drama that had occurred this afternoon. He thought about their lovemaking earlier in the day and that thought sustained him, calming him a bit, knowing that Brian would always be there for him, no matter how stupid or irrational he was behaving.   
  
"Sunshine?" Brian stirred, awakening instantly as soon as he felt Justin's arms around him.  
  
"Yeah, I'm home."  
  
"What time is it? Where the fuck were you?" Brian slurred quietly.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't call," Justin said in a whisper.   
  
"Sorry is bullshit, Justin."   
  
Justin answered by holding Brian tighter, pulling him closer to his body, feeling his butt pressed up against his stomach. He kissed him softly on his neck, inhaling his special scent. Tonight it was a combination of after-shave, cigarettes and beer. Normally, not a good mix, but this evening it only brought Justin the comfort and peace that he needed. It was a Brian smell, a smell that meant he was home with the man he loved.   
  
Brian turned over slowly and looked into the deep blue eyes that stared back at him. Eyes filled with love and regret, glistening in the dark.   
  
"Justin…I'm sorry…"   
  
Justin caressed Brian's face, moving his hand down his cheeks towards his mouth. He put his thumb over Brian's mouth, silencing him and said, "Shh…sorry is bullshit...I know you meant to tell me…eventually. I'm sorry I yelled at you…sorry I didn't come home...sorry for being such a fucking idiot."   
  
"You're not an idiot, except when you turn your fucking phone off," Brian said in a whisper, trying to sound angry but failing miserably. The reality was that he was so relieved Justin was home, all he wanted to do was hold him and feel him close to him.   
  
"I love you, you little shit. Don't you know that?" Brian asked as he took Justin's face in his hands.  
  
"I know," Justin answered. "I love you too."   
  
"How could you ever think I would do anything to hurt you? I would rather die first," Brian whispered, still half-way drunk from all the booze he had consumed and more emotional than usual. He pressed his forehead to Justin's and took a ragged breath. "I was so worried about you tonight," he choked out, unable to finish his sentence.  
  
"God, Brian, stop…please…don't cry," Justin begged as he watched a tear roll down Brian's cheek. He wiped it away gently and kept his hand on Brian's face.  
  
"Promise me you'll never do this again, okay?" Brian asked.  
  
"I promise," Justin answered, pressing his mouth to Brian's.   
  
TBC


	13. Chapter 13

_Karma does not necessarily mean past actions. It embraces both past and present deeds. Hence in one sense, we are the result of what we were; we will be the result of what we are. The present is no doubt the offspring of the past and is the present of the future, but the present is not always a true index of either the past or the future; so complex is the working of Karma._ _  
  
_ Chapter 13  
  
Daphne and Alex sat at the kitchen table, staring at each other in silence. It was Saturday morning and instead of their usual routine of lazing in bed, drinking coffee, reading, and enjoying the start of the weekend, they were sitting there nursing the wounds from last night's screaming match.  
  
Neither one had said one word since they woke up. Daphne was shocked at the way she had behaved. She couldn't believe the things that had come out of her mouth last night as she lit into Alex the minute he walked through the door.  
  
She accused him of plotting things with Brian; of trying to put an end to her dreams. She told him he was jealous of Justin, that he was unwilling to help her convince Justin to be the donor because he was afraid. He couldn't stand the thought of someone coming into his life and calling the shots! He had to have control over everything and everyone, and she was not going to let this ruin her one chance to have the biological child she was entitled to have.  
  
She didn't stop long enough to see the hurt and pain she was causing with her tirade. She had long passed the point of reasonable. She had forgotten that it was Alex's idea to have donor sperm in the first place. That it was he who wanted her to have a pregnancy and not resort to adoption.   
  
Alex had told her she was out of control and being ridiculous! Her emotions had completely taken over and she was making no sense at all. He couldn't help it if the IVF wasn't working. He had done everything he could to make this happen. He apologized again for being sterile…he told her to pack her bags and go find someone who would be able to get her pregnant. Someone who would make her happy and give her what she wanted.   
  
They slept fitfully on either side of the king size bed. It was the first time in their marriage that they had not kissed each other good night or said, "I love you." It was the first time they had a true fight, with all the anger and bitter feelings that followed.  
  
"Alex," Daphne started to say, as he said her name at the same time.  
  
"Daphne."  
  
"Sorry," she said, "You go first."  
  
"I'd rather you did," Alex replied stiffly.  
  
"Look," Daphne started, "I know I said some pretty awful things last night. I can't take them back because I know that you heard every word and will probably never forget, but I really am sorry."  
  
Alex looked at the beautiful woman that sat across from him. Her eyes were wet with tears, a sight that was becoming all too familiar.   
  
"Alex," she continued, "I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I just seem to be filled with such resentment and I'm short tempered and angry all the time. I know that my hormones were out of whack from all the shots I'd been getting, and swinging back and forth between being pregnant and not; I know that's playing a huge part in my mood swings, but it's been a long time since I've had any hormone stimulation and I think that I've just gone off the deep end. I had no right to talk to you the way I did. I had no right to talk to Brian the way I did either. He's probably pissed as hell too and with good reason."   
  
"Darling," Daphne reached out to take his hand, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." She looked at her husband and as much as she tried, she couldn't control the tears that were now flowing down her face.   
  
"Daphne," Alex replied, "I'm sorry too, sorry it's come to this. I know this hasn't been easy for you. I seem to have forgotten how much you've been through."   
  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Little by little, the tension that showed all over his face eased up. His frown lines disappeared and his mouth, which had been pinched into a tight white line relaxed as he let his guard down and put his anger aside. He opened his eyes and stared at Daphne, trying to decide what to say next. Slowly, he started talking again.   
  
"You've always been such a strong person, Daphne, one of the strongest people I know. It's one of the things I've always loved about you."   
  
"I'm not, Alex."   
  
"Yes you are! You've never complained once about all you've had to deal with. The shock of finding out I'm sterile, the whole process of In Vitro…I know it's been horrible. Even though you've been a real trouper about this, you're human too and have needs and wants and fears like everyone else. Because we're both doctors, I just assumed that you had a handle on everything and knew how to deal with your feelings. I forgot that it was your body going through all the shit, that you were being poked and probed, your ovaries that had to be stimulated, your breasts that have been engorged and tender numerous times, not to mention the fucking bleeding and pain! I have no right to tell you how to feel or what to do. It's my fault that you are going through all of this."   
  
He pulled his hand away from her and ran it through his hair. His eyes had changed from the normal light blue to a darker, sapphire color, slowly filling with liquid as he tried desperately to control his emotions.   
  
"You are still so young, Daphne, you could find someone else; someone who can give you the family that I can't. If you want a divorce, I won't stand in your way." He looked at her and his face had reverted back to the stone mask he had on earlier. His lips were again pinched and white, his breathing becoming a little more uneven as he attempted to do the honorable thing and give his wife a way out.  
  
Daphne was in shock listening to what was coming out of Alex's mouth. She didn't realize how hard this had been on him too and she felt sick to her stomach when she remembered all the horrible things she said last night. He was a victim here as well, he was suffering from a verdict that he had nothing to do with, a trick of fate that was foisted on him without any warning. She reached across the table, groping for his hands that were held together, clenched and tight. She managed to pry his fingers open and intertwined her hands with his.   
  
"You have every right to be angry Alex. I should have never said what I did, but I want you to know that I have no intention of getting a divorce, that has never crossed my mind! I realize that you had no knowledge of your sterility; I know that it was as much of a shock to you as it was to me and you are also dealing with your emotions. Intellectually I'm aware of all of that, however, emotionally, I've forgotten what you are going through as well." Her misery showed clearly on her face, the tears now running unchecked. "I don't want a divorce, Alex, you are my husband, we are partners. I made a commitment to you that I intend to keep, and furthermore, we love each other. At least, I still do," she said, her eyes reflecting the truth of her statement.   
  
"And I still love you, beautiful, you know that hasn't changed," Alex's deep blue eyes bore into her, making her stomach clench. "I love you more now than I ever did. It would be the most difficult thing in the world for me to have to let you go, but I would be willing to do it, if it's what you want and if it will make you happier."  
  
"No," Daphne answered, shaking her head, "It's not what I want, Alex. That will never happen if I have anything to do with it."  
  
"Are you sure?" he asked.  
  
"I'm one hundred percent positive. I just don't want us to have anymore secrets, Alex, no more surprises."  
  
"I didn't mean to keep my conversation with Brian a secret, Daphe. I was planning on telling you. You just beat me to the punch."   
  
"Why did you even call him, Alex? If you needed to talk to someone, why didn't you call Justin?"  
  
"Justin is your best friend, Daphne, and emotionally involved in this as well. I needed to talk to someone who could see the big picture, who would hear my thoughts on the matter without going crazy. From the little I know of Justin, I didn't think he would be able to do that, whereas Brian seems to be more reasonable."  
  
"Sometimes, he is. Usually though it's Justin who's much more level headed," she replied.  
  
"Well, I didn't know that, Daphe. I think that I was so shocked by your request the other night I needed a sounding board. I couldn't very well call Steve and tell him what's going on with us."  
  
"Well, he is your best friend," she said.  
  
"Not really. He's my racquetball partner and an associate I happen to have known for a long time. I'm not comfortable talking to him about our problems."  
  
"Okay. But what did you think you were going to accomplish by talking to Brian?"  
  
"Honestly, I'm not sure. I needed to know how he felt about all of this. Daphne, you've known these guys for almost fifteen years. I've only known them for a short time. You can't expect me to be comfortable with the thought of turning over any parental rights to someone I don't really know? It's an unreasonable request, and I'm sure that if your hormones were not involved in this discussion you would agree."  
  
"I guess so," she conceded begrudgingly.  
  
"I'd like to give this some time," he said, now rubbing his hand up and down her arm. "I'm not going to tell you that I will say yes when this time period is over, however, I need to think this through. I want to socialize with Brian and Justin, get to know them better, before I make any kind of decision that will alter our lives forever. Is this too much to ask?"  
  
"No, I suppose not," she said. "If it's any consolation, Alex, I really don't think Justin is going to go for this whole idea. He's not comfortable with it either."  
  
"Oh? Why not?" Alex asked, surprised.  
  
"Because he doesn't think it's morally right, that he be part of creating a life and then walking away from it. He doesn't think that he would be able to do that, not be a part of the child's life, as a parent," she said quietly. Vocalizing these thoughts only made the situation that much more hopeless. She knew that Justin's decision would never be in her favor and the thought of having to deal with what would come next was killing her. She really would have preferred not to adopt, she wanted to have her own biological child, however, unless Justin changed his mind, she would have no choice.   
  
"Has he refused to do this?" Alex asked.  
  
"No," she replied. "He says he's still thinking about it, but I know him, Alex. He just won't be able to walk away from his kid if we were to be successful in this. He would at least want to be acknowledged as the biological parent, and have some sort of say, I suppose, in some decisions that we make. I don't really know how this would all play out. I haven't thought that part through just yet," she said miserably.  
"I just know that it's all fucked up right now and it's turning me into something I have always despised, a whiny, emotional wreck, and I'm getting real tired of this," she said. "I think I should go on anti-depressants or something, although the side effects wouldn't be good for my body."  
  
"It might help short-term," he replied. "I don't think you need them though."  
  
"You don't think so? Can you stand me being this way for much longer? I sure as hell can't," Daphne replied, sounding more like herself.  
  
"What I think is that we should avoid making any decisions for now," Alex said. "We all need to get off this emotional roller coaster we've been on for a while and try and get back to some semblance of normalcy. We have time to make decisions, Daphne. You're only thirty three. Women are having children way into their forties these days."  
  
"Alex," Daphne said wide-eyed, "I'm willing to give you and Justin the time you need, but it's not going to be open-ended. I'm not planning to wait till I'm forty to get pregnant!"  
  
"Hey," he said, "I didn't mean that we were going to wait that long. I'm just saying this is not a race, no one is chasing us. We have some time to decide."  
  
"Not really," Daphne replied. "You know that the older I get the harder it is to predict any kind of success with In Vitro. It's better to do this while I'm still young and healthy."  
  
"I know," Alex replied. "But no one seems to be comfortable with any plan right now. Not me, not Brian and especially not Justin, from what you've just told me. I think that if we all take a breather for a while and get more comfortable with the whole idea, decisions will be easier to come by."  
  
"I wonder if that'll ever happen," Daphne said.  
  
"It might, Daphne, things might work out. You need to be a little more patient, let all the players get more comfortable with the whole concept. In the meantime," Alex said, standing up and moving over to her side. "Can we call a truce, please, so I can have my beautiful wife back? Will the real Dr. Chanders please stand up?"  
  
She looked up at him, at the patient and loving blue eyes that were staring at her and she knew then that she would do anything he asked. She adored him; that much she knew for a fact and no amount of time or conflict would change that.   
  
"Absolutely," she answered, as she stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck pressing her body to his.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Across town, Max was putting away the dishes they had used after they polished off the Eggs Benedict that he had made for breakfast.  
  
Last night, he and Emmett had spent another wonderful evening together. Max couldn't believe how much they were enjoying each other's company. He didn't dare call what they had a relationship, it was far too soon for that, however, he knew that this might possibly be it. Emmett could very well be the guy that he had been searching for all this time, the person who was going to make him happy and share a life with him. It had now been over three weeks since they had started going out yet he was as comfortable with Emmett as if they had been together for years.  
  
Emmett was thoughtful and romantic, funny as hell, intelligent and hard working and could charm the pants off anyone. He had an endless supply of stories that kept Max entertained and his ability to satisfy him in bed was an unexpected perk that continued to surprise and delight him. Emmett was a creative and generous lover; Max could see how being with an older and more experienced man could be an advantage. He was learning things from him that he had only heard and read about, but had never tried. Mainly because he had never been with anyone he was comfortable with or trusted enough to let go completely. Yet with Emmett, the fears were gone and everything seemed so natural and so right.  
  
He finished cleaning up in the kitchen, leaving the counter tops spotless, the way he liked it. He walked into the bedroom where Em lay on the bed, reading a book.  
  
"That was fun last night; having 'Mr. J' over for dinner," Max said, as he took his shirt off and threw it in the corner hamper. "I thought he'd go ballistic seeing us together but instead he couldn't have been happier for us. That was really nice."  
  
"Yes, it was really nice. Justin would never go nuts over our being together," Emmett said, taking off his reading glasses and looking up at Max. "Brian on the other hand is another story. He might be a bit disturbed," Emmett replied.   
  
"Why?" Max asked.  
  
"Oh, I don't know," Emmett said. "Because you work for him and he doesn't like to share. I don't know, maybe he won't mind either. I still get weirded out hearing you call Justin 'Mr. J'. I've known him since he was seventeen years old. He was such a twink when I first laid eyes on him."  
  
"I'm not comfortable calling him and Brian by their first names," Max said, now taking off his pants and standing in front of Emmett in his underwear, looking like an ad for Calvin Klein. "They've asked me to but, I'd rather keep it formal, at least while I'm at work. Don't ask me why, my mother always taught me to be respectful, so it's an automatic reflex."   
  
"Honey, you call them whatever you want," Emmett said looking at him adoringly, admiring the perfectly sculpted body standing in front of him.  
  
"Was it love at first sight between him and 'Mr. B'?" Max asked, as he sat down on the edge of the bed, facing Emmett.  
  
"It was more like lust at first sight," Emmett said, running his hand across Max's chest, playing with the curly brown hair that lightly layered it. "Brian was besotted with him. He couldn't get enough of the blond boy's ass, although he pretended that he didn't care. It was years before he admitted they were even in a relationship. And Justin, oh-my-God, Max; he was Brian's little stalker, wouldn't leave him alone for a minute. He was totally obsessed with him, still is I suppose," he said as an after thought.  
  
"Really?" Max asked. He grabbed Emmett's hand away from his chest and started playing with his fingers. Nibbling on them and pressing his palm to his lips. "They are so much in love now; I can't believe it wasn't always like this."  
  
"Honey, you have no idea! The word drama queen was invented especially for Justin Taylor. He and Brian have had so many ups and downs in their relationship, it was worse than any carnival ride you've ever been on. It certainly was entertaining, watching it from afar."  
  
"I can't imagine," Max said. "They seem so grounded and secure with each other. They have inspired me for two years now to find the perfect man. Someone who will make me react the way I've seen them with each other."  
  
"And sweetheart, you have found him, right here," Emmett said, pulling Max down to lie beside him and taking him in his arms.   
  
Max lay on his back, unable to keep the big smile off his face, enjoying the feel of Emmett's light kisses that were being peppered all over him.   
  
"How soon before they got married?" Max asked, going back to his study on the Kinney-Taylor relationship.  
  
"Oh, it was years, sweetheart…Lot's of drama and heartache between then and now. We're going to need at least two hours for that story and right now I'd rather use my mouth for something much more enjoyable than talking about Brian and Justin," Emmett said, as he started his trek south towards the object of his desire.  
  
Max inhaled sharply as he felt Emmett pull his underwear off and his mouth closed around him causing him to quickly forgot what he was asking about in the first place.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
"Justin," Brian whispered. He could barely croak out the words, his head hurt so bad. His mouth felt like something had died in it.   
  
There was no answer and Brian reluctantly opened his eyes, trying to focus and see what time it was.  
  
_Where the fuck is he?_  
  
"Justin," he said again, this time a little louder. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and held his head in his hands. The throbbing was starting to accelerate. _Why do I fucking do this to myself?_   
  
He heard noises in the bathroom and he realized Justin was in the shower. He moved over to the side of the bed and slowly got off it, holding on to the headboard as the room spun around. He staggered into the bathroom, peed, then went over to the medicine cabinet to find the pills that would make the pain go away.   
  
"Hey," Justin called out when he saw Brian.  
  
"Hey, nothing," Brian said in a whisper.  
  
"Get in here, maybe the water will help," Justin said.  
  
"No, I think I'll go back to bed and die. Tell Max to make me a Bloody Mary and lace it with some poison to speed this along."   
  
Justin got out of the shower and grabbed a towel off the heated rack. He quickly dried off, seeing that Brian was still standing in the middle of the room with his eyes closed.  
  
"You know, you are getting way too old to be abusing your body this way. How much fucking beer did you drink?" he asked.  
  
"I'm not sure. I stopped counting after eighteen."   
  
"Jesus, Brian."  
  
"You're fault, Sunshine, you should have come home earlier," Brian whined.  
  
"Come on," Justin said, taking hold of Brian's hand and moving him back into the bedroom. He gently sat him on the bed and propped the pillows up against his back and neck.   
  
"I'll go get you something to drink," Justin said.  
  
"No," Brian replied, yanking Justin's hand and pulling him down on the bed. "Get Max to do it."  
  
"It's Saturday, Brian. Max is off."  
  
"Fuck…okay, you get it, but hurry, I think my brain is starting to leak out my ears," Brian said, looking and sounding miserable.  
  
Justin stood up and went over to the walk-in closet to find some clothes. He threw on an old T-shirt and some shorts and headed out the door. He bumped into Gus who was coming into their room to check on everyone.  
  
"Hey, Gus," Justin said. "You're up early?"  
  
"I know. I was going to try and finish that painting I started the other day, but I wanted to check on Dad first. How's he doing?"  
  
"Major hangover," Justin said. "I'm on my way to the kitchen to make him something that might help. Go see for yourself."  
  
Gus stuck his head in the door and saw his father sitting on the bed leaning up against the headboard with his eyes closed.   
  
"Hey Dad, you awake?" he called out.  
  
"Whoa, Sonny boy, turn the volume down," Brian whispered.  
  
"Sorry, Dad," Gus said, lowering his voice slightly. He came over to the side of the bed and touched Brian on his shoulder.  
  
"You don't look so good, Dad."  
  
"Ya think?"  
  
"'D' went to get you something to make you feel better. This is what you get for drinking all those beers last night, Dad."  
  
"Gus, please, no lectures right now. I know why the fuck I feel like shit. Don't need you to remind me."  
  
"Okay. Well, I'm going to be in the studio if you need me. Just yell if you want anything, okay Dad?"  
  
"Gus, yelling is not an option right now. I need to be inside a vacuum for a few hours so that the pounding in my head goes away. I'll be better by lunch and we'll do something, okay son?"  
  
"Sure, Dad, no biggy."  
  
Gus made his way out the room just as Justin came back in carrying a large glass of tomato juice, with some sort of herbal remedy added to it. Emmett had given him the recipe years ago to make hangovers less lethal.   
  
He handed Brian the glass and sat on the side of the bed as he watched Brian drink.   
  
"Where were you last night?" Brian asked, still with his eyes closed.  
  
"I had dinner with Emmett and Max," Justin answered.  
  
"Huh?" Brian opened his eyes and looked at Justin, stupefied.  
  
"Yeah, it seems that our young chef has hooked up with our old friend," Justin replied with a little smirk on his face.  
  
"Wait a minute," Brian said, holding on to Justin's arm. "Did I just hear you tell me that Max, our Max, is fucking Emmett de la Renta?"  
  
"I didn't exactly say that Brian, but yeah, that's pretty much the bottom line."  
  
"Holy Shit! Well, he can't have him," Brian said, pouting like a kid. "He's mine."  
  
"Oh don't be ridiculous, Brian. You should be happy for them. They seem to be made for each other," Justin said.  
  
"I guess," Brian said, closing his eyes again. "One's a top, the other's a bottom, a perfect fit."  
  
"Shut up Brian. You don't have a romantic bone in your fucking body. They looked really happy last night; it was so cute to watch them."  
  
"Cute? Justin, Emmett is near my age, I wouldn't call that cute…more like pathetic and dirty old man-ish."  
  
"Brian Kinney! I can't believe you are queening over this! Emmett is not your age, he's not even forty yet, and Max is certainly old enough to know what he's doing, and I wouldn't be talking about dirty old men if I were you…"  
  
Brian opened one eye and looked at Justin. "Meaning what, Sunshine?"  
  
"Well, I was only seventeen…"  
  
"Well over the legal age," Brian replied. "And I was only twenty-nine. Besides, you can't compare me to Emmett, God no, please don't even go there."  
  
"I'm not, but you need to stop stressing over this. I don't think Max and Emmett are planning a wedding yet, Brian."  
  
"Well, Emmett better not think he can steal Max for 'Fabulous' cause he's my chef; I found him first."  
  
"I'm sure he's well aware of that."  
  
"Fine," Brian said.  
  
Just then the phone rang, causing Brian to put both his hands up over his ears and groan.  
  
"Hello," Justin said, into the receiver.  
  
"Hi, Justin. It's Daphne."  
  
"Oh, hi Daphe."  
  
"We were wondering if you guys would like to come over for dinner tonight?"  
  
"Dinner?" Justin said.  
  
"Yeah, Alex and I would like you to come over. Bring Gus; we'll have a little barbeque on the terrace. Does that sound good?"  
  
"Brian," Justin said, putting his hands over the phone. "Daphne wants us to have dinner at their place tonight."  
  
"Whatever, Justin. You decide. But first, she owes me an apology; she was a total cunt yesterday!"   
  
Justin looked at him and made a silencing motion with his hand.   
  
"Okay, Daphne, we'll come. How about six o'clock?"  
  
"Sounds good," she said. "See you guys later."  
  
"Maybe this is her way of apologizing, Brian," Justin said as he hung up.  
  
"Not good enough. She needs to do some major sucking up, and I don't mean that literally!" Brian said.  
  
"I'm sure she'd rather eat glass than suck on any of your body parts," Justin replied stiffly.   
  
"Her loss," Brian answered, with a naughty grin on his face.   
  
TBC


	14. Chapter 14

_According to the Buddhist doctrine of Karma, one is not always compelled by an 'iron necessity' for Karma is neither fate, nor predestination imposed upon us by some mysterious unknown power to which we much helplessly submit ourselves. It is one's own doing reacting on oneself, and so one has the possibility to divert the course of one's Karma to some extent. How far one diverts it depends on oneself._ _  
  
_ Chapter 14  
  
Gus was in the studio finishing up the painting that he had started two days ago. He stepped back to look at it from afar and liked what he saw. He hoped that Justin would too.   
  
Justin was pretty ruthless when it came to critiquing his work, ruthless in a very constructive, positive way. Gus knew that Justin only wanted him to do his best and he expected him to improve with each of his paintings. He critiqued his work the way he knew the art world would; dissecting every stroke, every color application, every curve. He did it with dispassionate eyes and knowledge of technique and style, but with kindness, never insulting or condescending in any way. He wanted Gus to constantly apply himself, to always do his best work. Gus was a wonderful pupil and he was easy to work with because he had a natural talent and he quickly absorbed whatever he was taught.  
  
Gus stood back and looked at the painting, wondering where Justin was. He guessed he was still down with Brian trying to get him comfortable, no easy task after all the beer he drank last night.   
  
It was actually pretty funny now that he thought about it. He forgot sometimes how dramatic Brian could get. Most of the time he was a self-assured business man, calm and intelligent, seeming to have his act together, but once in a while the drama queen would peek through, reminding Gus that there was a side to Brian that was very emotional; a side he rarely showed anyone except for Justin and last night, Gus.   
  
He was so happy that the fight had ended before it even began. The thought of refereeing a fight between them was not what he wanted to do on this vacation. It was different now that he was older. He was much more aware of the dynamic between his parents. He didn't like it when something happened to upset the equilibrium.  
  
He wondered if the problem that caused the binging last night was anything major. He had never seen Brian and Justin really angry at each other; they always seemed to get along. He was used to fights between his two Moms, those carried on for a few days, but his fathers rarely ever fought in front of him. They had disagreements and a few times he'd heard voices raised, but nothing significant ever came of it.   
  
He hoped that Brian would feel better in a few hours because he really needed to talk to him. And he wanted him to be clear-headed so that he wouldn't over react and get pissed.   
  
The bottom line was that he was bored. Bored out of his mind and he needed to find something to do. He was hoping he could get his parents to agree to let his best friend fly out and spend a few weeks with him. He wanted someone his own age to be with, someone who he was familiar with and who wouldn't mind the fact that they lived out of the city, in the country practically, with not much to entertain themselves with.   
  
All the fun things that used to occupy him in years past were now no longer able to sustain his interest. He could only play video games for so long and swimming and watching movies got old after a while. The truth was he missed all his friends and he missed his girlfriend Ashley, especially. They talked on the phone everyday but he would much rather have her here with him.   
  
Gus was aware that he had to find something to occupy himself with since going back to Canada was not really an option. Part of the agreement between Lindsay and Brian was that he would spend every Summer with his fathers here in Pittsburgh and he knew that wasn't about to change because he was growing up and was bored.   
  
He moved over to the desk at the corner of the studio and picked up the phone to dial Austin.   
  
"Hey," he said, as Austin picked up. "What're you doing?"  
  
"Nothing! Watching TV and trying to decide what to do today."  
  
"Sounds about as exciting as my day so far. This sucks doesn't it?"  
  
"Totally. Have you talked to them yet?"  
  
"No, but I will today for sure. You think your parents are going to be okay with this?" Gus asked.  
  
"Are you kidding? They'll jump at the chance to be rid of me for a few weeks. Then they won't have to worry about what I'm doing home alone."  
  
"Okay, we'll call later. Are you sure they're going to be home tonight?"  
  
"I think so," Austin answered. "It's the weekend, so unless they have any emergencies there shouldn't be any patients lined up waiting for them."  
  
"Fine," Gus answered. "Just make sure you're around so that you pick up the phone when we call, okay?"  
  
"Okay, Gus."  
  
"Later," Gus said.  
  
"Later," Austin answered.  
  
Gus put the phone down and hoped again that his parents would agree to their plan. Austin was just as bored as he was and there was no sense in burning up the phone lines and spending money on long distance when he could very well just come and visit. Austin's parents were physicians and usually had very little time to spend at home with their child. It had been a wonderful day for them when Lindsay and Melanie moved in a few houses down the street and had brought Gus over to play with their son. The boys had hit it off instantly and were inseparable ever since. The Lehighs had been comfortable with the relationship from the beginning, becoming close friends with Mel and Linds, in spite of the difference in sexual preferences. The bottom line was they were just parents trying to do the best for their kids and that alone was enough of a bond.   
  
Gus looked at the clock on the wall above the door and realized it was almost eleven and he hadn't eaten anything since he woke up. He was starving! He headed downstairs toward the kitchen to see what he could find.   
  
When he got there he was relieved to find the coffee pot on. 'D' must have made it earlier, he thought to himself. He went over to the cupboard above the coffee machine and pulled out a mug. He poured himself some coffee then dumped a healthy amount of sugar into it and he moved over to the fridge to find the cream. He poured some into his coffee and he stood there surveying the contents trying to find something to eat. He pulled out the box of pizza that was left over from the other night and brought it to the table. He loved cold pizza for breakfast and he began to demolish the leftovers.  
  
As he was finishing up, Justin came into the kitchen carrying Brian's empty glass.  
  
"Hey Gus, I didn't know you were down here. Are you done in the studio?"  
  
"Pretty much. I just need you to do the final check, then I'll be done."  
  
"I'll look at it in a minute. I just came to get some coffee for your Dad."  
  
"Is he better?" Gus asked.  
  
"Yeah, his headache is just about gone. He should be back to normal in another hour or so."  
  
"Good," Gus said. "The thought of listening to him bitch all day is not my idea of fun."  
  
"Well, keep your voice down and you won't have to listen to him bitch," Justin said. "Everything is louder and brighter when you're hung over."   
  
He ruffled Gus' hair as he walked past him to get some coffee for himself, then he sat down at the table with him, sipping at his cup.  
  
"So what was the fight about, 'D', or would you rather not talk about it?"  
  
Justin looked at Gus, surprised that he would ask that question. He really was growing up, Justin thought to himself. A few months ago he would have ignored this whole incident, not thinking much about it. The fact that he was asking meant that he worried about their relationship and its effect on his life.   
  
"It was just a misunderstanding, Gus, nothing you need to worry about."  
  
"Must have been pretty serious for him to get so upset," Gus said.  
  
"It's just one of those things that happen in a relationship sometimes. Don't worry about it, okay? Everything is fine between us."  
  
"Okay, if you say so," Gus said, chewing slowly on the last slice of pizza, watching Justin intently to make sure he was telling the truth.  
  
"Do you want to have dinner at Daphne and Alex's tonight? They invited us over," Justin asked.  
  
"No, I don't think so. Who else will be there?"  
  
"No one, just us," Justin answered.  
  
"No," Gus said, sounding dejected.  
  
"Is anything wrong, Gus?" Justin asked.  
  
"No. Not really…yes," he hesitated.   
  
Justin looked at him with concern. "What is it Gus? You're not worried about your Dad are you? He'll be fine."  
  
"No, that's not it, 'D'," Gus said.  
  
"Then what," Justin asked, grabbing Gus' hand. "Tell me."  
  
"I'm kind of bored, 'DJ'. I was hoping that maybe you and Dad would let me have a friend over, to stay and keep me company."  
  
"Of course you can have a friend over, who did you want to call?"  
  
"Austin."  
  
"Austin? But he's in Toronto. You think his parents will let him come this far and stay for a few weeks?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure they will. You think Dad will agree?"  
  
"Of course," Justin said. "He wants you to be happy here and if having a friend with you will do that, then that's what we'll do, okay?"  
  
"Will you ask him then? We can call Austin's parents later on; they should be home before you go out to dinner."  
  
"That's fine, Gus. I'll talk to your Dad and we'll plan on calling later," Justin said.  
  
"Thanks," Gus said. He stood up to leave the kitchen but just before he left he turned back around and gave Justin a hug and a kiss.   
  
"I love you, 'D', you're the best!"  
  
Justin put his hand up to Gus' cheek and said, "Love you too, son."  
  
Gus made his way back up the stairs and headed to the studio. He went straight to the phone and called Austin back to tell him about his conversation with Justin. Both boys were overjoyed that the plans so far were taking shape the way they wanted.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Justin walked into their bedroom in time to see Brian's rear-end disappear into the bathroom. He looked around to see if there was anything that he needed to pick up but was pleasantly surprised that Gus had done it all last night. He supposed that his neatness came from being raised in an all-female household. That or he had a bit of his father's anal tendencies when it came to picking up.   
  
Justin moved over to the bathroom and leaned against the door frame, watching Brian standing under the spray of water as it beat down on him. The heat from the almost unbearably hot water was starting to steam up the glass enclosure as Brian stood there, oblivious to the temperature. He had his eyes closed and his mouth was slightly open as the water cascaded down his body. Justin loved watching Brian in the shower. He was the only person Justin knew who could look beautiful, wet or dry. He never tired of watching him like that; he could paint him in that pose over and over again and still draw inspiration from this same scene.   
  
"Are you just going to stand there watching me or are you going to come in and help me do my hair?" Brian asked, sensing Justin's presence.  
  
"I'm just watching. I've already had a shower."  
  
"Well, come have another one. I'm too tired to move. I need you to help me," Brian said.  
  
"I know you want me in there for reasons other than your hair," Justin said as he watched Brian's body react to his statement.  
  
"And what's wrong with that? You know how I feel about my morning ritual. I can't get by without my morning Sunshine."   
  
"No, Brian, I don't want to get sidetracked. Hurry up and get done with your shower. I need to talk to you about Gus."  
  
"Aw, come on Justin, I need your undivided attention for just a few minutes. I promise to make it worth your while." He opened the door of the shower stall, stepped outside, grabbed Justin's hand and dragged him in behind him with all his clothes on.  
  
"You are fucking unbelievable!" Justin said, while Brian proceeded to take his T-shirt off, and then pull his shorts down.  
  
"I know," Brian said, smiling, rubbing his hands through Justin's now very wet hair. "I am."  
  
"I thought booze was supposed to make you soft?" Justin said.  
  
"If that were true, Sunshine, you would have walked out of my life years ago." Brian grabbed Justin's hand and placed it on his dick. "Does that feel soft to you?"  
  
Justin laughed as he too reacted to Brian's very insistent hands. The man never took no for an answer, and even though sex was the last thing on Justin's mind five minutes ago, it was now very much at the forefront of his brain.   
  
He groaned as Brian toyed with him, rubbing his hands up and down his body, skimming his dick, touching him lightly then pulling away, leaving him aching for more. He grabbed Brian's hand and placed it firmly on his hardness kissing him as he did so. The water beat down on them, intensifying the heat that was now radiating out from their bodies. Justin looked down and watched as Brian took hold of his dick, curling his hand around it. He watched Brian playing with his cock as the water ran down his body in little rivulets, down his stomach, past the thin line of soft blond hair that lead straight to his cock which was being ministered to so nicely by his very persistent partner. Justin turned around and positioned himself so that Brian now had easy access to his ass which is what he had wanted in the first place. He felt Brian pulling him closer, never letting go of his dick, while he inched his penis into Justin's very tight, yet always accommodating opening. He moved slowly, easing himself in, not wanting to hurt him. There was some resistance, but Justin kept moving back and forth, helping him along, reaching behind him to pull Brian's body closer. Finally, Brian broke through the tight ring and he sighed with pleasure as Justin's body opened to accommodate him. He bent down and nipped at Justin's shoulder, sucking on his skin, marking it with red spots all over, moving up his neck, alternately licking and sucking, moaning the entire time while his right hand kept up its steady rhythm.   
  
This was their morning ritual, as important to them as any cup of coffee or egg McMuffin. This was the time when they reconnected after a long night of sleep, a private moment that had started when Justin was seventeen and Brian had stepped into the shower stall that very first morning after he had taken his virginity. It was as much a part of their morning as any alarm clock going off and usually was a good indicator of how the rest of the day would play out.   
  
Within minutes Justin released, hot and pulsing into Brian's hand. He felt Brian coming inside him, felt the hot liquid as it rushed into him while Brian moaned louder. Justin felt Brian shudder as his body reacted to Justin's clenching around him. They stood there for a few more minutes, panting, listening to each other's breathing as they slowly came back down to earth.   
  
"You do realize you will kill me one day," Brian huffed into Justin's ear.  
  
"I doubt it," Justin replied, out of breath himself.   
  
"And this is exactly how I want to go, Sunshine, with my dick up your ass for all eternity," Brian said, still breathing heavily. "Just like George."   
  
"You are evil and incorrigible," Justin said.  
  
"I am…and don't forget, handsome and hung!"  
  
Justin turned and put his arms around Brian's neck. He looked up at him while the water continued to beat down on them, washing away all signs of their loving. "You are also a fucking nut case, but I do love you. Come on, let's dry off. I need to talk to you about Gus," Justin said.  
  
"What about him?" Brian asked. He opened the shower door and stepped out, grabbing one of the big white, fluffy towels off the heated towel rack. He turned around and wrapped Justin in the towel, rubbing him all over, kissing and nuzzling his face.   
  
"He wants to know if we can call Mike and Brandy Lehigh and see if they'll let Austin come out and spend some time with us. The kid is bored, Brian. He needs someone to be with while we're out of the house."  
  
"And he thinks his best friend will entertain him?"  
  
"Well, at least they'll have each other to talk to. He does need that, since none of the kids around here know him."  
  
"I know," Brian said. "He not only needs a friend over, he needs an activity to occupy him this summer."  
  
"You noticed?"  
  
"Yeah, I noticed. I'm not that oblivious, you know."  
  
"What'd you have in mind?"  
  
"Much as I hate the thought, because it's just going to give me one more thing to worry about, the boy needs to learn how to drive and I'll be damned if he learns that from the munchers! They'll have him driving like a fucking old lady; I can't let that happen."  
  
"Wow, you really have been giving this some thought, haven't you?"  
  
"Yeah, I'd teach him myself but I really don't have the time. I'm going to hire a professional, you know, one of those driving school people and set it up so they come out here, pick him up and give him the lesson. I was thinking of letting him use the S-10 to learn in. That way, if he trashes it, we won't feel too bad. You're about due for a new truck anyway. Your paintings keep getting bigger and bigger, soon we'll need a semi to lug your shit around," Brian said.  
  
"I'm sure the art world will really appreciate your calling my work shit!"  
  
"Oh, get over it, you know what I mean," Brian said. "If we let him use the Chevy, he can bang it up and I won't feel bad."  
  
"I guess that'll be fine. Most of my big stuff is downtown already, I won't need the truck to move any art work around for a while. The next show isn't till the fall."  
  
"Okay, so it's settled then. I was also thinking of having someone over three or four days a week to teach him tennis and help him with his work-out routine. He needs to keep up his body building or he'll be worthless when he goes back to Toronto. I'm sure the football coaches won't be too happy with that. We can't have him turning into a slug over the summer."   
  
Justin looked at Brian and was impressed. He really had been giving this some thought.   
  
"You are such a good father, you know that? You should have had a house full of kids," Justin said, grabbing Brian's head and kissing him on the lips.  
  
Brian looked at him and said, "Don't go there, okay?"  
  
"Why not? It's true, you are great with him! You should have more children."  
  
"Justin, I don't want more kids! Besides, I'm forty-five years old. I would be sixty-five fucking years old when this mythical kid turns twenty. Fuck that shit! I would never embarrass my child by giving him or her a parent old enough to be a grandfather. Besides, I've already told you, I don't want any more children!"  
  
"You know, the age thing is bullshit, Brian. Pablo Picasso had a child when he was in his seventies. It's what kept him young and active for years."  
  
"Need I remind you that I am not Picasso? Even if I am a genius at what I do, my name is not Pablo!" Brian said, getting right in Justin's face.   
  
"Okay. I'll drop it for now, but eventually I want to talk to you about this some more, you know that, don't you?"  
  
"Oh yeah, I am painfully aware of it." Brian answered.   
  
They made their way into the walk-in closet and quickly got dressed. It was the height of summer and the temperatures called for shorts and tank tops. Brian threw on a black wife beater and white shorts, forgoing shoes, as usual.   
  
He headed out the door and Justin stayed back to finish getting dressed. He was still thinking about his conversation with Brian.  
  
He had meant what he said about his being a good Dad. Brian had no idea what a good father he was.   
  
Thinking about kids only brought to mind his conversation with Emmett last night and of course, Daphne. For some reason, the dilemma was not agitating him the way it had in the past few weeks. He seemed to have calmed down internally, possibly because of the talk he and Emmett had.   
  
He made the decision to explore Buddhism further. To find a source, other than Em, who would help him understand the philosophy and basic principles. He thought about calling Ben, but changed his mind quickly because much as he liked Ben it would mean involving Michael and eventually Debbie and Carl. Daphne's secret would become public knowledge and he did not want that to happen.   
  
He decided that he would go to whomever Emmett had connected with and try and get more information from them. Someday he'd have the opportunity to pick Ben's brain about Buddhism and his beliefs. Now was not the time to involve anyone in this other than the few that were already privy to the information.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was late Sunday morning and they were on the way to the airport to pick up Austin. His parents had agreed to send him to Pittsburgh for a few weeks to keep Gus company. This would take care of everybody's immediate problem. Gus would have a companion and Austin's parents would have a few weeks of solitude, a win-win situation for everybody.  
  
Brian sat at the wheel of the BMW SUV with Justin beside him and Gus in the back seat. All three of them had something from Starbucks in their hand. They had stopped at the drive-through instead of having coffee at home because they had all slept in and were getting a late start.   
  
Last night's dinner with Daphne and Alex had been strained, to put it mildly. Brian had not even been able to dull the boredom with booze because he was still hung over from the night before. He had to sit through the whole thing sober, which made for a very uncomfortable evening. Daphne did her best to make everyone relax, waiting on Brian hand and foot to try and make up for what she did the other day but there was too much tension between them and things never really became comfortable.   
  
It probably would have been better if they had just hashed out the whole problem then and there; however, no one seemed to want to broach the subject so Brian let it rest. He hadn't been in the mood for an argument anyhow, and he knew that it would end up becoming a total screaming match so he was happy to ignore the whole thing. The longer they did that, the longer his life would not change.  
  
"Dad?" Gus said from the back seat, interrupting his thoughts.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you think Austin could learn how to drive too? That way we can both get our drivers license when we go back."  
  
"I don't see why not," Brian replied. "I just have to set it up with the driving school."  
  
"That would be so cool! We were going to take drivers ed this year but now we won't have to."  
  
"I'm not so sure about that Gus. I don't know what the laws are in Canada, as far as you getting a license. I just thought that if you got the technical part out of the way, then the paper work can follow when you get home."   
  
"Oh, I get it," Gus said. "When I go back home all I'll need is my permit. That's fine with me."  
  
"Yeah, well I hope it's fine with your mothers. I haven't even mentioned it to them yet."  
  
"I'm sure it'll be fine with them. So, can I learn with the Corvette?"  
  
Brian looked at his son in the rear view mirror and said, "Hell no!"  
  
"Dad!" Gus whined. "What're you going to make me drive?"   
  
"You are driving the truck, Gus. Do you honestly think I would let you drive one of the other cars? They are much too powerful, too expensive and too difficult to use as a learning tool. Not to mention, you would elevate my blood pressure by at least fifty points and I don't need that," Brian said.  
  
"Really, Gus," Justin interjected. "It's much better to learn with a car that's automatic and older and you won't have to stress over hitting anything."  
  
"But, it's not a cool car, 'D'," Gus said.  
  
Justin turned around and looked at Gus. "You'll have lots of time to drive a 'cool' car Gus. Learn with a piece of shit. That's what we all did."  
  
"Well, how about if I drive this car? It's not that expensive."  
  
"Oh really," Brian said. "It cost more than two and a half trucks, if that means anything to you, and NO, you may not drive this car."  
  
"You guys are so lame," Gus said in a low voice.  
  
Brian looked at Gus in the mirror and said, "Excuse me?"  
  
Gus looked up and saw Brian staring at him in the mirror. He was getting a very unfamiliar, disapproving look.   
  
"Nothing, Dad," Gus said quickly.  
  
"It'd better be nothing, or the only thing you're going to be driving is the lawn mower when I put you to work in the back yard!"  
  
Gus looked at his father horrified! He tuned away and bit his tongue to prevent another smart-ass retort.  
  
Austin was already waiting at the curb when they got to the airport. He had a large duffel bag by his feet and he smiled in relief when he saw the BMW pull up.  
  
Brian stopped the car, popped the trunk open and waited as Austin threw the duffel in.   
  
"How's it going, kid?" Brian asked as Austin got in and sat beside Gus.  
  
"Fine, Mr. Kinney. Mr. Taylor," Austin nodded at Justin, acknowledging his presence. "Thank you both for letting me come."  
  
"You're welcome," Brian said. "I'm glad your parents were okay with this."  
  
"Oh, they were happy to be rid of me," Austin said with a big smile on his face.  
  
He had the kind of smile that was infectious, making you want to smile right back. The skin around his blue eyes would crinkle and his nose flared a little as he talked. There was a smattering of freckles across his nose and up his cheeks giving him a mischievous look. His auburn hair was cut close to his head, like Gus', for the sake of sports. He was an attractive young man, at least six feet tall, wide at the shoulder and probably twenty pounds heavier than Gus. He was built like a tank, in Brian's opinion, but he needed that for all the sports he was involved in.   
  
He was Gus' Mikey, best friends since the first grade and more loyal than any German Shepherd could ever be. Brian had been privileged to see some of that loyalty last year when Austin stood beside Gus during that first week of football, will all its associated problems.   
Since then, he'd had a soft spot for the kid.   
  
"So Austin, I've set up some activities for you guys over the next few weeks. Gus will tell you all about it when we get home. In the meantime, there's lots to do around the house. I'm sure you can occupy yourselves today. Maybe we'll barbeque later on. Our cook is off on weekends so you'll have to suck up our cooking for one day. You think you can handle that?" Brian asked.  
  
"Oh sure, Mr. Kinney," Austin said. "I can help set up the barbeque, I do it for my parents."  
  
"That'll be great Austin. And why don't you just call us Brian and Justin. Let's not be so formal."  
  
"Oh, I couldn't do that," Austin said. "How about Mr. B and Mr. J?"  
  
"That's funny," Justin said. "That's exactly what Max calls us."  
  
"Who's Max?" Austin asked.  
  
"He's in charge of our house," Brian replied. "He's also an amazing chef. You'll meet him tomorrow; he usually comes in around eight o'clock."  
  
"Sounds good," Austin said.  
  
When they got home Gus took Austin up to his room to get him settled.   
  
Justin disappeared into the kitchen to get some lunch ready and Brian went up to his home office to make some phone calls.   
  
He wanted to talk to Joe, his personal trainer, and ask him for a referral for Gus and Austin. He needed someone who was familiar with body building, but who would also be able to teach the boys tennis.  
  
He dialed the gym and hoped Joe would be there, even though it was Sunday.   
  
"Joe's Gym," someone answered on the other end.  
  
"Hey, Brad, it's Brian Kinney. Is Joe around?"  
  
"Yeah, he just walked in. Let me get him for you."  
  
Brian was put on hold and he waited a few minutes.   
  
"Brian, its Joe. What's up my man?"  
  
"Hey, Joe. My kid is in town for the summer and he's got his best friend with him. They're both fifteen, almost sixteen actually, and they're both jocks, into all kinds of sports."  
  
"I didn't know you had a son that age, Brian. And a jock at that."  
  
"I know! Don't even ask me how I ended up with a straight kid, but there you have it. I need a trainer for them, for a few weeks. I want someone who'll be willing to come to the house, help them with some body building but also teach them the rudiments of tennis. You got anyone that'll fit the bill?"  
  
"Hmm," Joe, thought for a minute. "I think I might have someone in mind. Give me a few minutes to call him and I'll get back to you. Are you going to be home?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be here all day," Brian said.   
  
"Okay," Joe replied, "I'll see what I can do."  
  
Brian stayed at his desk, checking his e-mails and surfing the internet while he waited. About half an hour later the phone rang.  
  
"Kinney," he answered.  
  
"Brian, its Joe."  
  
"Yeah, Joe, got anyone?"  
  
"Yeah, I do. His name is Phil, but we all call him Fuzzy. He's an ex-football player; used to play for the Jets. He works around here part time and he's got a daughter who's a tennis instructor. Anyway, I called him and told him what you need. He can come out to your place three times a week, and his daughter will come with him to help with the tennis part. How does that sound?"  
  
"Sounds great! Give me his number so I can call and set it up."  
  
"Actually, I already did. He'll be out there tomorrow, around ten in the morning. Is that too early?"  
  
"No, that's perfect," Brian said. "The boys will have had breakfast and it'll give them some time to get ready. Did you talk money with him?"  
  
"No, I thought you would handle that part. I would just set up a flat fee, Brian, for the three weeks or whatever amount of time you need. Don't do an hourly thing, you know?"  
  
"Yeah, got it. I'll take care of it Joe. Thanks a lot, buddy, I owe you one."  
  
"My pleasure, Brian. Anything, for one of my best customers."  
  
Brian hung up with a satisfied look on his face. That was perfect, he thought to himself, just killed two birds with one stone.  
  
He stood up and left his office. He took the stairs down to the kitchen and walked in just in time to see Justin finishing up the last of the sandwiches he was preparing for lunch. He had made a Greek salad to go with them. Brian had to have a salad every day or he would rant about trans-fats and heart attacks.  
  
"That looks good," he said to Justin as he picked at the salad.  
  
"Hey," Justin said, hitting his hand lightly. "No picking. Go wash your hands and come sit down and eat. I've just called the boys, they're on their way down here."  
  
"Yes, Mommy," Brian said, looking at Justin in amusement.   
  
"Oh, fuck off!"  
  
"It's all set for tomorrow," Brian said, standing over the sink, washing his hands.  
  
"What is?" Justin asked.  
  
"The trainer and the tennis instructor. They'll be here at ten in the morning, tomorrow. Are you going to be around, so you can meet them?"  
  
"Yes, I'll be here. I don't have to go into town until Tuesday."  
  
"Okay, good. Tell Fuzzy I'll call him later in the day to talk about money."  
  
"Fuzzy?"  
  
"Yeah, that's his nickname. He used to play football for the New York Jets. Maybe you guys can reminisce about the Big Apple. I'm sure you'll have a lot in common," Brian said, tongue-in-cheek.  
  
"I doubt it," Justin said, looking at Brian with disdain.  
  
Brian snorted a laugh and sat down to eat his salad.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was eleven o'clock, Monday morning. Brian was standing in front of a new client, delivering a pitch. He was interrupted by the buzzing of the phone, a surprising thing, as Cynthia knew never to get him out of a meeting with a client, especially in the middle of a presentation.   
  
"Yes," he said abruptly.  
  
"Brian, sorry to bother you," Cynthia said, "But Justin needs to talk to you immediately. He says it's an emergency!"  
  
"Thanks, Cynthia. Excuse me gentlemen, I need to take this call in my office, I'll be back in a minute," Brian explained to his clients. "Please make yourselves comfortable, have some more coffee. My assistant will bring in some snacks for you to enjoy while you are waiting."  
  
He made his way out of the board room and as he passed Cynthia on his way to his office he instructed her to send in some food to keep the clients occupied.  
  
In his office, he sat as his desk and picked up the phone.   
  
"Brian," Justin said as soon as he heard his voice.   
  
"Yeah, what's happening?"  
  
"You need to come home, now!" Justin said emphatically.  
  
"I can't Justin. I'm in the middle of a meeting. What's the problem?"  
  
"The problem, Brian, is this fucking trainer. Oh..my..God…! This guy, this Fuzzy creature. Brian, he looks like he crawled out from under a rock! He's got hair everywhere; I guess that must be why they call him Fuzzy," Justin said, as an afterthought.  
  
"Justin, what the fuck are you talking about?"  
  
"The trainer, Brian! First of all, he's missing several teeth, secondly, he looks like he just came out of a cave and should be dragging a saber-toothed tiger behind him and thirdly, his daughter, his fucking daughter, the tennis teacher, Jesus Christ!" Justin said, barely able to catch his breath.   
  
"What? What's wrong with her?" Brian asked.  
  
"Nothing, if you need her for 'Fuckmyblondthroat.com'!  
  
She looks like a porn star, Brian. She's wearing an outfit that looks like it was spray painted on her and her boobs are so big you could use them as flotation devices! Gus and Austin are sniffing around her like two dogs on a lamp post! It's disgusting!"  
  
Justin sounded completely hysterical. Brian was trying really hard not to laugh, but it was almost impossible not to as he listened to Justin queening.  
  
"Justin, you need to calm down. The guy is not there to participate in a beauty contest. He's there to train the boys in body building. And Gus and Austin are straight, Justin! They're bound to be sniffing around bimbos, that's what straight guys do!"  
  
"Didn't you even check these people out before you hired them?" Justin asked.   
  
"I relied on Joe to send me the best. He's known me for years Justin. He would never recommend anyone that isn't the best at what he does. So stop acting like a drama queen and get a grip! Who gives a shit what they both look like so long as they do their job?"  
  
"I do! They are disturbing my Wa."  
  
"Your what?"  
  
"MY WA! My inner fucking peace! They have seriously disturbed my harmony and balance; I've been a wreck since they got here!"   
  
"Justin, I have no idea what the fuck a 'Wa' is but you had better get…over…it! I'll be home as soon as I can and I'll judge for myself when I see them. In the meantime, I suggest you go upstairs and jack-off to relieve some of your tension. That should fix your God damn Wa-Wa and make it all better!"  
  
"Fuck you Brian!"  
  
"No, right now YOU need to go fuck yourself, Justin. Enjoy!"  
  
Brian hung up and shook his head. _What the fuck? A Wa?_   
  
Brian went back to the boardroom and tried to finish up with his client. His head was now completely out of the pitch. It was in Britin with his family and so he decided to end the meeting and reschedule. He apologized profusely but the bottom line was that he could not deliver what they wanted to hear when his brain was so full of domestic drama.  
  
He told Cynthia what was going on and he went back to his office, grabbed his brief case and headed on down to the garage.  
  
In his car he dialed the house and got Justin on the second ring.  
  
"Hey," he said as soon as Justin picked up.  
  
"What," Justin replied.  
  
"I'm on my way home. Are they still there?"  
  
"Yes," Justin answered, relieved.   
  
"Well, tell them to hang around and wait till I get home. I'd like to meet them and discuss their fee. Use that as an excuse to keep them there."  
  
"I will. Don't worry, I don't think they're planning on leaving yet. Tiffany is too busy showing the boys all her tennis moves. You should see the way they're looking at her, Brian. They're all but salivating."  
  
"Hey, if you were sixteen and a hot young stud came out to teach you tennis, you'd be just as bad. Except in your case, you'd probably do something about it!"  
  
"I can't believe you just insulted me!"  
  
"If the shoe fits…"  
  
"Whatever! Brian…just hurry up."  
  
"Justin, I'm going ninety miles an hour, isn't that good enough for you?"  
  
"Yes, but be careful," Justin replied, in his best Mommy voice.   
  
Brian rolled his eyes and hung up.   
  
_Fucking drama queen!_   
  
He'd have to see for himself how bad Fuzzy and his daughter really were. He was sure Justin was exaggerating; being overly-protective of Gus. He seemed to forget he wasn't a baby anymore. The kid was almost sixteen. Christ, when he was that age he'd already lost his virginity and been around the scene and then some. He wondered when Gus' Kinney genes were finally going to surface.   
  
Looks like the time had come…  
  
TBC

 


	15. Chapter 15

_What is the cause of the inequality that exists among mankind? Why should one person be brought up in the lap of luxury, endowed with fine mental, moral and physical qualities, and another in absolute poverty, steeped in misery? Either this inequality of mankind has a cause, or it is purely accidental. No sensible person would think of attributing this unevenness, this inequality, and this diversity to blind chance or pure accident. According to Buddhism, this inequality is due not only to heredity, but also to Karma. In other words, it is the result of our own past actions and our own present doings. We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness and misery. We are the architects of our own fate._ _  
  
_ Chapter 15  
  
Justin sat on a stool in his studio looking out the window at Gus and Austin. They were sitting by the pool, getting some sun.   
  
The trainer and his daughter had long gone, peace and quiet restored once more. He couldn't believe the way Gus was acting around Tiffany. He'd seen him with the cheerleaders last fall, but that had been the very first time Gus had started interacting with women and he had been tentative and shy, completely unsure of himself. Today he saw a very different kid; a lot more aggressive, almost competing with Austin for Tiffany's attention.  
  
Justin tried to remember what he was like at sixteen and that just made him even more concerned. If Gus had sex on his mind as much as he did at that age, they would be in deep trouble. Maybe having Austin around wasn't such a good idea. All he would do was fan the flames and he and Gus would just get into a pissing contest over this girl.   
  
Brian had told him to chill out and stop being ridiculous. He was his usual pragmatic self, claiming that Gus and Austin were just acting like two normal boys.   
  
_He's not going to be a baby forever, you know. You need to let go and stop queening._  
  
Easy for him to say, Justin thought. He didn't have to sit and watch.   
  
Justin decided to stop thinking about it and he picked up the phone to call Emmett.  
  
"Fabulous, Pittsburgh's Premier Party Place," Rick answered in his breathy come-fuck-me kind of voice.  
  
"Hey Rick, it's Justin Taylor. Is Emmett around?"  
  
"Oh hi, Mr. Taylor!" Rick gushed. "Yes, he's here. Let me get him on the phone."  
  
"Hi honey," Emmett said, seconds later. "What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing much," Justin replied. "I've been doing some thinking, about the whole Buddhism thing, and I was wondering how I could get more information. Is there some way you can set me up with the guy who introduced you to all of this?"  
  
"Honey, I will not only set you up with him, I'll take you out to the monastery itself. How does that sound?"  
  
"That sounds really good Em. When do you think we can do it?"  
  
"I have a few commitments in the next couple days but I should be free after that," Emmett replied. "Why don't I set it up for Saturday? That way Max can come too and while you're with the Master, he and I can see the sights and explore. There are some great antique stores in town that we can shop at while you are at the monastery."  
  
"Okay, that's fine with me," Justin replied. "Now, does this Master have a name?"  
  
"He does, Hon, I just can't pronounce it, much less spell it. Way too many letters, so I just call him Master. It's simpler; he told me to do that from the first day I met him and stumbled over his name," Emmett explained.  
  
"Where's the monastery?" Justin asked.  
  
"North East of here, in Natrona Heights. Mostly expressway driving, it'll be a nice outing for us," Emmett said. "Are you going to bring Brian?"  
  
"No! Are you kidding? He would have a hissy fit if I even suggested it," Justin said.  
  
"He'll have plenty of time to get used to the whole concept," Emmett said. "Believe me, once you talk to the Master you will come away with a whole new mind set."  
  
"I'm open to anything at his point," Justin said.  
  
"Okay, Hon, then that's settled. Plan on leaving early, around eight, so you'll have lots of time to spend with him."  
  
"Okay," Justin said. "I'll bring the Beemer so that we can all be comfortable."  
  
"Oh, thank God," Emmett gushed, "The thought of being squished into the jump seat of your sports car for two hours is not my idea of fun, although it's such a fast car we'd probably get there in half the time."  
  
"Don't worry," Justin said, smiling. "The BMW is fast enough. We'll get there in plenty time."  
  
"Okay Hon, I'll talk to you another time; gotta get going," Emmett said.  
  
"Later, Em," Justin said.  
  
He put the phone down. A minute later he picked it up again and dialed Daphne's phone number.  
  
"Dr. Chanders," she said.  
  
"Hey, Daphe."  
  
"Oh, hi Justin. What's up?"  
  
"Nothing. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I haven't talked to you since we had dinner at your house."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Are you? You haven't called so I figured I'd check in," Justin said.   
  
"I guess I'm alright, Justin. I'm trying really hard not to think about babies and pregnancy right now. I promised Alex I would give it some time."  
  
"Time?" Justin asked. "For what?"  
  
"I don't know," she said sadly. "I guess time for everyone to decide what they want to do."  
  
"Does that mean me?" Justin asked.  
  
"Well, yes…you and Alex and Brian too, I guess. It's just difficult to not have control over the situation. I'm not used to having other people decide the course of my life."  
  
"I know Daphe, you always were a control freak," Justin said, smiling into the phone.  
  
"I guess so. In the meantime, I'm trying real hard not to get impatient. I promised Alex I would try to cool off and stop thinking about this. He wants some time to get to know you and Brian better, to be more comfortable with the whole idea. It's just tough, waiting for other people to make up their minds."  
  
"This is a huge decision, Daphne, one that is going to affect us for the rest of our lives. I think that it does deserve a lot of thought, Alex is right in that respect," Justin said.  
  
There was silence on the other end of the line and for a minute Justin thought that they had been disconnected. "Daphe, are you still there?"  
  
"I'm here," she replied softly. "I just don't understand why you are having such a problem with this, Justin. Brian and Michael did it for Lindsay and Melanie. Why is it so different in my case?"  
  
"Well for one thing, you are asking me, not Brian or Michael. I have to be comfortable with the whole idea. I need to know that what I'm doing is right for me and my family before I can make a commitment to you. Secondly, there is your husband to consider. He's afraid, Daphne. He would never say it, but I'm sure he's thinking it."  
  
"Afraid of what?" she asked.  
  
"He's afraid of relinquishing any parental rights to me. If I were in his shoes I would feel the same way. Actually, I am in his shoes, come to think of it," Justin said.  
  
"How's that?"  
  
"It's going to be my child too and you are asking me to give up my rights, to essentially let you and Alex make any and all decisions concerning this baby's future."  
  
"I told you that I would try and convince Alex to let you have joint parental rights."  
  
"Daphne, I don't see how that's possible. Do you remember what a fucking nightmare it was when JR was born? When Michael and Lindsay and Melanie were all fighting for custody? It was crazy! That poor kid was bounced around like a volley ball until Lindsay finally came to her senses and Michael realized how horrible he was behaving. I don't want us to get into that kind of a situation. You mean too much to me, Daphe, our friendship is too important," Justin said, finally vocalizing the thoughts he'd been having for a while.  
  
"And honestly," Justin continued, "Brian really doesn't want anything to do with another child. He is pretty adamant about that."  
  
"He really wouldn't have another child, Justin. The child would be ours, yours and mine and Alex's. Brian wouldn't be inconvenienced in any way, would he?"  
  
"Daphne, he's my partner, for Christ's sake. If I have a child and I became involved in his or her life, it would also impact him. No matter which way you look at it."   
  
"Well, don't you have a say? Since when have you become a Stepford wife?" Daphne asked sarcastically.  
  
"Of course I have a say, Daphne! I'm not some door mat that Brian can step all over. I just won't do this without his consent or support. I love him Daphne… He's always been the most important thing in my life and always will be. I would never do anything to jeopardize that."  
  
"Well then, I guess you've made up your mind," Daphne said. "Is there even any point in my waiting?"  
  
"I haven't made a decision yet," Justin said.   
  
"Really? That sure sounded like one to me."  
  
"Well it's not. I'm just stating all the facts. I have not decided anything yet, but I promise you that I will, and as soon as I do, you'll be the first to know," Justin said in one breath.  
  
"Okay," she said.  
  
"Meanwhile," Justin said.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Try not to dwell on this. You need to stop thinking about it and concentrate on getting healthy."  
  
"I am healthy, Justin! The doctors have all reassured me that I have physically recovered from the miscarriage and that I can try again if I want to."  
  
"I mean mentally, Daphne. You need to try and focus on some positive energy and get back into your old brain. This new one is too filled with bad vibes, you need to restore your inner peace if you are going to be able to survive this."  
  
"Jesus, Justin. You sound like an ad for a yoga class."  
  
"Well, that's not such a bad idea, you know? They say Yoga really does wonders for mental health. I never could get into it myself, too damn slow for me, but maybe you could?"  
  
"You have got to be kidding! Think about who you are talking to!"  
  
"Yeah, I forgot. You've only got two speeds, fast and faster!"  
  
"That's about right!"  
  
"Okay, Daphe, but you need to chill out and find something that will work. A large part of a healthy pregnancy is a good mental state. You need to restore your Wa."  
  
"Oh-my-God! You did not just say that," Daphne said.  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
"Since when are you talking about a Wa? I've never heard you mention that once in the years I've known you!"  
  
"I've never mentioned it, but I've always known about it. Ever since I learned how to make Bonsais with Emmett that one summer. It's a Japanese thing and plays an important part when designing a garden or a home. When we took that class they explained how essential your inner balance can be. How inner peace and harmony can impact your daily life. It's always been important to me. I've just never had the need to talk about it," he said.   
  
"Well then don't," she said. "Besides, I'm the shrink, not you! I know what I need to do for my mental health."   
  
"Whatever, Daphe, you are not being very receptive to anything new!"  
  
"And you are acting like a total queer, Justin!"  
  
"I am a total queer, Dr. Chanders, or did you forget that?"  
  
"Oh stop it! This whole conversation needs to end. I've got patients with real problems that need attending to," she said, getting ready to hang up.  
  
Justin laughed out loud and put the phone back in its cradle.  
  
For some reason, he felt better after that phone call. Even though nothing was resolved, he was able to get some of his thoughts off his chest and let Daphne know how he felt. He felt so much better he actually was hungry, something he hadn't been in a while. He picked up the house intercom and buzzed Max in the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, Mr. J," Max answered. "You need anything?"  
  
"Yes…food! What's for lunch?"  
  
"Well, let's see. I've got some grilled chicken breasts with some Chipotle sauce on Foccacia bread and a fresh fruit salad. Or you can have a Cuban sandwich. I've got some left-over pork from the other night that I can use for that. Or how about a Cobb or Waldorf salad.  
Does any of that sound good?"  
  
"Christ, Max! Can't anyone get a bowl of Cheerios or a PB  & J around here?"  
  
"Sure you can, but who the hell would want that?"  
  
"I guess nobody," Justin laughed when he heard Max's statement. "I'll have whatever the boys are having."  
  
"That would be the Chicken, with the fruit salad, oh, and fried sweet potatoes, I forgot to mention."  
  
"Oh my God! That's another inch on my waist for sure, Max. I'll be right down."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max put the intercom down and went back to preparing lunch. He was on automatic mode, slicing and dicing, throwing things together without really concentrating on what he was doing. His mind was too full of Emmett and last night.   
  
Emmett had taken him out to dinner, to a restaurant he had been to before but was new to Max. It was a Moroccan place on the outskirts of town. They had walked into an atmosphere that was wonderfully foreign and the smells of the food were exotic and enticing. The tables were all low to the ground and there were no chairs at all, only big, soft pillows that were strewn all over the place.   
  
The waiters were dressed in soft diaphanous pants, and short colorful beaded vests over their shirtless chests. They were young and buff and were obviously picked for their looks since each one was more attractive than the next. Emmett had selected all the food, something Max found refreshing as his dates always deferred to him, assuming that because he was a Chef, he would know best. It was nice to be with someone who was secure enough in his own skin, who knew what he wanted and was comfortable with offering his suggestions and advice regardless whether it had to do with food or not.  
  
Their waiter brought them several dishes but no utensils at all. Max remembered going to a similar restaurant many years ago when he was still in school. At that time, he was surprised that all the food was supposed to be eaten by hand with only the help of the flat bread that was used as a scoop. He remembered how he and his classmates had found the whole thing funny as hell and what started out as a learning experience turned into a food fight with all of them laughing their heads off and making a huge mess.   
  
Tonight was an entirely different experience altogether. He and Emmett were a little awkward at first, getting used to picking up the food with the bread, but once they had mastered it, the whole dinner had turned into a sensuous and erotic bit of foreplay. It was an incredible turn on, watching Emmett eat, licking his fingers after each bite. They fed each other small portions, stopping in between each nibble to kiss and whisper words of love while staring into each other's eyes. It was romantic and mysterious, made even more so by the darkness of the surroundings and the strange beer they were consuming. It had a much higher alcohol level then most beers and was causing a definite buzz much sooner than was normal.   
  
In the middle of the dinner, Emmett had leaned over to whisper that there was going to be a performance, something a little out of the ordinary, and he hoped that Max wouldn't mind. Since Max had no idea what he was talking about he nodded happily and said it would be fine.  
  
The lights were dimmed and soon the music changed into something even more sensual, a combination of drums and cymbals with a whining horn of some sort in the background. A couple came out dressed in colorful, sheer, billowy pants, reminiscent of a genie in a bottle. The man was shirtless , tanned and oiled slightly so that each muscle glistened as it rippled with every movement. He had the six pack that one could only achieve through endless abdominal repetitions, an exercise that Max found particularly difficult and tedious. The woman with him had the same pants but her bra top was tight and pressed her breasts together so that there was some overflow on top. She too was tanned and oiled and had beautiful long, black hair, almost down to her waist. Her eyes were heavily made up and her lips were the standard glossed, pouty things that people had come to expect.   
  
They began to dance, slowly and sensuously, moving their bodies to the rhythm of the music that was still soft and tender almost, causing them to sway and turn, moving closer but never touching. Max could feel himself getting drawn into the dance as he watched the couple performing in front of him, enticing each other with their movements yet staying away, wanting to move closer but pulling back each time.  
  
The music slowly increased in tempo and volume, even as the dancers moved closer. Max could feel himself floating now, he was definitely high, having consumed two more beers. Emmett was now sitting behind him instead of in front and he had positioned the pillows so that Max was leaning against him, reclining on his chest yet upright enough so that he could still watch the dancing. He felt Emmett's hand moving up and down his legs as he watched the dancers get closer. The music got much louder, the tempo quickening, the drums and the cymbals pushing the rhythm forward, even as the dancers moved closer, writhing against each other, hands gliding over arms and shoulders, groins moving together, rubbing then pulling back.   
  
Max could feel himself getting hard, he could feel Emmett's hand moving up his leg getting closer and closer to his cock then moving away, like the dancers on the floor. The man was beautiful under the spotlight, tanned and sculpted, shiny, smooth and hairless. Max wanted to reach out and touch him. Grabbing Emmett's hand instead, he moved it up to rest on his groin as he felt his hard-on straining against his pants. Emmett was more than willing to oblige him, kissing his ear and slowly rubbing outside his pants, pulling his zipper down inch by painful inch, dragging this out as much as he could. Max's lower body was under the table covered by the table cloth so no one was aware of the action going on underneath as Emmett caressed and massaged him.   
  
The female dancer had moved close enough to place a hand on the male's waistband and as the drums continued their beating and the cymbals clinked in unison, she yanked at his pants, ripping them off, leaving him in nothing but a g-string. He had the most gorgeous ass that Max had seen in a while. Max could feel his breathing changing and before he could even adjust to this new development the music started going crazy, even as the dancing got more frenzied and before a stunned audience, the male ripped off the female's top, exposing not breasts but another set of beautiful male pecs that had been theatrically positioned to fool everyone. In a minute his pants were ripped off his body, exposing his hugely endowed package. The collective gasps were audible as the dancers switched from a dance to an all out sexual act. The music reached its crescendo, while the couple rutted on the stage and Emmett's hand finally worked its way into Max's pants and gently surrounded his penis which was now weeping with precum, begging for release.   
  
He came in Emmett's hand as he watched the couple come on stage, his eyes glued to the scene, mesmerized and caught up in the whole erotic, decadent performance, something he had never seen in his life.   
  
Emmett held him close and whispered, "Tell me you don't think I'm wicked for bringing you here. I wasn't sure if you went for this sort of thing."  
  
Max grabbed Emmett and kissed him deeply, giving him the only answer he needed.   
  
Max jumped as he was rudely pulled out of his reverie by the burning oil that splattered onto his fingers. He didn't even remember putting the pan on the range or throwing the sweet potatoes in the hot oil. All he was thinking about was last night. The pressure he was now feeling in his groin area was a constant reminder of the fact that Emmett Honeycutt was so much in his blood and completely owned him.   
  
Jesus fucking Christ…get a grip, Max told himself as he shook his head and tried desperately to remember where he was and what he was doing.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Brian sat back in his chair, staring at the computer screen in front of him but not really seeing anything. His mind was on Justin and the whole ridiculous scene he had come home to. As it turned out, Fuzzy was in fact a throw-back to the Neanderthal, but a very knowledgeable one when it came to body building. He knew his shit, so Brian was willing to overlook his appearance. His daughter Tiffany, on the other hand, was something else. She definitely was in the porn-star category, appearance wise. She had long blond hair, lips that were enhanced with some tissue-building chemical, and triple D implants on a size two body. She must have been seventeen or eighteen, going on forty! He watched her briefly as she went over the basics with Gus and Austin and he determined that she would serve the purpose for the few weeks that he would need her. She seemed to know the basics of the sport and her backhand was pretty good. She would work, as far as he was concerned. The big challenge would be keeping Gus and Austin in a flaccid state while she was around. Highly unlikely he thought to himself with a big smile on his face.  
  
Just then Justin poked his head in the door of his office and said, "I'm going down to have lunch. You want to come?"  
  
"Sunshine," Brian said, turning his chair around and facing the door, "You know better than to ask me if I want to come."  
  
"I didn't mean that, you dork, and you know it," Justin said crossing over to Brian's desk and standing in front of him. "What were you smiling about anyway?"  
  
"Oh nothing," Brian said. "I was just thinking about the fact that you continue to surprise me, even after being together for fifteen years. You can still say shit that completely comes out of left field."  
  
"Like what?" Justin asked.  
  
"Oh, this whole Wa thing for instance. Where do you come up with this crap?"  
  
"Oh, it's in the deep recesses of my brilliant mind," Justin answered, moving a little closer so that he was now standing between Brian's legs. "Besides, it's always good to hold back a few things from your lover, to keep your relationship interesting and exciting."  
  
"Where the hell did you read that?" Brian asked smiling up at him.   
  
"In Cosmopolitan Magazine," Justin answered, smiling right back. "Every girl's guide to making her man happy."  
  
"Now, that is even too gay for me, Sunshine."  
  
"You know, this is the second time in the last half hour that someone has called me Gay. I'm beginning to think I'm turning into a big Nelly queen," Justin said, jutting his hip out and putting his hand on it for effect.  
  
"Hate to tell you sweetheart," Brian said, pulling Justin's head down so that he whispered in his ear, "You are."  
  
"Well, fuck you, my big macho guy!" Justin straddled Brian's lap and put his arms around his neck. He bent forward and whispered, "How about we play a little game of Bill and Monica, so that I can practice more of the tips I learned in Cosmo; Fellatio, 101."  
  
"Yeah," Brian said, his eyes lighting up. He pushed Justin off his lap then down on his knees making room with his chair so that Justin scooted underneath his desk, hidden from view. He then turned his chair around to face the computer and Justin, and waited for him to get down to business.   
  
He felt his zipper being pulled down and Justin reaching in to pull out his dick which was rigid and waiting impatiently for the warm, wet mouth to do unspeakable damage. He sighed and put his head back on the head rest, loving every minute that Justin took, feeling his lips close around him, knowing his tongue would start its wicked moves, alternately licking and sucking, just the way he liked it. He was so close, much too soon. He couldn't stop the moans, his breathing was becoming erratic, he moved his hips back and forth as Justin fucked him with his mouth, torturing him, drawing out every pull and push, sucking underneath his shaft, making little circles around the head of his penis then taking him in deeply, almost to the base, making the little noises in his throat that drove Brain completely insane. He gripped the arms of the chair as he finally let himself go, spurting into Justin's mouth, lost in the sensations while Justin swallowed, creating unbelievable pleasure.   
  
At that very moment, the door of his office opened and Gus stuck his head in. The combination of Justin's swallowing and the instant rush of adrenaline coursing through his body due to Gus' surprise entrance made him have the most intense orgasm he'd had in a very long time.   
  
Everything stopped in that instant. Brian's head felt like it was going to explode; his eyes were completely glazed over, his mouth open and taking in little gulps of air. His heart was racing as he felt the waves of the orgasm sweeping over him leaving him weak and disoriented. It took every ounce of discipline for him to turn his head in Gus' direction and say in a nonchalant voice, "What's up, son?"  
  
Justin was frozen underneath the desk, paralyzed with fear, hoping that Gus couldn't see him. He still had his mouth around Brian, his hand around his own erection, feeling it go limp instantly.   
  
"Nothing Dad. I was told to come get you guys. Max said lunch is ready. Where's 'DJ'?"  
  
"I have no idea, Gus. Maybe he's in his studio," Brian said, trying desperately to regain his composure. His face was flushed and there were little dots of perspiration along his forehead. He was still breathing heavily and he could feel his heart racing like he had just run a marathon.   
  
Gus looked at him and smiled. It was an all too familiar smile, one that Brian had seen on his own face, staring back at him in the mirror. The all-knowing, shit-eating grin that only Brian Kinney had. It was now staring right back at him.  
  
"Well, lunch is ready," Gus said again. "So I'll see you downstairs in a minute, oh and 'DJ'," Gus said, looking down at the white tennis shoes that were sticking out from beneath the desk, "Max said to hurry up, before the food gets cold."  
  
He turned and closed the door behind him, laughing out loud as he did so.  
  
"Little shit," Brian said, as he pulled Justin up from underneath the desk. "He almost ruined one of the most perfect blowjobs I've had in a long time."  
  
"Oh my God," Justin said, collapsing on Brian's chest. "I almost choked on your dick when I heard his voice!"


	16. Chapter 16

_All living beings have actions (Karma) as their own, their inheritance, their congenital cause, their kinsman, their refuge. It is Karma that differentiates beings into low and high states._ _  
  
_ Chapter 16  
  
Justin sat on a stone bench looking at the colorful Koi swimming in the pond.   
  
"They are the most beautiful fish," he said. "I didn't know they came in so many different colors."  
  
"They are sometimes referred to as 'swimming flowers' Justin, or 'living jewels'.   
  
Justin looked at the man who just answered his question. He had never been in the presence of anyone who exuded such a peaceful and calming effect. His looks belied the aura though; they almost seemed false coming from someone with such a fierce face.   
  
Master Vanijjata Palihawadana had the look of a warrior rather than a saintly Buddhist monk. His black, winged eyebrows were perched above eyes that were only slits and his nose was hooked, surprising in an Asian face. His skin was golden brown, testimony to his Malay mother but his height, well over six feet, must have come from a Caucasian ancestor somewhere in the past. His head was shaved bald, in keeping with tradition, and he wore a beautiful saffron colored robe that fell down his legs, almost covering his bare feet.   
  
His smile was that of a child, innocent and pure; the kind of smile that lit up his face, changing his look entirely, making him much more approachable. Justin had felt drawn to him as soon as Emmett had introduced them and even now, after being alone with the Master for well over four hours, he was neither bored nor tired. He felt like he could sit with him another four hours but he knew that their time was limited and that he would have to return another day.  
  
Justin put his hand on the monk's arm and said, "I have very much enjoyed our time together. I hope that you will allow me to come back again soon, so that I can learn more from you."  
  
"You are always welcome here Justin," Master replied, looking Justin straight in the eye. "Whenever you feel the need, you just have to pick up the phone and call me to let me know when you will be coming. We welcome all students who are interested in learning of the Buddha and his teachings."  
  
"I need time to process everything I've heard today, Master. It may be a while before I come back."  
  
"Only a wise man would reply this way, Justin. Nothing worth learning is learned in one day. The life of a Buddhist is one that requires much thought and commitment. You need to be comfortable with all the precepts before you can take this on."  
  
Justin stood and as he did, so did the Master. He watched as the Master put the palms of his hands together and raised them high in front, up to the level of his forehead. He bowed slightly and walked away, back towards the monastery, leaving Justin alone staring after him.  
  
Justin felt like he was in a trance; like he was high on E or something. It was the most incredible feeling, almost euphoric, a feeling heretofore associated with booze or sex. He was having trouble coming to terms with it, to try and define or describe it.   
  
All he knew was that this place, this beautiful Monastery with its lovely ponds and enormous trees that were filled to bursting with either fruit or flowers were assaulting his senses. He wanted to run screaming to the first art supply store and rip out a blank canvas and start painting. He felt such a need to call Brian and tell him about his visit. He wanted to talk to Daphne and tell her he had found a few answers, certainly not all of them, but at least the tip of the iceberg.   
  
He wanted to do all of these things but instead he did nothing. He sat back down on the bench and took a deep breath, wanting to go over all of it one more time in his head.  
  
Today the topic of their discussion was Karma, a word he had heard many times but had never really known the true meaning of. The whole notion of Karma was definitely intriguing.   
  
Justin had never really given much thought to the after-life. His parents were Christian and so he had been taught the basics along with the standard beliefs in Heaven and Hell. He had never really given it much thought except for the time after the bashing when he was recuperating in the hospital. At that time he thought about God and wondered why He would let something like the attack happen. Why he was spared and not killed. Such thoughts occupied him a lot in those days but as his body healed thoughts of death and the hereafter were pushed back to the recesses of his mind and never brought up again. Eternal punishment or reward were never discussed  
much around their house.   
  
The master started their discussion today with a question. "Have you never wondered why some people are born rich and others poor? Why should one person be a mental prodigy and another an idiot? Why should one person be born with saintly characteristics and another with criminal tendencies? Why should some be blessed and others cursed from birth?"  
  
_I've never really thought about it, Master. It's just something that I accepted as part of life._  
  
"In this world nothing happens to a person that he does not for some reason or other deserve. Usually, men of ordinary intellect cannot comprehend the actual reason or reasons. The definite invisible cause or causes of the visible effect is not necessarily confined to the present life, they may be traced to a proximate or remote past birth."   
  
The master went on to explain the cause of such differences in accordance with the laws of cause and effect.  
  
"Certainly, we are all born with hereditary characteristics. At the same time we possess certain innate abilities that science cannot account for. To our parents we are indebted for the gross sperm and ovum that form the nucleus of our being. They remain dormant within each parent until this potential germinal compound is vitalized by the Karmic energy needed for the production of the fetus. Karma is therefore the indispensable conceptive cause of this being."  
  
"The accumulated Karmic tendencies, inherited in the course of previous lives, at times play a far greater role than the hereditary parental cells and genes in the formation of both physical and mental characteristics," the Master continued in his gentle, calming tone of voice. He spoke with an accent, however, Justin understood him easily.  
  
"The Buddha for instance, inherited, like every other person, the reproductive cells and genes from his parents. But physically, morally and intellectually there were none comparable to him in his long line of Royal ancestors. In the Buddha's own words, he belonged not to his Royal lineage but to that of another line altogether. He was certainly a superman, an extraordinary creation of his own Karma."  
  
_Is this why I seem to have nothing in common with my parents? Neither one of them have any artistic inclinations and yet I have been blessed with this trait?_  
  
"Karmic tendencies could not only influence our physical organism but also nullify the potentiality of the parental cells and genes-hence the significance of the Buddha's enigmatic statement, 'we are the heirs of our own actions'."   
  
_So, from a Buddhist point of view, our present mental, moral, intellectual and temperamental differences are, for the most part, due to our own actions and tendencies, both present and past?_  
  
"Although Buddhism attributes this variation to Karma as being the chief cause among a variety it does not, however, assert that everything is due to Karma. The law of Karma, important as it is, is only one of the twenty-four conditions described in the Buddhist philosophy."  
  
_I don't think we have time to go into all twenty-four conditions Master._  
  
The master smiled and said, "Not today, Justin, but eventually we will discuss them all."   
  
They talked about having to relive a life, coming back over and over until the perfected state of insight is achieved. A life where all future birth is at an end, where all that has to be done has been done, and there is no more returning to the worldly life, to attain Nirvana, or the ultimate Buddhist goal of getting off the wheel, so to speak, and not having to be reborn again.   
  
_So, are we doomed from birth then to the life we are going to have, Master? How can you say we are the masters of our own destinies? That we create our own Karma? If what you are saying is true, then Karma is tantamount to fatalism or predestination. If this were true, free will would be an absurdity. Life would be purely mechanistic, not much different from a machine._  
  
"Such a fatalistic doctrine is not the Buddhist law of Karma, my son. According to Buddhism, there are five orders or processes which operate in the physical and mental realms. They are physical inorganic order, order of germs and seeds, order of act and result, order of the norm and order of mind or psychic law. Every mental or physical phenomenon can be explained by these all-embracing five orders or processes that are laws in themselves. Karma, as such, is only one of these five orders. Like all other natural laws they demand no lawgiver."  
  
_I don't understand, Master._  
  
"Karma is a law unto itself, which operates in its own field without the intervention of any external, independent ruling agency. Happiness and misery, which are the common lot of humanity, are the inevitable effects of causes. From a Buddhist point of view they are not rewards and punishments, assigned by a supernatural, omniscient ruling power to a soul that has done good or evil. Buddhism, which emphatically denies such an Almighty, All-merciful God-Creator and an arbitrarily created immortal soul, believes in natural law and justice which cannot be suspended by either an Almighty God or an All-compassionate Buddha. According to this natural law, acts bear their own rewards and punishments to the individual doer, whether human justice finds out or not."  
  
_So, you Buddhists administer false hope to people, saying you were born poor, or ugly or dumb on account of your past evil Karma whereas someone else is born rich and good looking and smart on account of his good Karma?_   
  
"The Buddhist doctrine of Karma does not expound such ridiculous fatalistic views, Justin. Nor does it vindicate a postmortem justice. The All–merciful Buddha, who had no ulterior selfish motives, did not teach this law of Karma to protect the rich and comfort the poor by promising illusory happiness in an after-life."  
  
_What then?_  
  
"While we are born to a state created by ourselves, yet by our own self-directed efforts there is every possibility for us to create new, favorable environments even here and now. Not only individually, but also collectively, we are at liberty to create fresh Karma that leads either towards our progress or downfall in this very life."  
  
_Is one bound to reap all that one has sown in just proportion?_  
  
"Although it is stated in the Dhammapada that 'not in the sky, nor in mid-ocean, or entering a mountain cave is found that place on earth where one may escape from (the consequences of) an evil deed', yet one is not bound to pay all the past arrears of one's Karma. If such were the case emancipation would be an impossibility. Eternal recurrence would be the unfortunate result."  
  
_And that is a bad thing in Buddhism?_   
  
"It is, my son. The ultimate goal is to reach the state of Nirvana. It has become equated with an eastern version of Heaven. Actually, nirvana simply means cessation. It is the cessation of passion, aggression and ignorance; the cessation of the struggle to prove our existence to the world, to survive. We don't have to struggle to survive after all. We have already survived. We survive now; the struggle was just an extra complication that we added to our lives because we had lost our confidence in the way things are. We no longer need to manipulate things as they are into things as we would like them to be."  
  
_This is all very different and thought provoking Master, I'm going to need some time to really think about everything I've heard today._  
  
"You will Justin, all in good time. Everything you are hearing today is new and different. I don't expect you to understand or agree with any of it. You have to do this at your own pace and in your own way."  
  
Justin's thoughts were interrupted by Emmett and Max, who were strolling towards him, hand in hand, holding shopping bags full of some new and improved kitchen gadgets no doubt.  
  
"Hey Sweetie," Emmett gushed giving Justin a big hug. "How'd it go?"  
  
"I had the most incredible morning, Em, thank you so much for bringing me here."  
  
"Oh, you are so welcome! Do you have a headache yet? I know that when I first came, my head was so crammed full of new ideas I thought it would implode!"  
  
"Yeah," Justin said, all of a sudden exhausted and hungry. "I think I need to rest my brain for the next few hours. Have you guys eaten, because I am starving!"  
  
"No, we were waiting to see if you were done and ready to leave. There are some nice restaurants in town, well, not really nice," Emmett said critically, "But family style kind of places where we can get some comfort food, you know?"  
  
"That sounds really good right now. What do you say Max? You think you can lower your standards for a while and have some plain old meat loaf and macaroni and cheese?" Justin asked.  
  
"Of course, Mr. J, you think they make the mac and cheese with Gruyere?"  
  
Justin looked at Max, rolled his eyes and said, "I doubt it. We'll be lucky if they use real cheese at all. It'll probably be some processed shit but at this point in time, who cares! I could eat any white trashy meal you put in front of me right now, I'm so hungry."   
  
"Yuck," Max said in disgust. "You really need to be more discerning Mr. J."  
  
"Max, it's me you're talking to, not Brian. I don't care what I eat so long as I get full, you know that."  
  
"All too well, I'm afraid," Max replied.  
  
Emmett laughed and said, "Now, now girls, let's not start getting bitchy! I think little Sunshine here just needs some sugar in his blood. We need to pump you up with some carbs, honey, and then you'll feel much better."   
  
"You're right Em, I really am hungry. Sorry Max, didn't mean to be such a bitch."  
  
"Hey, Mr. J, no harm done. It's all good."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Brian sat on a chair beside the tennis court watching the boys as they volleyed the ball back and forth to Tiffany who was on the other side of the net. He used this opportunity to work on his tan because it was a beautiful summer day and the sun was shinning brightly. He also wanted be able to see first hand whether she was any good or not.   
  
Today she had on a two-piece outfit in bright yellow. He was amazed that her boobs stayed in place because they only seemed to be encased by a small strip of cloth. He wondered how the hell the tennis world allowed for clothes like this. If he were straight there was no way he would be able to concentrate if his opponent were dressed, or rather undressed, like that. He could only imagine what thoughts were going through his son's head.  
  
The last few days had been interesting; he was seeing a brand new side of Gus, inevitable he supposed, yet surprising in its suddenness. When he had spent the week with him last fall, Gus had been very innocent in his knowledge of women and sex in general. He smiled when he remembered the talk he had with him about kissing. Obviously a lot had changed in eight months.   
  
For one thing, he was almost sixteen, for another, he'd had a girlfriend now for many months and he was pretty sure they had progressed from the hand-holding and innocent kissing stage. Gus was also the quarterback of his school team, a position that always drew the women like bees to honey. His best friend was a piece of work, randy as they come, constantly talking about women and who was hot, and which actress had fake boobs, and who was screwing whom.   
  
He remembered what it was like being that young and having only one thing on your mind. He and Michael had spent endless hours fantasizing about movie stars and jacking off to their pictures in magazines. Patrick Swayze was a distant memory but he remembered the thrill of stolen moments, when they would get together behind Mikey's bedroom door and drool over the pictures.   
  
Gus' sexuality was just starting to surface and Brian supposed he should have another refresher course with him to remind him of all the dangers he could expose himself to without being careful. He'd already had this talk with him but this was before he was actually doing anything. At that time it was innocent and funny holding the cucumber between them during the demo.   
  
Watching him now he knew that his son had a bit more experience under his belt. And he meant that in the literal sense. He wondered if Gus would open up and reveal how much he and Ashley had actually done. Not that Brian really cared; he just wanted to make sure they were both being smart. The last thing anyone needed was an unwanted pregnancy, disease, or both!   
  
Austin on the other hand, looked and acted like he had a lot more experience than Gus. He seemed the more aggressive of the two when it came to Tiffany and this amused Brian even more, because in everything else Gus was the leader and Austin the follower. It was only with Tiffany that the roles were reversed and Gus took a back seat to his best friend. It was certainly interesting watching as this all unfolded. Justin of course was freaking out over everything, acting like a true mother, worrying that their innocent little boy was walking down the road to perdition.   
  
He needed to stop stressing and realize that Gus wasn't six anymore. Justin was mortified that morning when Gus walked in on them. He sat through lunch red-faced as Gus teased them incessantly. Finally, he had to kick Gus under the table to get him to shut up or Justin would have stood up and left the room. His WASP sensibilities couldn't handle the embarrassment.  
  
They had finally settled on a routine for the boys that seemed to work for everyone. Fuzzy and his infamous daughter came over every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. The driving school instructor was at the house every Tuesday and Thursday. This kept the boys pretty well occupied. Friday was usually a day when they could just laze around. More often than not, Gus spent that day in the studio painting and Austin in front of the Play Station.   
  
Brian had specifically picked Saturday as one of the training days because he wanted to be home. He joined in the sessions and this way he was able to see first hand if Fuzzy was doing right by the boys. So far, he seemed to know his stuff and being an ex-football player was an added bonus as he knew exactly which muscles needed building up and what exercises would help the sport.   
  
His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. He saw from caller ID that it was Lindsay.  
  
"Hey Linds," he answered.  
  
"Brian, hi! How's everything going?"  
  
"So far, so good," he answered.  
  
"Are Gus and Austin behaving?"  
  
"Yup, although I have noticed a difference in Gus, especially with Austin here," he said.  
  
"You noticed, huh?"  
  
"Oh yeah, he's a little more mouthy and aggressive. Not the sweet little boy I left last Fall," Brian said.  
  
"I know," Lindsay replied. "Ever since football season ended, his popularity quotient has gone up one hundred percent and so has his self-confidence. He struts around here like he's king of the mountain."  
  
"That's about right. Do you know how far he's gone with Ashley? Has he had sex with her yet?  
  
"BRIAN!" Lindsay squealed on the other end.  
  
"Oh get over it Linds, stop acting like a fucking nun! You knew this was bound to happen, after all, he is one-half Kinney."  
  
"Has he done anything or said anything to you?" she asked, alarmed.  
  
"No, just relax. I just need to know so that when I have my usual tutorial with him I'm forewarned."  
  
"He hasn't said a thing to me, although I must admit that he doesn't seem to care who sees him naked these days. He's taken to going from the bedroom to the bathroom without any clothes on. I've yelled at him a few times about that."   
  
"Ah, he really is my child isn't he? I was wondering when those genes would surface. What's the matter Lindsay? Can't you stand to see some dick occasionally?"  
  
"Brian Kinney! That is disgusting! He is my son, not some stranger, and he has a young sister, or have you forgotten; she doesn't need to be seeing dick at this point in her life!"  
  
"Christ Lindsay! You really are acting like Mother Teresa. I'm sure JR has seen her brother naked before."  
  
"Not since he's grown another six inches," she replied in her most prissy voice.  
  
"He's that hung?" Brian asked, impressed.  
  
"Damn it, Brian, I don't mean his dick size. I mean he's now over six feet tall. I'm sure the last time he and JR shared a shower was when he was a lot smaller."  
  
"His dick was never small, Lindsay!" Brian replied, indignantly.  
  
"Brian, you are beyond any shadow of a doubt, the most disgusting man I know. I DIDN'T MEAN HIS FUCKING DICK!"  
  
"All right already," Brian started laughing, enjoying her discomfort.   
  
"Seriously Brian," Lindsay said. "Do you think he is sexually active already?"  
  
"I don't think so Linds," Brian replied. "Close, but not quite there. I'll find out more in the next few weeks. The one who seems to already have been there and done that is Austin."  
  
"You think so?" she said.  
  
"I know so," he answered.  
  
"Well, if his best friend has had sex, doesn't that mean he has too?"  
  
"Not necessarily Linds, look at me and Mikey. All he did was watch from afar. He was about four years behind me in everything I did."  
  
"No offense to Michael, Brian, but I hardly think you can compare Gus to him."  
  
"I wasn't Linds, I'm just saying that because Austin is sexually active, doesn't necessarily mean Gus is too. He's been with Ashley and she's probably keeping him at bay, so he's really not had the opportunities that Austin probably has. I remember when I played football. The cheerleaders all but threw themselves at me. There were many blowjobs going on behind the bleachers, late at night."  
  
"I think I'm going to throw up," Lindsay said. "Please don't repeat this story to Melanie or she'll never let JR become a cheerleader."  
  
"Hey, if you girls want to continue living in a dream world, that's your choice. I, on the other hand, would rather have my kid prepared to deal with all the shit that's out there."  
  
"You're right," Lindsay said, "Well, thank God he has you, because I wouldn't even know how to have this conversation with him. Better you than me, Brian, thanks for doing this."  
  
"Hey, no need for thanks. I'm his Dad, who else would tell him?"  
  
"Not me, that's for sure," Lindsay replied.  
  
"Okay, Linds, I guess that's it for now. I'll keep you posted," he said.  
  
"Fine," she replied. "Say hi to Justin for me, and kiss Gus."  
  
"I will. Later, Linds," he said, turning off the phone.  
  
Brian looked up in time to see that the kids had just finished their practice. They were walking up to him and he noticed that both boys were drenched in sweat while Tiffany still looked fresh and crisp.  
  
"Christ! You guys look like you've just had a sauna," he said to them.  
  
"I gave them a good workout, Mr. Kinney," Tiffany said. She smiled at him and all but batted her eyelashes. She had flirting down to a science.  
  
"Well, Tiffany, that's what we're paying you for," he said, smiling right back.  
  
"Dad, is it okay if Tiffany stays for a while? We'd like to get in the pool and cool off," Gus asked.  
  
"Sure," Brian answered. I doubt the pool will do that!   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Gus watched as Tiffany walked towards the pool to join him and Austin in the water. She had discarded her tennis outfit for a bikini, a tiny pink thing that left very little to the imagination. He'd seen women half naked before, he certainly lived with enough of them, so a female body wasn't any mystery. However, this body was having an entirely different effect on him; an effect that was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable whenever she was around.  
  
Austin had no qualms whatsoever about getting close to her and used every opportunity to cop a feel. He'd watched them earlier as she was teaching Austin how to serve and he saw how Austin 'accidentally' brushed his arm against her breast and something in him was annoyed by the whole display and he wanted to go up to him and tell him to quit it, but he couldn't very well say anything in front of Tiffany.  
  
Later he had told Austin to stop trying to feel her up and Austin had told him to fuck off. It had surprised him because Austin never talked to him that way. Austin accused him of being jealous and wanting to do the same thing only he was too chicken shit to do it. Gus wondered if that were true.   
  
He and Ashley had been going out for quite some time now and he normally never even looked at other girls, much to the other cheerleader's annoyance. They flirted with him non-stop, even though they all knew that he and Ashley were an item. It had become sort of a game with them, to see which one could make Gus cave and cheat on Ashley.   
  
The surprising thing was that he had been able to resist all of them, despite the fact that his relationship with Ashley had never gone past the hand holding and kissing stage. She had been willing enough to kiss him, but she never allowed him to feel her breasts much less slip his hand underneath her shirt to touch bare skin. They'd had several fights over that but she had remained adamant.  
  
It bugged the hell our of him, especially since he kept hearing talk in the locker room about all the other experiences his team mates were having and all the willing cheerleaders who were more than happy to share their love. Austin had been the recipient of some of this largess and he felt like an innocent compared to his best friend, however, he didn't dare tell him that he and Ashley never did anything, because he felt it would diminish him in some way. And as the leader of his team, they all assumed he was way ahead of the game and getting some.  
  
Being away from Ashley and his friends was entirely different. Tiffany was creating feelings in him that he never even knew existed. She was on his brain more often than he cared to admit and his nocturnal activities seemed to have increased since having her in his life. Thank God he and Austin had separate rooms so his friend wouldn't hear him tossing and turning at night and not to mention other more obvious noises to relieve himself and try and get some sleep.   
  
He thought about talking to Brian and asking for advice, however, he didn't really know what he was going to say. _Would it be okay to fuck the tennis instructor?_ He didn't think that would go over very well with his father, and especially 'DJ'. He would probably faint dead away if he said something like that. It was certainly eye opening to see Justin's reaction to his teasing the other day. He'd always known he was more conservative than Brian, but to see his discomfort after knowing that he had been caught giving his partner a blowjob was hilarious.   
  
And that was another thing all together. Blowjobs were entirely on his mind as everyone around him seemed to be getting them and he had never come close. He was tired of hearing Austin tell him which girls did it and who was better than the others. He would have much rather been the one doing the telling and not the listening.  
  
Tiffany splashed some water at him, snapping him out of his self-analysis.  
  
"Come on Gus, I'll race you to the other side of the pool. You ready?" Tiffany said to him, looking like one of the stars in the "Girls Gone Wild" DVD that he and Austin had swiped from his parents room one night.   
  
"Oh yeah," he said, as his swimming trunks were getting more and more uncomfortable. "I'm ready."

Tbc


	17. Chapter 17

_Every birth is conditioned by a past good or bad karma, which predominated at the moment of death. Karma that conditions the future birth is called Reproductive Karma. The death of a person is merely a temporary end of a temporary phenomenon. Though the present form perishes, another form takes its place, according to the potential thought-vibration generated at the death moment, because the Karmic force which propels the life-flux still survives. It is this last thought, called Reproductive Karma, that determines the state of a person in his subsequent birth. This may be either a good or a bad Karma._ _  
  
_ Chapter 17  
  
Daphne checked her pulse rate as she got off the elliptical machine. She was breathing heavily but saw that all her numbers were well within normal limits.   
  
She'd been coming to the gym in the morning with Alex to start her day with some cardio exercises and weight lifting, rather than just relying on her bath to relax her. So far this seemed to be working. She'd shower after her work-out then have breakfast with Alex before she went off to see her first patient. Not only was her mental state improving but her body was benefiting from the new routine. She was starting to see a lot more muscle and tightness in areas that had started to go a little soft.   
  
She'd switched her schedule around on purpose, so now her bathing ritual was in the evening, which was very nice because Alex could often join her and this usually led to other more interesting forms of relaxation.  
  
Their physical life was completely back to normal, something they were both happy about. It had now been almost nine weeks since her miscarriage and by all outward appearances her body had completely recovered. Mentally, she seemed to have moved into a better place, accepting the fact that for once things were not completely in her control and that only time and Justin's decision could change anything.  
  
Where Justin was in his decision making process wasn't something he shared with her. They had resumed their daily phone calls but more often than not the conversation centered on Gus and these new people that were hanging around Britin Manor; the trainer, his daughter and Gus' best friend, Austin.   
  
Justin was in an absolute lather the other day when he had called her because he had come home from running an errand in town and found the boys in the pool with an almost naked Tiffany. He was acting like a virginal, card carrying prude, babbling on about corrupting his son and flopping boobs. She had told him to chill out because he sounded like her fucking mother!   
  
Considering all that he and Brian had done, together and apart, you would think he would be a little more tolerant when it came to Gus and his sexual discovery. Apparently that was not the case. There was a side of Justin that was very conservative with the people that he loved and cared about. Remembering the way he had carried on when Jennifer and Tuck first started going out was a prime example.   
  
He was having issues coming to terms with his son growing up in front of his eyes. She had to switch into her shrink mode and counsel him on the importance of communication and acceptance that Gus was a sexual being and not a little boy anymore.  
  
Eventually he calmed down, but it wasn't until she told him that he had better get with the program or he would alienate Gus. This brought his ranting to an end and he immediately switched gears back to the intelligent, introspective Justin that she knew and loved.  
  
He had mentioned that he had stumbled on Buddhism and he briefly told her how Emmett had introduced him to the whole concept. She was surprised that an Eastern religion would interest him; that any religion would interest him. They had never discussed it in all the years they had been friends. Then again, in retrospect, she realized that nothing Justin did was ever ordinary or mainstream. He had always been open to the new and unusual so this would only be in keeping with everything else.  
  
What did shock her was the fact that Emmett seemed to have found the love of his life. It had been many years since he and Drew Boyd had broken up and she had to help him deal with that situation. No one ever expected him to settle down after that. They had all pretty much pegged him as the eternal bachelor, enjoying the flitting from flower to flower, or in his case, from bee to bee.   
  
That's why it was such a surprise when Justin told her about this new development. She had met Max a few times when she had been over to visit and he seemed like a really nice guy. Definitely hot, and she could only imagine what Emmett must have thought the first time he laid eyes on him. From everything Justin had told her the affair was still in the hot and heavy stage, much to Brian's distress. He wasn't happy that his personal chef may be kidnapped by the owner of Fabulous.   
  
Thinking about Emmett only reminded her that she was planning on hiring him for the birthday party she was going to throw for Alex who was turning forty-four in two weeks. She wanted to celebrate the occasion because it also coincided with their wedding anniversary.   
  
It had been a long time since they had had anything to celebrate and it was time that they hosted something to reciprocate all the invitations they had received in the last year.   
  
She reached for her phone and scrolled through the directory for Emmett's number.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Emmett hung up after listening to Daphne go over her wish list for the party. He was happy that he would be able to help her, even though she refused to consider any sort of theme, which really put a damper on his great ideas. He had talked to her about a whole Russian scheme and she immediately shot that down saying Alex would freak if Emmett had men in colorful outfits strolling around playing their Balalaikas for their guests. The only Russian thing that would be at the party was lots of Vodka.   
  
Emmett had to settle for a more standard fare, yet he was still pleased that she had considered him for the event. He had always liked Daphne and through the years he had come to realize what a really special friend she was to Justin. He remembered how often he would see her getting in Brian's face defending Justin, making sure that his feelings were not being trampled upon by the then great asshole Kinney. The shocking part was that Brian actually listened to her.  
  
This had only increased Emmett's respect for her and the fact that she had been extremely professional and discreet when he was having his nervous breakdown only made him care for her more. She had been there for him, holding his hand and counseling him from the beginning of his downward spiral. To this day, no one knew about it until recently, when he had mentioned it to Justin. Daphne had been one of the few who had helped him cope.  
  
Now he was glad that he could help her celebrate her marriage and Alex's birthday. It would be a happy occasion and he promised to do his best. He knew that she and Alex had been through a lot in the past year, courtesy of Justin's heart-to-heart, however, he never said anything about that to anyone, and he never would. He just wanted to make sure that everything went smoothly and that the party would be a success, in spite of the fact that she wasn't giving him much time to prepare.  
  
He picked up the phone and dialed Max's cell.  
  
"Hey gorgeous," Emmett said when Max picked up.  
  
"Hey," Max answered, excited to hear Emmett's voice.  
  
"What are you doing on Saturday, August sixteenth?"  
  
"Nothing," Max said. "Why?"  
  
"You wouldn't consider helping me set up a dinner for Daphne and her husband would you?"  
  
"Of course I would, silly boy. You know I'd do anything you asked me," Max replied, switching to a more husky, sexy tone of voice.  
  
"Anything?" Emmett asked coyly.  
  
"Yes, anything," Max answered with no hesitation.   
  
"Oh honey, stop talking in that bedroom voice when you are miles away and I can't tear your clothes off," Emmett groaned into the phone.  
  
Max laughed and said, "You're the one who started this whole conversation, Em."   
  
Just as Max said that, Brian walked into the kitchen and looked at him. Max could feel the blood rushing to his face, embarrassed that he had been caught talking to Emmett.   
  
"I've got to go," he said.  
  
"Why? Did Brian or Justin just walk in?"  
  
"Yes, talk to you later."  
  
"I love you Gorgeous, you know that, don't you?"  
  
"I do…me too…later," he said. He put the phone away and asked, "Is there anything I can get you Mr.B?"  
  
"Not right now, Max," Brian answered, looking him in the eye. "How is dear Emmett?"  
  
"He's fine. Thanks for asking," Max answered, shyly.   
  
"You two are really hitting it off, aren't you?" Brian asked.  
  
Max replied by pretending to spit three times.  
  
"What was that all about?" Brian asked, curious.  
  
"I don't want to put a 'kaynahora' on it," Max replied.  
  
"A what?" Brian asked.  
  
"An evil eye," he answered. "I don't want to jinx it by saying it's been wonderful and romantic and I've never been this happy in my entire life," Max answered with a huge smile on his face.  
  
"Wow," Brian answered. "I guess that answers my question."  
  
Brian reached over and touched Max on the arm. "You know I'm really happy for both of you, despite what you might think."  
  
"Thanks Mr. B. I never thought I would find anyone like him, not in Pittsburgh at least," Max replied.  
  
"Yeah, it's pretty amazing what can turn up in this Burgh. Anyway, I'm glad you guys are together. I've known Em for a very long time and believe me, I've never met anyone more honest or more comfortable with who he is."  
  
"I know," Max replied. "That's part of the attraction, I guess. I've dealt with so many closet queens and people who are in denial over who they are, it's so refreshing to be with someone who knows exactly who and what he wants and is not afraid to get it."  
  
"Yeah, that would be Emmett alright. The only closet in his vocabulary is the one overflowing with his tacky outfits."  
  
"Hey," Max replied indignantly. "When was the last time you looked in his closet? He's got some pretty high-end labels in there."  
  
"Oh? Well, I guess he's improved with age, haven't really looked at him that way, to be honest," Brian said, looking with amusement at his chef getting all defensive about his lover.  
  
"He's really a good dresser, you know," Max said. "He'll never compare to you, Mr. B, but he's pretty close."  
  
Brian looked at Max and raised his eyebrows.   
  
"Can we change the subject, Max?"  
  
"Sure, what do you need?"  
  
"I'm going into the city for a meeting with a client. The driving instructor will be here shortly to give the boys their lesson. Would you keep an eye on them for me? Justin went to Natrona Heights and I have no idea when he'll be back, so you're in charge, okay?"  
  
"Sure thing, Mr. B."  
  
"Okay. Call me on my cell if you need anything. I'll be back before you leave for the day."  
  
"That's fine. Don't worry; the boys will be busy with the driving. They won't get into any trouble," Max said to reassure Brian.  
  
"Right," Brian said.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brian's thoughts were on Gus and Austin as he left Britin to make his way downtown. He had stood outside the entrance to the family room the other night as they were having an argument about Tiffany and he only caught the tail end of the conversation.  
  
"You need to stop trying to feel her up Austin," Gus had said emphatically.  
  
"And you need to stop telling me what to do. I'll do whatever I want and if she doesn't mind, why should you?" Austin spat out.  
  
"She would never tell you to stop, she's too polite."  
  
Austin laughed and said, "Polite? I don't think so, Gus. Maybe she's turned on by my amazing body and enjoying every minute."  
  
"Oh puleese, Austin, give me a fucking break! You need to cool it or we'll all get in trouble."  
  
"Not unless you say anything. She won't, so how are we going to get into any trouble?"  
  
"I don't know," Gus said, irritated. "I just know that if you keep this up, we will."  
  
Brian listened to the whole exchange and understood the reason Gus was walking around looking like Chief Thundercloud. The kid was in a perpetual state of horniness and his best friend seemed to be getting it on while he wasn't.   
  
_Well, we'll have to remedy the situation._ He thought seriously about who he should call to try and set something up for Gus. He'd lost touch with all his contacts in that world because it had been years since he had availed himself of any of their services.   
  
_Jesus, maybe we had better take that trip out to Las Vegas after all and go out to one of the 'ranches' to alleviate Gus' problem. This is pathetic, he thought to himself._ It would have been so much simpler if he were Gay. At least then Brian would have been able to take him to all the right places to make sure his first experience was good and safe.   
  
The thought of having to find someone to 'help' Gus was rather repugnant. Thinking about Gus and sex in the same breath was not sitting well with him. He knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, he just never thought he would have to have any part in it. It was one think to explain the need for condoms and safety and sex in general. It was an entirely different matter to actually visualize his son having sex, let alone trying to help him with his first experience.   
  
He supposed he could pick up the phone and find someone if he really wanted to. But where the hell would this all go down? Here? Justin would have a coronary if he found out. Christ, what a fucking dilemma. Trying to figure out how to get his kid de-virginized. He felt like he was in the middle of an eighteenth century novel.   
  
If he were a character in one of those books he and Gus would make a trip to their friendly whorehouse and get it done. The reality was that they were living in the twenty-first century and people didn't do shit like that anymore. Kids were much more aware of everything and usually started having sex at a much younger age. Nowadays, they pretty much had everything resolved by the time they were fifteen or sixteen, or sometimes even younger than that.  
  
He decided to not say anything to anyone and let Gus try and figure this out by himself. He would continue to keep watch and would only step in if the need arose, meanwhile, he would keep an eye on Gus and Austin to make sure they didn't do anything dumb and get into an actual confrontation over Tiffany.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
It was almost six o'clock and Justin was on his way home from another great session with the Master. This had been his third trip out to the monastery. It was eye opening in that apparently he and Brian had been practicing Buddhism much of the time without even realizing it.   
  
Justin looked forward to the day when he could talk to Ben about Buddhism and share his thoughts with him. The man was smart as hell and so easy to converse with. It was too bad that he couldn't just pick up the phone but he knew that the likelihood of Daphne's secret remaining one would be impossible once the Novotnys got involved. Debbie was the veritable 'town crier' and would have their entire community buzzing with the news of Daphne's request if he so much as breathed one word to Ben about it. His time with him would have to wait until things with Daphne were settled.   
  
Today, the Master had talked to him about the Eightfold path. He had sat down with him on their favorite stone bench beside the Koi pond and explained in his quiet, melodious voice.   
  
The first point was the right view. Viewing the world simply, as it was, not the way we hoped it would be. He and Brian had always been pretty realistic about the world they lived in; not sugar coating it in any way, accepting the good with the bad.   
  
The second point was called right intention. It proceeded from right view, according to the Master. We work with what is; our intentions are pure.   
  
The third aspect was right speech. Once our intentions are pure, we no longer have to be embarrassed about our speech. Since we are no longer trying to manipulate people, we don't have to be hesitant about what we say, nor do we have to try and bluff our way through any conversation with phony confidence. We say what needs to be said in a simple genuine way. Brian was famous for saying things in a brutally frank and honest way. And Justin too never held back an opinion if he could help it.   
  
The fourth point was something he and Brian would have to work on. The path of right discipline. This would involve a kind of renunciation, giving up a tendency to complicate issues; i.e. no queening, to Justin's mind. To practice simplicity, by not clouding relationships at work and at home with unnecessary and frivolous complications. Definitely, this was a step that he and Brian would need to work on.   
  
The fifth step, right livelihood, was a given. He and Brian both enjoyed their jobs, performing them with as much attention to detail as they could.   
  
The sixth aspect of the path was right effort. According to the Master, wrong effort is struggle. We often approach a spiritual discipline as though we need to conquer our evil side and promote our good side. We are locked in combat with ourselves and try to obliterate the tiniest negative tendency. Right effort doesn't involve struggle at all. When we see things as they are, we can work with them, gently and without any aggression whatsoever.  
  
Right mindfulness, the seventh step involved precision and clarity. We are mindful of every detail of the way we talk, perform our jobs, our posture, our attitude towards our friends and family.  
  
Right concentration or absorption was the eighth point of the path. Right absorption meant that we are completely absorbed in nowness, in things as they are. This can only happen if we have some sort of discipline, such as sitting meditation. Without meditation, we can't walk the eightfold path at all. Sitting meditation cuts through our absentmindedness. It provides a space or gap in our preoccupation with ourselves.  
  
Justin thought about the eighth point and wondered how he could get Brian to consider meditation. This would be something else they would need to work on.  
  
Justin continued to go over all eight steps as he drove home, relating them to the way he and Brian viewed the world. They had both tried to be as honest as possible in everything they did and with each other. Brian had finally, after many years of denial, become honest with his feelings when it came to love and commitment and he had no trouble expressing them openly anymore. He had never been one to pretend to be something he was not. No apologies, no regrets! It seemed that this mantra of his was very Buddhist. If you were honest with your feelings and knew what you were doing, there should be no need for apologies or regrets.  
  
They had always lived for the now, trying their best to provide an open and honest relationship between themselves, their work and their family. It had taken years of struggle, that much was true, but they seemed to have arrived at a certain place in time that was comfortable and in keeping with much of the teachings of the Buddha.  
  
What Justin loved the most about Buddhism was that it was a very pragmatic religion. It didn't indulge in metaphysical speculation about first causes; there was no theology, no worship of a deity or deification of the Buddha. It took a very straightforward look at the human condition; nothing was based on wishful thinking. Everything that the Buddha taught was based on his own observations of the way things were. Everything that he taught could be verified by our own observation of the way things are.  
  
This appealed much more to him than any Christian notions of a God and Almighty Being that looked down from some mythical heaven, moving people around like pieces in a chess game. How could he believe in anyone who would allow cruelty and hatred, poverty and sickness, injustice and bigotry to exist in the world? It wasn't possible that such a Being existed.   
  
If there was a God, in the true sense of the word, these things shouldn't exist. How could he believe in a God who allowed his representatives to abuse their parishioners, to fuck people in the back room at Babylon? Justin thought the whole idea of priests and pastors ridiculous. He had not met one that he listened to or respected the way he did the Master.   
  
How could anyone explain the death of 'dumpster boy' or his bashing for that matter? Or the homophobic attacks on Shanda Leer and others? What kind of benevolent Being would think that was okay? Justin wondered again what kind of God would create a world where loving another human would be the source of such shame when the other human happened to be of the same sex? If this was so wrong, Justin asked himself, why then were there so many people out there just like him and Brian. Like Melanie and Lindsay? Explain that one, God?  
  
Justin knew that all these thoughts were going to absorb him for quite some time. He knew that this was not going to be easy, switching over to the Buddhist way of life. He wasn't even sure if he was ready to do that one hundred percent, however, his experience with the Master and seeing the world in a whole different light had given him some peace and enabled him to come to terms with many of the moral questions that had been plaguing him since Daphne had made her request.  
  
He needed to discuss everything with Brian. He had waited till he had enough sessions with the Master to truly understand the basic concepts, because Brian would ask all the hard questions and would need to hear answers that made sense to him.   
  
The concept of Karma was one thing that continued to intrigue Justin. He loved the idea that he was in charge of his own destiny, that his parents were really only the instruments in getting him here. That who he was and what he had was through his efforts, through decisions, good or bad, that he had made in past lives. That at some place in time he and Brian had crossed paths and done things to bring them to where they were at now. That relationships between him and Gus, and Mel and Linds, were not random. They were rewards for past deeds, bringing him all the joy and good fortune he presently had. This whole system appealed much more than the alternative which was that life was a one shot deal and you pretty much had no way of getting something better should this life not be the ideal one.   
  
It was all starting to come together in his head, leading to the inevitable answers regarding Daphne that he was looking for. There again, the coincidences were hard to ignore. What were the odds of a black girl growing up in an all-white neighborhood becoming the best friend of a white, Anglo-Saxon, protestant boy? Come on, it was close to impossible, yet here they were. Could it all boil down to Karma? Somewhere in the past, Daphne and he had a history. Somewhere along the way their paths had crossed, leaving an indelible mark, a mark that was picked up easily in this life; a connection that apparently had never been broken.   
  
He snapped out of his reverie as he realized Britin Manor was looming on the horizon and he was almost home. He was surprised and then frightened by the sight of a fire truck in the driveway and an ambulance right behind it. The red lights were flashing on the ambulance and he could see some firefighters dragging ladders off the truck.   
  
He could feel the shift in his heartbeat as it accelerated, wondering in alarm what could account for those two vehicles in his home. He quickly parked the Porsche behind the fire truck and ran into the house.  
  
He walked through the different rooms and was only greeted by silence. No sign of a fire or trouble anywhere. He moved into the the kitchen and looked out the window. There was a small crowd gathered around the swimming pool. He ran out the side door and down the little slope that led to the pool area. Max was standing with a towel around his shoulder, talking to a firefighter. He was soaking wet. Gus and Austin were sitting on one of the lounges used for sunbathing. There was a small gash on Austin's head that was seeping blood and the paramedic was trying to staunch the bleeding. Gus sat quietly beside him, his face white with shock. Both boys were in street clothes that were also dripping wet.  
  
Gus looked up as Justin walked towards him and his tears started flowing the minute he saw his father. He stood up slowly, moving towards Justin but halfway there his face changed to an awful greenish color and he quickly moved over to the side of the patio and threw up in the bushes.   
  
The paramedic rushed over to help Gus, holding him as he continued to heave his guts out. Finally, the spasms subsided and the paramedic helped him up and handed him a bottle of water and a pill to settle his stomach. Gus was breathing erratically and he was starting to shake as the realization of what had just happened hit home. He looked at Justin, wanting desperately to explain, but all he could get out was a hoarse "I'm so sorry, 'D'."   
  
Justin was trying to make sense of the whole scene in front of him but wasn't having much success. Everything was too confused and sudden for him to understand. He looked around once more and saw that there was a stretcher on the floor and another paramedic working on the body lying on the stretcher. Justin was rooted to the spot, afraid to move forward to see who it was. He could feel the blood draining out of his brain and he felt light-headed and close to fainting. _Please don't let it be Brian…please…_  
  
He stepped forward gingerly to see who it was. As he did so, he happened to turn his head towards the pool and was shocked to see the Corvette resting on the bottom in the deep end. His eyes took in the sight but his brain was not registering any of it. What the hell was the 'Vette doing in the pool? There was other debris floating around in the water; a shoe, a baseball cap that looked very much like Austin's and a few CD cases that must have come loose from the container in the car. The car itself was completely immersed in the water.   
  
Justin looked at Gus and then at Max, uncomprehending any of it. He was just about to ask a question when he heard the paramedic saying, "He seems to be okay, his breathing is finally normal. I think he'll be fine."  
  
Justin walked over to the stretcher and looked down, fearful of what he might see.  
  
Raoul lay on the stretcher with an oxygen mask over his face. He too was soaking wet.   
  
Justin turned around and looked at the small group of people gathered around his pool and finally said aloud, "Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here?"   
  
TBC


	18. Chapter 18

_Supportive Karma is that which comes near the Reproductive Karma and supports it. It is neither good nor bad and it assists or maintains the action of the Reproductive Karma in the course of one's lifetime. Immediately after conception till the death moment this Karma steps forward to support the Reproductive Karma. A moral supportive Karma assists in giving health, wealth, happiness etc. to the being born with a moral Reproductive Karma. An immoral supportive Karma, on the other hand, assists in giving pain, sorrow, etc. to the being born with an immoral reproductive Karma._   
  
Chapter 18  
  
Brian sat on the sofa in his living room with a glass of Scotch in his hand. Justin sat to his right. Austin and Gus were on the opposite sofa across from the coffee table, recipients of Brian's icy cold look of disapproval.  
  
"So," Brian said, in a very quiet voice, "Explain to me once more, what the _Fuck_ you were doing driving the Corvette in the first place!"  
  
"Dad," Gus stammered. "Please, don't be mad."  
  
Brian shook his head and then drained his drink in one gulp. He stood up and headed to the bar for a refill, hoping that the action of moving from one end of the room to the other would give his emotions time to settle down and get under control. He came back to the seating area and stood looking down at Gus and Austin.   
  
"Mad? Oh, I'm not mad, Gus! I passed mad a long time ago. Right now I'm ready to take you and your friend and put you both in a room, lock the door and throw away the key!" Brian stood there, clenching and unclenching his jaw so hard it was a miracle he didn't fracture every tooth in his mouth.   
  
"Tell me again, Gus, so I really understand this. WHY DID YOU TAKE THE CAR OUT OF THE GARAGE AND DRIVE IT?"  
  
"It's my fault, Mr. Kinney. I'm the one that put him up to it," Austin said, looking up at Brian.   
  
Brain sat back down on the sofa and crossed his legs. He ran his left hand through his hair and looked at Gus, waiting for him to say something.   
  
"No, that's not true, Dad. It was my idea," Gus admitted.  
  
"I know Gus. And the reasoning behind it?" Brian asked with pursed lips and a raised eyebrow.  
  
"I thought it would be fun," Gus blurted out. "Driving the truck isn't any fun, Dad, it's automatic and it feels like you're driving a toy car almost. Besides, it's not a cool car at all. I thought we'd take the Corvette out for a ride around the property, just for a minute, to see what it was like to drive an awesome car like that," Gus finished, waiting to see Brian's reaction.  
  
"You thought it would be fun?" Brian said, his voice starting to rise a decibel or so. "Didn't it occur to you that you had never driven a standard car before? That the 'Vette was not going to be as easy to drive as the truck?"  
  
"I, uh, read…on the internet… how to drive a car with a stick shift, so I wanted to practice," Gus stammered on.  
  
Brian couldn't believe he was hearing any of the shit coming out of his son's mouth. This whole incident was obviously Gus' attempt to wrestle back some of the control over his and Austin's relationship. Making the decision to take the Corvette out of the garage was Gus' way of proving he was still in charge, regardless of Austin's success with Tiffany. Brian drained his second drink in one gulp, uncrossed his legs and leaned forward to rest the glass on the coffee table.   
  
"And how did this classic, awesome car end up at the bottom of my fucking swimming pool Gus? Christ, I hardly ever drive it anymore just to preserve it in its original state, and now look at where the fuck it is." Brian's rage was at full strength now, something Gus had never seen before.  
  
"I lost control, Dad," Gus answered, looking at him with eyes that were once again shiny with tears.  
  
"You lost control," Brian said, enunciating each word clearly. "And how did you do that? Were you going ninety miles an hour? What the hell happened, Gus? I don't understand how a car can end up at the bottom of a fucking swimming pool?"  
  
Justin put his hand on Brian's leg and gave him a gentle squeeze, hoping to try and calm him down.  
  
"I couldn't shift from second to third, Dad, so I had the clutch in and I was so focused on that, I didn't realize the car was speeding up and somehow, I was off the driveway and going down the hill and by the time I saw the pool we were too close to it. I thought I stepped on the brake but, I guess I stepped on the gas instead and, oh-my-God, Dad, we were in the water and I was freaking out and Austin was undoing my seat belt and, trying to get me out of the car. Then I felt Max pulling me out the window and then Raoul was there too, dragging us all out of the water!"  
  
At this point, Gus' tears were flowing down his face. Austin was also crying so Justin stood up and moved over to the other sofa and took Gus in his arms to try and console him.  
  
Brian watched as Gus wept in Justin's arms. Austin sat beside them, tears flowing as well, back handing them as quickly as they came, wiping his hands on his pants, like a little boy, instead of the sixteen- year-old that he was.   
  
"Okay, guys," Brian said, taking a ragged breath and easing up a little. He could see that Gus and his best friend had been punished enough for one day. "We're all lucky that nothing serious came out of this, other than bruised egos and a very wet Corvette. Max is going to get a bonus from me, for jumping in the water to rescue both of you, and Raoul is going to get a bonus as well, accompanied by a knock on the head for jumping in when he doesn't even know how to swim. It's a miracle he didn't drown! This is fucking unbelievable!" Brian said to himself, shaking his head.  
  
"Is the Corvette ruined, Mr. Kinney?" Austin asked, tentatively.  
  
"No, thank God," Brian said. "It'll just need to dry out and then it'll be fine. It wasn't in the water that long and it's fresh water, so there shouldn't be any permanent damage. At least that's what I was told by my mechanic and the insurance guys."  
  
"Thank God! My parents would have killed me if I had to pay for that," Austin said, red-faced.  
  
"Your parents may kill you yet when I tell them what just occurred here," Brian said, looking at the kid that was built like a tank.   
  
"You're not going to tell them, please!" Austin begged. "They're going to make me get on the first plane out of here."  
  
"Well, that might not be such a bad idea," Brian said quietly.  
  
"Dad!" Gus whined.  
  
"Brian, no!" Justin said.  
  
"I don't know, guys, I need some time to think about this," Brian replied, standing up and getting ready to leave the room.  
  
"I think it would be best if you went upstairs and settled in for the night," Justin said to the two boys. "We can make decisions in the morning, right Brian?" Justin asked, looking Brian in the eye, mentally begging him not to contradict his statement.  
  
"That's fine," Brian answered. He was exhausted suddenly, now that the initial adrenalin rush had left his body. "You guys go on up to your rooms."  
  
Gus and Austin stood up to go. Before walking out of the room, Gus crossed over to Brian and slowly put his arms around his waist and his head on Brian's shoulder. He was holding him tightly, wanting the contact, needing to hear the forgiveness.   
  
"I'm so sorry, Dad. You were right about the cars. I should never have taken the Corvette out of the garage."  
  
Brian melted as soon as he heard those words and felt Gus' arms around him. He held on to him for a minute then he kissed him on the cheek and said, "I'm just grateful you and Austin weren't trapped in the car. You're damn lucky you had the window down or this could have turned into a real tragedy. We all got lucky."  
  
He pushed Gus away from him and looked him in the eyes. "Next time maybe you'll listen to your old man, huh, Sonny boy?"  
  
"I will, Dad, I'm really sorry," Gus answered quietly, holding on to his father, not wanting to let go.  
  
Brian released him and gently pushed him towards the hallway. "Go on, up to your room; I'll talk to you in the morning."  
  
"Come on Austin," Gus called out to his friend as he walked out of the room.  
  
Brian and Justin made their way into the kitchen where Max was sitting at the table with Emmett beside him holding his hand. They stopped talking as soon as Brian and Justin entered the room.  
  
"Hey, Max," Brian said, as he pulled out a chair and sat down. "How's it going? Are you feeling any better?"  
  
Max looked at his employer and didn't quite know what to say. His eyes were still red from the weeping he had done as soon as he saw Emmett and broke down in his arms. He had completely lost it after the paramedics and firefighters had left. Justin was the one who had called Emmett and told him to come over as quickly as possible to see if he could calm Max.   
  
Max felt sick, knowing that he had been put in charge and yet had somehow gotten so engrossed in his baking that he didn't realize what the boys were up to after the driving instructor had left. He had just finished putting the cheesecake in the oven when he heard the horn honk and then the big splash. He watched in horror from the kitchen window as the Corvette went sailing into the pool with the two boys inside.  
  
"Brian," Max said. "I am so sorry that this happened."  
  
"Max, this is not your fault. I'm in your debt for getting them out of the car and out of the pool," Brian replied.  
  
"I wouldn't have had to do any of that if I had kept a better eye on them," he said, looking away from Brian and trying to keep his tears in check as he felt them so close to the surface.  
  
Brian reached over and took both his hands in his.   
  
"Max," he said. "Listen to me. Are you listening?"  
  
"Yeah, Brian," Max said. He turned to look back at him and waited.   
  
"None of this is your fault! When I asked you to be in charge I didn't mean be the Nanny and walk around the property with them on a leash. Who knew what these crazy kids were up to? I doubt that any one of us could have done anything to prevent this once they got the brilliant idea in their heads. You did the best you could under the circumstances and I am so grateful that you dove in and pulled them out of the car. They could have been trapped in there and…" Brian stopped talking. He took a ragged breath and just shook his head.  
  
"Justin, I need another drink, or a Valium or something. Jesus, my nerves are for shit!" Brian said.  
  
Justin stood up and went out to the bar to pour Brian another drink. He came back into the kitchen and handed it to him, at the same time he stood behind his chair and placed his hand on Brian's shoulder and waited there.  
  
Brian took a sip of his drink and put his left hand up to grab Justin's hand. He pulled him around and made him sit on his lap, encircling him with his arms and resting his forehead on Justin's back.  
"Christ," Brian said softly. "I almost had a fucking heart attack when I pulled in the driveway and saw the ambulance and the fire truck."  
  
"I know," Max said. "That's how I felt when I stood at the window and saw the car going in the pool. I thought I would have a heart attack right there and then too."  
  
"Max honey," Emmett said, putting his arm around him and giving him a hug. "You're all farklempt! It's over with, gorgeous, no one died, thanks to you; other than your poor cheesecake, of course."   
  
Max turned towards Emmett rewarding him with a shy, one-sided smile.   
  
Justin listened to the exchange between Emmett and Max and finally said, "Why don't you guys go on home and try and relax. Take tomorrow off if you need to, Max. We'll talk again in the morning."  
  
"I think that's an excellent idea," Emmett said. "Come on sweetie," he said pulling him up and out of his seat. "Let me take you home and make you a nice, warm bath, and then I'll give you a full body massage with the new oil that I got from the Bed and Body shop the other day. It smells just like sandalwood. I'll rub you all over with…"  
  
"Stop!" Brian said immediately. "TMI, Em, just go do what you gotta do, spare me the details."  
  
"Honestly Brian, do you think you're the only one who knows how to make someone feel good?" Emmett asked pointedly.  
  
"Did I say that, Emmett? I just don't want to hear any of the gory details. Now take Max home and fix him. He needs some TLC."  
  
"Oh, I'll TLC him all right, touch, lick, come…"  
  
"Emmett!" Brian, Justin and Max all yelled at the same time.  
  
Laughing at his audience, Emmett was pleased that his joke had the desired effect and got everyone out of their dark mood.   
  
Emmett pulled Max off the chair and they made their way out the side door of the kitchen.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later on that evening Brian and Justin sat in their hot tub which was located in the basement of the house, alongside all the bodybuilding equipment and the sauna. The sweet smell of Chronic invaded every corner of the room as they had both resorted to their time-honored form of relaxation; sharing a joint and drinking some booze. They sat in the very hot water, feeling the tension slowly leave their bodies as they tried to forget everything that happened today.   
  
"Brian?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I know this isn't a good time to ask, but, what do you think happens when you die?"  
  
"Maggot fest, Sunshine."  
  
"Ugg, that is disgusting. Seriously, Brian, answer my question. What do you think happens?"  
  
"How the fuck should I know Justin, and furthermore, do you really think we need to be having this discussion, after what happened today?"  
  
"I guess that's why it's foremost on my mind, Brian."  
  
"Well, I don't really want to think about what could have happened to the boys. It makes me what to hurl," Brian said.  
  
"I know," Justin replied seriously. "We got lucky today."  
  
"Yup," Brian answered. "The joys of fatherhood."  
  
"What's that got to do with anything?" Justin asked, staring at Brian.  
  
Brian looked at his partner with a frown on his face and said, "This is the reality of being a parent Justin. It's not the cute baby in the pretty bassinet with the colorful mobiles floating around and the little stuffed animals completing the picture. The reality of parenting is dealing with shit like this, the everyday stuff of kids discovering, learning, getting into trouble; the never-ending, on-going bullshit of being a parent. It never stops, Justin, not till we're six feet under."  
  
"Christ, that's a sobering thought," Justin replied.  
  
"It's the truth, though," Brian said realistically. "No matter how old your kid is, he'll always be on your mind. There's an old saying I heard once…I can't remember who said, it but it went something like, 'You're only as happy as your unhappiest child'. You ever hear that?"  
  
"I can't say that I have," Justin said, sipping his wine.  
  
"Well, you get the gist; it's always in the back of your head. How's he doing, what's he doing, who's he with, is he happy? You know what I mean?"  
  
"Yeah, I do, unfortunately. I know exactly what you mean," Justin said.  
  
"Yeah, well, this is what it's all about, Sunshine. Once you let them in your life they get under your skin like a fungus and grow and grow on you till they take over, and before you know it, you've turned into this giant worry-wart, queening over their every move, wondering what the fuck they're going to do next! And it's only going to get worse as he gets older and tries new things."  
  
"Jesus Brian, you make him sound like the Ebola virus."  
  
Brian huffed out a laugh and threw some water at Justin. "It must be the dope that's making me so eloquent," he said.   
  
"You're not going to send Austin home, are you?" Justin asked.   
  
"No. But don't tell them yet, I want them to suffer a little bit."  
  
"You're evil," Justin said, smiling.  
  
"That's me. Evil as all get-out; but in this case, they deserve it. He's lucky I'm not Jack Kinney. He'd have had a whip to him faster than you can say what-the-fuck! I would never lay a hand on Gus after all the abuse I put up with at home; but I sure was tempted when I saw the Corvette in the pool. Can you believe that shit? Even at our worst you and I never did stuff like that."  
  
"Oh, I know. I think my father would have made me stay in my room for the rest of my life if I ever did anything like that," Justin replied.  
  
"And that would have been a real problem, Sunshine."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"How would I have ever found you if you were locked away like Rapunzel in your castle?"  
  
Justin looked at him and rewarded him with his mega-watt smile. He moved forward to give Brian a loud, wet kiss. "I'm sure you would have found a way, you evil man, somehow, you would have worked yourself into my life, it's Karma."  
  
"Karma?"  
  
"Yup. You and I have some kind of Karmic connection that has brought us together, despite everything that could possibly go wrong, and did. But look, here we are, fifteen years later, still a couple," Justin said.  
  
"I know, that is pretty amazing, isn't it? So tell me a little bit about Karma and your talks with the Dalai Lama."  
  
Now it was Justin's turn to splash some water at Brian. "The Master, Brian, his real name is too damn long. Just call him the Master."  
  
"Whatever the fuck! So tell me," Brian said, taking another drag off his joint.  
  
Justin started talking. Slowly at first, then building up momentum as he recounted everything he had learned so far about Buddhism and Karma. Brian sat and listened, hardly interrupting, watching Justin as he talked on and on.   
  
"So, this whole Karma thing; do you believe it?" Brian asked.   
  
"Doesn't it make so much more sense than the fucking Heaven and Hell concept, Brian?"  
  
"It's an interesting theory. I suppose it's nice to believe that you control your own destiny and God and fate really have nothing to do with it, considering no one's ever seen the Man."  
  
"And yet they have seen Buddha, so you know for a fact that he existed," Justin said. "And, in your own very unique way, you've been a practicing Buddhist for quite some time, minus a few points here and there," Justin said, tongue-in-cheek.  
  
"So all this time, I've had some things in common with Zen Ben after all," Brian said, surprised.  
  
"I'm sure Michael wouldn't think so, but yes, in many ways you do have a very Buddhist philosophy in dealing with life," Justin answered.  
  
"Well, that's all well and good Sunshine. But I gotta tell you something," Brian said, looking at Justin with a straight face.  
  
"And what's that, Brian?"  
  
"I look like shit in orange, so you can forget about me ever wearing anything in that color, and I would never shave my head; not for Buddha, you or anyone else for that matter. And last but not least," Brian said, definitely high on weed at this point, "There will be no chanting in this house. I can't stand repetitive noises, and you know it! But I will continue to run around barefoot, that at least is in keeping with Buddhism, right?"  
  
"Oh my God, Brian," Justin said, looking at Brian sitting there totally lit up, "You are unbelievable! Did I say you had to become a Buddhist monk? They're the only ones with the shaved heads and robes. And the chanting is just a form of meditation; it's used to produce calm and peace within."  
  
"Blowjobs and drugs do that to me too," Brian replied, with a big grin on his face. "So, how about if I blow you while you chant? Or, better yet, you blow me and I'll chant over and over. Umm, that's hot, umm, so good…umm, a little harder…umm, don't stop…will that give us some good Karma?" Brian asked, laughing like a lunatic at this point, moving over to Justin's side, getting ready to pull him out of the hot tub.  
  
Justin rolled his eyes and ducked underneath the water, refusing to listen to anymore.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Much, much later, after a long session of 'chanting', Brian made his way down the stairs and headed for the kitchen because he had an extreme case of the munchies, courtesy of the two joints he had smoked earlier on. Justin had passed out after his third orgasm and had moved to the center of the bed and laid spread eagle, hogging every square inch of their massive California King size bed. How someone so little could take up so much room Brian would never understand.   
  
He had thrown on a pair of sweats and he padded down the hallway, past Gus and Austin's rooms, down the long winding stairs; his bare feet enjoying the smooth feeling of the hardwood. He had left his t-shirt off on purpose because it was a warm summer night and the cool air coming out of the air conditioning vents felt good against his heated body. He chuckled to himself when he remembered how Justin kept saying 'fuck me' over and over, turning it into a special mantra, guaranteed to bring him to a different level of inner peace, as if Brian hadn't already done that a million times in the past.   
  
When he got to the kitchen he was surprised to see Gus sitting at the table with a loaf of bread and two jars in front of him; one of peanut butter and the other one of grape jelly.   
  
"Sonny boy," Brian said gently, not wanting to startle the boy, "You're hungry too, I see."  
  
"Yeah, Dad, is it okay if I'm here?" Gus asked, definitely surprised by Brian's entrance.  
  
"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?"  
  
"Well," Gus said hesitantly, "I didn't know if you wanted me to just stay in my room."  
  
"Gus, you're not eight-years-old and I never did believe in time-out sessions. Dumb, if you ask me."  
  
"Would you rather eat by yourself?" Gus asked, barely able to look Brian in the eye.  
  
Brian looked at Gus and reached out to grab his hand, just as Gus was going to reach for the bread.  
  
"Gus, look at me," Brian said.  
  
Gus looked at his father and couldn't help the tears that were welling up in his beautiful hazel eyes, threatening to overflow if he heard one harsh word.  
  
"I love you Gus," Brian said gently. "No matter what you ever do, I will always love you. I may not agree with everything and we may occasionally have words or arguments, but that doesn't mean I don't love you or don't care. Do you hear me, son?"  
  
Gus couldn't say the words, he was too shocked by Brian's statement and his tears were on the brink of running down his cheek so all he could do was nod.   
  
Finally, when he regained some of his composure, he said, "I love you too Dad, and I'm really sorry about the 'Vette. I can't believe I did that, it's just not like me to do something so impulsive."  
  
"Hey," Brian said, waving his hand over Gus' head. "See, no halo son, and the last time I looked, no wings either." Brian reached over and pulled Gus towards him, squeezing both of his hands in his. "You're not an angel Gus and therefore not perfect, so please, stop beating yourself up. It's done, okay. Tomorrow we'll talk about punishment and how you and Austin will take care of the damages but tonight I want you to put this behind you. Are you listening to me?"  
  
"Yeah, Dad, I'm listening," Gus smiled tentatively, finally relaxing and breathing normally.   
  
"Good. Now pass the bread and the peanut butter and the jelly. Fuck my no carbs at night rule, I'm in the mood to eat. Oh and Gus, would you get me a banana out of the pantry, may as well make this a sandwich from hell, a fucking carbohydrate nightmare," Brian said smiling widely at his son who smiled right back.   
  
"Make one for me too, Dad," Gus asked.   
  
Brian looked at him and said, "Anything for you, Sonny Boy."  
  
TBC


	19. Chapter 19

_Obstructive Karma, unlike Supportive, tends to weaken, interrupt and retard the fruition of the Reproductive Karma. For instance, a person born with a good Reproductive Karma may be subject to various ailments etc., thus preventing him from enjoying the blissful results of his good actions._ _  
  
_ Chapter 19  
  
Max lay in bed thinking about yesterday's events. He kept going over the incident, replaying it in his head, wondering if he should have done anything differently.   
  
He kept blaming himself, annoyed that he hadn't thought to check on the boys at all, assuming they were staying out of trouble. He should have known better and been more vigilant. Emmett, and even Brian and Justin, kept reassuring him that none of it was his fault; however, the bottom line was that it had happened on his watch.   
  
Max felt Emmett's breathing shift as he slowly woke up and turned over to see what he was doing.  
  
"Honey, you're not thinking about yesterday again are you?" Emmett asked softly. He placed his hand on Max's and intertwined their fingers.   
  
"I can't help it, Em, I'm Jewish. We invented guilt," he said with a small, self-deprecating smile.  
  
"On my God," Emmett groaned. "Max, you've just got to stop this. It's over with. Gus and Austin are fine; enough already with the guilt trip!"  
  
"I'll try Em. I just get the creeps whenever I think about what could have happened."  
  
"Well, it didn't, thanks to you. Give yourself some credit for heaven's sake."  
  
Max turned over and looked into Emmett's blue eyes. He saw nothing but love. It felt so good to know that he had someone to share this all with, someone who was at his side, who would always be there for him, no matter what.   
  
"You really are a Mensch, you know that?" Max said softly.   
  
"What's that?" Emmett asked.  
"It's a good person, Em, someone who always takes the high road."  
  
"Well, thank you, if that was a compliment, gorgeous," Emmett replied, rubbing his hand up Max's face, moving a big curl out of his eyes.  
  
"It's better than a compliment Em, it's the highest honor one can pay anyone," Max answered, lifting Emmett's hand to his mouth and kissing it.  
  
Emmett stared at the beautiful man beside him and marveled again at his good fortune. _Somewhere in my youth and childhood, I must have done something good._ The words of the song popped into his head suddenly and he was so grateful that Karma had placed him and Max in each other's path.   
  
"Well, I think you are a Mensch too, sweetheart, and I love you so much it scares me sometimes," Emmett said.  
  
"Why?" Max asked.  
  
"Because, I know how life is. All good things always come to an end, and I don't know if I could handle it if anything were to go wrong with our relationship."  
  
"Nothing will go wrong," Max said. "You're the person I've been looking for, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know we've only been together for a short time, but I know want I want, Em, what I've been searching for, and you're it."  
  
Emmett heard the words and the shock of hearing them come out of Max's beautiful mouth, a mouth that he had kissed a million times, brought an immediate rush of tears.  
  
"Hey," Max said gently, "That wasn't the kind of reaction I was hoping for!"  
  
"I'm sorry sweetie; I just didn't expect such a declaration of love at this hour of the morning."  
  
"Emmett Honeycutt, it's never too early to say 'I love you'. I've never been happier, Em. Whenever I think of you I smile." He turned over on his side and faced Emmett. "Look at this stupid grin on my face; you're the one that's put it there. I've never been with anyone who has made me this happy. Meeting you and getting to know you these past two months has been the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. You have the ability to touch me deep inside, where no one has ever been before. Not to mention the fact that I've been in a constant state of arousal since meeting you. You bring me so much satisfaction in every way, and new ways I am only now discovering with you." Max reached out and cupped Emmett's face in his hand. "But more than the sex Em, you inspire me with your trust, to do better and be the best person I can be. This is where I belong; with you, always and forever, if you'll have me?" Max asked earnestly.  
  
"Oh my God," Emmett said, as the tears flowed in earnest. He heard everything that Max said and he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. This was the kind of dialogue he had fantasized about for years. Granted, they had only been together for a little over two months and everything was still so fresh and new, however, he was aware that what he felt for Max was genuine and had nothing to do with the novelty of the relationship. He had fallen in love with Max the first night they were together and his feelings had only increased with every minute they spent together. He'd been around long enough to know that what they had was special and didn't come along every day. He wasn't about to jeopardize it because of a little thing called timing.  
  
He removed Max's hand from his face, turned it over and kissed the palm. He looked into the brown eyes that had only respect and love shinning out of them. "You are the most beautiful man, inside and out. Of course, I will have you. With no second thoughts, no fears, no misgivings. I love you, Max Steiner, with all my heart and I will always be here for you."   
  
Max wiped away Emmett's tears and pulled him close towards him. They held on to each other, aware that everything had shifted and they were embarking on a new voyage, one they would take together.  
  
"Then marry me Em, let's make this official. I want you to be my partner on paper, as well as in my heart."  
  
Again, Emmett heard the words and could not believe what he was hearing. This was the first marriage proposal he had ever had. And the fact that it was coming from this incredibly beautiful and generous man who was holding him only made it that much more special.   
  
Emmett pulled back from Max's arms and looked into his amazingly attractive face. Even bed head could do nothing to diminish his beauty. The chocolate eyes framed by their generous fringe looked at him with such love and tenderness, Emmett was touched. "Yes, I will marry you gorgeous. Whenever, wherever; just name the day and time and I'll be there."  
  
"Good," Max said, overjoyed. "I want to do this as soon as possible. I need to call my mother and then tell Brian and Justin I'm quitting."  
  
"Hold on there, lover boy," Emmett said, hanging on to Max to prevent him from reaching for the phone. "Do you know what time it is? It's too early in the morning to be stirring up such trouble."  
  
What do you mean, Em? It's eight in the morning; my mother's already been up for hours. She's an insomniac and barely gets four hours of sleep at night. Trust me, she'll be awake and full of coffee by now," Max said as he picked up the phone and punched in the numbers.  
  
"Mama? Hey, it's Max."  
  
"No, nothing is wrong, Ma. I'm just calling to let you be the first to know. I'm getting married!" Max held the phone away from his ear as his mother shrieked on the other end.  
  
"I'm not sure when, as soon as we can get all the paper work together, Ma, and you and everyone can come out here."  
  
"No, he's not Jewish, he's a Buddhist. Stop screaming mother, he's not Chinese." Max put the phone away from his ear and looked at Emmett with a huge smile on his face.  
  
Emmett stared at him and just shook his head. He mouthed the words, you are crazy!  
  
"No mother, he's not converting! Ma, stop crying, for heaven's sake. There's no point in him converting. We can't be married by a Rabbi; you know that's not going to happen."  
  
"Okay, stop already. Put Pops on the phone, Ma, I need to tell him."  
  
Max waited a few minutes and then he heard his father's booming voice on the other line.  
  
"Maxie, what's this I hear? You're marrying someone from China?"  
  
"No Papa, he's actually from Hazelhurst, Mississippi, but he's been living in Pittsburgh for years now."  
  
"Your mother said he was Chinese, a Buddhist! Have you gone mishuggeneh, Max?"  
  
"Buddhism is his religion, Pop. He's American, just like you and me. And Pa, I love him."  
  
"What does he do?"  
  
"He owns his own business; he's a party planner."   
  
"But he's a goy, Max, how could you do this?"  
  
"Pop, it wouldn't matter if he were Jewish. Our rabbi would never marry us, you know that. Besides, it's not like we're going to have any kids."  
  
"Well, where are you getting married then? You need to come home, Maxie, so we can discuss this. I want Uncle Dennis to look over any paper work involved. We have to protect you, son."  
  
"Pop, stop this! And tell Ma to stop crying! I'll come home and bring Emmett with me, so you can meet him. Then you'll see why I want to marry him."  
  
"What kind of name is Emmett?" Max's mother asked, now on the phone. She had grabbed another phone and they were now having a three-way conversation.  
  
"Mom, you need to calm down," Max said. "Emmett is a beautiful name, just like the man who owns it."  
  
He put the phone away from his ear and moved over to give Emmett a long and meaningful kiss. Meanwhile, his mother kept on talking in the background.  
  
"So, Maxie, when you come out here, we'll have to go visit Uncle Saul at the Jewelry Mart to buy the rings from him, so you can get a good price. Don't go to the big stores, okay honey, you know how they can gauge you."  
  
"Ma, I haven't even thought about that yet. I just asked him to marry me ten minutes ago!"  
  
"Well, rings are important Maxie. You have to be very careful when you pick them out. Andie and I will go with you to see Uncle Saul."  
  
"That fine, mother, we'll all go together," Max said patiently.  
  
"When do you think you'll be out here, son, so I can tell Uncle Dennis?" Max's father asked, taking his turn. "We need to make sure you have a pre-nup. An iron clad contract. We don't want any problems with money."  
  
"Pop, come on, everything will be okay. There will be no problems, he has his own money, his own business, his own house; he doesn't need any of mine."  
  
"Well, that's all well and good, son, still, I want you to be protected. Everything should be ironed out before the ketuvah, that's the smart thing to do."  
  
"Okay, now can we just drop this whole line of questioning and why doesn't anyone ask me if he loves me and if I'm happy?" Max stated.  
  
"Well of course he loves you," Max's mother said. "What's not to love? You are a wonderful boy, Maxie, and a good son. Does he make you happy?" she asked, as a side note.  
  
"Incredibly, mother, Max replied.  
  
"Then that's all the matters. If you are happy, we are happy for you, right David?" she asked Max's father.  
  
"Let me talk, Enid" Max heard his father say in the background. "Max," he boomed into the phone.  
  
"Pop?"  
  
"He's good to you?"  
  
"He loves me, Pa. I've never been this happy or this well cared for."  
  
"Then mazeltov son," he said lovingly. "You deserve only the best."  
  
"Thanks," Max replied quietly. "I've got to go; I'll call you when I know our plans. It'll be in the next week or so."  
  
"Okay, Max, bye for now."  
  
"Bye, Maxie!" his mother said in the background.  
  
"Well, that went well," Max said to Emmett. "Much better than I expected," he muttered under his breath.  
  
"Yes, well, the worst is yet to come," Emmett said looking at his fiancé.  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"Brian."  
  
"Oh God," Max said. "That's going to be tough."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brian sat at his desk in his home office. He had just finished meting out his punishment to the two boys seated across from him, too shocked to argue. He had told them in no uncertain terms that they were to stay far away from the video games and that they were going to spend the rest of their summer vacation taking on Raoul's garden chores, due to the fact that he was still recuperating from his near drowning. They would have to mow the lawn, vacuum the pool, and sweep around the patio and pool area to keep things nice and tidy. Also, once a week, they were going to detail all five cars while Brian supervised. And lastly, they were going to continue with their driving lessons as well as the body building and tennis.  
  
Brian told them that he expected them to do all this, with a smile on their face and if there were any more problems he would personally put them on the next plane to Toronto without any misgivings.  
  
"Is that clear, boys?"  
  
"Yeah, Dad," Gus replied, completely surprised by his father's attitude. He had never been the recipient of Brian's discipline, and even though he knew he deserved this, it was still shocking to him.   
  
"Are we still going to go to Las Vegas, like we had planned?" Gus asked.  
  
"I think you lost that trip as soon as you got into the Corvette and turned on the ignition, Gus," Brian said quietly.  
  
"Crap," Gus said underneath his breath.  
  
Brian just stared at him. He knew he was being especially hard on the boy, but he wanted him to remember this and learn. Melanie and Lindsay wanted him sent home immediately but Brian thought that some manual labor would be a more fitting punishment.   
  
"Okay, that's it for now. You guys can go," Brian said.  
  
They walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind them.  
  
"I'd forgotten how scary you are when you're angry," Justin said from the corner of the room. He had been sitting on the sofa the whole time that Brian had met with the boys.  
  
"Yeah, well, hopefully I was scary enough to make an impression on those two, so we never have to deal with any more crap like this."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure this will go down as one of their more unforgettable vacations," Justin said as he got up off the sofa and crossed over to where Brian was.  
  
He sat on Brian's lap and put his arms around him. "I love it when you get all bossy and shit," he whispered. "It makes me hard, watching you."  
  
"You are a horny little fuck and anything makes you hard," Brian said.   
  
"No…that's not true. You're the only one that gives me instant woodies, at the oddest times," Justin said, rubbing his hand on Brian's groin and nuzzling his neck.  
  
He was rewarded with corresponding stiffness. Brian proceeded to destroy him with his mouth, kissing him long and hard till they were both dizzy with desire.   
  
Justin's moans were inevitable. The kissing always succeeded in doing this. He got up off Brian's lap, crossed over to the door and locked it, then he moved back to where Brian sat and pulled him off the chair and over to the sofa area.  
  
He sat on the sofa and slowly undid his belt buckle, unbuttoning his pants and sliding the zipper down as he watched Brian, never taking his eyes off him. He wet his lips and pulled Brian's face towards him, now licking Brian's mouth, running the tip of his tongue around Brian's lips, outlining them before pushing through, feeling Brian's teeth, tasting his tongue, sucking on it, pushing against it, moaning into each other as he felt his erection pressing hard against Brian's body. Finally he pulled away and gently pushed Brian's head down.   
  
"Get me off, please," Justin begged, his breathing changing as he felt Brian's hot mouth taking him in all at once, deep into his throat, almost devouring him. Sure and fast and hard, Brian moved his mouth up and down Justin's shaft, sucking and licking while his right hand played with Justin's balls, massaging them, moving downward so that his fingers outlined his beautiful lover's crack. Justin felt Brian slip a finger into his ass, then two, even as his mouth continued to suck and lick and nip at his cock. Justin's hands were pulling on Brian's hair as he felt himself getting closer and closer, succumbing to the swirling pull of the incredibly gifted lover at his groin, the man who was loving him, working to bring him to sexual heights only he could make Justin achieve.   
  
Within a matter of minutes, the hot rush of liquid flowed out of Justin as he came, pulsing into Brian's mouth. He whimpered as Brian swallowed every last drop, never stopping, continuing his movements until he felt Justin's body go slack with release.   
  
Brian moved up and kissed Justin, sharing some of the taste that still coated his tongue. He grabbed Justin's hand and placed it firmly on his groin.  
  
"My turn Sunshine," he said, huskily, kissing up and down Justin's neck, inhaling his special scent, pushing his fingers through the silky blond hair and then resting his hand on Justin's cheek. Justin was in an orgasmic trance, unable to talk, only able to respond to the touch and feel of the man who never failed to send him over the moon and back.   
  
Justin got up and removed his shirt. He did it all in slow motion, as Brian sat back on the sofa and watched with hungry eyes. Justin's face was flushed, his lips red and swollen. He peeled his pants off, and kicked his underwear away from his ankles as he watched Brian's eyes widen with lust, staring at Justin's cock which was still semi-erect and wet with Brian's saliva. The hazel eyes locked on Justin, anticipating the moment when he would feel the cherry lips clamping around him. Brian removed his own shirt and undid his pants. He lifted his hips and pulled them off, never taking his eyes off Justin as he watched him climb back on the sofa, gently moving Brian so that he was now lying down. Justin straddled his stomach, facing the opposite way so that when he bent down to take Brian in his mouth, his beautiful ass was almost in Brian's face. There was no way Brian could resist putting his mouth to the beautiful pucker that was so ready to be rimmed, begging for it as Justin moved back, closer and closer until he was rewarded by the feel of Brian's tongue, circling, pushing in and out, lapping at him. Justin sighed with pleasure; he felt Brian's hands clutch his hips, moving him back and forth, in sync with his head bobbing up and down on Brian's dick, sucking and pulling, licking at all the wonderful ridges that felt so different from this angle. The sounds that were coming out of Brian's throat as he hummed against his hole made him crazy with desire, his cock pressed rigidly against Brian's stomach as he rutted on the hot flesh in time with Brian's tongue, circling and pushing in and out, performing every trick he knew to drive his lover to the brink.   
  
Brian was lost in the sensations that were coming at him from two directions. The warm wet mouth moving up and down his shaft while he tongue fucked Justin, hearing the whimpering, feeling Justin's hands clenching around his balls, squeezing, kneading, stroking him, making him forget where he was. His world had narrowed to this special place, the place that only Justin could take him to, a wonderful place where nothing but pleasure was important; where every move and every sound was designed to bring him closer to fulfillment. He was enveloped by sensations, coming at him from every angle. He heard the usual noises Justin made as he fucked him with his tongue, begging, sobbing with pleasure as Brian's relentless mouth never let up.   
  
He felt Justin shudder with each thrust, squirming, as Brian's tongue moved in and out, twirling around in little circles, then thrusting again, jabbing at him. He knew this would send them both over the edge sooner than they would like, but he couldn't stop and pull back. Self- control had flown out the window and all they were looking for was release. All too quickly he felt himself spurting into Justin's mouth even as Justin's muscles clenched around Brian's tongue as he came for a second time, all over Brian's stomach.   
  
Justin collapsed on Brian, panting like a dog on a hot summer day, their bodies slick with a combination of sweat and Justin's cum smeared between them. They lay on the sofa, satiated, and completely drained. Brian's heart continued to thump too loudly, almost moving his body with its violent beating.  
  
"That was so fucking hot," Brian said, moving both his hands up and down Justin's legs.   
  
"It was intense," Justin replied, completely relaxed, reveling in his post-coital heaven. His head was resting on Brian's thigh.   
  
"Have you noticed," Brian asked, still trying to catch his breath, "That our sex is getting better with time, rather than diminishing?"   
  
"Practice makes perfect, Brian," Justin answered dreamily, "And I would say that last round was just about perfect!"  
  
"Just about?" Brian asked indignantly. "What do you mean, just about?"  
  
He moved his right hand up and around Justin's hips, reaching underneath till he cupped Justin's balls and gently started to squeeze. "Did I hear you say, just about, Sunshine?"  
  
"Stop it Brian, you're hurting me."  
  
"Just about?" Brian answered, squeezing a little tighter.  
  
"Quit it," Justin said, writhing, trying to get out of his grasp. Finally he started laughing and huffed out, "It was perfect, alright, absolutely fucking perfect!"  
  
"That's better," Brian said, easing up on the tight hold.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later on that day they sat around the pool watching Gus and Austin doing their laps. The boys had just finished their first chore which was mowing the vast lawns that surrounded Britin. Once Brian had finished explaining to them exactly how he wanted things done and how he wanted the cut lines to be at a certain angle, Gus had really gotten in to it. He was doing a great job and his lines were spaced perfectly. He was just as anal as his father, making sure each swipe of the power mower was near perfect. When it was Austin's turn to take over the wheel, Gus freaked as soon as he realized that Austin was not quite as careful with his pattern, crisscrossing where he shouldn't. Finally, Gus just grabbed the wheel of the mower and told Austin that he could do the sweeping and the vacuuming of the pool, Gus would be in charge of the cutting.   
  
Brian found the whole thing very entertaining, proud of the fact that Gus did such a good job on his first try. Justin sat beside him with his perennial sketch pad in hand, doodling.   
  
They were both surprised when they heard voices and they saw Max and Emmett strolling towards them unexpectedly.  
  
"Here we go," Brian muttered to himself.  
  
"What?" Justin asked, looking up from his drawing to see them coming down the little hill that lead to the pool.  
  
"Hey guys," Justin said. "What brings you way out here on a weekend?"  
  
"Hi, Brian, Justin," Max nodded at them, slipping into calling them by their first names.  
  
Brian noticed the change immediately.   
  
"So Max, when will this all go down?"  
  
"How did you know?" he asked Brian.  
  
"Know what?" Justin asked them.  
  
"He's quitting, Justin. That's what he's here to tell us, isn't that right Max?"  
  
"Yes," he said hesitantly. Emmett stood beside Max, holding his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze.  
  
"But why?" Justin asked. "Surely it can't still be over the incident with the car."  
  
"No," Max replied. "It's got nothing to do with my decision."  
  
"Then what does?" Brian asked.  
  
"The truth is, it's time for me to move on Brian. I'm a Cordon Bleu trained chef. I need to get back into that world or I'll lose my skills. Working here for the last two years has been wonderful, it was exactly what I needed at the time, however, I need to get back into the culinary world."  
  
"Are you going to work for Fabulous?" Brian asked, giving Emmett a dirty look.  
  
"Actually," Emmett interjected, "Max just asked me to marry him, so yes, he will be taking over that part of Fabulous, as soon as he is able to."  
  
"Fuck," Brian said.  
  
"Married?" Justin asked, his voice rising in surprise. "Isn't this rather sudden? I mean, I'm happy for you guys, but you've only known each other for, what, two months?"   
  
"Nine weeks and three days," Emmett said, "But who's counting?"  
  
"I know it's been a whirlwind romance," Max said, looking at Emmett while he talked, "But he's everything I've ever wanted, Justin. I've looked long and hard for a relationship like this and I'm not passing it up because it's too soon. We both know it's the right thing for us."  
  
"Oh God, stop it you two. This is way too lesbionic," Brian said scowling at everyone.   
  
Justin smiled and reached over to hug Emmett, then he did the same to Max. "If it's what you guys want, then I am happy for you. You two are both wonderful and make a really good team; it's a perfect fit, I can see that," Justin said.   
  
Everyone had big smiles on their faces, everyone except for Brian.  
  
Justin elbowed him and said, "Oh, come on Brian, you should be happy for them too."  
  
"I knew this was going to happen. As soon as you told me they were seeing each other," he said looking at Justin petulantly.  
  
"It was inevitable Brian," Max interjected. "I was starting to get brain dead, getting much too complacent just cooking for the two of you. I need to get back into the cut-throat world of back-stabbing food critics and irate, picky customers. I need the stimulation, to keep my juices and gravies flowing," Max said, trying to make a joke.  
  
"Well, you've spoiled us Max. I've gotten used to having a personal chef, I don't think I can go back to the world of take-out and Mrs. Kinney-Taylor here is not about to take on the kitchen chores, right dear?" Brian said, turning to Justin.  
  
"Oh fuck off, Brian. Stop being such a spoiled brat. I'm sure Max can help us interview people before he leaves."  
  
"Absolutely," Max said. "In fact, I've already put out feelers. There are a couple guys I know from culinary school who might be interested. I'll try and set up some interviews."  
  
"Well, make sure they're ugly and married. I don't want to go through this every two years," Brian said, tongue-in-cheek.  
  
"Okay, quit it Brian, and put on your happy face," Justin said, looking at his partner disapprovingly.  
  
"Shit," Brian said, finally breaking into a small smile. He pulled Max towards him and gave him a big hug, and then he turned to Emmett and did the same.  
  
TBC


	20. Chapter 20

_According to the law of Karma, the potential energy of the Reproductive Karma could be nullified by a mere powerful opposing Karma of the past, which, seeking an opportunity, may quite unexpectedly operate, just as a powerful counteractive force can obstruct the path of a flying arrow and bring it down to the ground. Such an action is called Destructive Karma, which is more effective than the previous two in that it is not only obstructive but also destroys the whole force. The Destructive Karma also may be either good or bad._ _  
  
_ Chapter 20  
  
Daphne sat at her desk at work and tried to concentrate on the medical journal she was attempting to read. The words were all running into each other and nothing was making any sense. Her mind was a million miles away.  
  
It was still in the dream that she had last night, the one that seemed so real, the one that she had awoken from, crying quietly until Alex had taken her in his arms and soothed her.   
  
She had dreamed that she had two little girls, they were four-years old, and they were having a birthday party. It was their condo, but not really. The room looked familiar, but it was larger and brighter, there were balloons everywhere. Alex was in the dream too, taking pictures, looking just as happy as she was.   
  
"Daddy, look at my cake," one of the little ones said. Alex went over and peeked at the cake. It had a big picture of Eeyore and Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh. "Isn't it pretty?" she asked, looking at Alex with her big, blue eyes.  
  
"Yes, it's a beautiful cake, honey," he said, smiling down at his daughter. The other one chimed up and said, "Come look at mine too! I have Winnie on my cake, Daddy."  
  
Alex moved over to the other side of the table where his other daughter stood. She was the mirror opposite of the first one, her hair was blond and her eyes dark, while the first girl had dark hair and light eyes. Daphne had seen them both so clearly in her dream.   
  
There were people in the background, family and some friends. She saw Brian and Emmett, Melanie and Lindsay, her mother and father but no Justin. He wasn't in the picture; she kept turning around looking for him but he wasn't there. The girls were blowing on their candles and everyone was singing, "Happy Birthday."   
  
Then she saw him. He was in the corner of the room with Max. They were cooking something in a large pot, mixing it round and round with a big wooden spoon. Smoke was coming out of the pot and it was making bubbling noises. Justin had a silly grin on his face, the kind he would get when he'd been high on E.   
  
_"Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble."_ Justin and Max were chanting as they stood over the pot, laughing hysterically. Max had his chef's hat on and Justin had his King of Babylon crown on his head. They were both wearing Speedo's.  
  
She walked over to the corner and asked them what they were making.   
  
"Babies, Daphne," Justin said. "I'm making a new batch for you."  
  
"What?" she asked confused and disoriented.  
  
"Come look, it's a new recipe, Max made it for us."  
  
She moved over to the pot and peered in. There were little eggs bobbing around, blue and pink ones, with names on them. Names like Billy, Erik, Margie, Susie; lots and lots of little pink and blue eggs that were getting bigger and bigger as the guys stirred. They looked like the pretty colored balls that you see in amusement parks, in the cages that parents let their kids play in.   
  
Max scooped out two blue ones and handed them to Justin. "Okay, these are ready," he said.  
  
Justin took them and wrapped them in a blue blanket. Then he walked over to an enormous chair, one that was three sizes too big for him, and climbed up on the ladder that was leaning on it and placed the little blanket with the eggs on it. He then sat on them, slowly, so they wouldn't break. He sat there and crossed his arms and waited, while everyone in the room watched.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked, calling to him from down below.  
  
"I'm waiting for them to hatch, Daphne, what does it look like I'm doing?" he said, clearly irritated by her question. He sat on his throne with the crown on his head, looking like the Wizard of Oz, rather than the King of Babylon. There was music in the background, music that had changed from 'Happy Birthday' to the gay thumpa-thumpa that she remembered from her few sojourns into Babylon years ago with Justin.   
  
"But, I don't need anymore babies, Justin. You can stop that, I already have the girls," she said.  
  
"Too late, Daphne," Justin answered. "They're already cooking."  
  
Then the dream shifted again and she was back with Alex and the little girls, each one holding a child in their arms and they were back to singing nursery rhymes.   
  
"What is Uncle Justin doing Mommy?"  
  
"Making two brothers for you girls," she answered.   
  
"We don't want any brothers," the girls said in unison.   
  
"Yes," Alex said, "We don't want anymore babies. Tell him to stop it!"  
  
"Justin," she called out. "Justin, stop sitting on the eggs. Stop it Justin."  
  
The buzzer on her phone kept going off and Daphne finally noticed it, forcing herself to get her mind back to the present. She pressed the button on the communicator.   
  
"Yes?"  
  
"It's Mr. Taylor on the line, Doctor. Do you want to take the call?"  
  
_Oh, this is too weird,_ Daphne thought to herself as she picked up the phone.  
  
"Hey, Justin," she said tentatively.  
  
"Hi Daphe. Are you okay?" Justin asked.  
  
Daphne ran her right hand through her hair and took a deep breath.  
  
"I'm fine, Justin."  
  
"No you're not. What happened Daphe? Did anything happen that you're not telling me about?"  
  
The tears appeared out of nowhere, streaming down her face. She swiped a tissue angrily out of the box on her desk and blotted them away, annoyed that she was so out of control.  
  
"I just had a crazy dream last night and I've been sitting here thinking about it."  
  
"What was it about?" he asked.  
  
She told him briefly and he laughed when she told him about the part where he was sitting on the eggs like some weirdo big bird.   
  
"Well, I'm glad you are finding this whole thing so amusing, Justin. I was pretty upset when I woke up."  
  
"Hey," he said gently. "I'm not laughing at you Daphe, I'm laughing at the dream."   
  
"Whatever," she said quietly. "Why are you calling, Justin?"  
  
"Would it be okay to bring Tiffany and her friend to your party? Gus and Austin were wondering if you would mind."  
  
"No, of course I don't mind," Daphne said. "But aren't those girls a little too old for Gus and Austin? I thought you disapproved?"  
  
"They are and I do, but the boys think they're going to be bored at your party without people their own age, or close to their age, so they asked Tiffany and her best friend."  
  
"That's fine, Justin."  
  
"Okay, thanks a lot Daphe. We'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"No problem."  
  
Daphne put the phone down and sat there thinking. She was so close to just throwing in the towel and saying 'fuck it' to this whole plan of hers. Justin seemed no closer to making a decision and she was running out of patience. Her dream had only exacerbated her feelings.  
  
It felt wonderful holding the little girl in her arms. She wanted a child so badly, it had taken over all her thoughts and she longed for a future when she and Alex would become parents.   
  
In the meantime, Alex seemed happy with the way his plans were progressing on getting to know Brian and Justin better. He'd started playing racquetball with Brian twice a week and had mentioned to her what a good athlete he was, something he found surprising in a Gay man. She told him that Brian was the most masculine guy she knew; he just happened to like cock. Alex was introduced to a whole new world seeing Justin and Brian together. Previous to this, his idea of homosexuals was pretty much text book, and now that he saw it all up close and personal, he realized what a misconception he had and how out-dated his ideas were.   
  
They were just like any other couple in a good relationship, better in many ways. They seemed to have a wonderful sense of each other's thoughts and wants, almost being able to communicate without saying one word. Although they were not overly affectionate in public, he could tell that they enjoyed each other's company and the physical side of their partnership seemed strong and viable. He knew this because he had seen them kissing once, outside the hospital after Justin had dropped Brian off for his game, and the kiss was definitely hot.   
  
Brian was a keen competitor and a good athlete. He was also highly intelligent, well informed and had a great sense of humor; all qualities that Alex was seeing and benefiting from in this new friendship.  
  
Justin, of course, was everything Daphne said he'd be and what's more, he seemed more than happy to allow Alex into his circle of family and friends. He was exceedingly generous, almost to a fault. Alex had heard about his foundation and the yearly scholarships that were doled out to starving artists. Daphne had told him that this was Justin's way of making sure that no one would have to go through what he had, when he was trying to make it on his own after his father had basically thrown him out. She'd recounted the whole story to Alex and he was amazed that Justin was able to survive being on his own in the world at such a young age.   
  
Daphne said that Brian had much to do with it, but the more he got to know Justin the more he realized that he would have probably done just fine on his own, without Brian's help.   
  
Another eye opener was Brian and Justin's relationship with their son. Again, Alex had heard the stories about how Gus had been conceived and all the trials and tribulations that occurred afterward, however, what he was seeing today was a strong and loving relationship between the three of them. It only re-enforced Daphne's belief that having a child and sharing it with Justin would work, if he were to agree to such a thing. Obviously, Lindsay and Melanie were benefiting from having these men in their lives and Gus was the winner in the whole arrangement. Would it work for them? Having another man in the relationship, as well as the father? That was something Alex was still pondering.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Justin was on his way to Natrona Heights to visit with the Master. He had called him earlier and told him he needed his advice on a pressing matter. As usual, the Master had given him an appointment time on the same day, not asking any questions.  
  
Justin drove through the gates and parked his car. He started walking to the stone bench, their usual meeting place, but this time, the Master was waiting at the edge of the garden and told him he would prefer to meet with him inside the temple.  
  
Justin followed silently, wondering what was going on. As they entered, he watched as the Master put his hands together and bowed before the statue of Buddha. He lit several incense sticks and then he motioned to Justin to sit with him on the floor in front of one of the shrines.  
  
"I want you to sit here for a few minutes and meditate with me, Justin. You need to free your mind of any thoughts, I want you clear-headed and calm. Then we can converse," Master said. He then proceeded to cross his legs and put his hands together, bending forward and starting a mantra, softly and melodiously, saying the words over and over, humming them in a voice that was calm and reassuring.   
  
Justin closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind of all thoughts. He visualized a perfect place, somewhere warm and clean and beautiful to the eye. His mind became a virtual canvas as he added the colors, one at a time, layering his vision with the hues that he considered peaceful and harmonious. Nothing occupied his thoughts except the special place he was in; this ideal place where only good things happened and honorable intentions ruled the land. He heard the chanting in the background and it soothed him. He could feel himself moving away from his body, letting the Master's words lull him into the special state of bare mindfulness.   
  
After what seemed like a few minutes, but in reality was close to an hour, he felt the Master gently shaking him and telling him it was time to go. Justin blinked several times, waking from a deep state of peacefulness.   
  
They rose and made their way out of the temple and out to the gardens; to the Koi pond and the stone bench. They sat and were silent for several minutes.  
  
"Tell me Justin, what is troubling you?"  
  
Justin took a deep breath and asked, "How does Buddhism feel about homosexuals, Master?"  
  
The Master looked at Justin and thought about his answer for several minutes.   
  
"The Buddha questioned many of the assumptions existing in his society, including moral ones, and tried to develop an ethics based upon reason and compassion rather than tradition, superstitions and taboo," the Master stated.   
  
"Having questioned the conventional basis of morality, the Buddha suggested three criteria for making moral judgments. The first is what might be called the universality principle-to act towards others the way we would like them to act towards us. For what is unpleasant to me must be unpleasant to another, and how could I burden someone with that?" the Master asked.  
  
"So, do onto others as you would have them do unto you? That is also a Christian belief, Master." Justin replied.   
  
"Yes, it's common to many religions. However, Buddha takes it a step further."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Any behavior that causes harm to oneself and others could be called blameworthy while any behavior that causes no harm (and presumably which helps) oneself and others could be called praiseworthy. The suggestion is, therefore, that in determining right and wrong one has to look into the actual and possible consequences of the action in relation to the agent and those affected by the action. The Buddha has said, 'The deed which causes remorse afterwards and results in weeping and tears is ill-done. The deed which causes no remorse afterwards and results in joy and happiness is well-done'. This is what might be called the consequential principle, that behavior can be considered good or bad according to the consequence or effects it has."  
  
"Another way of determining right and wrong is what might be called the instrumental principle, that is, that behavior can be considered right or wrong according to whether or not it helps us to attain our goal. The ultimate goal of Buddhism is Nirvana, a state of mental peace and purity, and anything that leads one in that direction is good."  
  
"That still doesn't answer my question Master. Do Buddhists consider homosexuals deviants? Are they ostracized in your religion?"  
  
"The Buddha specifically mentions several types of unskillful sexual behavior, Justin, the most common of which is adultery. This is unskillful because it requires subterfuge and deceit, it means that solemn promises made at the time of marriage are broken, and it amounts to a betrayal of trust. He also mentions avoiding intercourse with girls still under the ward of their parents, married women, female prisoners or with those already engaged to another. Although only females are mentioned, no doubt the same would apply to males in the same position."  
  
The Master rose from the bench and started pacing as he talked. Justin never took his eyes off him.  
  
"As homosexuality is not explicitly mentioned in any of the Buddha's discourses (more than 20 volumes in the Pali Text), we can only assume that it is meant to be evaluated in the same way that heterosexuality is. And indeed, it seems that this may be why it is not specifically mentioned.   
  
In the case of the lay man and woman where there is mutual consent, where adultery is not involved and where the sexual act is an expression of love, respect, loyalty and warmth, it would not be breaking the third Precept. And it is the same when the two people are of the same gender. Likewise, promiscuity, license and the disregard for the feelings of others would make a sexual act unskillful, whether it be heterosexual or homosexual. All the principles we would use to evaluate a heterosexual relationship we would also use to evaluate a homosexual one. In Buddhism we could say that it is not the object of one's sexual desire that determines whether a sexual act in unskillful or not, but rather the quality of the emotions and intentions involved."  
  
"So then, it's accepted?" Justin asked.  
  
"Justin, the Buddhist monk's role has always been very different from his Christian counterpart. His job has been to teach the Dhamma and to act as a quiet example of how it should be lived. This, together with Buddhism's rational approach to ethics and the high regard it has always given to tolerance has meant that homosexuals in Buddhist societies have been treated very differently from how they have been in the West. In fact, Theravada Buddhist countries like Sri Lanka and Burma had no legal statutes against homosexuality between consenting adults until the colonial era when they were introduced by the British. Thailand, which has no colonial experience, still has no laws. Certainly the loathing, fear and hatred that the Western homosexual has so often had to endure is absent, and this is due, to a very large degree, to Buddhism's humane and tolerant influence."  
  
"That is the most intelligent and rational explanation I've ever heard," Justin said. "I wish that the entire world would become Buddhist."  
  
The Master smiled at Justin and placed his hand on Justin's leg. "You are not being realistic, my son."  
  
"I know, Master, its just wishful thinking."  
  
"The start of any journey begins with small steps, Justin. There are many people out there who wish for the same things you do. Is there anything else that you would like to discuss today?"  
  
Justin looked at the Master. The eyes that looked out from the hooded slits were kind and showed only respect and concern. Nowhere did he see condemnation, judgment or revulsion. He decided to open up, to tell him about Daphne's request, Brian's reaction, and his dilemma. He started talking and virtually had diarrhea of the mouth; his thoughts pouring out non-stop.   
  
The Master sat and listened, nodding at the appropriate times, interjecting a word here and there, but never interrupting. His eyes never changed with anything he heard. All Justin saw was sympathy and sadness, never condemnation.   
  
Justin talked on, letting it all out, withholding nothing. He spoke about his relationship with Brian, the years of struggle and everything they had been through, how Gus came to be, their current relationship, Daphne, her issues and her pain, their ties with Melanie and Lindsay and his father's anger and condemnation of his lifestyle.   
  
They sat on the stone bench, in the quiet of the late afternoon, never even noticing that the sun was slowly starting to set on the horizon.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
The party was in full swing and Emmett and Max stood off to the side of the room observing the crowd.  
  
"This is going really well," Emmett said, his eyes moving back and forth across the room, noticing everything.  
  
"Of course it is," Max acknowledged. "You're in charge."  
  
"Thanks Gorgeous!" Em replied, giving Max a light peck on the cheek. "And of course your food is an incredible hit, as I knew it would be. Who would have thought these people would go for a Turkish buffet?"   
  
"It's just your standard Middle Eastern food, Em. It's all the rage these days, as you well know," Max said pointedly, looking at Emmett with unconcealed lust in his eyes, thinking of the Moroccan meal they had shared a few weeks ago.  
  
"Oh hush, honey, don't remind me of that night or I'll disgrace myself in front of all these people and get down on my knees right here and now!"   
  
"I know exactly what you mean," Max said with a shake of his head. "Seriously Em, I'm glad you liked everything I prepared," Max said. "Its fun doing events like this, I think I'm really going to enjoy working for 'Fabulous'. Especially when I can boink my partner in the back room of our office," he whispered into Em's ear, giving it a little lick to get his point across.   
  
"Oh you are the naughtiest man and you need to stop this minute or I will be worthless," Emmett said looking at him and actually turning pink. He was so enamored with Max, one word from him and he turned into a quivering mass of emotions.  
  
"Speaking of boinking," Emmett said, "Did you notice those two sluts with Gus and Austin?"  
  
"Stop being such a bitch, Em," Max said, "They're just teenage prom queens who have to flaunt their beautiful bodies. That's normal for that age."  
  
"How would you know?" Emmett asked.  
  
"I have a sister, that's how. There was a time in my life when I was surrounded by girls like that, throwing themselves at me non-stop. It was horrible!"  
  
"God, I'll bet. It's enough to want to make you put up a sign that says, 'I'm Gay, forget it'!"  
  
"Except at that time I was still deep in the closet and I had to act like I was interested."  
  
"Well, that must have been challenging?" Emmett looked at him.  
  
"Don't even go there Em; I never even got close. After a while they got bored with all the rejections and quit coming around."  
  
Emmett turned around and nuzzled Max's neck. "Their loss and my wonderful gain," he whispered. "I love you, you do know that, don't you?"  
  
Max smiled his beautiful smile and said, "I think so. You only tell me how much at least six times a day."  
  
"Not often enough, gorgeous," Emmett replied, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze.  
  
"Oh, by the way, we've got reservations on Wednesday, at nine- thirty. We'll be in Chicago around eleven, depending on the air traffic, and my father and mother will be at the airport to pick us up," Max said.  
  
"Okay, I'm ready to do this," Emmett replied. "Terrified, but ready."  
  
"What are you scared of?" Max asked.  
  
"They'll hate me. They'll think I'm not good enough. They'll tell you this is crazy and too soon, just a few little things like that," Emmett said, looking at Max with eyes that were shiny with tears.  
  
"Oh my God! Will you please stop being so insecure? I don't give a rat's ass what anyone has to say, I know what I want, Em, YOU! You are everything that I consider good and kind and sexy and hard- working and funny and no one in my family would dare say anything to the contrary because the minute they meet you, they will fall in love with you, the way I did."  
  
Max grabbed Emmett's neck and moved him closer so that he was able to kiss him long and hard, saying with his mouth what the rest of his body wanted to say, except now was not the time or the place.  
  
"Okay, you two. These public displays have got to stop. You are becoming positively nauseating in your sweetness, far too lesbionic for my taste," Brian said in his quietly sarcastic way as he passed by them heading for the bar.  
  
"Fuck off Brian," Emmett replied in the sweetest way, still heady from Max's kiss.  
  
"Yeah Mr. B, leave us alone. I can't help it if this man makes me want to kiss him in public more often than I should. Besides, we're still in the honeymoon stage, it's allowed," Max said, looking at Emmett affectionately and brushing a stray tear away with his thumb.   
  
"You guys are making me sick," Brian said. "Oh, by the way Max, I like that one guy you sent over the other day. The one from the south side of Chicago, Jerry-something. He's a little rough around the edges but I was comfortable with him and he's got some pretty good credentials."  
  
Max thought for a minute, and then said, "Jerry Bither?" He and I apprenticed together at Charlie Trotter's restaurant and yeah, he's definitely a South Sider but a nicer guy I never knew and God, can he cook!"  
  
"So is being a 'South Sider' a bad thing?" Brian asked.   
  
"No," Max said. "Not at all. They're just a tougher breed, if you can imagine such a thing in Chicago."  
  
"Is he Gay?" Brian asked. "I could barely pick that up."  
  
"He is, but you would never know it. He's had to create this tough persona from living where he did and being harassed constantly by his peers. I remember him getting into a fight once with this Mexican bus boy who called him a 'maricon'."  
  
"What's that, sweetie?" Emmett asked.  
  
"It's queer in Spanish. He threw it out in the most insulting way in front of Charlie Trotter and Jerry was livid. Later that night he waited till the restaurant closed and when the guy came out to leave for the night, he jumped him. They had an awful fight and it took several of us to break them apart. After that no one ever called him 'maricon'."  
  
"And is he with anyone? I don't want to go through this flowers and romance bullshit every two years Max. It's gonna give me heartburn."  
  
"He's been living with the same guy ever since I've known him, I don't remember his name but he's also from Chicago, a retail guy. High end clothes if I remember correctly."  
  
"Well, I'll have Cynthia check on all his references. If everything pans out I'll probably hire him. He said he can start in two weeks. Will that work out for you, timing wise?"  
  
"Sure," Max said. "The only thing I need to do before that is go home for a few days. I'm bringing Emmett to meet my family and then I'll be back to stay. We plan on flying out Wednesday and we'll be back   
on the weekend. Is that cool with you?"  
  
"That's fine," Brian said. I'm sure we can manage without you for a few days. There's always frozen food and take-out," he said with a smile as he watched Max grimace.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Justin licked his fingers after finishing one more piece of Baklava. He swore he would only have one, but after taking a bite into the honey-sweet pastry he broke down and had another.   
  
He looked around and saw Brian standing close to the bar chatting with Emmett and Max. They seemed to be deep in discussion about something so he decided to take this opportunity to find Gus and Austin who seemed to have magically disappeared from the crowd.   
  
He passed by Daphne and whispered that he was looking for the boys and she suggested that he try Alex's study which was on the other side of the condo. The TV was in that room so it was very likely that the boys had found their way there.  
  
He found the door leading to the room, opened it and peered inside. He was greeted by darkness and very loud music coming from the unit on the far wall to his left. He entered the room and as his eyes adjusted to the dark he saw something that he wasn't expecting.  
  
It was a scene right out of the back room at Babylon. Austin was sitting on a big easy chair and Tiffany was on the floor in front of him on her knees with her face in his lap, her head bobbing up and down.   
Justin turned to his right and he saw Gus standing in the other corner with Tiffany's friend, Emma, hanging on to him. They were so engrossed in kissing and feeling each other they didn't even notice that Justin had walked in. Gus' hands were all over the girl and before things could progress, Justin decided to break it up.  
  
"Gus!" he called out.  
  
All four players sprang apart like pins in a bowling alley after a direct hit. They stood there looking at Justin in shock.   
  
"Daddy J," Gus stammered, "How long have you been here?"  
  
"Long enough," Justin replied, looking at Gus and shaking his head.   
  
"I think it's time to go," Justin said. "Tiffany, did you drive here?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Taylor," she replied, straightening out her skirt and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.   
  
She wasn't even fazed by the interruption, Justin thought to himself. _Fucking little bitch._  
  
"Okay, you and your friend can leave. I'm taking Gus and Austin home. Call me in the morning and we'll talk," Justin said, looking at her as if she was some sort of pedophile.  
  
"'DJ' are you going to tell Dad?" Gus asked white-faced.  
  
"Right now, we are going to say our goodbyes to Daphne and Alex and get your father and go home. I'll decide what I'm going to say after that."  
  
"You can't tell him, 'D', he'll have us on the next plane for sure," Gus said, holding on to Justin's arm.  
  
Justin looked at Gus and thought better of his defensive stand. It was pointless to get all huffy and alienate the kid. Right now Gus needed someone to talk to and give him advice. Not someone who would throw the book at him and lock him up.  
  
"Alright, I won't say anything, but when we get home, I want to see you in the studio, tonight," Justin said.  
  
"Okay," Gus said, relieved.  
  
TBC


	21. Chapter 21

_In the working of Karma there are maleficent and beneficent forces and conditions to counteract and support this self-operating law. Birth, time or condition, substratum of rebirth or showing attachment to rebirth and effort act as such powerful aids and hindrances to the fruition of Karma._   
  
Chapter 21  
  
Justin sat on the floor, cross legged, leaning up against the wall. He had told Brian that he was going to be in his studio, a pretty common thing and one that didn't elicit any questions. Brian kissed him, asked him not to stay up too late and then grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.   
  
The door opened and Gus walked in by himself. He had changed into sweats and a t-shirt and was barefoot, as usual.   
  
"Come over here, Gus," Justin said as Gus stood by the door, hesitating.  
  
He walked over to where Justin sat and lowered himself down, crossing his legs as well. He sat and stared at Justin, waiting for the sentencing.   
  
Instead, Justin asked, "How long have Austin and Tiffany been going at it?"  
  
"It just started, 'DJ'. I think this was only the second or third time," Gus answered honestly.  
  
"And you and Emma?"  
  
"We just met; she's really nice, 'D'," Gus replied with a little smile, so reminiscent of Brian's.  
  
"I'll bet she is," Justin said disapprovingly.  
  
"She really is," Gus said, defensively.   
  
"You know, Gus, you really should be having this conversation with your father," Justin said.  
  
Surprised, Gus answered, "I am, 'Daddy J'."   
  
"I meant Brian," Justin said too quickly.  
  
"No, I'd rather have this talk with you, if you don't mind," Gus said quietly. "I know Dad is cool and easy to talk to about sex and stuff but I'm more comfortable talking to you about my feelings, 'D'. Sometimes Dad can be a bit too blunt and he's not very romantic."  
  
"Oh, he's romantic in his own way, Gus. It's just not something he shows most people."   
  
_You bought this palace, for me?_ _  
  
_It's for my prince…__  
  
I'm sure he'd consider everything I'm feeling silly and a big waste of time." Gus said. "Besides, after the shit I pulled with the car, I don't think I'm high on his list of favorite people right now," he finished.  
  
"Gus, you know we both love you, no matter what happened last week," Justin said softly.   
  
"I know, 'DJ', I just feel like I've disappointed everyone. Perfect little Gus did something wrong," Gus said in a falsetto voice, mimicking Lindsay.  
  
Justin was completely taken aback by this response. He never thought that Gus was harboring these feelings.  
  
"Don't you think that maybe you are projecting your own feelings onto to us Gus? That the one who was most disappointed was you?" Justin asked gently.  
  
Gus looked at him with eyes that were so much like Brian's, the only noticeable difference were the additional blue flecks. Justin could see that he was starting to get emotional. His face was slowly turning pink and the beautiful eyes were starting to twinkle with unshed tears. Gus grabbed Justin's hand and held it tightly as he started talking.  
  
"I guess you're right, 'D'. I can't believe that I did something so stupid! It's just that I've got all these new feelings. I want to do, and see, and try things I've never done before. It's so weird, like all of a sudden, this new person is in my body."  
  
"That's pretty normal, Gus; you're growing up. Things are going to start changing rapidly; new experiences and new feelings are bound to crop up. This is all a part of it," Justin said, giving Gus' hand a little squeeze and looking at him lovingly.   
  
"I guess it is, I'm just not used to some feelings that I'm having. I don't know how to deal with them," Gus said quietly.  
  
"Like what?" Justin asked.   
  
Gus looked at Justin and turned away to stare at the wall, not wanting to look his Dad in the eye just then.   
  
Justin put his hand up to Gus' face and gently turned it back so that he faced him again. "What is it Gus? You can tell me, I promise I won't be shocked."  
  
Gus continued to be silent, not really wanting to say anything. Justin felt like he was trying to drag a bag of cement into a room but he persisted.  
  
"You know, when I was your age, sex was the only thing on my mind," Justin said, hoping to elicit a reaction from Gus.  
  
Gus looked at him, surprised. Justin rarely talked about sex with Gus, this was usually something he felt Brian could deal with much better, however, Brian wasn't here right now and he didn't want to pass up this opportunity to help Gus out if he was having a problem  
  
"Well, you're right, 'D', sex is definitely on my mind, a lot." Gus looked at Justin waiting to see what kind of reaction his statement would get. When he saw Justin just looking back at him without any expression, he continued. "Girls are primarily on my mind. I think about sex, wonder about it, what it would be like to have it. I guess you could say that's about the only thing on my mind these days," he said, finally breaking into a shy smile.   
  
"All the guys I know are doing things that I've never done. Austin's been getting blowjobs left and right and I've never even had one. I feel like a stupid virgin around him and I'm kinda jealous in a way. I want to try it too," Gus stammered. "Emma seemed pretty cool and she was so sexy, she probably would have blown me if you hadn't walked in."  
  
_Fuck! Way too much information, now what do I say?_  
  
"Well, I'm pretty sure you're right Gus, however, I don't think Daphne's house was the right place, nor do I think Emma was the right girl," Justin said.  
  
"Why not? Ashley won't even discuss it with me, all she wants to do is kiss and hold hands. It's getting really old," Gus answered, frustrated.  
  
"I mean, I like her and she's really nice and we get along great, but she won't let me touch her anywhere I want to. And she's certainly not interested in touching me down there; what's up with that, 'DJ'?" Gus asked him, completely bewildered.   
  
_Fuck if I know. Maybe she's frigid?_  
  
"Ashley obviously has certain principles and is living by them, Gus. You need to respect that, it's pretty rare nowadays, to find girls like that," Justin said.   
  
_As if I even fucking knew!_  
  
"Yeah, it's so rare that I think she's the only girl in Rosedale like that. All her friends are pretty cool about sex and I can't tell you how many of them think nothing of giving a blowjob. They don't even consider that sex!" Gus said indignantly.  
  
_Thank you, Mr. Clinton for re-inventing the word._  
  
"That doesn't mean that her feelings are wrong, Gus. She's only fifteen after all," Justin said.  
  
"She's almost sixteen, 'D'. How old were you when you had sex for the first time?" Gus asked.  
  
_I knew he was going to ask me that!_  
  
"I was little bit older than you. But in my case things were different," Justin replied.  
  
"Why?" Gus asked.   
  
_I was a horny little twink that stalked your father and couldn't get enough of him._   
  
"I had other issues to deal with, like acknowledging my sexuality, my being Gay; dealing with my choices, my parents and my peers. My world at sixteen and seventeen was very different from yours, Gus," Justin said, looking at the man-child in front of him who was still so young in many ways and so innocent. Justin tried to remember ever being like that and couldn't.  
  
"Well, I don't have those issues. I just want to get laid, like everyone else. What's wrong with that?" Gus asked, looking at him expectantly.  
  
_God that sounds so familiar._   
  
"Nothing, really. You just have to pick the right time and place Gus. And wear a condom. Always be safe," Justin said.  
  
_I just want you to be safe!_  
  
"I know all about being safe, 'Daddy J'. You were in Toronto when Dad and I had our little demo, don't you remember?"  
  
"Oh, I remember Gus. That week was pretty hard to forget," Justin replied, smiling at him.   
  
"Okay, so what's the plan," Gus said, waiting for the solution.  
  
_The plan? What fucking plan is he talking about? Am I supposed to set up his first time? Oh holy crap, Brian, now what do I do?_  
  
"Gus, there is no plan, so to speak," Justin said quietly. "You need to decide this on your own, and choose the time and the girl. I can't lead you to her or tell you when the time is right. You'll know."   
  
"No I won't," Gus said. "I thought tonight was the right time."  
  
_Oh my God! He's right; at this age any time is the right time._   
  
"Well for one thing, you just met Emma, Gus. You barely even know her. And secondly, doing it at Daphne's would have been hurried and awkward, I'm sure you wouldn't want that for your first time," Justin said.  
  
"It's okay," Gus answered, "I would have been okay with that."  
  
_Of course you would. Doing it in the back of the bleachers is just as awkward, why should this be any different?_  
  
"Well since you've never done it, you wouldn't know. But trust me on this son, the time and the place and the person are all very important. You want your first time to be memorable and as perfect as possible, under the circumstances," Justin said.   
  
"Was yours with Dad?" Gus asked.  
  
"Yes," Justin replied simply, preferring not to go into any details.  
  
_I want you to always remember this, so that no matter who you are ever with, I'll always be there._  
  
"How old were you, 'Daddy J'? The first time, with Dad?"  
  
"A little bit older than you Gus; I was seventeen."  
  
_What is this, a missile launch?_  
  
"Was it in the perfect place and the perfect time?" Gus asked.  
  
_Well, are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or coming and staying?_   
  
Justin took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He remembered vividly every detail of that first night, a night that he hoped would last forever. Opening his eyes, he looked at Gus and started talking quietly.  
  
"I'll never forget it, Gus. It was the most important night of my life, when everything changed for me. This is what I mean, Gus, your first time should be like that. With someone you really care about, not some girl that you just met; even though she's as nice as you say she is. Do you know what I mean, son?"  
  
"I guess so," he replied morosely. "So what do I do in the meantime?"  
  
Justin smiled at him and said, "You do what every other red-blooded male has done since time immemorial. You jack off Gus, as often as you want to. That's the ultimate safe sex. I remember what my sheets looked like when I was fifteen."  
  
Gus blushed quickly and looked down. "I already do that," he said sheepishly.  
  
"Well, that's a good thing," Justin said. "I promise, you won't go blind and warts will not appear on your hand."   
  
Gus looked up at him, surprised. "How did you know Mom told me that?"  
  
"Because, Grandma Jennifer said that to me all the time. Every time she'd come into my room to change my bedding. I'm assuming Lindsay comes from the same school of thought," Justin laughed softly.  
  
Gus laughed too and recounted all the moments when he'd hear Lindsay bitching about changing sheets too often.   
  
"So, what do you think I should say to Ashley to change her mind, 'Daddy J'? I'd really like my first time to be with her. I really like her a lot."  
  
"You know what Gus, you might be pleasantly surprised when you get back home. She'll have been without you for almost three months, and I'm sure she misses you as much as you miss her. Besides, she'll be sixteen any day now, you're both going to be sophomores. A lot will have changed all on its own. Sometimes time alone fixes certain problems."  
  
"Really?" Gus said.  
  
"Yes, really! You just have to be patient and try not to rush things. Everything will happen in due time and when it does it'll be that much better, because you did wait. You'll have to trust me on that one, Gus."  
  
"I always trust you, 'D'. You're the one that's most like me, in many ways. You always know what I'm thinking and how I feel."  
  
Justin's insides turned to mush when he heard those words. They were articulated so simply and honestly and he couldn't have said them any better.  
  
He grabbed Gus and hugged him tight. "I love you too Gus. More than I can ever say."  
  
Gus looked at Justin and said, "I know that 'D'. I've always felt your love, ever since I was a little boy and you used to show me all the different colors in the crayon box and you took the time to explain how they all related to each other and which colors mixed well. I've always felt so comfortable with you, sometimes more than with Dad. He used to scare me a little when I was younger."  
  
"Why did he scare you?"  
  
"Oh, cause his voice was loud and he was so big and tall and he was always in a rush. I didn't see him that often. It was just impressions of a little kid, nothing that he really did."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"I'm fine with him; he's great! More than great, he's the best father anyone could ever have. Well, second best," he said with a little grin. "You're the best, 'D'," Gus said softly.  
  
He stood up to leave the room and Justin quickly turned his head in the other direction so that Gus couldn't see his face and the reaction he was having to those words.   
  
"I'm going to bed, 'Daddy J'. Good night."  
  
"Night Gus," Justin answered quietly, hoping his voice wouldn't break as he felt the tears running down his face.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Emmett tapped the pencil on his desk, waiting as the phone rang.  
  
"Kinnetik. How may I help you?"  
  
"Would you connect me to Ted Schmidt, please?"  
  
"Certainly sir. Who shall I say is calling?"  
  
"Tell him it's Emmett."  
  
"One minute, please."  
  
"Ted Schmidt," he answered on the first ring.  
  
"Teddy, it's Em."  
  
"Hey stranger! You've finally surfaced; I haven't seen or spoken to you in forever."  
  
"I know," Emmett said apologetically. "I've been kinda busy."  
  
"Yeah," Ted said, "I've heard all about your busy! Congratulations on this whole thing with Max. Brian has told me some really good things about him."  
  
"He's wonderful Teddy. I am so happy."  
  
"Good for you, Em. No one deserves this more than you," Ted said affectionately.   
  
"The reason I'm calling is because I want to know if you would be the best man at our wedding?"  
  
"Wedding? So soon? Aren't you rushing into this, Emmett?"  
  
"I know it hasn't been that long, but we're both ready and I don't want to wait. So, will you? Be the best man, I mean?"  
  
"Of course, Em. When and where is this wedding going to take place?"  
  
It'll be the first week in September. We're trying to decide where. Brian and Justin have offered the gardens at Britin and I remember how beautiful it was last year at Molly's wedding, with all the little lanterns strung up on the trees. I'm kind of leaning in that direction. We're going to Chicago day after tomorrow to talk to Max's parents and if they're okay with it, then that's probably what's going to happen."  
  
"That sounds like a plan, Em. Do you have someone who's going to look over your pre-nup? I can do it for you, if you don't have anyone."  
  
"Why is everyone so concerned about pre-nups and money?" Emmett asked defensively.  
  
"Who else is?" Ted asked.  
  
"Well, his parents for one. And Brian asked me the same thing, just the other day. Whatever happened to 'happily ever after' with no dollar signs?"  
  
"Grow up Em and get the stardust out of your eyes. You're almost forty-years-old, with a thriving business and several assets. You don't want to be stupid and not have a pre-nup. It's just not the smart thing to do and I'm speaking to you as your accountant, not your friend."  
  
"Well, his father pretty much said the same thing. Apparently he comes from a shit load of money, although you would never know it by talking to him. Anyway, Mr. Steiner already has a meeting set up with his uncle, who's a lawyer, to go over all that shit. God this is so tedious. It's taking all the romance out of it!" Emmett said petulantly.  
  
"It may be tedious, but it's necessary and you need to look after yourself."  
  
"Well, honestly Teddy, I couldn't care less. Everything I have means nothing without him, so he may as well have it all," Emmett replied.  
  
"Well, I can see that you really are going to need me to draw up this pre-nup," Ted said in his accountant voice. "As usual, you've got your brain on your dick and are not thinking straight, so I'll have to do your thinking for you."  
  
"Fine," Emmett answered impatiently. "If this will make you happy, then do it, Teddy. Just put down everything that I own now is mine, and everything he owns is his and whatever we acquire after our marriage will be ours. Right?"  
  
"Basically, that's about right. I just need to gather all the info on your assets and list them separately; easy enough to do since I've done your taxes for as long as we've known each other."  
  
"Okay, good. Now that we got that garbage out of the way, can we talk about the fun things like, should I wear a tux or do you think we should have a more casual affair?" Emmett asked.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Justin picked up the phone and dialed Jennifer's number. She answered on the first ring and her excitement at hearing Justin's voice was clearly evident with her first, "Sweetheart?"  
  
"Hi Mother, are you busy today?"  
  
"Never too busy to talk to my son," she said happily.  
  
"I need to come see you. How about going to lunch?"  
  
"Lunch is fine, Justin. Will you swing by my office and come pick me up?"  
  
"I can do that. I'll see you at noon, okay?"  
  
"That's fine," she said, as Justin quickly hung up before she could ask any more questions. There would be time enough for that later.  
  
He picked up the phone again and dialed Emmett's number.  
  
"Fabulous, Pittsburgh's Premier Party Place," Rick chanted.  
  
"Rick, hey, it's Justin. I need to speak with Emmett, please."  
  
"I'll get him for you, Mr. Taylor."  
  
"Thanks, Rick."  
  
"Justin? What's up sweetie?"  
  
"Em, when are you and Max going to Chicago?"  
  
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow, why?"  
  
"I'm thinking of joining you guys, not to see his parents, but I have some business to attend to there and I thought I may as well fly out with you for company."  
  
"That sounds great sweetie! Do you want us to make reservations at the hotel we're staying at?"  
  
"That'd be great Em, which hotel is it?"  
  
"The Peninsula. Max says it's amazing and it's right off the Magnificent Mile where I plan on shopping till I drop," Emmett said excitedly.  
  
"Yeah, it's a great hotel. I've stayed there before; go ahead and make a reservation for me, if you don't mind. I'd do it myself but I've got several things to attend to before we go, and I'm running out of time," Justin said quickly.  
  
"Is everything okay, Justin?" Emmett asked, concerned.  
  
"Fine Em, everything is just fine," Justin replied hurriedly.  
  
He hung up and made his way into the bedroom, removing his clothes as he went, leaving them exactly where they dropped. Brian had left for work several hours ago and he barely had enough time to grab a quick shower and change before he had to go downtown to meet up with Jennifer. He'd probably get flak about leaving such a mess but hopefully, Lorayna would pick up for him before Brian got home. He needed to get downtown, have his meeting with his mother and keep the appointment he had with the Master out in Natrona Heights at four o'clock. Hopefully, he would be able to do it all without a hitch.  
  
He sought out Max before leaving the house to ask him a question.  
He found him in the pantry, listing supplies and adding items to his grocery list. He wanted to make sure everything was in stock before he left for Chicago.  
  
"Hey, Max," Justin said, poking his head into the pantry.  
  
"What's up Mr. J?"  
  
"This uncle of yours, the one your dad wants you to see for the pre-nup?"  
  
"Yeah, Uncle Dennis. What about him?" Max asked.  
  
"What kind of lawyer is he?"  
  
"Family law and real estate. Mostly stuff like that, from what I can remember," Max replied.  
  
"Good," Justin said. "Could you make an appointment for me? I'm sure he's completely booked and the only way I'll get to see him on such short notice is if you do it. Would you ask him if he would be willing to meet with me on Wednesday afternoon? I'm flying out there with you guys."  
  
Surprised, Max said he would call right away. "I'm sure it won't be a problem, Mr. J."  
  
"Oh, and Max," Justin said. "Keep this between us, okay?"  
  
"No problem," Max replied, wondering what the hell was going on.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Daphne picked up the phone after seeing that it was Justin on her caller ID. She had just finished with her last patient for the morning and was getting ready to break for lunch.  
  
"Daphe?"  
  
"Hey, what's going on," she replied.  
  
"Not much. I, umm, just called to tell you I'm going to go away for a couple of days. Some business I have to attend to in Chicago."  
  
"Oh, that's nice," she replied. "Is Brian going too? Should I tell Alex so he can find another partner for racquetball?  
  
"No, he's not coming. Just me," Justin answered.  
  
"Okay," Daphne said slowly, drawing out the word. "Is anything the matter, Justin? Why are you telling me this?"  
  
"No, nothing is the matter. I just thought you should know. I won't be available for a few days, to talk that is," he said quickly.  
  
"You're going to Chicago, Justin, not the moon. I'm sure I could reach you on your cell if I needed you."  
  
"No," he answered abruptly. "You will not be able to reach me, that's why I'm calling."  
  
"Okay," she said again. "Are you sure you're alright?"  
  
"I'm fine, Daphne. Better than I've been in a long time," he replied. "I'll call you as soon as I get back."  
  
"Okay," she said. "Have a safe trip, Justin."  
  
"Thanks, take care Daphe."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
That evening after dinner Brian and Justin decided to call it an early evening. They left Gus and Austin in front of the TV and made their way upstairs to their bedroom.  
  
Brian could tell that Justin was preoccupied. He had joined them half- way through the meal, barely touching his food because he had come in late from Natrona Heights, looking harried and tired.   
  
As soon as they got in the room, Brian grabbed him and pulled him into an embrace.  
  
"Are you okay," he asked, pushing back Justin's hair and kissing him on his forehead.  
  
"I'm tired, that's all. It's been a long and very emotional day."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"I went to see my mother, we had lunch; and then I went out to the Monastery. It's just been a really long day Brian," Justin said again, avoiding Brian's eyes and moving away from him.  
  
Brian watched as Justin pretended to tidy up and keep busy. He knew Justin was just biding his time, trying to decide whether he should say anything tonight or postpone whatever he was wrestling with in his pretty blond head.   
  
Brian sat back and lit a cigarette. He leaned his head up against the headboard and waited. This was long overdue, he knew that. Justin had not said one word about Daphne and her request for many weeks; ever since they had their little chat in this very same room. He knew something had happened to bring this all about finally. It seemed as if Justin had made a decision and was gearing up to tell him, not sure how it would be received. He continued to smoke, waiting for Justin to speak, aware that rushing him was never a good thing.  
  
"Brian?" Justin said finally, looking at him with azure eyes shinning brightly.  
  
Brian's heart thudded when he saw that look. He had seen it a few times in their relationship, each time during a crisis.  
  
"I've been doing a lot of thinking," Justin started.  
  
_Fuck!_  
  
"About?"  
  
"Our lives and Gus and Daphne," Justin answered.  
  
_Double Fuck!_  
  
"And?"  
  
"I've made some decisions, Brian. I hope that you can live with them," Justin said as a tear spilled over and rolled down his cheek.  
  
TBC


	22. Chapter 22

_Though we are neither the servants nor the masters of our Karma, it is evident from these counteractive and supportive factors that the fruition of Karma is influenced to some extent by external circumstances, surrounding, personality, individual striving and so forth. It is this doctrine of Karma that gives consolation, hope, reliance and moral courage to a Buddhist._   
  
Chapter 22  
  
Brian waited at the curb outside the arrival area at Pittsburgh International Airport. He had avoided the cop who was hell-bent on ticketing him for parking in a drop-off and pick-up zone. He'd already circled twice and was really getting agitated by the wait. Justin's plane had landed twenty minutes ago; he couldn't understand what was taking so long.  
  
Finally, he spied a blond head and saw Justin come out the automatic doors, holding the duffel bag in his right hand. Brian shook his head and wondered again why Justin always preferred that ugly bag. No matter how rich or how famous he got, Justin always traveled with it. Maybe he thought it was some kind of lucky charm, one that had seen him through so many moves throughout the years, and the thought of his parting with it was out of the question. Brian had tried, buying him style after style, from the most expensive hand-made Italian leather to the generic brands available at most luggage stores but Justin refused to give this one up.   
  
Justin lifted the door of the trunk that Brian had just popped open and threw the bag in. He opened the car door, got in and leaned over, kissing Brian hurriedly.   
  
"Hi."  
  
"Hi yourself," Brian replied, smiling at him. "Did everything work out okay?"  
  
"Yes," Justin said. "And you?"  
  
"It's all good," Brian answered, never taking his eyes off him.  
  
"Excellent," Justin said with a small smile. "Did you miss me?"  
  
Brian grabbed Justin's hand and put it on his groin. "What do you think?"  
  
Justin laughed softly, leaning over again and whispering, "I love it when you get romantic, Brian, you should really consider a career change and write for Hallmark."  
  
"I'll show you romantic, just wait," Brian said with a smirk.   
  
Justin laughed and shook his head.   
  
"So, how was Chicago? Did you do any shopping?" Brian asked as he started the car and pulled away from the curb.  
  
"Are you kidding? Max's sister, Andie, his mother and Emmett dragged me up and down Michigan Avenue for an entire day, going in and out of every fucking store you can imagine. By the end of the afternoon when we sat down for high tea at the Peninsula, my feet were throbbing. It was awful!"  
  
"High tea? Sounds like something Emmett would enjoy, not you. Why didn't they take you to a decent bar or to Charlie Trotters for some good food? I remember having one of the best meals ever at the place. Tell me you bought some clothes at least," Brian asked, taking his eye off the road for a minute, and looking over at Justin.  
  
"No, but I bought you a kick-ass sweater that you will look incredibly hot in. It's from Gucci's Fall collection; the Steiner's got an early preview since they are big customers, so you're getting this ahead of anyone else. It's really got the most amazing colors and its Cashmere of course so it won't make you itch."  
  
"Thank you for doing that," Brian said, grabbing Justin's hand and bringing it up to his lips. "I'll just have to reward you with an extra special treat as soon as we get home."  
  
"I am so fucking horny."  
  
Brian replied by pushing the car into gear and speeding up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Justin lay in bed, completely satiated from Brian's magnificent display of gratitude. His entire body was humming from the multiple orgasms, every part of him still sensitive and tender. His craving for Brian was as powerful as any drug addiction, his touch as important to Justin as food or water or even the simple act of breathing. It was the one thing that kept him grounded. The one thing that meant he was home and with the man he loved.   
  
Brian had gone back into town to meet a new client for an after dinner drink which left Justin home alone with the boys who were somewhere downstairs. He had a sudden craving for some greasy pizza so he picked up the phone and hit the speed dial to his favorite place. He ordered two extra large pizzas, with double cheese and double Pepperoni, knowing that Gus and Austin would want some as soon as they smelled it. Then he picked up the phone again and punched in Daphne's phone number.  
  
"Hey Daphe, it's me. I'm back," he said, as soon as she picked up.  
  
"Hi! Did you have a good trip?"  
  
"I did. How've you been?"  
  
"I'm fine. Same 'ol same 'ol," she said.  
  
"Are you and Alex busy this weekend?" Justin asked.  
  
"I'm not, but I need to check with him, why?" she asked.  
  
"Brian and I would like to meet with you both, if you're free. We'd like to come over to your place."   
  
"Oh," she said, surprised. "I'll have to double check with Alex, can you hold on one minute while I go ask him?"  
  
"Sure," Justin replied.  
  
A few minutes later, she was back. "He said that it's fine with him. He doesn't have anything planned."  
  
"Great," Justin said. "Why don't we plan on tomorrow then, around eight o'clock, after dinner?"  
  
"That's fine," Daphne answered.  
  
Justin put the phone down and lay back on the bed. He hoped that tomorrow would not be a disaster and that everything would go well. He dismissed it from his thoughts as quickly as it came in. It was too late to change his mind. His decision was made and he planned to stick with it, regardless.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Emmett and Max had just finished hanging up all their clothes after getting in from the airport. They were both exhausted from the brief but hectic visit with Max's parents. As predicted, they had fallen in love with Emmett instantly.  
  
After Mr. and Mrs. Steiner had interrogated him non-stop for an hour it was determined that Emmett truly was in love with their son and would be welcomed into the family. After that, it was a full on blitz by every Steiner that lived in the greater Chicagoland area. The house was buzzing with all the comings and goings and Mrs. Steiner had her housekeeper cooking non-stop for all the company that came in and out that day to visit with them.   
  
The big news was that they had found a Rabbi who would be willing to marry them, if they would consent to have the ceremony in Skokie. He was Reformed, of course, and since the laws in Illinois had changed in favor of same sex marriages, he had decided that his policies should change too, and so far there had been a steady stream of same sex couples that had been united by him. Emmett and Max had agreed that they would have the actual ceremony in Skokie, however, the wedding reception would still be at Britin Manor. Emmett had his heart set on the garden reception and would not give up the idea.  
  
Max couldn't care less, one way or the other. He just wanted Emmett to be happy, as well as his parents, so he went along with whatever they planned. He just wanted all this fuss to be over and done with so he could get back to his normal life.  
  
The meeting with Uncle Dennis went smoothly, ironing out the finances to everyone's satisfaction. Max would retain everything that he currently had in his name, Emmett's business and home would stay in his name, and anything purchased after their wedding would become joint property. It was a pretty straight-forward document and no one objected to anything. The only surprise was the gift of two hundred and fifty thousand dollars that the Steiner's were giving them for their wedding. Emmett's mouth dropped open when he saw that figure. He was about to object, but he felt Max's hand on his leg and saw the look in his eye, begging him to accept, for the sake of peace.  
  
Emmett graciously did and after that it was smooth sailing. The visit to another relative at the Jewelry Mart went well too. They picked out matching rings in yellow gold, braided with platinum strands. Simple enough to suit Max's taste, yet shiny enough to please Emmett.   
  
Max's sister Andie was a constant source of amusement for Emmett. He had never met a true Jewish American Princess, and she was the epitome of one. Her world revolved around shopping and visiting, and the weekly trips to dermatologists, for Botox and Restalin treatments, masseurs for her Cellulite, manicurists to keep up the silk on her nails, and stylists to maintain the beautiful highlights that turned her dark brown hair into the gleaming mass of blond curls that was so favored in her circle of friends. She was silly and frivolous and as shallow as a shot glass, but you had to love her for her kind heart and loving nature. Her life had no basis in reality but her husband doted on her and so long as she pushed out child after child, he continued to indulge her. She had a day nanny, a night nanny and had never changed a diaper in her life. Her three boys were beautiful and well-behaved and she was the only princess in a house full of men. Everyone loved her.  
  
She and Emmett got along like sisters, happy spending endless hours pouring over bridal magazines and registries, picking out China patterns and ring designs, ad nauseum. Max just rolled his eyes and spent the better part of the day watching TV with his father. His brother Ari, stopped by briefly to meet Em and wish them both luck but didn't stick around for all the details that were being worked out. .   
  
All in all, the visit went well. Emmett felt truly accepted. He had spent most of his life trying to prove to everyone that he was not poor white trash, but a person of consequence after all. The fact that Max's family immediately took to him made him love them that much more.  
  
Emmett was hearing a whole new language, learning all the Jewish terms that cropped up when referring to the wedding; the Ketubah, the Chuppah, the Kidushin, the Nisuin. Everything was new and foreign to him but he accepted all of it with an open mind, knowing it meant a lot to his new family, and in turn to Max, who wanted his parents to be happy. Their Rabbi had said that he would marry them in a traditional Jewish ceremony, even though Emmett's beliefs in Buddhism remained steadfast. There would never be any children that came out of their union, so the need for Emmett to convert was not necessary. He did want Max's family to be happy though and so he agreed to have the Jewish ceremony. It was an extraordinary thing, to be out and upfront about their Gay son. That alone put them at the top of the list in Emmett's estimation.  
  
They were going to go back to Skokie in two weeks to have the actual ceremony. After that they would have the wedding reception around the second or third week of September, depending on when Rosh Hashanah fell. It couldn't be anywhere near that date.   
  
"Are you happy Em?" Max asked as he and Emmett lay in bed.  
  
"I'm afraid that I might wake up any minute now and find out that this has all been a wonderful dream," Emmett replied.  
  
Max turned over and nuzzled Emmett's neck. "Not a dream, Em, this is all too real. I'm finally marrying the love of my life and we will live happily ever after."  
  
Emmett heard that and he felt truly blessed. All the years he had spent feeling lonely and worthless were becoming a distant memory. In the arms of this wonderful man, who only showed him love and respect, he had found everything he had ever hoped to find in a relationship. He marveled again at the timing of everything and the good Karma he must have accrued to have put him in this very special place.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was Saturday evening and Brian and Justin were getting ready to go over to Daphne and Alex's home. They had just finished an early dinner with the boys and were waiting for Max and Emmett to come over to pick them up and take them to the movies as planned.   
  
The noises outside were an indication that they had finally arrived and soon after the house was quiet again, after everyone walked out with all the usual good-byes and slamming of doors.   
  
Brian picked up the heavy briefcase and looked at Justin.   
  
"Are you sure this is what you want?"  
  
"Yes, I'm positive. Let's go do this."  
  
They made their way out of the house and into the Lamborghini. They didn't speak much on their way into town, preferring to listen to a CD.  
Brian put his hand on Justin's leg, rubbing and massaging, needing to connect. Justin looked over and covered Brian's hand with his, smiling gently, reassuring him.  
  
They finally got to the condo and they parked the car, handing the keys to the door man so that he could move it into the garage where it would be safer. They stood waiting for the elevator to open and in that brief minute, Justin leaned into Brian and kissed him.  
  
"I love you," he said.   
  
"I know you do Sunshine, you always have. I love you too," Brian replied, putting his hand on Justin's cheek. "You are my life."   
  
"I know," Justin replied softly.   
  
The elevator opened and they stepped in. When the doors slid open again Daphne and Alex were right there, waiting. They all hugged and greeted each other and proceeded into the living room.  
  
"Do you guys want anything to drink?" Daphne asked. She was very nervous, trying desperately to be calm and cool on the outside when in fact she was dying, fearful of what Justin was about to say.  
  
"I'd like some water," Justin said.  
  
"Me too," answered Brian.  
  
"Okay, I'll be right back," Daphne replied on her way to the kitchen.  
  
Alex sat on a chair facing the window and stared out at city lights that shined brightly. He knew that this meeting would change his life somehow and he dreaded hearing what Justin had to say.  
  
Finally, after Daphne came back with the water and everyone settled down, Justin began to talk.  
  
"First of all," he began, "I want you to know that I have thought long and hard over this. It's not something that was easy to decide and I had to take everyone's feelings into consideration. But ultimately, I had to be true to myself, because this is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life, and I needed to know that it was the best decision I could make for me, and then for my family and eventually, for you guys."  
  
Justin stood up and started pacing as he talked. All three sets of eyes were on him as he moved back and forth.   
  
"Before there was a Justin and Brian, or a Daphne and Alex, there was you and me, Daphe." He stopped pacing and looked directly at Daphne. "You have been my best friend since we were in Kindergarten. You were always there for me, through thick and thin. You held me up when people in school called me a big queer, when Brian and I were going through all our shit, when I turned nutso with the whole pink posse crap. Every time there was drama in my life, you were there to boost me and encourage me. I won't forget a single minute of your support and I will always love you for that, I want you to know that," Justin said, in a quiet but very forceful tone.  
  
"I do, Justin," Daphne said, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "I've always known that you and I have had a special bond, ever since you were a little boy and came over to my house that first day to ask me if you could play with my tea set. You and I have never wavered in our friendship."  
  
Justin laughed when he heard the part about the tea set. If anyone had any doubts about his sexual orientation at age six, that would have been a clear indication. He moved back over to the sofa where Daphne sat with Alex and he got down on his haunches in front of them. Taking Daphne's hand in his he started talking again.  
  
"I know you've been through a lot of stuff in the last year. The shock of finding out Alex is sterile, deciding how to deal with that, choosing to go to a sperm bank and trying all that, then the whole In Vitro thing. I know it's been a nightmare for you both, and I truly do sympathize with everything you've been through," Justin said, looking at Daphne who stared back at him, her tears now overflowing. They had become so much a part of her she barely even noticed as she back handed them.  
  
"It has been very difficult, especially on her," Alex said quietly, as he put his arm around his wife protectively.  
  
"I know," Justin replied. "And I also know that you've tried doing this on your own, going through a sperm bank and only coming to me as a last resort."  
  
"Yes, it's true, Justin. I never intended to ask you," Daphne said. "If our original plan had worked out, no one would have been the wiser."  
  
"However, it didn't," Justin said, "And you have asked me." He stood up again and moved over to Brian. He sat down beside him and put his hand on Brian's leg. Brian automatically put his hand on Justin's, intertwining their fingers and squeezing him tight.  
  
"When I first heard your request, Daphne, I thought you had gone nuts. That was because I had no warning, no indication whatsoever that you were going through any of this."  
  
"I couldn't tell you Justin. Alex and I wanted to keep this private, just between us and the doctors."  
  
"I understand. But it came as such a surprise, and that's why it's taken me so long to decide what I want to do," he said.  
  
"And?" Daphne asked, waiting.  
  
"At first, the idea of having a child with you really bothered me. It bothered me because if we had a child together, you and Alex would be the legal parents, I would only be the donor and not acknowledged in any way."  
  
"We've thought about that, Justin and have since had a change of heart," Alex said, softly and tentatively.  
  
Justin put his hand up and said, "Wait. Let me finish what I have to say."  
  
"Okay," Alex replied, backing down and waiting.  
  
"Then I thought about the whole concept of having a child," Justin continued, "Was it something Brian and I needed, or even wanted in our lives at this time?"  
  
"I thought it was what I wanted at first," Justin said. "The thought of having someone in my life that I had actually helped to create appealed to me, until I realized that I wanted a baby for all the wrong reasons."   
  
"To prove that I could, to say it was mine, to leave something behind when I go, to have a mini-me; all reasons that were stupid and didn't have any substance or validity."   
  
"Then I thought about the things I do have that I should be so grateful for. I have an amazing relationship, with a man that I love and respect, a good man who loves me just as much as I love him. We have a son, Daphne. He may not be from my seed, but he is the son of my heart; he's the son of the man who means more to me than anything else. I've watched him grow from the day he was born. I helped name him, not knowing how important we would become to each other."   
  
"Brian and I have already been through the raising of a child, albeit on a part-time basis, however, we have done it. We've changed diapers, wiped up puke, baby-sat countless times, gone to school plays, met with teachers and even gone through a week of hell watching football. We've had the privilege of being kissed and loved by a beautiful little boy, we've watched him grow into an extraordinary young man who loves us with an unconditional love that is the most important thing in our lives. This is an experience that you and Alex have not had yet," Justin stated gently.   
  
"Gus means more to me than anyone could ever possibly know. I feel so connected to him, in a way that I can't describe, in a way that only he and I can feel. Having him has been one of the most fulfilling parts of my relationship with Brian; he is such a wonderful bonus. I would gladly relive every moment of angst and pain and drama that we had over the years, just to assure my place in Gus' life." Justin paused to catch his breath.   
  
Brian knew what Justin had planned to say tonight, they had discussed everything at length, but he had not heard him articulate any of this and was shocked so far. He could feel his emotions galloping through his body at a rate that surprised him and his tears were way too close to the surface for him to really feel comfortable. He desperately tried to find something else to focus on, to regroup and get back some of his equilibrium.   
  
"As you know, in the last few weeks, I've taken a huge interest in Buddhism and Karma," Justin started talking again. "You may call it rationalizing or delusions or anything you want, but the bottom line is that I believe in it. I feel that somehow, all four of us, Daphne, you and Alex, Brian and I, we have some sort of Karmic connection. There is a reason this is all happening, there is a reason you were not successful in your previous attempts to get pregnant. Somewhere in our past we have done good things that have brought us to this point in time. We are here together because of our Karma and because of that, and that alone, my answer is yes. I will honor your request and help you with trying to conceive."  
  
Daphne was overjoyed and clearly showed it on her face.   
  
"Don't jump up and down yet, Daphe," Justin said seriously. "Let me finish."  
  
"I will help, but it's got to be my way, or I want no part of this," Justin said, looking at both Daphne and Alex.  
  
"And what way is that, Justin?" Alex asked.  
  
"First of all, there will be no In Vitro. I want to do this the way that Brian and Lindsay had Gus. You and Daphne will go away with us for a weekend and we will try and conceive this child in as natural a way as possible, under the circumstances. Brian and I have both been tested this week. We are both negative and healthy. I also had them test my sperm count and it is viable and strong. I just want to throw that out, so you are comfortable with that knowledge."  
  
"Justin," Alex said, leaning forward. "Thank you so much for taking those tests; it was extremely thoughtful and responsible of both of you to do that. However, we've already tried doing it the way Gus was conceived and it didn't work!"  
  
"You didn't try it with me," Justin said looking at Alex earnestly. "I can't do it any other way, Alex, I'm sorry. I have to know that this is the natural course of events; that if it's meant to be, it will be. Playing mad scientist and putting sperm and egg in a Petri dish is not the way I can do this. It's too unnatural and it just isn't going to work for me. Taking my sperm from the condom that I hand you and injecting it into Daphne is bad enough, I can't do it the other way. If my sperm is meant to create a child with Daphne then it will happen. If it is the child's Karma to be born into your family, it will be."   
  
"You are both physicians, you know what needs to be done. You know what she needs to do to prepare her body as well as when the best time would be to do this. I'm willing to go through three cycles of ovulation. We can try this for three months in a row, and if after that time, we are unsuccessful, then we need to end this and you will have to think about adoption, or any other venue that does not involve me in anyway."  
  
Alex and Daphne sat there looking at Justin, too stunned to speak.   
  
"Furthermore, before we start any of this, I have a legal document with me tonight that I want you to read and look over and sign; sort of a pre-conceptual agreement, so to speak."  
  
"What in heaven's name is that?" Daphne asked, looking at Justin as if he'd lost his mind.  
  
"Daphe, I was there when Gus was born. I went through all the bullshit that Brian, Lindsay and Melanie went through with trying to obtain signatures for parental rights. Same thing with Jenny Rebecca. It was a nightmare for everyone involved and I refuse to put myself or my family through any of that," Justin said.  
  
"What's in the agreement?" Alex asked quietly, looking at Justin with a whole new respect.  
  
"If a child is the end result of our attempts, I need to know that the child will be cared for, financially and physically for the rest of his or her natural life. You have to allow me to be the child's God-father, in the true sense of the word. And I only use that word for lack of a better one since I don't believe in God," Justin said, looking at them both, waiting for the inevitable questions.  
  
"And what is that?" Alex asked again.  
  
"If anything were to happen to you and Daphne, together, if the child were somehow to become orphaned, I have to be listed as the next of kin and the child will immediately become my legal responsibility."  
  
"That is crazy Justin. What are the odds of that happening?" Daphne asked.  
  
"Shit happens all the time Daphe. Did anyone think that the Reeve's child would become an orphan within eighteen months?"  
  
"Who?" Daphne asked.  
  
"Do you remember that guy that played Superman, the actor Chris Reeves who had a terrible accident that left him paralyzed?"  
  
"Vaguely," Daphne replied.  
  
"His wife died unexpectedly not shortly after he did, which left their underage son an orphan. Fortunately for the kid, they had left a will, asking that their neighbors and good friends become the child's guardians so that his life would not be disrupted anymore than it already was. It allowed him to stay in the same school and with a family that he had known all his life."  
  
"Okay, so how does that affect our child? I have parents and so does Alex. If anything were to happen to us, the kid would go to them," Daphne said reasonably.  
  
"No," Justin said. "If anything were to happen to you, the child should become my responsibility, because I would be his or her biological father. I have come to terms with the fact that you and Alex are going to raise this child and that Brian and I will only be involved part-time. This is something we can both live with; however, I need to know that legally I will have every right as the biological parent. I need to rest assured that the courts will give me custody of this child if anything were to ever happen to both of you. This is a condition that I will not negotiate on, in any way," he said pointedly, sitting back and crossing his arms.  
  
"What else is in the document, Justin?" Alex asked, seeing first hand what Brian meant about Justin and his stubbornness.  
  
"You will allow me to place a certain amount of money every year into a trust fund that he or she will inherit when it turns twenty-one. A discretionary fund maintained by myself, Brian and Max's uncle, Dennis Bromberg, the attorney who prepared this document. I want this child to have the freedom to make choices that would otherwise not be possible without money."  
  
"Justin, Alex and I have money. We would never put a child of ours in any kind of situation where they would want for that." Daphne said.  
  
"Maybe so, Daphe. But again, one never knows, and I hate to use this tired old phrase, but shit does happen, and I want to rest assured that the child will always have options, options that I never had. My father has lots of money, Daphne. That didn't help me at all, did it? I had no access to any of it when I had to make decisions that would affect my entire life. I do not want that to happen to this child."  
  
"Is there anything else?" Alex asked.  
  
"Brian and I would like to be a part of the child's life, in a peripheral way, if at all possible. When Gus was born, I chided Brian constantly for not taking more of an active role in his son's life. Gus had no father figure, and as much as I hate to admit this, because I think my father is a sack of shit, I always thought that Gus needed a male figure in his life. That's why I was constantly on Brian's case. However, our child will have a father figure, Alex, you. Therefore the need is not that pressing, but if you are comfortable, and again the role would be as Godfather, or uncle or whatever you want to call me, then I would love to have some sort of role in your child's life, if that would be okay with you?" Justin asked. "And my mother as well. This will be her grandchild, if we are successful, Daphne. She would be heart-broken if she could not be a part of the child's life in some way."  
  
"I think that would be perfectly fine, Justin," Alex said immediately.  
  
"Of course," Daphne said, holding Alex's hand.  
  
"Okay then, do either of you have any questions?" Justin asked, breathing a huge sigh of relief now that it was over.  
  
Alex looked at Brian and Justin and started to talk.   
  
"Brian, are you okay with all of this?"  
  
"Yes, Alex I am. Justin and I have agreed on everything."   
  
After Brian's initial reluctance to have another child in their lives he had willingly gone along with Justin's idea because the child would be Daphne and Alex's daily responsibility and he and Justin would really only be part-time participants, something that he was used to and could live with. Besides, in the final analysis, after all was said and done, the thought of saying no to Justin had never crossed Brian's mind; he would have rather cut his tongue out than hurt him with a refusal.   
  
"Okay. I want to say a few words here, and I know Daphne and I share the same thoughts as we've talked this over several days ago," Alex said slowly, trying to prepare his speech.   
  
"When Daphne first told me about her plan to ask you, Justin, I was very much against it. I had no desire to have you involved in any way, shape or form. However, over the last few weeks, I've gotten to know you and Brian much better, granted it hasn't been that long but from the little I've seen, it's been enough to make me change my mind."  
  
Alex stood and went over to the little bar that they had on one side of the room. He poured himself some Vodka, straight, on ice, and looked at Brian who nodded an affirmative. He poured another drink and brought it over to Brian. "Justin?" he asked.  
  
"No thanks, Alex, nothing for me."  
  
He sat back down beside his wife and continued.   
  
"I've always been in control of my life and my decisions. This is the first time that I have had to deal with a situation that I had absolutely no control over; something I had no knowledge about until it cropped up last year. It's been humbling in many ways, yet it's shown me a side of humanity that I had never been privileged to see until now."  
  
He looked at Justin and Brian and unexpectedly, they saw tears in his eyes as he continued.  
  
"It's taught me that there are people who can love one another in the true sense of the word, with no regard for themselves. It's shown me that family does not necessarily have to mean a man and a woman, it can be two women or two men or any other combination so long as there is love and commitment on everyone's part. It's given me a wonderful opportunity to see first hand what a great co-father my future child is going to have. I've watched you both interact with Gus. I've seen how well adjusted and secure he is, and I know that you both have had a large part in this, even though you say otherwise."  
  
"I am honored that you have said yes to us Justin," Alex said softly, looking at both Justin and Brian, "And I want you to know that if we are blessed, and we do have a child thanks to you, we will tell the child who the biological father is, with no hesitation whatsoever. I want you to share in this person's life; I can't deprive them of that. It wouldn't be fair to you, but more importantly, it wouldn't be fair to the child. You are far too special for someone to not know where they come from."  
  
Justin sat and stared at Alex. He had never expected this turn of events. His chest felt constricted, as if there was a vice around it, and his tears knew no bounds as they automatically appeared and poured down his face. Brian put his arm around Justin and brought him closer, holding him tight against his body as Justin trembled with emotion.   
  
"How do you plan on 'sharing' this child, Alex?" Justin asked, completely blown away by this decision.  
  
"If we had adopted, we would have told the child. It will be the same in this case, Justin. If we are successful and Daphne does get pregnant by you then we will let the child know the whole story and you and Brian will become a part of this child's life, in more than a peripheral way. We'll work out some sort of plan so that you can be more involved, and not just as the 'godfather'."  
  
"If you do this, Alex, then everyone will know, not just your immediate family. Are you going to be able to handle it?" Brian asked.  
  
"You did," Alex answered. "I'm no more or no less a man than you are, Brian. If you were able to share your son's love and still become such an important part of his life, and derive so much joy and fulfillment, then I don't see any reason why I can't either."   
  
Justin looked up at Brian and was surprised to see the way he was reacting to Alex's words. His eyes had turned greener with the sheen of tears that were slowly starting to spill over and run down his beautiful face. Justin wiped them away with the sleeve of his shirt and looked back at Alex.   
  
"You've got to stop this right now Alex. Don't say anymore. No one is allowed to make Brian Kinney cry except me. I've got dibs on that," he said looking at Alex and Daphne, whose faces were also wet with tears.   
  
They all busted out laughing, relieved that the tension had been broken with that remark.   
  
Daphne walked over to Justin and embraced him. They stood together for a long time, just holding each other. She was sobbing in his arms and he kept shushing her, telling her it was going to be okay. Finally, she pulled back and said, "Thank you".  
  
She moved over to Brian who took her in his arms and hugged her as well. She thanked him too, knowing full well that without his consent this would never have happened.  
  
Alex came up to Justin and extended his hand. Justin grabbed him and pulled him into an embrace, holding him tightly.   
  
"Thank you," Justin said, staring into blue eyes that looked so much like his. "You've made this so much easier on everyone, Alex. This wouldn't have been possible with anyone else."  
  
"Thank _you,_ Justin. _You_ are the one who is making this possible. Your decision is hopefully going to allow me to become the father I've always known I could be. You and I will become more than just friends, Justin. We'll be related in a way. We both love the same person and if it is Karma, as you say, then in nine months we'll both love another person, someone who will join our extended family."  
  
Justin moved away from Alex and went over to where Brian and Daphne stood. His tears were falling non-stop, he couldn't help himself, no matter how hard he tried to control it. Alex's last statement was the clincher and he had completely lost it.  
  
"Hey," Brian said softly, taking him in his arms and pressing his face to Justin's head. "It's all good. Everything will work out, you'll see."  
  
Justin held on tighter, nodding his head, hearing Brian's words and relaxing against him. They watched as Alex picked up the pre-conceptual document, took a pen out of his pocket and signed it without even reading one word. Daphne came over, took the pen from him and signed below his name.  
  
Justin stepped away from Brian and took a deep, ragged breath and said, "I think I will have that drink now, if you don't mind?"   
  
"I'll second that," Brian said.  
  
Alex grinned at them and said, "Let's all have one."   
  
TBC


	23. Chapter 23

_When the unexpected happens, and the Buddhist meets with difficulties, failures and misfortune, they realize that they are reaping what they have sown and a past debt is being wiped off. Instead of resigning himself, leaving everything to Karma, he makes a strenuous effort to pull the weeds and sow useful seeds in their place, for the future is in his own hands._ _  
  
_ Chapter 23  
  
"This is my beloved, this is my friend."   
  
Max spoke these words in a loud and clear voice as he and Emmett stood under the 'chuppah' that was set up in the garden of the Steiner home in Skokie, Illinois.   
  
They were both dressed in fairly conservative suits. Max's was navy blue and he wore a dark blue yarmulke on his beautiful head, mashing down the dark curls that sprang up around it. Emmett was dressed in a lighter blue, a blue that matched his eyes exactly. He too wore a yarmulke, one that mirrored Max's, handmade especially for their wedding. It was the same color as Max's suit, a rich navy, with silver threads woven through. It was a design that they had picked, with the words, 'You are my beloved' hand embroidered in Hebrew. They held hands as they stood together, heads bent forward, almost touching. They were lost in their moment, oblivious to all but each other.   
  
"Let our lives be intertwined, let our hearts be one," Emmett said in a barely audible voice, shaking with emotion.  
  
"In faith, in hope, forever. Limitless, my love for you," Max answered, looking into Emmett's eyes that were now sparkling with unshed tears. Seeing them only brought his own to the forefront as he struggled to maintain his composure.   
  
Together they recited, "I take you to be mine, in tenderness, in trouble and in joy. Let our lives illumined be by the Holy One, in faith, in hope, forever."  
  
They had chosen to speak the words of a traditional Hebrew wedding song rather than have it sung by the cantor. The words were beautiful and fit their feelings perfectly; they had both agreed that it was what they wanted. The sound of a violin quartet could be heard in the background, playing the melody of this same song, 'Dodi Li'.   
  
Emmett then circled Max seven times, symbolizing the idea of the woman (in this case, the other partner) being a protective surrounding light of the household that illuminated it with understanding and love from within, protecting it from harm from the outside. The number seven paralleled the seven days of creation and symbolized the fact that they were about to create their own 'new world' together.  
  
The Rabbi then recited the first blessing over wine, a blessing that gave praise and thanks for giving these laws to preserve the sanctity of married life and of the Jewish people. They were each given a sip of the blessed wine out of the beautiful crystal goblet that the Rabbi held.  
  
Max had told Emmett, when he explained the wedding ceremony, that the blessings were recited over wine, since wine is symbolic of life; beginning as grape juice, going through fermentation during which it is sour, then in the end turning into a superior product that brought joy and had a wonderful taste. The full cup of wine also symbolized the overflowing of Divine blessing.   
  
Max took Emmett's right hand and placed a plain gold ring on his forefinger saying, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."  
  
It was now Emmett's turn and as he took Max's right hand to place the ring on his forefinger, he saw Max looking at him from behind the incredible curtain of dark brown lashes, with a love that radiated out of his eyes, warming him with his intense gaze, making him feel loved and wanted and so special. At that point it took everything Emmett had to hold it together while he whispered the same words, "l am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."   
  
Ted stepped forward and took the 'ketubah' from the Rabbi and placed it before Emmett and Max. It was the basic contract between them, detailing their obligations to each other, listing down their properties and all that they would share. It was written as an illuminated manuscript and became a work of art in itself. After the pair signed it, Ted and Justin signed below their signatures as witnesses and then Ted took it away for safe keeping until it was framed and Max and Emmett could then display it in their home, if they so chose.   
  
The rabbi began chanting again, the 'Sheva Brachot' or seven blessings. The blessings expressed the hope that the couple would rejoice together forever, as though they were the original couple, Adam and Eve, in the garden of Eden. The blessing also included a prayer that Jerusalem would be fully rebuilt and restored with the Temple in its midst and the Jewish people within her gates.   
  
Brian and Ari stepped forward, wrapping Emmett and Max in two light blue matching 'tallitot' or prayer shawls, symbolizing the private lives they would have together as a Jewish couple. They too were handmade by one of Max's aunts and were beautifully embroidered in silver and dark blue thread, matching the yarmulke's that they wore.  
  
After the Rabbi's second blessing, Emmett and Max were given sips of wine again, and then the wine goblet was handed to Max wrapped in a white silk cloth. Just before he put it down, Max stepped forward and gave Emmett a long and drawn-out kiss, not at all what the Steiners or any of the guests had expected. Then again, nothing about this wedding was traditional or expected, starting with the 'bride'.   
  
Max put the glass down on the ground and smashed it with his right foot.  
  
The room erupted with shouts of 'Mazel Tov' as all the guests surged forward to greet the newly married couple. The broken wine glass was picked up in its container of silk and given to the Ted, the best man, who would make sure that it was put away so that it would later on be placed in the sterling silver 'mezuzah' specifically created to store the shards of glass in an honored spot. A symbolic reminder that relationships are as fragile as glass and must always be treated with care, love and respect.  
  
It was a different ceremony, only because the participants were different, however, at the core, the essence and the commitment were the same. The love was strong and heartfelt; the words only reiterated the unbroken chain, passed down through the generations, time-honored traditions that supported the sanctity of their union. It was astonishing how far this conservative community had come in witnessing a whole new world where same sex marriages were now becoming everyday occurrences; only the older couples looked lost, confused by the sight of Emmett and Max standing under the wedding canopy, exchanging vows.   
  
The younger ones thought nothing of it. Most of them had known Enid and David Steiner for years. They all knew about their Gay son and how he had fought for recognition for years, making his way in his own world, wanting nothing to do with the Steiner fortune. In spite of that, they all loved and respected Max because he did make it, he did find his own way and still retained his close relationship with his family, never losing touch or shutting them out. His standing here in their small town, underneath the 'chuppah', was a testimony to the closeness he felt to his parents and brother and sister.  
  
Andie Steiner-Levin stood on one side of the crowd with her husband Joel, and their three little boys. The boys were all dressed in navy blue sailor outfits, each one cuter than the next. All three had the beautiful brown curls that the Steiner's were famous for. They stood in between their parents, watching 'Uncle Max' getting married, trying not to fidget, a feat that was nearly impossible in kids under the age of six. Andie looked radiant in her pale pink Escada outfit, beaming as she watched her brother kiss his partner.   
  
She had fallen in love with Emmett herself, seeing clearly how her brother was so taken with this man. He was charming and thoughtful and his love for Max and anything associated with him was undeniable. It made everyone in the family much more comfortable, knowing that their Max was involved with a man whose entire world seemed to revolve around him, yet secure enough in his own persona to not lose himself in the relationship.   
  
They all wished Max and Emmett would change their minds and move back to Chicago but it didn't seem likely that it would happen. Emmett's ties to Pittsburgh were strong and deep; his company a huge success and the thought of leaving that and the many friends he had made over the years was not even an option. However, this now gave her an excuse to visit Pittsburgh, to get away occasionally to visit and catch up with her brother and his new husband. She had spent several hours with Emmett going over the plans for the wedding reception that would be held at the Kinney-Taylor residence in a few weeks. It was going to be an unusual and exciting evening and she was thrilled that Emmett had allowed her to be so involved in the planning.   
  
Another interesting bonus her new brother-in-law had brought to the table was Brian Kinney. She was taken aback when she met him; he was one of the most gorgeous men she had seen in years. The power of his sexuality and magnetism seemed to radiate out of him, affecting both men and women alike. She was stunned into silence when she saw him this evening, an effect he had on many people, judging by the looks she had seen headed his way. It wouldn't have taken much for Brian to convince her to have the first affair of her life but she knew this was not to be. Watching him interact with his partner, another beautiful man in a very different way was a clear indication that no female would ever cross that threshold, no matter how beautiful or sexy. She shrugged off her disappointment by telling herself that there was no harm in looking and look she did.   
  
The wedding party progressed as the waiters circled around with trays of Champagne and Hors d'voures. Ari Steiner stood on one side of the room with his parents, along with Max and Emmett, greeting their friends and relatives. Although Ari would never understand his brother's sexual preferences, he loved him and made it a point to be as gracious as possible to Emmett and the friends that had flown in for the ceremony. Emmett had only asked Ted and Blake, as well as Brian and Justin. He and Max had decided to invite all their other friends and acquaintances to the big reception they were having at Britin Manor in a few weeks. He didn't really want to subject the people of Skokie to more Gay men then they could handle in one day. Six of them in one room would be enough for a lifetime for many of the older folk.  
  
Justin walked up to the newlyweds, giving them each a big kiss on either cheek.  
  
"You guys both look so happy! I can't tell you how much it means, that you asked us here. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful."  
  
"Thanks a lot, Mr. J, I mean, Justin," Max said, switching to calling him by his first name, now that he was no longer his employer.   
  
"Really honey," Emmett chirped in. "Thanks so much for coming and being my moral support in this sea of straightness."  
  
"Em, you didn't need our support, but we're so glad to be here. The ceremony brought tears to my eyes," Justin said. "It made me want to get married all over again. Let me see that ring that Max put on your finger."  
  
"Oh, that ring is back in the box where it came from," Emmett said. "It belonged to Max's grandfather and they only use it for the ceremony. This is the ring that Max bought for me," Emmett said, bringing his hand up so that Justin could admire the gold and platinum braided band.   
  
"That's gorgeous, Em. Who designed it?"  
  
"Oh, a very young, up and coming famous jewelry designer named Molly Taylor Garcia!"  
  
"When did Molly have the time to do this?" Justin asked, curious. He had no idea that Emmett kept in touch with Molly, who lived in Madrid with her Spanish husband.  
  
"I have no clue," Emmett admitted. "The craziest thing about this is that I had picked out this design in a catalogue at the jewelry store and when Max's uncle told me who the designer was I knew that it was Karma, and I absolutely had to have it."  
  
"Wow, that's fucking unbelievable," Justin said. "Small world, huh, Em?"  
  
"It gets smaller everyday, Sunshine," Emmett said.  
  
"What are you two girls giggling about?" Brian asked, as he stumbled into the tail end of their conversation.  
  
"Look at Emmett's wedding ring Brian. Molly designed it, isn't it beautiful?" Justin gushed.  
  
"Really? When did she do that?" Brian asked.   
  
Emmett repeated the whole story and Brian was suitably impressed; that Emmett and Molly's design had somehow had a Karmic collision, so many miles away from each other, completely unbeknownst to both.  
  
Brian grabbed Emmett's hand and looked at the ring closer. "That really is very intricate, yet so simple. I love it," Brian said.   
  
Emmett was thrilled; hearing a compliment from Brian was about as rare as a two-headed lesbian giving him a blowjob.   
  
"You Taylors are just the most talented bunch, aren't you Sunshine?" Brian said, getting Justin in a head lock and kissing him full on the lips in front of all the straight guests who stared at them in shock.   
  
Max took one look at his former boss and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "You think we can hold off on the public displays? My father is about to have a heart attack!"  
  
Brian glanced over at Max's father and saw that he was staring at them, turning bright red.   
  
"Right. Sorry about that Max," Brian said with a grin, as he stepped far away from Justin. "He always seems to bring out the beast in me"  
  
Justin looked at Brian and stuck his tongue out. He mouthed the words, "I love you" and walked away with Emmett, heading out to the table where the cake was.  
  
Brian turned to Max and reached into his coat pocket and withdrew a white envelope.   
  
"I was going to give you this later, when you and Emmett were together, but I might not have another opportunity to do this so I want you to have this now. It's from me and Justin."  
  
Max took the envelope from Brian and opened it slowly. Inside were two round trip tickets to San Francisco, a gift certificate to the Silverado Resorts in the Napa Valley for a three night stay and several passes for private wine tastings at the more famous Wineries in the area. He capped it all off with an all expense paid dinner at Domaine Chandon, one of Napa's most famous and most expensive restaurants.   
  
Max looked at everything and was speechless. He stared at his former boss, tears making his beautiful brown eyes look more like wet caramel and he attempted to tell him how grateful he was, for everything he had done for him, for inviting him to Pittsburgh in the first place and inevitably, allowing him the opportunity to meet the love of his life.  
  
"Brian," Max started to say.  
  
"Stop Max, don't get lesbo on me. I loved having you work for me and I'm happy for you and Em. I just needed you to know that," Brian said stiffly, trying his best not to get emotional, thus destroying his reputation as a cold-hearted bastard.  
  
"Thank you Brian," Max said. "Thank you, so much."  
  
"You are welcome, so much!" Brian said, getting right in Max's face.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Daphne put on her shirt and buttoned it slowly. Dr. Elizabeth Russo put her stethoscope down and looked at her.  
  
"You're good to go, Daphne. Every part of you is healthy; you have completely recovered from all your previous miscarriages. Your Pap was normal, your uterus and ovaries feel normal…there is no reason why this will not work. We just need to get you started on the Clomid, to give you that little boost, to make sure you do ovulate. You should use this new thermometer; it is one hundred percent accurate in predicting ovulation. Take your temp every morning and it will alert you when you are about to start to ovulate. This is when you should start having sex as often as you can within those twenty-four hours."   
  
"Right," Daphne replied. "Should I try this first month, or should I wait to be on the Clomid for a while?"  
  
"No, you can start trying immediately. That stuff works right away."  
  
"Okay," Daphne said. "And everything I need is in that kit you gave me, right?"  
  
"Yes, absolutely," Dr. Russo said. There are four syringes and several containers for the sperm donor. If he chooses to use a condom, that would work as well because it is still a sterile environment. Alex just needs to extract the sperm from the condom into the syringe and inject it into your vagina. Lie down for at least a half an hour after each insemination. This way the sperm won't have to work so hard, swimming upstream," she laughed. "It'll be fine, Daphne. Don't worry."  
  
"How do you know that? It never worked before. Why should it work this time?"   
  
"Because last time we didn't give you the Clomid until we tried the In Vitro. This time we are going to make sure you ovulate."  
  
Daphne took a deep breath, holding on to Dr. Russo's hand for moral support. "I'm scared, Lizzy."  
  
"Don't be Daphne. Think positive, it'll work this time. You are surrounded by people that love you, your husband and your best friend. You have all the moral support you need, as well as the best medical help you can have. It will work," Elizabeth Russo stated to her patient, who also happened to be a colleague and a good friend.   
  
"You know he's only going to do this three times. He made that very clear, so I really need to make sure we get it right the first time."  
  
"Daphne, move into a better mental zone. You of all people should be aware of that. Take up knitting or bicycle riding or watch porn all day. You need to stop stressing over this, Daphne, or it will fail, you know that," Elizabeth said.  
  
Daphne started to laugh. "Yeah, that would be so slick, to have non-stop porn videos at my place of work. My patients would love that."  
  
"You could probably raise your hourly rate by at least fifty bucks," Elizabeth answered with a big smile on her face.  
  
"Have you guys talked about where you are going to do this?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"No, not really. I'm assuming they'll just come over to our place when I call and tell them it's time."  
  
"You might consider going out of town or going to a hotel. Somewhere different, Daphne, make a nice little vacation of it. Have a good time."  
  
"I'll talk to Justin about it. We haven't really worked out the details."   
  
"Well, you'd better do that. Once you start the pills the time will fly by and before you know it you'll be calling him on the phone. It's best to have everything worked out way ahead of time.'  
  
Daphne reached over and hugged her friend. "You're right Lizzy. Thanks so much for your help, for being here for me."  
  
"Your welcome Hon. Now, come back and see me when you're fat and pregnant, okay?"  
  
"From your mouth to God's ears," Daphne replied.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brian and Justin were on an American Airlines flight on their way back from Chicago. They had taken the last flight out because they wanted to be home in time for the Monday morning meeting that Brian always held at Kinnetik. Ted and Blake had left the day before, wanting to make sure they were back home on Sunday so Ted could get everything ready for the upcoming work week. His wonderful OCD tendencies continued to warm the cockles of Brian's heart because it only reassured him that Kinnetik and all his related businesses would receive the meticulous care that Ted had now become famous for.  
  
Brian had asked Justin if he wouldn't mind staying an extra day because Andie Levin had convinced him that she could get the Prada people to give them a private showing and he wasn't about to pass up the opportunity. True to her word, she got them to open the store and give them a one-on-one fashion show of the upcoming Fall and Winter collection.   
  
After spending an obscene amount of money, Brian left with a brand new wardrobe for himself and a few, selected outfits for Justin, who continued to be the bane of his existence, clothes-wise.   
  
"You know," Brian said, giving Justin his raised eyebrow look, "For such a famous artiste, with such exquisite taste in everything, you really are for shit when it comes to dressing. You know that if you didn't have me to pick out your clothes you would look like a mendicant."  
  
"Excuse me?" Justin said, looking up from the magazine he was reading. "A mendicant?"  
  
"You heard me. You've really got to start paying attention to your wardrobe Sunshine. What would happen to you if I went blind or something and couldn't pick out your clothes?"  
  
Justin smiled at Brian and said, "Then I'd just have to walk around naked, so all the world could see my poor mendicant ass!"   
  
"No way am I going to let that happen, Mister." Brian got right up to his face and said, "There will be no sharing of your jewels with other eyes."  
  
"Well, then you best not be going blind," Justin said in his haughtiest voice, looking back down at the magazine and flipping a page.   
  
"Have I told you that you make me want to rim you till you scream whenever you look at me like that," Brian said, leaning forward and whispering into Justin's ear.  
  
Justin giggled as he felt Brian's tongue flicking his ear and said, "No, you haven't, however, I would settle for another one of your famous hand jobs right now."  
  
"Fuck the hand job, come with me upstairs to the lounge, and I'll show you what a wonderful experience First Class flying can really be."   
  
He stood up and pulled Justin up with him. He signaled the stewardess and asked her if they could go upstairs and bring their drinks with them.   
  
"That's fine Mr. Kinney. There's no one up there right now. Everybody just seems to want to snooze down here."  
  
"Fine with me," Brian said smiling at her, turning on the charm that melted even the coldest heart. "Do you think you could put up a little sign, a sort of 'Do Not Disturb' kind of sign? I would be ever so grateful," he continued in his most devastating way.  
  
She looked at him and then his companion, instantly regretting the fact that she was not born with a penis. Sighing, she said in her most professional voice, "You'll have the place all to yourself, Sir, I guarantee it."  
  
Brian bent forward and rewarded her with a kiss on the lips. "You're a darling, thanks so much!"  
  
"No problem," she smiled up at him, completely caught in his web.  
  
They made their way up the circular stairs, Brian's hand on the small of Justin's back to steady him, up the steep and dark entrance to the First Class lounge. The steady hum of the engines was the only noise they heard. It was a clear and calm night, the stars twinkled brightly and the moon shone to the left of the plane as they gazed out the skylights that were strategically placed throughout the room. The lounge was deserted, as they knew it would be. The only lights that illuminated the room were the tiny spotlights below each seat which marked the pathway through the plane. The yellow hue of the moon's radiance spilled into the room, casting a glow as they walked up the aisle towards the center of the lounge.   
  
Brian took Justin into his arms and softly whispered in his ear, "Do you remember what it felt like, the day we were married?"  
  
"Yes," Justin answered, breathing against Brian's neck, inhaling the Prada cologne that he had just purchased the day before. "I remember how happy we were, fucking in the bathroom at Cartier, knowing that the entire store knew what we were up to. It would be nice though, if we could do it again, this time in front of friends and family, in a traditional ceremony, like the one we just saw."  
  
"Sunshine, you know that it wouldn't make it any more meaningful, even if we had a Priest, a Monk, a Rabbi or even the fucking Pope. I'd still feel the same about you. No amount of traditional bullshit will ever change that."  
  
Justin clung to Brian, holding him tight, never wanting to let go of this man who was his entire world. He felt his hot breath against his ear, whispering, sending the words straight to his groin. "Do you want a hand job now, or a rim job, or should I just fuck the shit out of you, any which way?"  
  
Justin's heart thudded as he pulled back to look at the devastatingly beautiful man in front of him and he said, "Just kiss me you fool, we'll work on the details as we go."   
  
Their mouths sought each other in the darkness, moving with a precision and timing learned through years of experience. Their tongues met and probed, sweeping each other's lips and cheeks and teeth, pushing and sucking, tasting familiar but still stimulating and erotically charged each time. Hands moved over each other's bodies, breath quickening. Pants were dropped, shirts discarded, underwear pulled off and kicked away, skin against skin, burning each other with the scrap of stubble in all the sensitive places. Their hearts pounded as they pulled close, closer with each deepening kiss, needing entrance, wanting the invasion, the roughness, to cover every opening, crying out when entrances were penetrated.   
  
"Brian," Justin whispered breathlessly, the only thing heard in the silence of the night, quickly followed by the sound of flesh against flesh, grunting, sighing and whimpering with every thrust, as Brian inserted and withdrew, in and out, increasing the pressure, changing the angle to hit the sweet spot that never failed to elicit the noises that were music to his ears.   
  
"Justin…fuck me…," as the predator became the hunted, changing their position and turning over to be invaded himself, opening up completely to the only one who ever had entrance to this part of his body or mind or soul.   
  
"I…love…you," they both called out in unison as they came together, flying high beside the moon, with only the stars peeking through the windows in the ceiling, mute witnesses to their joy as they lay one on top of the other, cocooned in their love.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In another part of the country, in a beautiful hotel suite overlooking Lake Michigan, another couple lay intertwined, breathing heavily from the unforgettable session of lovemaking they had just finished.   
  
"Are you happy, gorgeous?" Emmett asked. He lay on his back, trying to catch his breath while he toyed with the beautiful head of brown curls that was resting on his stomach.   
  
"Beyond belief," Max replied. "Thank you," he said gently, rubbing his hand up and down Emmett's leg.   
  
"For what?" Emmett asked.  
  
"For consenting to have the Jewish ceremony. It meant a lot to my family, and to me," Max whispered. He moved away from Emmett and sat up beside him, crossing his legs, waiting to hear what Emmett had to say.   
  
Emmett looked at his life partner and smiled, "Max honey, you know that I would have gotten married any way or anywhere you wanted."  
  
"I know Em, it's just that I know you believe in Buddha and your agreeing to have the Jewish wedding was so important to my family. It made it so much easier for them to see their son getting married in the traditional Jewish way."  
  
"Does it really matter how we did it, Max? The most important think is that we love each other and have made a commitment to share our lives. I think that it would have meant as much if we had gotten married on a beach in Bora-Bora, naked, with seashells hanging around our chests."  
  
"That sounds pretty good, Mr. Honeycutt; the thought of you standing naked on a beach with only seashells around your neck."  
  
Emmett glanced down at Max's groin and said, "I can't believe you're ready for round two. You do realize that I'm eight years older than you and need a little more time to recover, don't you?"  
  
Max laughed at that statement and said, "That is why I have just ordered a platter of oysters Rockefeller and a magnum of Champagne. To help you keep up your strength."  
  
"You mean to keep it up, period," Emmett replied, sardonically. "Is there a little blue pill in any of the oysters, by chance?" Emmett asked.  
  
Max smiled at his partner and leaned over to kiss him. He felt the heat, and saw the unmistakable signs of Emmett's increasing passion as he reached over and pushed Emmett down on his back. He moved and settled himself on Emmett's chest as their erections pressed against each other.   
  
"You don't need any blue pills," Max whispered, closing his eyes and pressing his mouth to Emmett's. The knocking on the door, and the 'Room service' they heard did nothing to interrupt the moment as Max reached over to grab a condom from the stash they had brought with them.   
  
"Room service," they heard again, just as Max and Emmett began to move against each other.   
  
"Leave it on the floor," Max yelled.  
  
"Just…leave…it…on…the…fucking…floor."  
  
TBC


	24. Chapter 24

_A Buddhist who is fully convinced of the law of Karma does not pray to another to be saved but confidently relies on himself for his own emancipation. Instead of making any self-surrender or calling on any supernatural agency, he relies on his own will power, and works incessantly for the well-being and happiness of all. This belief in Karma validates his effort and kindles his enthusiasm, because it teaches individual responsibility._ _  
  
_ Chapter 24  
  
Gus turned around to look back at Brian and Justin, minutes before he went through the airport security check points. He dropped his backpack and moved over to Brian, wrapping his arms around his father's waist and giving him a tight hug. He then moved over to Justin and did the same, holding on a little longer as he listened to Justin whispering in his ear, "Let me know how things go with Ashley, okay?"  
  
He nodded and then picked up his backpack again, signaled Austin and moved forward towards security. They were on their way back to Toronto, to be home in time for football practice which always started a week before school did. Brian had promised Gus that he and Justin would fly to Toronto for the first home game, scheduled about a month from now. This had made Gus feel better, easing the sadness he always experienced after the end of each summer vacation.   
  
Brian and Justin walked away from the gate, hand in hand, through the terminal and into the parking garage. They got in the car and slowly made their way out the building, stopping at the ticket booth to pay before heading towards the expressway.   
  
"Alone at last, Sunshine," Brian said quietly.  
  
"I know, I'm going to miss him too," Justin answered back.  
  
Brian looked over at him, gave him a sad little smile, grabbed his hand and squeezed. They drove the rest of the way in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. One thinking about tomorrow's presentation with a new client, the other dwelling on the phone call he had received before leaving for the airport.  
  
Daphne had called to say that she had started taking the medication she needed to induce ovulation and that she had begun taking her temperature every morning to determine when the ovulation would actually take place. She explained all the mechanics of body temps rising and falling with hormonal fluctuations to Justin as he listened with half an ear. All he heard was her first sentence; that she had started the hormone therapy. Everything else after that was a blur.  
  
The reality was that now that the wheel had been set in motion, he was terrified! He was afraid it wouldn't work; afraid he would let her down, afraid that once again, she would face disappointment and heartache. Conversely, he was also afraid that it would work, that he would soon have a child and that his life, no matter what the terms of the agreement stated, would never be the same.   
  
He knew he was just stressing. He needed to go see the Master, to sit in the temple and meditate with him to regain some of his internal peace, to settle his Wa and stop queening over a decision that he knew was right for everyone.   
  
What Justin found hard to believe was the fact that both Brian and even his mother had agreed to his decision. Jennifer's first reaction was shock, followed by tears, followed by questions. She acknowledged that because he was Gay, having a child in the conventional way would never be possible but she supposed that having a child with a person he not only loved but respected and had known most of his life was the next best thing. Her main concern was whether she would be able to acknowledge the child as family.   
  
"Would I be considered the grandmother? Will they let me have any contact with the child?"  
  
Justin had explained his plan, telling her about the pre-conceptual agreement and his request to be a part of the child's life, albeit part-time. She found the whole thing a little too forward thinking and modern, however she knew her son well enough to know that once he had made up his mind about something there would be no changing it. She would have had more luck attempting to move the pyramids from Egypt to the Pitts than try and change Justin's mind.   
  
What changed everything was Alex's decision to inform the child who the biological father was and all the events leading up to its birth. This would mean more involvement from everyone, specifically Justin, Brian and most definitely, Jennifer.   
  
It was good news and bad news all at the same time. Justin had never expected Alex's change of heart and he had to adjust his whole mind set to now accommodate the fact that if they were successful in their plans a new person would be entering his life, and not in a peripheral or virtual way. This child would know that he was the biological father and he and Brian would be more involved than either of them had ever thought they would be; much more then they had originally thought possible when this whole idea had been brought to the table. He was thrilled that he would be able to participate more in his future child's life. On the other hand he was a little concerned.   
  
What worried him the most was Gus' reaction to all this. He had not said anything to him because the reality was that none of them knew if it was going to happen at this point. The future was a big question mark, so there was no sense in telling Gus and getting him upset for no reason. And upset he would be. Somehow, Justin knew that Gus would not take this well and he was very unsettled by the thought of having to tell him of his decision.  
  
Gus had always been the center of everyone's attention, especially Justin's, and even when Jenny Rebecca was born, that never changed his position as top dog. Justin was determined that this birth would not do that either, if there was to be such a birth.   
  
He was unwavering in his wish to make sure that Gus' position in his life would never be jeopardized. He never wanted Gus to feel intruded upon by a new player, someone who would be thrust on him through no choice of his own. A person that would not be related to him in any way, blood-wise, yet who would now take up a small part of his fathers' hearts, hearts that had previously belonged to him alone. And of course the key to making sure this never happened would be Justin and Brian and the way they dealt with the baby, if there ever was a baby.   
  
Justin's thoughts were interrupted by the car slowing to a stop and the engine being turned off. He looked up and was surprised to see they were home, he didn't remember anything about the drive.   
  
"Hey," Brian said. "What's going on in that pretty blond head? You seem to be a million miles away."  
  
"I'm just thinking about Gus and what he's going to say or feel when he finds out about Daphne and our decision to help her. Do you think he'll be upset, Brian?"  
  
"Justin, you're worrying about something that may never happen. I suggest you put that worry on the back burner until a pregnancy becomes reality, then we'll discuss it," Brian replied in his usual pragmatic way.  
  
Justin reached out and wrapped his arms around Brian's neck. He held on to him as Brian's arms automatically moved around his body, pulling him close, holding him, reassuring him with his presence.   
  
"It's going to be okay Justin, I promise you. Whatever happens, we'll get through it together, like we always have. You just have to believe that," Brian whispered in his ear.   
  
"I love you, Brian," Justin replied emotionally, grateful that he had a partner who was able to read his mind and sense every bit of insecurity that floated around him as soon as it appeared.  
  
"Me too, Sunshine, me too."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Emmett sat at his desk surrounded by paper work. He had everyone at Fabulous in a frenzy of activity trying to complete the plans for the wedding reception. In his usual flamboyant manner, and in keeping with his love for theme parties, he and Max had decided that their wedding reception was going to be anything but conventional. It was going to be the most amazing, most talked about, most well remembered and best attended Masquerade ball that would ever grace the entire Pittsburgh Gay community. He was determined to make this the most memorable wedding reception in the history of Gaydom.   
  
Invitations had gone out yesterday on rolled pieces of parchment paper, hand-printed and tied with velvet ribbons in the most beautiful shades of brown and gold and green that he could find. At the bottom of each invitation there was a sentence asking that in lieu of gifts, a small donation to the Vic Grassi House would be accepted. He and Max had everything they could possibly need or want and the thought of having to return or exchange dozens of gifts was something neither one of them wanted to deal with.   
  
The head count was now up to two-hundred, now that he had added Max's sister and brother to the list after just receiving their phone calls acknowledging that they would come, along with Enid and David Steiner. Most of the two-hundred guests were friends and business acquaintances of Emmett's. He couldn't believe that he knew so many people when he first started making the list. It was a far cry from the party of one that had arrived at the bus depot with nothing but a raggedy old backpack twenty years ago.   
  
Emmett was heady with the anticipation; his mind filled with necessary decisions on food and liquor, the eighteenth-century livery outfits that the waiters would wear, the impending arrival of the beautiful Venetian masks that had been specially ordered for the occasion as wedding mementos. Streamers in all the rainbow colors of Pride were being prepared and Chinese lanterns in the same multi-colored shades were also being fashioned so that they could hang strategically throughout the many trees that surrounded the general area where the dancing and reception would take place. They had hired a live band, as well as the top Deejay in the business as a back-up to the band.   
  
The party was scheduled to start at seven-thirty sharp and would probably last into the wee hours, if it was the big success Emmett was hoping it would be. Brian and Justin had graciously consented to lend them the grounds of Britin along with the use of the pool house and its restrooms for the guests. The main house, however, was off-limits as neither one of them had any desire to have it trashed and so security guards were going to be posted at all the entrances to make sure no one entered without permission.   
  
Emmett had made hotel reservations for the Steiners and for Andie and her husband as well as Ari and his wife. He and Max had decided that it would be better if they all stayed at a hotel rather than trying to accommodate them all at home, even if they had the room. They were still dealing with boxes of Max's things, still unpacked from his move. He didn't think his nerves could take anymore pressure with having to deal with in-laws, on top of everything else.   
  
Max was stressing big-time over the menu, crossing off and adding things constantly. Because he had to be at Emmett's side, there would be no chance for him to actually be in the kitchen to supervise, so he would have to be content with delegating, a difficult thing for him under the best of circumstances. Fortunately, Brian did end up hiring his friend from Chicago, Jerry Bither, who was as good a chef as Max, and he would be in charge of the kitchen at Britin, making sure that everything Max had on the menu would be perfect!   
  
So far, he had decided on five buffet tables to accommodate the number of people invited. Every delicacy and special cut of meat imaginable would be served. He wanted the food to be as fabulous as the entertainment and spared no detail or expense in his selection of ingredients. Lobsters and shrimp were being flown in from Maine, lamb from Australia, the best cuts of beef from the finest sources in the country. There would be platters of chicken and bowls of salad with every fruit and vegetable in season. One entire table would be devoted to nothing but desert, with a chocolate fountain as the centerpiece, pouring fresh chocolate syrup into bowls that guest could use as a dipping sauce for the giant strawberries and other assorted fruits that were flown in from California and South America just for this occasion. Cakes and pastries lovingly crafted by the best desert chef Max could find would be a gastronomic delight that would send anyone into insulin shock with just one look. The liquor served at the open bars would be top shelf of course, in addition to the flutes of champagne that the waiters would be circulating all night long. All in all, Max planned on having the best of everything, wanting his guests to leave their party with fond memories of having one of the finest meals they had ever had.   
  
The biggest source of stress right now was deciding what costume to wear. Max had left that to Emmett who was nowhere close to making any kind of decision. He had picked and discarded so many ideas, none of them really holding his attention or appealing to his sense of drama. He wanted something that would show off Max's wonderful assets but short of having him walk beside him naked, a definite no-no, he could not for the life of him think of anything that would be appropriate or do him justice. He finally gave up and decided to call the one person who made big bucks by never running out of ideas.  
  
Picking up his phone, he dialed Kinnetik and asked for Brian.  
  
"Hey Em," Brian answered, "What can I do for you?"  
  
"I'm fresh out of ideas for the Masquerade ball, Brian, as far as what Max and I should wear. Any suggestions?"  
  
"Well, you could go as Siegfried and Roy, however, without the props it wouldn't be as much fun and I doubt that you'll be able to rent tigers and lions on such short notice."  
  
"Seriously, Brian, can't you do better than that?" Emmett asked petulantly.  
  
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking…give me a minute, Em," Brian laughed.  
  
"Brokeback?" Brian queried.  
  
"No."  
  
"Romans?"  
  
"Absolutely not!"  
  
"Southern gentlemen? All white suits?"  
  
"Hmm," Emmett said, "Max would look gorgeous in white. That's a definite possibility," he muttered to himself.  
  
"How about leather?" Brian asked. Motorcycle hogs?"  
  
"Hell no," Emmett said. "Honestly, Brian, you're the big idea man and this is all you can come up with?"  
  
"You know, most people give me a day or so to come up with something, Emmett. I wasn't exactly thinking of costumes this very minute!" Brian snarked at him.  
  
"What are you and Justin going to be?" Emmett asked.  
  
"Rage and JT," Brian said, with a big sigh. "What else?"  
  
"Awww, really?" Emmett said.  
  
"Yeah, I let him convince me. What the fuck, hopefully I'll be good and drunk within the hour so I won't see how stupid I look in spandex."  
  
"Honey, you know you'll look nothing but beautiful in spandex, so don't even go there."  
  
"Whatever the fuck!"  
  
"How about something dark, Brian? Some vampire, horror kind of thing, what do you think?"  
  
"Naa, not his type Em. I can't see Max as the Vampire Lestat."  
  
"Alright, well I give up. Will you call me, if you think of anything else," he asked.  
  
"I will, Em. Give me a few hours, I'll think of something and get back to you."  
  
"Thanks Brian," Emmett said.  
  
"Later," Brian answered.  
  
Emmett hung up and shook his head. He couldn't believe that this was so difficult. Of course the thing that was so hard was trying to find something that would appeal to Max. He would have been happy throwing on anything that glittered but somehow he couldn't imagine Max being too happy to see his partner in drag. He was starting to lean more and more towards the Southern gentleman thing. The whole Tennessee Williams look with the white linen suit and straw hat. That might definitely work and Max, of course, would be incredibly handsome in white.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Daphne stood in front of the full length mirror in their bedroom, dressed in the beautiful pale blue ballroom gown that she was going to wear to the Masquerade ball. She was going as Christine to compliment Alex's Phantom of the Opera. She was quite pleased with the dress she chose and because of the cut and style of the times, her breast's, which normally would never draw any attention but which were nice and full thanks to the wonderful world of hormone therapy, were literally spilling over her bodice. Alex's eyes had bugged out of his head when he saw her dressed and she had to throw him out of the room before he proceeded to tear her dress off.   
  
"Jesus Christ, Alex," she said. "You're acting like you've never seen my boobs before."  
  
"Never like that," he said with a definite leer in his voice.  
  
She continued to twirl around, looking at herself from all angles, deciding that all was well and that so long as she didn't gain one ounce she would be able to wear the dress to the party without making a spectacle of herself.   
  
The only thing that was a little disturbing was the fact that the party couldn't have come at a worst time. She was almost in the middle of her cycle which meant she would ovulate any day now and if it happened on the day of the party there was no way she was going to get Justin to do his thing; which would mean they would lose out on this month's opportunity. If that were the case, would he tack on another cycle or would that just leave her with two more tries? She decided to shelf the worry for now, a talent she was becoming extremely adept at, and deal with it if and when it came up. Since the party was only two days away, she might get lucky.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was the night of the party and Britin had finally quieted down after the flurry of activity all day long. The electricians, florists and decorators had left. All the tables were set up. All the lanterns were hung, streamers positioned, the torches were burning, flowers overflowing their vases and tables groaning with platters and platters of silver that were soon going to be piled high with food. The bars, all three of them, were stocked and ready to go. The waiters were dressed in the black and white outfits that Emmett had picked out, with white wigs and white gloves. Their pants were skin tight, showing off every beautiful bulge, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. They had little black vests on top with no shirts underneath, eye candy for everyone. Every single waiter was under the age of twenty-five and could have been a model. Every last one was incredibly beautiful; definitely hand picked by their host for all the hungry eyes that would be roaming that night.   
  
Brian looked out the window of their bedroom, watching the men down below. He turned to Justin who was dressed in his simple blue jeans, athletic shoes and short sleeved cotton shirt with a matching t-shirt underneath.   
  
"That's not a JT outfit, that's a Justin outfit," Brian said, frowning at him.  
  
"You think I'm not aware of what JT is supposed to look like? I've only drawn him about four million times."  
  
"Well you look way too comfortable while I on the other hand feel like I'm stuffed into this outfit like a sausage in its casing."  
  
"Ah, and what a sausage it is," Justin said as he smiled at Brian.   
  
"Really?" Brian asked, turning back to the mirror and looking at his body from every angle. He didn't look a day over thirty-five and he knew it. He just wanted to hear Justin say it so that he could walk out there secure in the knowledge that every fag within ten feet of him knew it too. The costume clung to him like a second skin, showing off every ripple and cut of muscle on his arms and back and legs, not to mention the very prominent bulge at his groin. Every minute spent at the gym was now paying off. Every night of pushing away the plate of pasta was definitely worth it to see the lust lurking behind his partner's eyes. It was flattering and most satisfying to know that at forty-five he still had that kind of animal magnetism.  
  
Justin walked up to him slowly and wrapped his arms around Brian's waist, pulling him closer so that he could feel the bulge pressing against him.  
  
"How exactly does one take off this costume, Rage, or do you just blink an eye and everything falls off like magic?"  
  
Brian smiled at Justin as he felt the blonde's hands starting to make little circles on his ass, moving forward in the general direction of his dick which was definitely showing signs of distress at this point.   
  
"I'm not sure JT, but you'd better figure it out fast. I'm about ready to rip this fucker off 'cause if you don't put your mouth on my cock in the next two minutes, I'll definitely have a Rage moment."  
  
Justin laughed and proceeded to gently peel off the spandex outfit to alleviate the immediate problem.  
  
Thirty minutes later, they were out in the garden, listening to the band warming up and waiting for Max and Emmett to show up. In a few minutes their limo pulled up and they got out. They were both dressed in exquisite white Armani suits in the finest linen, Panama hats in hand. Even their shoes were the whitest of white, hand stitched, Prada, no doubt. They had matching red roses on their lapels and even Brian had to acknowledge that they were both drop dead gorgeous.  
  
Just behind their limo, another pulled up and the doors opened to reveal the entire Steiner family coming out one by one. Andie Levin dressed as Marie Antoinette was stunning. Every bit of bling on her body was real, much to Brian's delight, and she sparkled like a Christmas tree. There must have been at least one hundred thousand dollars worth of diamonds on her and she completely outshined her husband who was dressed as Louie XVI. Her brother Ari and his wife were dressed like Israeli Freedom Fighters, complete with pretend Uzi's strapped to their backs. Mama and Papa Steiner were, of course, the Fiddler on the Roof and his Yenta. _Certainly an eclectic bunch_ , Brian thought to himself.   
  
The waiters started circulating, their trays filled to overflowing with flutes of Champagne. The band began to play and Max and Emmett positioned themselves at the entrance, near the flowered archway. A large table covered with the Venetian masks stood over to their right. Each guest was handed one as they arrived and they in turn laid their money envelopes in the small black lacquered box beside Max so that at the end of the evening it could all be put away to be delivered to the Vic Grassi House at a future date.   
  
Brian and Justin stayed close by to give them any help they needed but also to see what everyone was wearing when they walked through the flowered archway. There were costumes in every possible design, ranging from the incredibly beautiful and creative to the ugly and down right tacky but the boys of Pittsburgh had put on their finest tonight and everyone was on display.   
  
There were numerous Cowboys and Indians; leather daddies and motorcycle hogs galore. Shanda Leer was dressed as Audrey Hepburn and someone else looked just like Liza Minnelli. A group of Dykes came in on the same limo dressed as Xena and Wonder Woman, Christina Aguillera in her Moulin Rouge outfit and Brittany with her snake around her neck. Even Barbara Streisand and Princess Di were represented tonight. There was every Dr. Who character imaginable, firemen and construction workers, gentlemen in ascots and top hats, Geishas in their finest silks, doctors, pirates, priests, whores and pimps. It was interesting to see people's choices of costumes and one could only imagine the time and expense involved in perfecting their look. Vampires and Werewolves abounded as did rock stars old and new. Tina Turner, Elvis, Michael Jackson, Bowie, Jagger, Madonna, Prince…the sky was the limit. Truman Capote and Jackie O. Andy Warhol. You name it, they were there.  
  
Brian was having the time of his life watching the long line of guests making their entrance. Jennifer and Tucker looked perfect in their Sonny and Cher outfits. Surprisingly, she looked as pretty with the long black wig as she did as a blond. Ben and Michael showed up as the Brokeback Boys, Debbie and Carl came as hippies, looking more like burnt out loadies, complete with the beads and headbands that were so cool in the seventies. Hunter and his wife were both in gothic outfits, black as the night, with nose rings, eyebrow rings and just a bunch of rings in weird places. Ted and Blake were dressed as horse jockeys in beautiful silks, perfect for their slight frames. Cynthia showed up as a dominatrix in a beautiful black leather bustier with chains and whips attached to the belt at her waist. She had her boyfriend Andrew in tow looking as meek and mild as possible, being dragged around by the chain she had on his collar.  
  
Brian and Justin were complimented by everyone; most of the guests were huge Rage fans and even though it had been years, they still remembered. Finally, Brian spotted Daphne and Alex dressed in their Phantom of the Opera costumes. Brian walked up to Daphne and complimented her, noticing that she didn't exactly look happy, even though she looked particularly beautiful tonight. Justin put an arm around her shoulder and walked her over to a bar where he got her a drink.  
  
Brian turned back to Alex after watching Justin and Daphne walk off and said, "What'd you do to her, Alex? Come in her mouth?"  
  
"Jesus, Brian, would ya give it a rest? She's in a snit because her temp dropped this morning," Alex stated looking at Brian with annoyance. He was still getting used to his raunchy sense of humor and even though he knew Brian much better than he did many months ago, the man continued to shock him at times with the things he'd say.  
  
"So, is that supposed to mean anything?" Brian asked.  
  
"It means she will ovulate in the next twenty four hours and we're not going to be able to do anything about it because of this party. That's why she looks unhappy," Alex replied.  
  
Brian looked at Alex for a while, took a sip of his drink and made a decision.  
  
"Dr. Cherny, we are going to do something about it, and we are going to do it tonight, right here, in this house. Do you have the stuff we need in your car?" Brian asked.  
  
"Yes of course, I always have my doctor's bag with me. But wait a minute, Brian. This is not the time or the place," Alex said getting agitated.  
  
"Why not?" Brian asked.  
  
"Because it's not," Alex stammered. "It should be planned and it should be done at our house."  
  
"Whoa there," Brian said. "That is part of the problem Alex. You and Daphne live by the numbers; everything in your life has been planned, down to the last detail. Spontaneity doesn't exist in your vocabulary and you guys are uptight as fuck! Look, you've tried it your way; tonight we are going to try this my way, the Kinney way. Are you listening Alex?"  
  
Alex looked at Brian in stunned silence. He never thought he would ever be in a situation where he would be at a loss for words but right now he was speechless.   
  
"Alex, are you listening to me?" Brian asked again.  
  
"Yes," Alex said reluctantly.  
  
"Okay, first of all, let's go to the bar and get you a drink. You need a couple shots of Vodka in you to loosen you up. Next we are going to get Daphne a little bit drunk," Brian said.  
  
"What?" Alex said. "Why?"  
  
"'Cause she needs to loosen up too, for God's sake. She's wound tighter than a drum and we need for her to relax, okay?"  
  
"Alright, and then what?" Alex asked, mystified.  
  
"Then, we are going to party! We're going to have dinner and dance and drink, and drink some more and get a little fucked up."  
  
"Okay, we can do that. And then?" Alex asked, still not getting it.  
  
"And then the four of us are going to sneak into the house. You are going to go to one of the guest rooms, the one closest to our bedroom and you are going to fuck the shit out of your wife."  
  
"Excuse me?" Alex asked in disbelief.  
  
"You heard me. You are going to fuck her every which way you can, in as many positions and as many times as you can keep it up. I want her to have multiple orgasms, to be completely exhausted and satisfied. I want you to put a smile on her face, Alex, do you understand? Do you need any Viagra, by the way?" Brian asked a shocked Alex.  
  
"No, I do not need any Viagra," Alex said indignantly. "I may shoot blanks but everything else works just fine. I've never had any complaints."  
  
"Okay, TMI, I'm sure it's all good," Brian said. "Anyway, once she's all fucked out, you will text me and let me know. I'll bring you Justin's sperm somehow and you'll inject it into her and she'll go to sleep. You guys can spend the night. Okay? I don't want her to move from that bed all night."  
  
Alex looked at his new friend with respect and gratitude. He couldn't believe Brian was going to all this trouble to help them.   
  
"Thank you," he said quietly. "I really appreciate what you are doing."  
  
"Stop! Don't get wet on me. I'm doing this for Justin, no one else," Brian said.  
  
"Well thank you anyway," Alex said, reading through Brian's words and finally figuring this guy out.  
  
Daphne and Justin were in the general area of the bar sipping their drinks and nibbling on caviar covered Crostinni. People kept coming up to Justin, complimenting him on the beauty of the grounds and Emmett's decorations as well as making jokes about how comfortable he looked. While he was engaged in small talk Daphne looked over at Brian and Alex, both wearing masks, huddled together, deep in conversation. At one point they busted out laughing and she had this instant moment of 'Déjà vu' recalling the dream she had many weeks ago, except now the players were Brian and Alex, not Max and Justin. She started feeling a little tipsy, thanks to the expensive Champagne she was drinking and decided it was part of the reason she was so disoriented by the vision of her husband and Brian with their heads together.  
  
Max and Emmett continued to greet their guests, happy with the number of people that were showing up and listening to the excitement and energy that was filling up around them. The band was starting the thumpa-thumpa music that Emmett had insisted on, fuck wedding waltzes and polkas. Tonight was not only a celebration of their union. It was a celebration of life, of the wonderful Gay life they were all fortunate to be living, at this time in history, when changes were occurring so rapidly and landmark decisions were being made throughout the country, improving the quality of their relationships with each other and society in general.  
  
Max's parents were enjoying themselves in spite of the fact that they were a small minority in this huge mass of Homosexuals. Women were outnumbered twenty-to-one but despite that, the few women that were at the party were having the time of their lives. Andie was being waited on by all the men around her, Gay and straight, acting like the true princess that she was.   
  
"It's too bad Gus and Austin couldn't stay for the party," Daphne said to Justin.  
  
"I know. It's always tough saying good-bye to him at the end of the summer. In a way though, I'm kind of glad he's not here. Brian would be queening all over the place worrying that one of these guys would hit on Gus and he wouldn't have been able to have any fun."  
  
"Why would they hit on Gus when he's obviously straight?"  
  
Justin looked at her like she had just grown another boob. "Because he's fucking gorgeous and hitting on straight men is the ultimate challenge for any Gay man. You know that."   
  
"Well thank God he's not here then. We wouldn't want Rage to get into one of his rages now would we?"  
  
"Yeah, really. That would not be a pretty sight."  
  
Justin drained his glass in one gulp, signaling Daphne to do the same and then he grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor. They both had their Venetian masks on in deference to Emmett and as they joined the throng on the dance floor they noticed that the receiving line had finally eased up and Max and Emmett were making their way over to the dance floor themselves to join their guests.   
  
"Isn't this fucking fabulous honey?" Emmett gushed when he and Max got close.  
  
"It's beautiful Em. You have completely outdone yourself, that's for sure," Justin replied.  
  
"And does my husband not look incredibly gorgeous?" he said looking at Max with absolute love in his eyes.  
  
"You don't look so bad yourself," Max said as he bent forward and proceeded to suck face.  
  
"Oh-my-God," Brian said, coming up to the group with Alex in tow. "I haven't seen this many queers in one place since the last Pride parade. What'd you do Em, put a sign-up sheet in OUT magazine asking for volunteers?"  
  
"Whatever," Emmett said, rolling his eyes at Brian. "You look particularly studly tonight, Mr. Rage. I don't suppose there's any stuffing in that package you're sporting, is there?"  
  
Brian gave him the raised eyebrow and mouthed 'Fuck you' as he grabbed Justin's hand and moved him off in another direction.   
  
He nuzzled Justin's neck and put his arms around him, swaying to the music, enjoying the feel of their bodies coming together.   
  
"You still are the most gorgeous man out here," Justin said looking up into Brian's face.   
  
"Thank you Sunshine. You're just saying that because you love me."  
  
"I'm saying it because it's true. What were you and Alex talking about earlier?"  
  
"Nothing important," Brian answered as he bent down and kissed Justin's beautiful mouth.  
  
TBC


	25. Chapter 25

_To have a conviction in Karma you must believe that first, action is really happening…it is not an illusion. Second, you really are responsible for your actions. There is no outside force like the stars or some good or evil being acting through you. When you are conscious, you are the one who decides what to do. Third, your actions have results…you are not just writing on the water…and those results can be good or bad, depending on the quality of the intention behind the act._ _  
  
_ Chapter 25  
  
Daphne lay on the huge bed floating on a champagne induced cloud. The house was deathly quiet despite the fact that the music was still blaring outside. The inside of Britin Manor was peaceful and soothing, thanks to the thick walls and state of the art insulation. She felt the bed shift a little as Alex sat down beside her and removed his mask.  
  
His blond hair was disheveled and fell across his forehead, making him look much younger than his forty-four years. He looked down at her and smiled.  
  
"Did you have a good time tonight, beautiful?"  
  
Daphne moved her arms above her head and stretched out like a big cat, causing her breasts to shift and overflow the bodice of her dress.  
  
"Oops," she giggled.   
  
Alex reached out and cupped one of her breasts in his hand and bent down to whisper huskily, "Have I told you how unbelievably sexy you look tonight?"  
  
"No you haven't," she purred. She reached for Alex's other hand and brought it up to her mouth, licking his palm and saying softly, "Show me how sexy you think I am."   
  
"Can we please get this gown off of you before I rip it off?"  
  
"No ripping, Alex. I love this dress and want to keep it," she said as she sat up and slowly moved her legs off the bed. The room spun around gently as she felt Alex's hands fiddling with the zipper on the back of her dress. Finally she felt it slide down as he pushed the dress off her, moving both his hands up and over her breasts as he bent to kiss her neck.   
  
"God, you are beautiful and smell so good," Alex whispered, littering her neck with kisses.  
  
She leaned back against him, enjoying the feel of his hands as they roamed over her body.   
  
"Alex, take off your clothes," she said, wanting to feel skin.   
  
He got off the bed and began to take his clothes off, scattering his shirt and coat and pants everywhere. Finally, he was ready, and he got back in bed with his now naked wife and took her in his arms again.  
  
They were both a little tipsy, but not enough to be completely impaired. Just high enough to enjoy the moment, reveling in each other's touch made all the more sensitive by the fact that they were in different surroundings, in a strange room, intensifying the feeling of newness.   
  
Alex leaned up on his elbows and looked down at Daphne as she lay on the bed. Her hair, which had been pinned up into a chignon earlier tonight, was now completely loose, fanned out on the pillow, framing her face as she looked up at him expectantly. She was beautiful in the soft light coming from the lamp near the bed. Her skin glowed and looked like mocha velvet.   
  
He bent down and put his mouth on hers, savoring her, loving the noises she made when she responded to him. His hand moved over her body, down past her stomach, brushing the inside of her leg as she automatically opened for him. He moved his well-educated hands over all the right places, brushing lightly when needed, pressing a little harder in other places, drawing out her whimpers as she lost herself in the pleasure of his touch. His mouth moved down her body, leaving a wet trail behind him as he headed towards the spot that he was craving, that always tasted like honey to him, sweet and intoxicating. He heard her cry out as soon as his tongue glided over the little nub, the softness always a turn-on for him, and he felt her hands grip his shoulders, squeezing gently, as she lifted her hips up to him giving him better access. His tongue played with her, moving in little circles, flicking at her, driving her crazy. Alex heard her moaning louder now, felt the tension as her hands gripped his shoulders, a sure sign that she was that much closer. "Please," she whimpered, begging him to stop the torture, yet never wanting it to stop. She was almost there, he knew the sensations were unbearable as his mouth continued to taunt her, sucking on the special place that always pushed her over the edge. Finally, he felt her coming as she cried out his name and pressed his face to her, feeling her tension slowing leave her body as her legs relaxed around him and she lay still in his arms.   
  
"Alex," she whispered again, and he moved up her torso to put his mouth to hers, sharing her taste. He rolled on top of her, then rolled over again, positioning her on top, pushing her up so she straddled him, feeling his cock slide in perfectly and she began to ride him, lifting her arms to move her hair out of the way. She looked wanton and incredibly hot, riding him with abandon, savoring every inch of him, moving up and down with the precision born of years of practice.   
  
He couldn't take his eyes off her, she was like a wild woman in the dim light, her hair rose up in waves all around her face and she put her head back, closing her eyes and licking her lips, saying his name over and over. He moved his hands up her torso, encircling her breasts listening to her moans as she moved off into her private world, lost in a haze of pleasure where all her energy and focus were on one thing; the on-coming orgasm that was about to overtake her. She was so ready for him; her thighs enveloped his body, tightening around his hips. Her arms encircled his neck as she pressed her face to his, moaning, 'fuck me' over and over as the rhythm took over. They came at the same time, clenching each other in an all too familiar move, feeling the orgasm rush through them like an electric shock, leaving them both completely satisfied. Everything was familiar yet so very different.   
  
Alex moved his mouth over Daphne's face, kissing every inch of it, telling her over and over again how much he loved her. She heard him and smiled, loving the words, loving this man who continued to make her life complete and never failed to leave her satisfied and content.   
  
They lay in bed, side by side, looking at each other, listening as their heavy breathing subsided, smiling and caressing. Alex stared at his beautiful wife, stroking her face and neck, telling her again how much he loved her. After a while he started moving again, turning Daphne over and starting on her shoulders this time, covering her with light kisses that made her squirm with anticipation. He smiled to himself as he heard Brian's voice in his head, telling him what he needed to do and how often he needed to do it. He heard Daphne groan, reacting to his kisses, urging him onward to fulfill all of Brian's instructions, on his way to round two.   
  
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Brian looked into Justin's eyes and saw that they were completely glazed over with lust, his mouth was swollen and bruised from the mauling it had received not five minutes ago. Justin's mouth was Brian's downfall, more than anything else; it was the mouth that always got him, always the magnet that drew him in.   
  
Brian turned his head when he heard the soft whirring of his cell phone. 'Done', the message read. _Good boy,_ Brian thought to himself, _but I'm not quite ready yet._  
  
He pulled open the drawer of the nightstand and grabbed a condom from the little pile that he had left there a few weeks ago in case they would need it for this very reason.   
  
Justin lay on the bed, naked and ready. He pulled Brian towards him and said, "Fuck me."  
  
"Hold on there Sunshine. I've got to get you ready."  
  
"What are you doing?" Justin asked as he felt Brian rolling the condom on his dick. It felt strange and constricting after not having used one in over a year.   
  
"We're going to save your little swimmers in here so I can take it next door and give it to Alex."  
  
Justin sat up abruptly, a shocked look on his face. "What are you talking about Brian? We're doing this, tonight?"  
  
"Shhh," Brian said gently, holding on to him and kissing his cheek. "I didn't want to say anything before this because I knew you'd start queening and turn into a nervous Nelly. Now, take a deep breath and try and calm down. We're going to make a baby, Sunshine. You and me. I'm going to make love to you and we're going to make the most beautiful child in the whole world, second to Gus of course, but beautiful nonetheless," Brian said, smiling at him.  
  
"We can't do this now," Justin said, caressing Brian's face and moving strands of dark hair out of his eyes. "Daphne and Alex aren't ready for us."  
  
"Says who? They're ready and waiting in the next room. We're going to make this happen, Sunshine. We are going to love each other and help Daphne make the most beautiful baby, our community baby, the great merger of four beautiful minds."  
  
"Now? Oh my God, I can't do this, Brian," Justin stammered nervously. "Look, I'm starting to lose my erection already."  
  
Brian looked down and saw that he was right.   
  
"Flip over," Brian said, "On your hands and knees, now."  
  
Justin did as he was told and Brian unceremoniously squirted some lube on him and then he slid into his ass without stopping for one second. He proceeded to plow into him, hitting every sweet spot he knew, pulling in and out, driving into Justin, not giving him one more second to stop and worry, counting on his intensely erotic nature to respond automatically, his body doing what it always did when Brian made love to him. He was rewarded by the sweet sound of Justin's guttural moans, hearing his breath quickening, watching as Justin moved his hand down towards his dick to help himself along, jerking off in time with Brian's rhythm. Brian bent down and nipped him on the shoulder, unable to stop himself, lost in the frenzy of the moment. He slid his right hand towards Justin's and swatted it out of the way. "Let me," he huffed out, taking over, moving his hand back and forth over the condom, making sure it was in position and hadn't dislodged. They continued, Justin's moans getting longer and louder, Brian's breathing accelerating as they moved against each other, building up the tension until Brian exploded, feeling Justin release at the same time into the condom, filling it up quickly, warm and full in Brian's hand.   
  
"OhmyfuckingGod," Brian said as he collapsed on the bed, trying to catch his breath. "Don't move Sunshine, let me," he admonished as he reached for Justin and slowly turned him over. He gently peeled off the condom and stood up, padded across the room stark naked, yanked open the door and crossed the hallway to knock on Alex and Daphne's door. Alex opened the door and stood there in a beautiful silk robe, shocked by his host's nakedness and literally stepped back as Brian shoved the loaded condom in his face.  
  
"Here," Brian said. "Take it and do something useful with this."  
  
Brian turned and left without giving Alex a chance to do anything but stare at his naked ass as it moved back across the hall.  
  
"Whack job," Alex said, smiling under his breath.  
  
Brian moved back into the bedroom, closed the door and got back into bed with Justin. He took him in his arms and held him tight, wanting him to feel his support and love.   
  
"I love you, Brian," Justin whispered, shaking a little with emotion, thinking about the fact that they might be making a child at this very moment, even as they were speaking.  
  
"Sunshine, if I loved you anymore I'd morph into a lesbian," Brian answered seriously.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Alex took the syringe out of his bag and extracted the sperm from the condom that Brian had handed him. It was so fresh it was still warm.   
  
He walked over to Daphne who was half asleep with a completely satisfied look on her face. Earlier, he had taken a warm wash cloth and cleaned her up, ministering to her lovingly as she watched him with a small smile on her face.   
  
"Darling, what was in the booze that you drank tonight? We should get some for our house," she said dreamily.  
  
He looked at her and smiled back. "No booze, beautiful, just you. You made me a little crazy tonight."  
  
"Crazy like that I like. You were unbelievable, Alex."  
  
"Thank you sweetheart, and now I need you to do one more thing before we go to sleep."  
  
"What's that, Hon?"  
  
"Open your legs."  
  
"Again? Oh my God Alex, I'm going to be sore as hell tomorrow!"  
  
"I need you to get ready so I can inject Justin's sperm into you, Daphe. We are about to make our baby."  
  
She sat up with a look of sheer wonder on her face. "You are a magician, how did you do it?"  
  
"I didn't. This is all Brian."  
  
"Holy crap. Are you serious?"  
  
"As a heart attack, Daphe. Come on beautiful, lie down and open up for me."  
  
She lay back down on the bed and watched as Alex crossed over to the other side of the room to retrieve the syringe he had placed near the discarded condom. He came back towards her and sat on the bed. Bending forward, he kissed her deeply and lovingly, whispering, "Are you ready?"  
  
She wrapped her arms around him and nodded her head.   
  
"Okay darling," he said, "Let's make our baby."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max and Emmett lay in their bed trying desperately to shut off the incessant ringing of the alarm that they had set earlier. It seemed like only a few minutes had gone by since they had fallen asleep although in reality it had been about three hours. Unfortunately, sleep was something that would have to wait if they wanted to catch their flight to San Francisco.   
  
"Max, honey, would you please shut that fucking thing off before I throw it out the window?"   
  
Max rolled over and groaned in response. Nothing could have induced him into moving, let alone sitting up to turn off the alarm. All he wanted to do was sleep for another ten hours, at least. He had fallen into bed exhausted but exhilarated from last night's success. He and Emmett had made tired love then passed out. The last thing he wanted to do was run to the airport.  
  
"Can we catch a later flight, Em?"   
  
"I don't think there is one, Max. We'll just have to suck it up and do this. Let me go make some coffee, that'll help a little bit," Emmett said as he struggled to get up.  
  
"Okay. Give me five more minutes," Max mumbled into his pillow.  
  
Emmett looked over at the beautiful body lying prone on the bed. He shook his head and mentally pinched himself, something he'd been doing a lot lately.  
  
The phone rang and he picked it up on the first ring. "Enid," he said, surprised to hear his mother-in-law's voice, so early in the morning.   
  
"Emmett, dear. You boys are still home. Why haven't you left for the airport yet?"  
  
"We're trying to move. It's just tough after last night."  
  
"That was a lovely party last night Emmett. You and Maxie did very well. Is he up yet?"  
  
Emmett had to smile every time he heard Enid call him 'Maxie'. It drove Max nuts when she did that but old habits were hard to break and he didn't see her changing her ways anytime soon.   
  
"Let me get him on the phone, Enid."  
  
He brought the phone up to Max's ear and nudged him. "It's your mother, talk to her."  
  
"Mama," Max croaked into the phone. "What's up?"  
  
He listened for a minute than said, "We're going, we're going. Christ, will you stop nagging. Ma, we didn't get home till five in the morning. No I will not miss the flight, yes I will send you a postcard from San Francisco, and no, I will not go to Castro street. Mother, I am a married man now. You think I'll be hanging out in Gay bars trying to pick someone up?"  
  
Max lay there, listening to his mother ranting on the phone. He turned over on his back and covered his eyes with his left arm while his right held the phone to his ear.   
  
"Ma, stop already. Emmett and I need to get dressed and go. I love you, yes, we'll be careful, good-bye, talk to you later."  
  
"What was that all about?" Emmett asked as his hand started moving over Max's torso, unable to resist touching him when he was so close.  
  
"She has issues with San Francisco. Thinks it's a den of iniquity and I'll catch AIDS just by landing at the airport. She gave me her usual safe sex lecture," Max said.   
  
"She just loves you honey," Emmett said understandingly. "But she forgets that I love you more, and I would never let anything hurt you while we're together, at least not if I can help it."  
  
Max lifted his arm off his eyes and looked at Emmett. He was staring down at him with unabashed love and Max couldn't believe how far they had come in such a short time. Here he was, lying in bed with the love of his life, waiting to get ready to catch a flight to San Francisco to go on their honeymoon.   
  
He grabbed Emmett's hand away from his chest and brought it up to his lips. "I love you," he said, looking at him intensely, brown eyes radiating with love, slowly turning to lust as he felt Emmett's other hand starting to move across his chest, down his flat abdomen, past the tight brown curls, towards his penis which was already hard and ready, waiting for Emmett's fingers to encircle it lovingly and start stroking it.   
  
Max closed his eyes and let the sensations take over. He moved into the special heaven that Emmett could take him to so easily and as his body enjoyed the feel of his very talented husband's mouth and hands, he briefly thought about how much time they had to make their flight and the big rush they were in and just said 'fuck it'.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Three and a half weeks later, Brian and Justin were packing for their trip to Toronto. Gus' first home game was tomorrow and they had promised to be there.   
  
Justin had been caught up in preparing for the show he was going to have in early November at the Sydney Bloom gallery in Manhattan. It was mainly thanks to Justin's enormous success that Sydney now had this branch and once a year, just before Thanksgiving, Justin always had a one-man show after which he and Brian flew to Toronto to be with Mel and Linds and the kids for Thanksgiving. It was something they had started doing a few years ago and it had become a tradition. Ben and Michael also joined them, as well as Debbie and Carl, along with Hunter and his family. It was always a special time, when they all got together to celebrate the holiday.  
  
As usual, Justin had lost himself in his work and for the last couple of weeks had barely left his studio. He had turned into the frenzied artist that Brian knew so well, hardly eating and only leaving the studio late at night or early in the morning to fall exhausted into bed, grabbing a few hours of rest only to wake up and start all over again.   
  
Brian had seen this type of behavior too many times, especially before a New York showing. This was the highlight of Justin's year and the success of the Manhattan show was always a source of great stress for him and would usually turn him into a zombie for several weeks. Brian was absolutely amazed that Justin had consented to tear himself away for two days to make the trip to Toronto.  
  
"I promised him, Brian. I have to go," he had told him when Brian asked if he'd rather stay.  
  
The truth was he was almost done with all his artwork. What was left was mostly touch-up work, then he would turn everything over to his assistant, Anne, who would send it all out to the framers and then on to the gallery in Manhattan. Justin insisted on choosing all his frames rather than leaving it in the hands of the gallery owner. It was one of the quirks he was famous for and his choices of frames were as unusual and out of the ordinary as the art itself. Something people had come to expect with an original Taylor.   
  
"Well, thank God you're coming and leaving the studio for a little bit," Brian said. "You're starting to look like Howard Hughes on one of his bad days. When was the last time you had a haircut?" he said, grabbing Justin and running his fingers through the long, silky hair which was well past his ears and almost skimming his shoulders.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Exactly, Sunshine. I'm calling them today and making an appointment for you for this afternoon. And get rid of this crap you're wearing," he said, referring to Justin's torn jeans and paint splattered t-shirt.  
  
Justin smiled at his anal partner and started peeling off his clothes, leaving a trail as he headed to the shower. "If you stop being such an ass, I'll let you soap mine," Justin said over his shoulder.  
  
"I'm on it," Brian called out from behind him, discarding his clothes as he walked.  
  
Twenty-four hours later they were at the rental car counter at the Toronto airport picking up their vehicle. They always rented, preferring that to having to count on Mel and Linds to drive them around. This way they were free to come and go and were much more comfortable.   
  
They took the keys of the Lexus and headed out to the car. They got in and drove across town, heading out to Rosedale. When they got there they parked in the driveway and entered the house through the kitchen.   
  
"Greetings," Brian said. The girls were seated around the kitchen table and everyone looked up as Brian and Justin walked in.   
  
"Uncle Brian," JR squealed when she saw him and got up from her chair and made a running dash towards Brian to jump up on him as he caught her and wrapped his arms around her.   
  
"Hey there little brat. How's it going?"  
  
"Good," she said, showing off her dimples as she smiled widely, looking more and more like Melanie every day. "Hi Uncle Justin," she said to Justin, over Brian's shoulder.  
  
"Hey JR," Justin said, smiling at the pretty girl in Brian's arms.   
  
Brian looked around and saw that Gus was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Where's Gus?" he asked Mel and Linds who continued to eat, scooting over to make room for Justin who had grabbed a plate and was about to spear a pancake off the heap in the center of the table.  
  
Brian put JR down and went over to the table to join them.  
  
"He's at school already. They wanted him early, to do a few practice runs before the game. We've still got several hours before we need to be there," Lindsay replied.  
  
"Good," Brian said. "Can I have a plate too?" he asked Lindsay, who promptly stood up and went to get a plate and utensils for him. She brought them over, along with an empty cup and laid everything down in front of him.   
  
He filled his cup from the pot that was on the table and then he speared himself a couple of pancakes along with a few pieces of bacon.   
  
"I don't suppose this is Turkey bacon, is it?"  
  
"Yuck," Melanie answered. "No, Brian, it's the really bad kind, made out of pork."   
  
"I thought Jewish people didn't eat pork?" he said to her pointedly as he chewed on the bacon, savoring every fatty, artery-clogging bit of it.  
  
"Well, this Jewish person does. Speaking of Jews," Melanie continued, "Tell us all about Max and Emmett and the wedding and reception."  
  
"Yes, please," Lindsay piped in. "We were so disappointed we couldn't go but with school starting so soon and Gus' practice, there was no way we could have gotten away."  
  
"It was fabulous," Justin said, his mouth full of pancakes and syrup. He swallowed and began to describe everything to them, to the last detail, starting with the wedding ceremony in Skokie, ending up with the still talked about Masquerade ball that was held at Britin.  
  
"Everything sounds amazing," Melanie said. "I wonder how much this set them back?"  
  
Brian looked at her with disdain and said, "Only you would think of asking that sort of question. Who gives a shit what they spent, they had a blast and so did we. It was worth it, whatever it was."  
  
"Just curious," she said. "You did say that Max came from money, right?"  
  
"Tons of it," Justin said, his mouth full once again. "They own half of Chicago."  
  
"Well, it looks like Emmett has struck it rich again," Melanie said.  
  
Justin put his fork down and said, "They are madly in love, Mel. Emmett had no idea Max was rich when he met him."  
  
"I'm sure he didn't," Melanie replied, "But once again, he seems to have landed on his feet."  
  
"You are getting more and more cynical with age," Brian said from across the table. "What's the matter Mel? Hormones out of whack? Menopause looming on the horizon?"   
  
Melanie threw a piece of toast at him and said, "I am not menopausing Brian. I'm not that old, I'm just being realistic."  
  
"More like being a bitch, as usual," Brian said under his breath.  
  
Lindsay glanced over at JR to see if she had picked up on the conversation. Fortunately, the girl was absorbed in the television program she was watching off the little set they had in the corner of the room.  
  
"Do you guys want to rest before we go?" Lindsay asked politely, trying to change the subject.  
  
"We might lie down for a little bit, for a 'rest'," Brian said with a small grin on his face.  
  
Lindsay's look changed again, the skin on her cheeks got pinker and she glanced over at JR again, to make sure she didn't hear Brian's reply. Melanie scowled at Brian, and Justin kicked him under the table.  
  
"Oww," Brian whined, sticking his tongue out at Justin. He grabbed his fork and speared a piece of the pancake, dripping with butter and syrup and shoved it in his mouth.  
  
"Jesus," he said, in between chewing, "It's a wonder you guys haven't had collective strokes with breakfasts like this. You have heard of the terms cholesterol and heat attack, haven't you?"  
  
"We don't always eat this way, Brian," Melanie said giving him a dirty look. "We knew you were getting in at this time so we made something a bit more substantial, mainly for Justin,"  
  
"Of course," Brian replied. "God forbid you would do anything for me."  
  
"Okay, stop it you two. That's enough sparing for one morning," Lindsay said, ever the peace maker.   
  
Brian stood up and made his way out the side door to have a cigarette to try and calm down. Melanie had a knack for elevating his blood pressure in an instant, something she was always able to do and only seemed to improve with age. Justin joined him a few minutes later and they stood outside enjoying their smoke.  
  
"She's in fine form this morning," Justin said.  
  
"No shit," Brian replied. "I think she is menopausal, no matter what she says."  
  
The buzzing of Justin's cell interrupted him, just as he was about to reply to Brian's comment. He looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Daphne.  
  
"Hey Daphe," he answered.  
  
There was silence on the phone.  
  
"Daphne? Are you there?" he asked.  
  
He heard a huge intake of breath followed by a sob.   
  
"Daphne, what is it? What happened?"  
  
She was crying now, barely able to get the words out. "Justin," she said, in between sobs.  
  
"What? Oh my God! You got your period…that's it, isn't it?" Justin began to pace as he talked. "Listen, don't stress over this, Daphe. We'll try again next month, don't worry about it. Maybe we'll go away this time, to Vegas or New York. What do you think?"  
  
She was crying in earnest now, sounding pitiful and desperate. Justin's heart was breaking as he listened to her. He shoved the phone at Brian, "Here, you try and calm her down. I can't listen to this." His eyes were shiny with the tears that had automatically appeared as soon as he heard Daphne crying.  
  
"Daphne, it's Brian. What happened?" he asked. He listened to the voice on the other line and his face slowly changed. He stopped frowning and his look completely shifted to one of surprise and suddenly he broke into a big smile and he laughed gently. He disconnected and looked at Justin.   
  
"What? What are you smiling about, Brian? Did Alex get on the phone?"  
  
"Actually, he did. Daphne couldn't really talk very well. She got busy all of a sudden."  
  
"Busy with what? She was hysterical not two minutes ago," Justin asked in surprise.  
  
"Busy throwing up Sunshine," Brian replied, breaking into a huge smile.  
  
"Throwing up?" Justin looked at him waiting for an answer that made sense because so far nothing had.  
  
Brian looked at Justin and couldn't keep the smile off his face. He grabbed him into a huge hug, holding him tightly and then he whispered in his ear. "She's throwing up because she's pregnant, Sunshine. You did it. She's going to have a baby."  
  
Justin's face paled as he heard Brian's words and he moved over to the bench near the kitchen door and sat down. His breathing started to change and he looked at Brian in a panic and said, "Brian, I'm feeling light headed. I think I'm going to faint."  
  
Brian rushed over to his side and he took him in his arms and held on to him saying, "No you're not, you're just hyperventilating. Take a deep breath Sunshine, and focus on something else, it'll pass."  
  
Brian listened as Justin's breathing slowed down and after a few minutes he pulled back and the blue eyes looked at him in wonder.   
  
"We really did it? She's fucking pregnant?"  
  
"That's what Alex said. They just found out and Daphne wanted to tell you herself but she got all weepy and then this wave of nausea hit; apparently she's been doing that a lot, even though it's really early in the pregnancy."  
  
"I can't believe we got lucky on our first try," Justin said in a daze.  
  
"It was the special Rage-JT combo and the whole magical night. It was inevitable," Brian grinned at him.  
  
Justin smiled back automatically, still in shock and not believing this was actually happening. He took Brian's hand and said, "I need to tell Gus."  
  
"Of course, you can tell him later, as the pregnancy progresses."  
  
"No, Brian, I need to tell him now, today, after the game," Justin said in a panic.  
  
"What's the rush?" Brian asked.  
  
"He needs to hear it from me, I need to explain the whole thing so he understands and isn't upset."  
  
"Okay," Brian said, drawing out the word slowly. "I don't think he'll care one way or the other, but if you are determined to do this, then talk to him tonight, after we get back from the game," Brian said.  
  
"Oh, he'll care, believe me," Justin said, his mind already forming the conversation he was going to have with Gus tonight.  
  
TBC


	26. Chapter 26

_To the ordinary Buddhist, Karma serves as a deterrent, while to an intellectual; it serves as an incentive to do good. He or she becomes kind, tolerant and considerate. This law of Karma explains the problem of suffering, the mastery of so-called fate and predestination of other religions and about all the inequality of mankind._ _  
  
_ Chapter 26  
  
The game had been a huge victory for the Rosedale Bobcats and Gus was riding high on the excitement of the win. He had led his team in his usual quiet and controlled way, throwing pass completions to Austin over and over. The parents were going crazy and the cheerleaders, of course, did their best to keep everyone's spirits high.   
  
After the game, Brian and Justin, along with Lindsay, Mel and JR stood on the sidelines, waiting for Gus to break away from his team and come over to join them. Several parents had stopped to greet Brian and Justin, welcoming them back after not seeing them since last year. It was nice to recognize familiar faces and Justin felt really comfortable being in surroundings that had seemed so alien and hostile last fall.  
  
Justin was still in shock over the conversation he had with Brian earlier today. He couldn't believe that Daphne was really pregnant and that in eight and a half months their child would be born. The fact that she got pregnant so easily only reinforced his belief that this was meant to be and that the child's Karma was closely linked to all four of them. Now, they just had to wait things out and pray that the pregnancy would be healthy and that Daphne would be able to carry it through to its fruition.   
  
Justin watched as Gus finally broke away from the group that was crowded around him and headed towards them. He seemed to have grown another half inch in the three and a half weeks they had been separated. His hair was wet and clung to his scalp and he shook it out as he walked, reminding Justin of the man he had fallen in love with when he saw him make that very same move fifteen years ago. He looked so much like Brian it took his breath away.  
  
Gus broke into a huge smile when he saw his fathers and he went straight to Brian and hugged him, basking in the praises that Brian heaped on him on the success of the game. He then moved over to Justin who also gave him a huge hug and Gus whispered, "I have to talk to you," in Justin's ear, even as Justin was about to say the same thing to him. Instead, he held back and said, "That's fine, Gus. We'll be here for two days, you have time."  
  
Gus looked at him and smiled. "I have to talk to you as soon as we get home, okay?"  
  
"Sure," Justin replied, knowing it had something to do with Ashley.  
  
They made their way out to the parking lot and everyone got into their respective vehicles, promising to meet up at the home of one of the coaches for the traditional after game barbeque. In the car, he listened with half an ear as Brian and Gus talked football and Lindsay and JR talked about the cheerleaders. His thoughts remained on Gus and what they were going to say to each other when they spoke later on tonight.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Daphne leaned against the bathroom wall, taking deep breaths as the wave of nausea passed through her and made its exit. She had just finished hurling what was left of her dinner, and as she stood there trying to get her composure back she kept wondering for the umpteeth time why she was so violently ill so early in the pregnancy.  
  
In the past, she had gotten mildly nauseous but she had never actually thrown up. This time, things were entirely different. Even if she had not taken the pregnancy test a few days ago she would have known she was pregnant because her body was completely taken over by the galloping hormones. Her breasts were tender and swollen and every time she looked at, or thought of, food she wanted to puke.   
  
She was thrilled that she was pregnant; she couldn't believe they had been successful after only one try. Alex had told her it was because all four of them had helped create the child and he was especially proud of the role he played in the conception. He actually felt that he had as much to do with the success as Justin and he was completely caught up in the excitement of it.  
  
Daphne had gone to see Dr. Russo yesterday who only confirmed what they already knew. She was definitely pregnant and from all the early signs everything appeared to be on track. Now she just had to figure out how she was going to survive eight and a half months of this. She wanted to continue working, stopping was never a consideration, however, if she didn't start feeling better soon she couldn't imagine sitting for hours on end, listening to patients, trying to concentrate when all she could focus on was the bathroom and the next time she needed to throw up.  
  
Alex walked into the room and took note of his wife's pale face dotted with perspiration around the hair line as she leaned against the cool marble wall.  
  
"That bad, huh?"  
  
"I'm sicker than a dog," she replied, "But loving every minute of it." She looked at him with a weak smile and reached out to him.  
  
He came over quickly and took her in his arms, holding her close. "This will pass, won't it?" he asked.  
  
"I'm sure it will. Lizzy seems to think it'll just be for a few weeks then it should go away. It's just now while the hormones are building up and the body is getting ready to go through this; when the levels are at their highest. She also told me there's an old wives tale about the sicker you are early in the pregnancy, the better your chances are for completion. Hopefully that's true and I won't miscarry this time," she said quietly.  
  
Alex continued to hold her, rocking her gently and kissing her neck, moving on to her ear. "You are going to be fine this time Daphne. I just feel it in my bones and I know that when early summer comes next year, we are going to be parents and this will all have been worth it."  
  
She nodded her head, hoping that everything he said was true. She decided then that this time, she was going to share every minute of the pregnancy with him, leaning on him for his strength and support, allowing him to participate in the entire process rather than trying to go it alone and keep her feelings to herself. This time, he was going to share every visit to the doctor, every food craving and even every second of morning sickness. She wanted him to participate actively throughout the pregnancy because she needed his strength to get her through this but more importantly, because she wanted him to feel that this child was one hundred percent his, regardless of the circumstances of its conception.  
  
"Do you want something cool to drink?" he asked solicitously.  
  
"That sounds good," she replied. "Maybe a mineral water with a wedge of lemon in it, okay?"  
  
"Okay, beautiful," he said, heading out the door towards the kitchen.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was midnight and Justin sat in between Brian's legs, his back to his chest, using it like a pillow, as they watched the late news. Brian kept playing with Justin's hair, twirling strands of it around his fingers and then kissing him behind his ears and down his neck, tickling him and making him squirm.   
  
The barbeque was long over and they had eaten their fill. Gus had brought Ashley over to their table to re-introduce her to everyone even though they had met her last year. She had also grown a few inches since they last saw her, now reaching Gus' shoulders and she wore her shiny blond hair long and loose around her face, spilling down her back. Her blue eyes shone brightly as Brian and Justin greeted her and they all understood why Gus was so taken with the girl. She was beautiful in a wholesome, natural way with a killer body and a Colgate bright smile.   
  
Gus had come up to Brian to ask him if he could take the rental car and drive Ashley home. Brian asked Lindsay if Gus had his permit yet and whether he could drive without an adult. Lindsay and Melanie seemed to think it was okay, apparently the laws in Canada were a little different from the USA and so they let him go, telling him to be sure and go straight to her house and then straight home. Since she lived a few blocks away from them Brian wasn't too worried about it.  
  
"Brian," Justin said.  
  
"Hmm," Brian replied, trying to listen to the news commentator but really more engrossed in the feel of the silky blond hair he was playing with and the body pressed up against his groin and chest.  
  
"Remember that conversation I had with Gus in the studio, the 'sex talk' we had?"  
  
"How can I forget, Sunshine. You were babbling like a brook when you got into bed that night."  
  
"Well, he talked to me again tonight, briefly."  
  
"Oh? And what did he have to say?"  
  
"He said things were much better and he had made some major progress."  
  
"Thank God," Brian said softly. "I really had no desire to try and orchestrate his first fuck session."  
  
"Neither did I," Justin replied. "He did say that he needed to talk to me some more, though. I wonder what he wants."  
  
"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure you'll waste no time in telling me."  
  
"You don't think he's going to ask me for some sex instructions, do you?"  
  
"How the hell should I know? He normally talks to me about things like this. I wonder why he's going to you now. Did I do or say anything to make him stay away?" Brian asked.  
  
"No, I just think that since we already had this conversation back home he probably feels that he should continue on with me, you know?"  
  
"I guess. But if he wants pointers on how to fuck a woman, he's going to the wrong person. I have a little more experience in that area." Brian said.  
  
"Hey, I've slept with a woman too," Justin replied indignantly.  
  
"Sleeping with your best friend twice, just to pop her cherry is not my idea of experience," Brian said as his hand now moved away from Justin's hair and slowly made its way down the blonds chest, making little circles around his nipples, brushing his hand lightly back and forth, seeing the goose bumps that appeared automatically as Justin reacted to his touch.  
  
"At least I can say that I've slept with a few, his mother included," Brian added.  
  
"I wouldn't bring that up, Brian," Justin said.  
  
"Do I look like I have flies buzzing around my head, Sunshine? I may be a lot of things but dumb is not one of them."  
  
Justin turned on his side and kissed Brian's cheek. "No, you are definitely not that."  
  
Brian turned his head and kissed Justin on the mouth, a light kiss that immediately turned into something more intense as he felt Justin responding and meeting his kiss head-on with a lot more heat.   
  
"Stop it Brian, you know how I feel about having sex in this house with all the people in it," Justin said, trying to pull away.  
  
"Fuck people," Brian replied. "Who gives a shit what they hear. Do you honestly think they care one way or the other?"  
  
"Yes I do. I'm sure that Mel and Linds would not appreciate hearing us fucking at this hour, especially with JR around."  
  
Brian was not to be deterred at this point and he pushed Justin away from him so that he could roll him over and lay him on his back. He got on his knees and tugged at Justin's shorts, watching his cock spring to attention as he pulled them off, clear evidence that his morals and his body were not in sync at all. Brian happily bent down to take Justin in his mouth and just before he did, he looked up at him with his sparkling cats eyes and said, "First one that moans is a cwazie wesbian."  
  
"Oh my God," Justin groaned softly, biting his lip to prevent one more sound from coming out of him.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Upstairs, Gus lay in bed going over the events of the last hour. It had been great to have a car and be able to take Ashley home, to be alone with her, without prying eyes. Even she had been more comfortable and had actually let him put his hand under her t-shirt and bra. He almost came just feeling her breast and he was shocked when he felt her hand slowly make its way down his lap, pressing him tightly around his groin.  
  
"You've got to get your own car Gus," she sighed into his ear as he moved his hand up and down her leg.  
  
"I know," he replied. "My Dad said he would buy me a car for my sixteenth birthday."  
  
"Gus, that's still a month away. Do you think you can persuade him to get it any sooner?"  
  
"I'll try, Ash. He's only going to be in town for a couple of days. There might not be enough time."  
  
"Well, the sooner you get your car, the sooner we'll be able to do this."  
  
Gus pulled away from her, shocked. "Are you serious?"  
  
"Yes," she answered shyly.  
  
"What changed your mind?" he asked.  
  
"I love you Gus. You're all I thought about this summer and I missed you so much while you were away," she said, in a very soft voice. "I realized that I was being stupid for not wanting to get closer. I want you to be my first."  
  
"Has anyone said anything to you?" Gus asked.  
  
"No," she replied. "I just wasn't comfortable doing anything a few months ago. I wasn't sure where our relationship was going and I didn't want to be the subject of any locker room jokes. I've heard how the other guys talk about some of the cheerleaders. I don't want that to happen to me."  
  
Gus looked at her and felt a little tug at his heart. He knew that she was special and she attracted him more than anyone else he had met but hearing her say these things only made him care a little bit more. He was determined that she would not be talked about or become the brunt of any jokes by the team.  
  
"Ashley, I would never talk about you the way the other guys do. You mean too much to me and I really want you to be my first too. I just don't know about this whole car thing. My Dad promised me a car a long time ago; before I pulled that stupid stunt with his Corvette. I'm not sure he's still going to give me a car for my birthday."  
  
"Well, ask him Gus. There's no way we can be together without one. I'm not going to have a quickie with you in one of the public areas in school. No way is that going to happen," she said emphatically.  
  
"I'll see if I can talk to him tomorrow," Gus said, already going over his conversation with Brian and trying to figure out how to pull this off.  
  
He fell asleep with a smile on his face, thinking about Ashley and remembering the kisses they had shared tonight, just before he dropped her off.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Justin was sitting at the kitchen table, finishing the last of his coffee. Everyone had gone into town with Brian to make a donut run because they were all having a craving. He had decided to stay, hoping he would be able to have a few minutes alone with Gus.  
  
Just as he was thinking about Gus he looked up and saw him staggering into the kitchen, still bleary-eyed from lack of sleep.  
  
"Morning 'DJ', I need some coffee in me…is there any left?"  
  
"Yeah, there's still half a pot. What are you doing up so early?"  
  
"I don't know," Gus answered as he pulled a mug out of the cabinet. He poured some coffee into the mug, along with 3 spoonfuls of sugar. He then went over to the fridge, poured some cream into the mug and grabbed a handful of the grapes that Lindsay had left in a clear glass bowl.   
  
"That's an interesting combination," Justin said, watching Gus pop the grapes in his mouth one by one, washing them down with the coffee.  
  
"It's alright," Gus said. "I'd rather have pancakes and bacon but I'm too lazy to make it."  
  
"You want me to do it?" Justin asked.  
  
"No, it's okay. I want to talk to you, 'D'," Gus said.  
  
"Well, I wanted to talk to you too," Justin replied.  
  
"Okay," Gus said. "You go first."  
  
"Okay," Justin said. He took a deep breath and started to give Gus a little background on Daphne and Alex and their problem, moving on to her request and his and Brian's many discussions and then finally telling him about the decision that he had made.  
  
"Holy Shit!" Gus said. "So, did you guys do it?" he asked in shock.  
  
"Yeah, we did," Justin replied.  
  
"How? You didn't have sex with her, did you?" he said, completely stunned.  
  
"No," Justin said, "Nothing like that. She was artificially inseminated with my sperm," Justin answered, leaving out all the gory details.  
  
"Oh," Gus said. "Good thing or Dad would have gone crazy."  
  
"Gus, your Dad was there the whole time, he and I talked about everything extensively. He knew what was going on from day one."  
  
"So is everything okay? Between you and Dad?"  
  
"Gus, everything is fine between all four of us. We have an agreement, a legally binding document that we signed before we started the whole process. Everything is all good."  
  
"Does this mean I am going to have a brother or sister?" Gus asked, wondering how this was all going to work.  
  
"Well, technically, no. The child will not be your blood relative, however it will be in our lives as part of our extended family, only the baby won't live with you and JR or with me and Brian. The baby will live with Daphne and Alex."  
  
"Well, that's if there's going to be a baby at all, right 'D'? I mean, this might not even work," Gus said.  
  
"Actually," Justin said, taking the plunge, "We talked to Daphne and Alex yesterday. She's pregnant Gus, and I wanted you to hear it from me before anyone else found out."  
  
"Really?" Gus said, his face looking a little worried. "Does this mean that you're not going to be my Dad anymore, since you'll have your own kid?"  
  
Justin's stomach heaved when he heard those words coming out of Gus' mouth. That was exactly what he had feared most and he hoped that he would be able to say the right things to make Gus comfortable and secure.  
  
"Gus, I will always be your Dad. Nothing can change that, no matter how many other children come into my life, you will always be number one in my heart," Justin said sincerely, putting his hand out hoping that Gus would reach out and take his. He breathed an inward sigh of relief when Gus quickly took his hand and gave it a squeeze.  
  
"So, I'm the only one that can call you 'Daddy J' right? I'm your only official child, right 'D'?"   
  
Justin smiled at Gus and said, "Right, Gus. You're the only one that has ever called me that and it'll stay that way, okay?"  
  
"Well, what's this kid going to call you?"   
  
"Honestly Gus, I have no idea. We really haven't worked that part out yet. I guess Uncle or something, like JR calls me and Brian."  
  
"But, not 'Dad' right?" Gus asked again, wanting to make sure.  
  
"No, not Dad," Justin said looking Gus straight in the eye. "Alex will be the child's Dad. I don't know what they are going to call me although I do know that they are planning on telling the child that I am the biological father. It will be told about the circumstances of its birth."  
  
"This is kinda weird, isn't it?" Gus asked.  
  
"It's different, yes, but not as weird as you think. There are many couples that have children via artificial insemination or a surrogate mother. Some have them via In Vitro fertilization, others ask family members to help. Gay couples in particular have different challenges to meet in trying to have a family. The most important thing is that no matter how a child comes to be, the child should be loved and cared for and completely secure. Honesty is the key, Gus. Knowing how everything came about is critical to the emotional well-being of the child. You of all people should know that."  
  
"But you and Dad didn't really want another kid did you?" Gus asked, looking at Justin waiting to hear the right answer.  
  
"No Gus. We didn't. I decided to do this to help Daphne and Alex. She's my best friend Gus. I've know her since I was six-years-old. Just like you and Austin. If Austin ever needed any help wouldn't you give it to him?"  
  
"Of course," Gus replied, emphatically.  
  
"Well, this is the same thing. I wanted to do this for Daphne because nothing else was working and I know she and Alex are going to make wonderful parents."  
  
"But this will be your kid too, 'Daddy J'. Aren't you going to want to be a part of its life?"  
  
"I will be Gus. It'll just never be a relationship like the one you and I have. There will be another father involved and so things will be different. Your Dad and I will be involved in a peripheral way, the same way we are involved with JR, I guess. We're close to her and know what's going on in her life but she doesn't call us Dad; Michael and Ben are her fathers."  
  
"Boy, this is so complicated," Gus said, shaking his head.  
  
"It's interesting, son, not complicated. Think of it that way," Justin said, smiling at Gus.  
  
"Okay. Then, I'm cool with this. It's all good." Gus said. "Now, can I tell you my news?"  
  
"Of course," Justin replied, inwardly thanking the fact that teenagers had a short attention span and nothing was more important in their lives than themselves.  
  
"I need a car, 'D'."  
  
"You're going to get one for your birthday Gus, you've known that for a while now."  
  
"Is that still going to happen, after what I did with Dad's car? Is he still going to buy me one?"  
  
"I'm sure he is Gus, he hasn't said otherwise," Justin replied.  
  
"Okay, but 'DJ' a month is too long to wait. I need one now."  
  
Justin looked at Gus, puzzled. "What's the rush, Gus?"  
  
Gus looked at Justin and rolled his eyes. "Duh…right place, right time…remember?"  
  
Justin continued to stare at him, a frown appearing between his eyes, trying to understand what his son was trying to tell him. Finally, the switch went on in his brain and he said, "Oh, I get it."  
  
"Finally," Gus huffed out.  
  
"Sorry, Gus. I'm a little slow on the uptake this morning. Okay, let me work on your Dad and see what I can come up with."  
  
"Promise me, 'D', promise you guys won't go back to the Pitts till we get one."  
  
"I can't promise that Gus. All I can do is talk to your Dad. It will be his decision, since it's his gift to you."  
  
"Come on 'D', you know you can always persuade Dad to do whatever you want."  
  
Justin laughed at this statement, thinking of all the times in the past when this was so far from the truth. However, things had changed a lot and Brian was much mellower so maybe he would be able to swing this. Besides, when Brian learned of the reason having a car was so important he knew he would acquiesce.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later on that morning Brian stuck his head in Gus' room and said, "What're you doing?"  
  
"Nothing much. Why?" Gus answered, putting the Play Station controller down.  
  
"Get some shoes on, we're going shopping."  
  
"We are?" Gus asked, "For what?"  
  
"A car, you big dummy, what else?"  
  
"Oh-my-God-Dad, really?"  
  
"Yeah, really, now haul ass so we can do this."  
  
In the car on the way downtown Gus asked Brian, "Are we going to get a sports car, Dad?"  
  
Brian took his eye off the road for a minute to give Gus the lifted eyebrow look. "You're kidding, right?"  
  
"No, I'm not kidding," Gus replied. "If I'm not getting a two-seater, what are we going to get?"  
  
"The biggest, safest, second-hand SUV I can find, that's what."  
  
"Dad! That is so not cool," Gus said, surprised at this decision.  
  
"Gus, the last time we had a conversation about 'cool' cars you were told quite clearly that there would be time enough in the future for that. I just hope I can find what I want on such short notice," Brian stated.  
  
"Look, Dad, I know what I did with the Corvette was really stupid but I promise I will be more responsible with this car."  
  
"Gus, this has nothing to do with the Corvette. This has to do with the fact that your are just turning sixteen, you are an inexperienced driver, you're bound to have a fender-bender or two and I sure as hell don't want you in a fast, small car jeopardizing your safety and whoever is riding with you. There will be time enough for that later. Right now I want to make sure that you are safe and have a reliable vehicle."   
  
They were approaching the downtown area at this point and made their way to the section that had the most auto dealerships. Brian wanted to find something in reasonably good condition with some sort of limited warranty. He was hoping he would find something this morning and not have to spend all day looking for a car. The fact that Justin had sprung this on him so suddenly didn't really give him much chance to research this whole venture.   
  
Gus' silence spoke volumes and Brian could tell that he was none to happy with the prospect to having a non-cool car but it was that or nothing, so the kid better get a grip. Hell, he didn't have his own car till he went to college, so as far as he was concerned Gus was way ahead of the game.  
  
He parked the car in front of the Jeep dealership and turned towards Gus.  
  
"Okay, do you not want to do this because you are not getting the car of your dreams? If that's the case then we can just turn around and go back home Gus."  
  
Gus put his hand on Brian's arm and said, "No Dad, I don't want to go back home. I'm just surprised that I can't pick out my own car. It's my birthday present, isn't it?"  
  
"Exactly Gus. It's _my_ gift to you, not the other way around. Besides, wasn't the whole point of this rush so that you could have a fuck-mobile? How the hell do you think you are going to get anything done in a sports car?"  
  
"Dad!" Gus was horrified that Brian would even bring that up. "That's not the main reason I want a car."  
  
"Oh really," Brian replied. "That's not what I was told. And since when do you go to 'Daddy J' for sex tips. I thought that was something you and I always dealt with?"  
  
"Dad, it just kinda worked out that way. I didn't deliberately seek him out. We had a conversation some months back, when I was at Britin, and sex was one of the things we discussed."  
  
"That's fine Gus. Just don't be surprised that I know what's going on. 'Daddy J' tells me everything, he always has; well, eventually he does," Brian corrected himself.  
  
"Right," Gus said out loud.   
  
Inwardly he thought he was so fucked. This was not the way he had hoped this scenario would play out. However, he was getting his car and he and Ashley would be able to have the privacy they were so in need of. He made the decision to accept whatever Brian bought him and be grateful that he was doing it now instead of later, that he was understanding enough of the problem to not go into hysterics the way most parents would. There was something to be said about having fathers who saw sex for exactly what it was and didn't try to pretty it up. If he had gone to Lindsay with his dilemma it would have turned into a world class moral debate and he and Ashley would remain virgins until they were married.   
  
"Okay Dad. Let's just do this. You pick out the car and I'll be happy with whatever you decide," Gus said finally.  
  
As it turned out, they found a really good deal, a used Toyota Forerunner that someone had traded in with barely twenty thousand miles on it. It still had two years of the factory warranty left and the inside was pristine. Whoever had owned it was a non-smoker so the car still smelled new. The best part was that it was a 'cool' color, a metallic bronzy kind of thing that Gus approved of and so they ended up buying it.   
  
Gus watched as Brian handed over his Black American Express card. They were told that they would have to come back for the vehicle tomorrow, which was fine with both of them because the car was going to be detailed and all the paperwork would take a day to prepare and furthermore, Brian didn't want Gus driving the car home and getting on the expressway yet. He wanted Justin to come with them in the morning and that way he could drive the Toyota and Justin would take the rental car.   
  
On the way home Brian could tell that Gus was happy with their pick and so he broached his favorite subject.   
  
"Okay son, let's go over this one last time and then I promise not to bring it up again," Brian said, putting his hand on Gus' knee.  
  
"What Dad?"  
  
"This whole sex thing. You do remember how to put on a condom, right? And you have that case of them that I sent you late last year, don't you?"  
  
"Jesus Christ Dad! Do we have to talk about this?"  
  
"Yes we do, or would you rather I bring this up around the kitchen table, in front of your mothers?" Brian asked looking at his son pointedly.  
  
"No, that's okay; let's talk about it now, Dad. This whole condom issue, when exactly am I supposed to put it on?" Gus asked.  
  
"Just before you do it son," Brian said.  
  
"Doesn't that kind of ruin the moment?" Gus asked.  
  
"So does an unwanted pregnancy," Brian replied sarcastically. "Which moment would you rather ruin?"  
  
"Right. I get it," Gus answered.  
  
"You better get it, and you better do it. And Gus," Brian said.  
  
"Yeah Dad."  
  
"Make sure that wherever you park, it's secure and you don't get arrested for indecent exposure. I can only imagine the phone call I'm going to get from your mother if that were to happen."  
  
"Dad, I am not that stupid," Gus replied indignantly.  
  
"No one said you were, son. But I know for a fact that good sense and boners don't always go together, and if you're anything like me, you'll find that out right away."  
  
"I'll be careful Dad. I promise," Gus smiled as he talked.  
  
"And one last thing," Brian said, "Remember the conversation we had on kissing?"  
  
"Yes," Gus replied, smiling widely now. "Smores…I remember, Dad."  
  
"Okay, everything I said about kissing, the taking your time, the savoring, the nibbling and licking, tasting and enjoying; this applies to all body parts Gus, not just the mouth."  
  
Gus looked at him with eyes wide open. "All body parts?" he asked, wanting to make sure he understood this statement.  
  
Brian turned to look at him and grinned. "Yeah Gus. Every last part on her body is there for you to enjoy. So take your time and don't rush for God's sake. It'll be hard the first few times but the more you do it, the better you'll get at it, and if you do it my way you'll have her under your spell forever."  
  
"Is that how you got 'Daddy J' to love you so much?" Gus asked.  
  
_I don't believe in love, I believe in fucking._  
  
"It certainly helped. He and I have always had great chemistry."   
  
"Did you know right away, Dad, that you would end up with him?"  
  
"No Gus, I didn't. It took a long time for me to figure it out, but fortunately for me, 'Daddy J' is a persistent little shit and never let up."  
  
_I don't want anyone else, I want you._   
  
"You think Ashley and I will end up together, like you and 'D'?"   
  
"It's too soon to tell Gus. You're barely sixteen. There's so much waiting for you, your journey is just starting. There will be time enough to think about permanence and settling down. Whatever you have with Ashley is for now. Enjoy it, treasure it, treat her well, but don't think this is going to be the only relationship you'll ever have. Gus, there's an entire world of women out there. Believe me, Ashley may be the first, but she won't be the last."  
  
"But you were 'DJ's first, weren't you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And you ended up married, so it is possible, right Dad?"  
  
"Anything is possible Gus. But the likelihood of you and Ashley getting married is pretty slim at this point."   
  
They had made it back home and were parked in front of the house. Brian turned off the ignition and removed his seat belt. He turned his body so that he could look Gus in the eye.  
  
"Look Gus. I know you are more romantic and sentimental than I ever was at your age, and you're straight. Your concept of sex and love are very much intertwined, unlike mine ever were. And I'm not saying that your way is wrong or mine is right but there's got to be some middle ground that you need to find. There is such a thing as sex for sex's sake and there is love and commitment, something you are too young and inexperienced to have yet. There's nothing wrong with enjoying each other's bodies without building an entire life around it. Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Gus?"  
  
"I think so Dad. But I don't want to be like some of the guys on my team that consider women fuck buddies, there to service them. I don't think that's right and it's not very respectful of them."  
  
"No, it's not, and I hear what you're saying. But respect is earned Gus. Maybe some of the girls that your friends go out with don't respect themselves. Ashley sure as hell isn't like that, is she?"  
  
"Hell no! Do you know how long it's taken me to get to this point?"  
  
Brian grinned at his son, thinking that at his age one week was a long time.   
  
"Exactly my point. Maybe if the other girls held out longer your friends wouldn't be so quick to talk about them the way they do."  
  
"I guess not," Gus replied  
  
Brian looked at his son and couldn't believe they were having this conversation. It didn't seem that long ago that he was putting him in his car seat, watching as Lindsay and Melanie drove off to Canada with him. He shook his head and promised himself not to give in to sentimentality.   
  
"Anyway Gus, the whole point of this talk is to let you know that you are going to go through a period of time, right after you and Ashley start having sex, when you are going to think that this is it. She is the only one for you and you are going to stick to her and never date anyone again…it's not going to be that way, son. It shouldn't be that way. Even if the impossible happens and you do end up with her eventually, you need to go out with other women and experience more before you can make that determination. The person you are now is not the person you will be in three years or five or ten. It's not possible for you to expect a relationship you are going to have at sixteen to be the one and only one. That is all I'm trying to say."  
  
"But 'D' was barely seventeen when you met. And he said that he knew from the first night he was with you that he loved you," Gus said.  
  
"That may well be, Gus. But before we went from point A to point M, as in married, he experienced many different things; we both did. This is all I'm trying to say. Don't get too hung up on this because it's your first."   
  
Gus looked at Brian and reached over to give him a big hug. Okay, Dad, I'll keep everything you've said in mind. But if I have any questions, is it okay if I call you?"  
  
"Of course…you can call me anytime son, you know that."  
  
"I mean, questions about women and satisfying them…you can answer those, right?" Gus asked hesitantly.  
  
Brian laughed at Gus and said, "Believe it or not Gus. I've had my fair share of women and I never had any complaints. So yes, I can answer any questions you might have. Okay?"  
  
"But…you're Gay, Dad. How come you've had experience with women?"  
  
"It's called trying to figure it out, Gus. It didn't happen instantly for me; there was a lot of pressure from my family so I had to dip into both ponds before I was comfortable admitting who I was and what I wanted."   
  
Brian tossed Gus the spare set of keys that the dealer had given him, and said, "Okay, that's enough of this conversation. Happy birthday, Sonny boy, enjoy your car and be safe."  
  
He was rewarded with a huge smile and a peck on the cheek. "I love you Dad. Thank you so much."  
  
And in spite all his good intentions, Brian felt his eyes welling up and his heart gave a little lurch as he heard his son tell him so easily exactly what he felt, a feat that had taken Brian so many years to learn and to this day always surprised him when he said it openly and without any hesitation.  
  
"I love you too Gus."  
  
TBC


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27   
  
It was January, 2016. Daphne sat back on her recliner trying to get comfortable, but wasn't having much success. She had only gained twelve pounds in the four months she had been pregnant yet her body seemed completely alien to her and she wondered again how it was possible that she would survive five more months of this.   
  
She picked up the phone and hit the speed dial to Alex's office. He picked up as soon as he saw her name on caller ID.  
  
"Hey beautiful, what're you doing?"  
  
"Just laying here wondering how I'm going to get through the next few months. I can't believe how big I've gotten Alex. Is this normal?"  
  
"What does Lizzy say?" he asked.  
  
"She's says I'm on track, as far as weight gain. However she did acknowledge that I am rather large for only being four months pregnant."  
  
"Well, maybe you'll have a big, fat baby Daphe. A sumo-wrestler-kind of fat baby," Alex said with a smile on his face.   
  
"I doubt it. Justin and I are not exactly up there in the charts, height-wise. How could I possibly have a large kid," she said.  
  
"You never know. Maybe somewhere back in the gene pool there's a jolly green giant no one told us about," Alex said.  
  
Daphne laughed at this statement, thinking how much Alex had changed since they had started this whole process. He was so comfortable talking about the pregnancy and the fact that Justin's sperm had helped to create their child didn't seem to matter in the slightest. He was completely caught up in the whole impending father thing.  
  
"Okay you, let's get down to why I'm calling," she said.  
  
"What's up?" he asked.  
  
"Today's the ultra-sound, remember? I thought you wanted to be there when we find out the child's sex. Then we can start fighting over names," she added.  
  
"Shit! Is that today? I completely forgot about it and I have to be in surgery in about half an hour. And it's a long one too. I'll probably be in the OR for at least seven hours," he said.  
  
"Oh," Daphne said, disappointed.  
  
"Hey," Alex said, "Why don't you call Justin? Maybe he'd like to go with you. This way you'll at least have one of the fathers present."  
  
"Are you sure? You okay with me asking him?"  
  
"Of course, Daphne. I'm fine with it. I'd rather that he be with you than you be by yourself."  
  
"Okay," she replied happily. "I'll call him right now."  
  
They hung up and Daphne punched in Justin's cell. He picked up on the third ring, sounding a little out of breath.  
  
"Sorry," Daphne said, "Did I interrupt anything?"  
  
"No, not really. I was just on the other side of the room and had to sprint to pick up the phone. What's going on?" Justin asked.  
  
"I'm having an ultra-sound today and Alex has a huge surgery so he won't be able to accompany me. Would you be interested in seeing the baby in living color?"  
  
"Really? That would be pretty exciting, I've never seen a baby cooking before. Yeah, I'd like to come. How soon do I need to be ready?"  
  
"The appointment is in two hours, will that work for you?"  
  
"Yes, that's fine. How about if I pick you up and we can go together?"  
  
"Sounds good," she said.  
  
Justin put the phone down and left the studio to find Brian and tell him what was going on.   
  
A couple of hours later he sat in his car in front of Daphne's building waiting for her to come down. He saw the front door being held open by the door man and he watched Daphne walk towards the car. She was wearing a light green top and blue jeans. The top stretched over breasts that had grown to an incredible size over the last few months and she was definitely showing, the bulge at her stomach very pronounced and obvious.  
  
She got in and kissed Justin on the cheek. She smelled of Jasmine, fresh and sweet.   
  
"Hi," she said.   
  
"Hi yourself," Justin replied. "You certainly look pregnant today."  
  
"Ya think?" she replied. "I feel like a fucking cow, my boobs have taken on a life of their own, Justin."  
  
Justin looked over at them and made a face. "They are rather ripe, aren't they?"  
  
"They are disgusting," she replied. "I can't believe people actually pay money to get this kind of result. The only reason I'm not losing it is because I know they'll go back to normal in a few months."  
  
"They are quite gross," Justin said. "Alex probably likes them though, doesn't he?"  
  
"Whatever," she said with an eye roll. "Can we talk about something more pleasant?"  
  
"Sure, how's it going with the remodeling?"  
  
"Good," she replied. "We're at a point where we're waiting to find out the baby's sex so I know what colors to go with. They should be able to start painting next week, after today's visit."  
  
Justin turned to her and said, "Today?"   
  
"Yes. The ultra-sound will be able to tell us if it's a boy or a girl."  
  
"Well, that's exciting! I didn't know we'd find out so soon. What're you guys hoping for, Daphe."  
  
"We don't care Justin, so long as it's healthy."  
  
"I'm sure it will be Daphne, stop worrying," Justin said looking over at his friend. She was radiant, despite the bitching about the boobs. Her skin glowed with good health and she had such a peaceful aura about her, something he had never seen in the past. She looked happy and content.  
  
"I'm not worrying. I feel good Justin, now that the morning sickness is gone. Too good in fact," she giggled. "I'm eating like there's no tomorrow. I made Alex go to my favorite Chinese restaurant at ten o'clock last night because I had to have beef broccoli over rice and I wanted it right there and then. Poor guy didn't get to bed at his normal time and he had this big surgery today; that's why he couldn't come to this appointment," she threw in.  
  
"Oh well, this too shall pass," Justin said. "You may as well eat all you want now because once you give birth you'll have to starve yourself to get back in shape."  
  
"I know; I'm not looking forward to that at all."  
  
They had arrived at the hospital and Justin parked the car as close as possible so that Daphne wouldn't have to walk too far. They made their way into the building and took the elevator up to the third floor, to the private offices of the doctors on staff at the hospital.   
  
Dr. Russo stood up as her secretary let them in and she crossed over to where Justin stood beside Daphne. She had never met him before, even though she heard Daphne talk about him so it was a pleasure to finally meet the famous Justin Taylor.  
  
"Lizzy, this is my friend Justin," Daphne said.  
  
Justin stuck his hand out to shake Dr. Russo's.  
  
"It's a pleasure, Justin. I've heard so much about you from Daphne. I'm also a huge fan of your art, as you can see," she said, pointing to the painting over her desk.  
  
Justin was pleased and flattered to see one his earlier pieces.  
"The pleasure is all mine, Dr. Russo. Thank you for taking such good care of my friend," he said gently.  
  
"Please, call me Lizzy, Justin."  
  
"Okay," she said to both of them. "Are we ready to do this?"   
  
"Yes," Daphne replied.  
  
"Justin, why don't you wait here and I'll get Daphne set up. We'll call you in a minute."  
  
"Okay," Justin said, as he moved out of her office and over to the reception area. He picked up a magazine and started thumbing through the pages.  
  
About ten minutes later the nurse came to get Justin and he went into one of the examining rooms with her. Daphne was lying on the table with Dr. Russo by her side. She had a light blue paper gown over her, covering her breasts but open at the stomach. Justin walked in just in time to see Lizzy slathering some gel over Daphne's tummy which was nice and rounded, like she had swallowed a small basketball.   
  
"You can stand over here by the monitor, Justin," Dr. Russo said. "That way you can see your baby very clearly."  
  
"Thanks," Justin said quietly, not really comfortable in these surroundings. It was weird hearing Dr. Russo referring to the baby as 'his'. He hadn't really thought of this child as his, it was Daphne and Alex's as far as he was concerned. He was just the 'godfather'.  
  
He watched as the doctor picked up a wand that was attached to the monitor. It had a flat disk at the end and she dabbed some gel on that too and started rubbing it on Daphne's tummy, looking at the computer screen the whole time. The room was completely silent and pretty soon a small whooshing sound came through, in a regular rhythm. Dr. Russo leaned forward and increased the volume.   
  
"Can you hear that? That's the baby's heartbeat," she said.   
  
Justin looked over at Daphne and they both grinned.   
  
Dr. Russo continued to pass the wand back and forth, going over different areas of Daphne's stomach. Justin kept looking at the monitor, trying to figure out what he was seeing but not really sure what was what.  
  
"I don't see the baby, Dr. Russo," he said.  
  
He looked over at the doctor and saw that she was frowning slightly. She shifted position and moved the wand over a certain spot on Daphne's stomach, leaving it there and moving it back and forth, bending forward towards the monitor, staring at something only she could see.  
  
Daphne knew immediately that something was off. "What is it Lizzy, what's wrong?"  
  
Dr. Russo shook her head, and made a silencing motion with her hand. She turned the knob on the volume and a new sound was heard, along with the first original noise they could hear another less noticeable, very faint whooshing sound.   
  
"Holy shit," she said, under her breath.  
  
"What is it, Dr. Russo," Justin asked alarmed. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"  
  
"No," she said, very slowly, drawing out the word and looking at Justin then back at Daphne's puzzled face. "There's nothing wrong at all, in fact, this is fucking wonderful, if you'll pardon my French," she said to both of them.  
  
"What is it Elizabeth," Daphne said in her most professional voice. "Just tell me and get it over with."  
  
Dr. Russo broke into a huge smile and said, "You guys are having twins!"  
  
"What!" Daphne squeaked, unable to believe what she was hearing.  
  
Justin looked at her, appalled. "Are you sure?"  
  
"As sure as your name is Justin Taylor. Look," she moved the wand back and forth, pointing at the monitor. "See that outline? That's one head, and over here, she pointed to another spot, that's another. That is why we're picking up that other sound; it's the other heartbeat. I couldn't tell right away because one twin is covering the other. It took a minute to see them both," she said with a big smile.   
  
"Oh-my-God, I have to sit down," Justin said, looking completely panicked. "Can you tell their sex?"  
  
"Yes," Dr. Russo said. "They're girls, which is good. Girl babies are stronger and do better if they are born premature, which happens a lot with twins."  
  
"Girls?" Justin said, still in shock. "I don't know anything about girls."  
  
"It's my dream, Justin," Daphne said in awe. "My crazy dream is coming true. I can't believe this!"  
  
Justin sat there and stared at both of them. His eyes kept going back to the computer screen and he was finally able to make out the outlines of the two babies. He could feel his skin turning clammy and there was a slight hissing in his ears. He looked at Daphne and Dr. Russo and said, "I don't feel so good."   
  
In a minute he had fallen in a dead faint.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brian looked at his cell phone as it buzzed, disturbing his train of thought. He put his pen down with a sigh and he picked the phone up to see who it was. He saw Daphne's name on caller ID and he quickly answered, wondering what she wanted. He knew that Justin had gone with her to her doctor's appointment so he hoped they hadn't seen anything bad.   
  
"Brian, it's Daphne."  
  
"I know," he said.  
  
"You need to get over here, it's Justin," she said.  
  
"What about him?" Brian asked concerned.  
  
"He fainted."  
  
"What? Why?" Brian asked.  
  
"We're at the doctors office. I just had an ultra-sound and Justin fainted while he was watching," she said excitedly.  
  
"Why did he faint, Daphne? What else were you guys doing?" Brian was talking to her even as he was walking out of his office and down the hallway to catch the elevator to the basement.  
  
"He fainted because of what he saw on the monitor."  
  
Brian stopped in his tracks and asked, "Is something wrong with the baby, Daphne?"  
  
"No Brian, the babies are fine."  
  
"Excuse me?" Brian said quietly. "Did you just say babies, as in plural?"  
  
"Exactly. I'm having twins."  
  
"Holy fucking shit! No wonder he fainted, I would have had a heart attack. I'm on my way over there, are you on the third floor, same as Alex's office?"  
  
"Yes, just a few doors down. Suite 306."  
  
"Did you have any idea you were having twins? That this was even a possibility? Brian asked, as he opened his car door and fastened his seat belt.  
  
"No, are you kidding? I was just so thrilled I even got pregnant, but I guess this was something that I should have expected since I was on hormones to stimulate ovulation. It's not uncommon for women to have multiples on these types of drugs."  
  
"Then I guess we should be grateful you're not having triplets, or worse," Brian stated.  
  
"Oh my God, that would have been awful," Daphne said.  
  
"Well, I should be there shortly. How's Justin doing?"  
  
"He's lying down on one of the examining tables. They're giving him stuff to revive him. He'll be fine, I just thought you should come and be with him."  
  
"Thanks Daphe, I'm glad you called. I'm almost there."  
  
Brian was driving as fast as possible through the mid-day traffic. His mind was focused on Justin and he could only imagine what kind of state he was in. He remembered what he had felt like, the first time he held Gus in his arms. It was such a surreal feeling, as if he were watching someone else on a movie screen. It took many months for him to accept the fact that the child was actually his.  
  
Justin had not really talked about Daphne's pregnancy or the future baby since they had come back from Toronto last fall. He accepted the fact that she was pregnant and that a child would be born, but the reality of that child being his had not really sunk in yet. Today was the first time that he would have been around anything having to do with the baby and to find out that they were not only having one baby, but two would have definitely caused some major drama.   
  
By the time he had parked his car and made his way up to the doctor's office, Justin was already sitting up in a chair with an ice-pack pressed to the back of his neck and a small glass of orange juice by his side.  
His face was still as white as a sheet, the only color on it were two red splotches high on his cheekbones.   
  
"Hey," Brian said softly as he sat beside him and put an arm around his shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
  
Justin leaned his head against Brian's and he whispered into his ear.  
  
"Did they tell you?"  
  
"Yeah, what a shocker! This is what happens when Rage and JT get involved in anything," Brian said with a smirk on his face.  
  
Justin sat in a daze, not smiling at Brian's comment.   
  
"Brian, what are we going to do?" he asked, looking completely lost.  
  
"Do? We're not going to do anything Sunshine. You've already done more than you were supposed to do. Talk about sharing the wealth; Jesus, this is more than anyone bargained for."  
  
"Exactly," Justin said. "We're going to have to re-write the contract, add more money to the fund, and double everything in our plans. Holy-mother-of-God!"  
  
"You mean mother-of-Buddha, don't you?"  
  
"Shut up Brian. This is so not funny."  
  
"Why are you acting like it's the end of the world, Justin? This is actually amazing. Daphne is getting two for the price of one. Just think about it, she'll have her instant family and she'll never think about getting pregnant again," Brian said, staring at the deep blue eyes that were still in shock.  
  
"I guess," Justin replied. "I just never thought I'd have a daughter, much less two!"  
  
"Hey," Brian said gently, cupping Justin's face tenderly, "Did you think babies only came in one style? The world is full of girl babies, Sunshine. Actually, if you think about it, this is a good thing. Gus will still be the only son and retain his Alpha position. There won't be any jealousy issues."  
  
Justin stared at Brian and his face started to change slowly and pretty soon a tentative smile appeared. "You are absolutely right, Brian. Why didn't I think of that?"  
  
"That is why I make the big bucks, Sunshine."  
  
Justin smiled wider now and he kissed Brian on the mouth saying, "Thank God for that. You're the only one that ever makes sense when my world is turned upside-down."  
  
"I love you too, Sunshine," Brian said, grabbing Justin's hand and intertwining their fingers.   
  
He stood up and pulled Justin along with him. "Come on, I want to see the picture of the girls and congratulate the mother of the future drama queens."  
  
"How do you know they are going to be drama queens?"  
  
Brian looked at Justin and raised an eyebrow. "Do you really need to ask that question?"  
  
"What? I'm not a drama queen," Justin said indignantly.  
  
"Really? Tell that to all the people in this room who have just finished picking up the remnants of your great queen-out in here."  
  
"Shut up, Brian," Justin said, feeling his face turn red as the receptionist and surgical assistant both watched him with smiles on their faces.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was the second week of May and Daphne could no longer see her feet, which was a good thing, because if she had been able to, she would have been quite alarmed.   
  
They were swollen and her toes looked like Vienna sausages. The rest of her was almost as bad; she had taken off her wedding and engagement rings several weeks ago when they were getting painfully tight and her fingers now matched her fat feet.   
  
The pregnancy had progressed as well as could be expected although she was definitely retaining fluids in a big way, which was a cause for concern. Her blood pressure was starting to elevate and she was being monitored very closely to make sure she didn't go into pre-eclampsia. They had removed any kind of salt from her diet, which was a horrible thing as her favorite snack was popcorn and without salt it felt like she was eating Styrofoam.  
  
All Daphne could think about at this point in the pregnancy was how to find a comfortable position. She was miserable lying down and standing was only comfortable for little bits at a time. The only thing that saved her from completely losing her mind was the recliner in Alex's study. She spent most nights in it, trying to get comfortable and catching up on her sleep. Needless to say, their sex life was for shit and she sympathized with Alex but clearly, sex was the last thing on her mind right now.   
  
She had excused herself from her patients, going on maternity leave sooner than she would have liked. It was just too difficult to lumber back and forth from the house to the hospital and trying to sit through an hour with each patient was just out of the question. This left her with a lot of free time to spend planning for the impending arrival of the twins.  
  
Justin had been great after his initial melt-down. He had spent hours with her, picking out cribs and high chairs and strollers; deciding what colors to put in the nursery. He had insisted on painting a mural, a wonderful fantasy scene with princesses and unicorns and fairies in lovely pastels. She had asked him to paint it on canvas, rather than directly on the wall so that if they ever moved, she would be able to take it with her. Jennifer Taylor had been wonderful as well. Calling her almost everyday, asking her if she wanted anything special, offering to bring her food or DVD's or books to alleviate the boredom.  
  
Alex was going crazy with excitement. When he found out they were having twins, and girls, he was overjoyed! He was hoping they would look like Daphne and have her coloring as he had always found it much more attractive than his and Justin's blond-blue-eyed combination.   
  
Daphne didn't care what they looked like. She just wanted them to be healthy and she prayed that she wouldn't go into labor too soon which was always a danger when carrying twins. She had passed the seventh month mark which was a good sign. The longer she could keep them in utero, the better their chances were for survival.   
  
The biggest concern at this point was the water retention and her blood pressure. Alex took it every morning before leaving for work.   
He called her at least six times a day, just to make sure everything was alright and she was doing well. Her mother called everyday as well, dropping in unannounced too often, bringing her books on how to raise children, as if she hadn't bought enough of those on her own and of course, the many volumes of poetry by Maya Angelou. Her mom was convinced that if she read to the girls while they were in her uterus they would be born reciting entire verses or some such garbage. Daphne could only roll her eyes and keep quiet.  
  
Daphne felt like a prized hen. Everyone was waiting for her to drop her precious load and she was getting as impatient as all the people around her. She was starting to chafe from the boredom of inactivity but was told in no uncertain terms that any form of exercise, other than walking was not allowed. This was considered a high risk pregnancy and everyone was doing all that was necessary to make sure the girls were born as close to the ninth month mark as possible.  
  
She and Alex had discussed names ad-nauseum and had finally decided on Justine Brianna and Alexandra Victoria. The first names were obvious as without Justin and Brian they would not exist. The second name she had insisted on, wanting to name one daughter after Alex and she had to throw in Victoria as a constant reminder of the struggle they went through to get them in the first place.   
  
Justin came over everyday, around lunch time, to bring her something healthy to eat and to sit and chat with her for a while. He had finally finished painting the mural which took up one entire wall and so now he spent the time sitting with her and listening to her bitching about her fingers and toes and stretch marks and just about anything else that popped into her head.   
  
He was flattered that they had decided to name one of the babies after him and Brian but he still didn't feel anything when he thought about the children. He supposed that it would all change when they finally made their appearance but right now he felt like a guest at a sports event, present but not really involved.   
  
"How was your blood pressure this morning," he asked Daphne, placing the tuna salad in front of her.   
  
"It was high but not terribly so. It's been worse," she said.  
  
"Isn't that unusual for such a young woman in the peak of good health?" he asked.  
  
"It happens a lot in pregnancy, Justin. Hypertension and mild diabetes, in some women. Pregnancy can wreak havoc on your system, it's just one of those things, and with multiple births the fun and games get really interesting," she said.  
  
"Well, thank goodness it's almost over. How many more weeks of this torture?" he asked.  
  
"About five," she said.  
  
"That's not so bad," he replied.  
  
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Easy for you to say. You're not the one with two bowling balls in your tummy. And I swear Justin, these girls must have inherited your energy because they are constantly moving, especially at night. It feels like they're having a party in there and can't wait to get out," she said.  
  
"Is it weird, feeling them move?" Justin asked.  
  
"I'm used to it now," she answered. "But it was definitely a strange feeling in the beginning. Strange, but in a good way," she said gently, with a small, satisfied smile on her face.  
  
"I would be so weirded out," he said.  
  
"You want to feel?" she asked. "They're moving right now."  
  
She reached over and grabbed Justin's hand and put it on her belly. She watched his face as it changed from normal to surprise when he felt the undulations under his hand. He pulled it away quickly and looked at her wide-eyed.  
  
"That is really strange," he said. "I don't think I could ever get used to that. It feels like aliens are in there."  
  
"Well they are, in a way; we haven't really met yet. But they're a part of us Justin, a part of my body and I don't really give it much thought. Feeling them move is rather comforting actually, it lets me know they're okay."  
  
"Speaking of moving," she said, "I've got to get up and pee. Another wonderful side-effect of the pills I'm on. They have me peeing every hour on the hour hoping it will keep the blood pressure in check."  
  
"Well, come on, let me help you up," Justin said as he reached for her hand and hauled her up and off the chair.  
  
He watched her rear end as she sashayed out of the room, thinking to himself that she would have a hell of a time getting her ass back into shape after the babies were born. Of course he didn't say anything lest his head get ripped off.  
  
He heard her calling his name and he made his way across the room and down the hall to the guest bathroom where she had gone into. He opened the door and stood there looking at a white-faced Daphne. She was leaning against the counter and starting to shake with anxiety.  
  
"What is it Daphne? What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
She pointed at her feet and he looked down and saw a huge wet spot.   
  
"What happened? Didn't you make it in time?" he asked.  
  
"No, that's not it." She looked at him and he could see the fear in her eyes as she said, "I'm leaking water, Justin. I think I'm about to go into labor. It's too soon," she said as a sob escaped her lips.   
  
"No!" Justin exclaimed, "What should I do? Do you want me to go get the car?"  
  
"Call Dr. Russo, Justin. She's on our speed-dial. Tell her what's going on, and then call Alex," Daphne said, as she made her way over to the living room with tears pouring down her face.  
  
TBC


	28. Chapter 28

_Karma should not be confused with fate. Fate is the notion that man's life is preplanned for him by some external power, and he has no control over his destiny. Karma on the other hand, can be changed. Because man is a conscious being he can be aware of his Karma and thus strive to change the course of events. In the Dhammapada are the following words. "All that we are is a result of what we have thought; it is founded on our thoughts and made up of our thoughts." What we are, then, is entirely dependent on what we think. Therefore, the nobility of man's character is dependent on his 'good' thoughts, actions and words. At the same time, if he embraces degrading thoughts, those thoughts invariably influence him into negative words and actions._ _  
  
_ Chapter 28  
  
Daphne lay in the hospital bed, listening to the machines hooked up to her. The fetal monitor was making its normal blip-blip noises, the little light bobbing up and down, reassuring her that her daughters were alive and their heartbeats continued in a regular, healthy rhythm. The blood pressure cuff on her left arm automatically checked her numbers, ready to sound the alarm if they went too high or too low.   
  
Her contractions had eased-up to a dull cramp; the amniotic fluid no longer leaking out of her. The Fenoterol was usually effective in halting premature labor and everything seemed to have slowed down as soon as they had inserted the IV and the medicine began to work. Now, it was a question of waiting to see if they had gotten lucky. Could they push back the inevitable or would they have no choice but to go forward with the delivery? A delivery that was five weeks too soon.  
  
Elizabeth Russo removed the stethoscope from her ears and hung it around her neck. She had just finished listening to Daphne's heartbeat as well as that of the babies.  
  
"I think we're good for now, Daphne. Everything seems to have stabilized and we may have bought ourselves a little bit more time."  
  
"Thank God," Daphne said, leaning back on the pillow and closing her eyes. "Do you know how much time we've bought?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know," Dr. Russo replied honestly. "I do know that you are not leaving this hospital."  
  
"You're not serious, are you?"  
  
"I'm afraid so. I want you right here, hooked up to monitors and not moving from this bed. You can only get up to go to the bathroom, and if that starts anything you'll have to settle for a bed pan."  
  
"Oh my God, this is insane!" Daphne said, sitting up and staring at her friend in surprise. "I can stay in bed at home, Lizzy, I promise I'll be good and not move around," Daphne pleaded.  
  
"Sorry Daphe. I can't risk it. All we're doing is buying a day at a time. The longer we keep the girls in you, the better their chances are. The fact that you started leaking fluids and had mild contractions is an indication that it wouldn't take much to set things in motion again and I want you right here, where we can rush you into the operating room and do a C-section at a moments notice. It's critical that we move with lightning speed when that happens, Daphne, you know that."   
  
"I know, I know, Lizzy. I'm just in denial, I guess. Everything has been going so smoothly, I didn't expect this."  
  
"Well I did, Daphe. It's all part of having multiple births. Complications occur all the time; you've been lucky so far and I want to keep it that way."  
  
"Do you want me to tell Alex or will you do it?" Dr. Russo asked.  
  
"You can tell him, and Justin too. I'm surprised he didn't faint at the house when he saw the water on the floor," Daphne said.  
  
"I'll bet. He was actually very calm and controlled when he called me. I'm quite proud of him and the way he acted; he's surprisingly good to have around in a crisis," Dr. Russo stated.  
  
"He is," Daphne said, grateful that Justin had been with her and had taken complete charge of the situation.  
  
Dr. Russo left the room and made her way out to the little lounge where Alex, Justin and Brian were waiting. They all stood up when she walked in the room.   
  
"Well?" Alex asked.  
  
"I think we'll be fine, Alex. She's stable and the babies have settled down."  
  
"Thank God," all three men said in unison.  
  
"Her contractions have stopped, but she's not going anywhere. I want her here, where we can keep an eye on everything, okay?"  
  
"Fine with me," Alex said. "How's she taking that pronouncement?"  
  
"What do you think?" Lizzy asked him, raising an eyebrow and looking over her glasses with a small smirk on her face.  
  
Alex shook his head and sighed.   
  
"Well, that's too bad," Justin said, finally speaking up. "She's just going to have to deal with it and stay here, whether she likes it or not."  
  
"You go tell her Justin. And make sure she doesn't try and start walking around the room. I want complete bed rest; only bathroom privileges and nothing else. Do you guys understand?" Dr. Russo said emphatically.  
  
"Yes, don't worry Lizzy. If we have to tie her to the bed we will. She's not going anywhere," Alex said seriously.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Thirteen days had gone by. They were the most excruciatingly boring days of Daphne's life; listening to every blip and ping and woosh of machinery, hooked up to a body that no longer felt like hers. She was poked at and prodded all day long. People came and went, strangers who thought nothing of walking in and shoving their hands up her vagina to check on things. Blood was drawn almost everyday, miniscule amounts to check her blood sugar levels. She was starting to feel more like a pin-cushion than a human.  
  
Everyday that went by was another victory, another day gained for the babies to grow and thrive and develop to the point where they would survive outside the womb.   
  
Daphne thought she would go mad with the inactivity and if it hadn't been for the constant presence of Justin and Alex she probably would have. Alex spent most nights on the cot they had set up for him by her bedside. However, during the day, he had a practice to attend to and so she only saw him in bits and pieces, whenever he could sneak away. The good news of course was that he was in the building the whole time and within reach should something go wrong. He just couldn't spend all day entertaining her.   
  
Justin on the other hand was readily available and he was amazingly patient and kind and brought her every DVD, magazine and book he could to help alleviate her boredom. They had made a game of going over the girls astrological charts, trying to figure out whether they would hold on long enough to be born Gemini's or would be Taurus' if they came sooner. They went over all the finer points of each sign, talking about artistic temperaments and dealing with the Gemini's dual personality. Neither one of them truly believed in any of it, but it passed the time and kept Daphne from ripping out all the tubes and running up and down the hallways.  
  
Alex's parents had flown in from New York and were staying at the condo, waiting for the arrival of their first grandchildren. Alex had decided not to go into any details of the children's conception because he felt it would turn into a full scale drama and he really didn't feel that it was anybody's business but his and Daphne's. So far, there were only a handful of people who knew all the circumstances surrounding this pregnancy. Daphne's mother was one of them. She had received the news with surprising calm, and the truth of the matter was that regardless who the father was, Daphne was her daughter, so the point was moot as far as she was concerned. These were her grandchildren, period.  
  
Eventually, it would all be brought out into the open, however, now was not the time. Alex wanted the focus to remain on Daphne and the twins, not clouding it with any moral questions or issues that really had no bearing on any lives except the people who were immediately involved, in other words, Daphne, Justin, Brian and himself. If all four of them were fine with it, then everyone else would follow suit.  
  
Today was starting out as another boring day for Daphne. It was the second of June and from the look of the sunlight pouring into her room it was going to be a scorcher. Summer had come early this year and Daphne couldn't wait for the day when she would be able to sit on her patio and enjoy some rays with her two little ones sleeping happily beside her.   
  
Justin arrived at his usual time, bringing a bunch of flowers and some new DVD's that they were going to watch. He also brought her a bag of trail mix, the good kind with the luscious chunks of fruit and a sprinkling of M & M's and big cashews and almonds, so they could munch while they watched TV.   
  
"Hey," Justin said as he walked in and gave her a peck on the cheek. "How's it going?"  
  
"Good," she replied. "Other than the fact that your daughters are doing the Conga in here," she said pointing to her enormous belly.  
  
"Did you have a bad night?" he asked.  
  
"No, they just seem to be more active than usual. It's probably because they are as bored as I am, and they're outgrowing their little house," she said, with a small grin on her face.  
  
"What's in the bag?" she asked, taking it from Justin's hand and peering in. "Oh, yum, thanks Justin," she said, throwing a chunk of pineapple in her mouth with an M & M chaser."  
  
"You're welcome, Daphne. Try not to eat it all today, okay? I know you're bored but if you gain anymore weight we'll be able to start selling tickets."  
  
"Oh shut up Justin. What else is there to do around here? My pleasures are few and far in between. Right now, eating is the only thing that I can still enjoy."  
  
"We're going to have to talk about your plan of attack for losing all this weight when the girls finally arrive," he said. "You don't want to end up so out of shape that you won't be able to keep up with your children, not to mention your hot husband," he said pointedly. "We don't want Alex to start looking at other women now, do we?"   
  
"You know, if you are trying to motivate me, you're not. I have every intention of losing weight after this is over. I'm sure I will, Justin. I have good genes, my mother doesn't have an ounce of fat on her and I know my physical make-up is just like hers. So, shut the fuck up and get off my case. Oh, and by the way," she added. "Alex knows better than to even think about other women. He knows I'll kill him," she said, smiling sweetly and throwing more fruit in her mouth.  
  
Justin laughed at that last comment and he went over to the DVD player and threw one in. He moved back over to Daphne and pulled up a chair, toed off his sneakers, sat down and put his legs up on the bed, using it as a foot rest.   
  
"Hey," Daphne said, "Don't get too comfortable. I need to get up and pee."  
  
"Okay," he said. He stood up and moved over to the other side so that he could help her get up and lumber over to the bathroom. She looked huge when she was lying in the bed but when she stood up her size was even more daunting. Justin couldn't even begin to imagine what it must have felt like.  
  
"God, Daphe, you look like Jabba-the-hut. How big do you think the babies are at this point?"  
  
"Who knows," she said, irritated by his question. She knew she looked like a carnival side show but she didn't give a shit. Right now all she wanted to do was get to the bathroom and pee.  
  
She sat on the toilet, keeping the door slightly ajar so that Justin could get in if need be. She had completely lost all semblance of modesty since this whole ordeal had begun. She had never in all her life had so many people looking at or having their hands up her vagina and it had become such a regular occurrence the word 'privacy' meant nothing anymore.  
  
She finally finished and grabbed the bar on the wall to help herself up. Every time she stood up suddenly she got a little dizzy because her body just wasn't used to being upright. She paused for a few minutes, trying to ride out this wave of dizziness when suddenly she doubled over with a cramp severe enough to make her cry out.   
  
"Hey," Justin said. "Is everything okay in there?"  
  
Daphne held her breath, hoping the spasm would pass, however it only intensified and she knew it was game over as soon as she felt hot liquid running down her leg.   
  
"Justin," she called. "Get over here."  
  
Justin moved the door open and stared at Daphne who was hunched over, grabbing hold of the side bar and pointing at her legs. He saw the trail of bloody water that was running down them, falling in little plops on the floor.  
  
"Shit! Don't move," he said. "I'm going to go get help."  
  
Within minutes, the room looked like Grand Central. Fortunately Dr. Russo had been on the maternity floor making her rounds so Daphne's timing couldn't have been more perfect. She stood there rattling off orders to everyone, moving Daphne over to the bed to sit until they could bring in the gurney that was going to take her to the operating room. They had decided long ago that a C-section would be the safest way to do her delivery. It would cause less stress on the twins even though the mother would have a more difficult recovery time.   
  
"Lizzy," Daphne said, trying to regain some of her composure when in fact she was terrified now that this was actually going to happen. "Are they ready yet? Isn't this too soon?"   
  
"Daphne, the girls are going to be fine. You're three weeks shy of being full-term. They will be just fine. Now you need to take some deep breathes and stay calm, okay? I've already had Alex paged so he should be here shortly."  
  
"Is there anything I can do?" Justin asked, feeling absolutely useless standing there in his stocking feet.  
  
"Go to the condo and pick up Alex's parents, Justin," Daphne said. "I don't want him leaving to do that. I want him in the operating room with me."  
  
"Sure," he said. "I'll have Alex call them and let them know I'm on the way."  
  
He moved over to grab his shoes and quickly put them on. He made his way out the door and almost collided with a harassed-looking Alex who burst into the room.  
  
"What's up? Someone paged me."  
  
"Your children are about to make an appearance," Dr. Russo answered, never taking her eyes off her patient who was holding on to her hand for reassurance.  
  
"Is there an operating room available," Alex asked, all business suddenly.  
  
"Yes. They're setting up right now and getting the pediatric team together. It shouldn't take more than thirty minutes and then we're good to go."  
  
Daphne continued to sit on the bed, grimacing occasionally when a contraction swept through her, squeezing Dr. Russo's hand.   
  
Alex moved over to her side and embraced her, whispering in her ear, telling her he loved her and that everything would be okay. She nodded, grateful that he was able to be with her and not stuck in the middle of one of his marathon surgeries.   
  
"Justin's offered to go get your parent's Alex. Why don't you call them and tell them he's coming?" Daphne said.  
  
"Thanks for doing that, Justin," Alex said, reaching for his cell phone and hitting the speed dial for home.  
  
"No problem," Justin replied.  
  
"Mama," Alex said, when his mother answered. He started speaking in Russian, explaining the situation and letting her know Justin would be there in about twenty minutes to bring her and his father back to the hospital.   
  
He ended the call and put his phone away; telling Justin it was all set.   
  
Justin moved over to Daphne and kissed her on the cheek wishing her luck and telling her he'd be back very shortly. He walked out of the room even as they were wheeling in the gurney to take Daphne down to the operating room.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They were all in the waiting room, anxious to hear more news. Brian had just arrived and sat beside Justin, talking into his cell phone, leaving instructions for Ted and Cynthia so they would know what was going on.   
  
Justin thumbed through a beaten up magazine that someone had left, looking at pictures that just appeared blurry and meaningless right now. His thoughts were with Daphne and Alex, in the operating room, hoping that all would go well.   
  
Daphne's parents had arrived and were seated with Alex's parents. No one seemed to be in the mood for any conversation, they were too worried about Daphne and the babies to make any kind of small talk.   
  
Finally, a tired but exhilarated Alex walked into the waiting room.   
  
"It's over and everyone is fine," he said, pulling off his surgical hat and mask and throwing them both in the corner waste basket. "The babies are beautiful and healthy, Daphne is beautiful. Everyone is fine," Alex said, smiling, as everyone crowded around him.   
  
"How big are they?" Mrs. Chanders asked.  
  
"Justine weighed in at five and a half pounds and Alexandra was an even five. They're both eighteen inches long and are absolutely gorgeous, like their mother," he said proudly.  
  
"Can we see them?" Brian asked.  
  
"Yes, of course. They're cleaning them up and then they'll be taken to the nursery. We should be able to see them in a few minutes. Come on, it's just down the hall and to the left," he said, grabbing hold of his mother's hand. She started asking him questions in Russian and Alex answered patiently as the little group made their way down to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  
  
"Why are they in intensive care, Alex? Is something wrong with them?" Justin asked, trailing behind the group.  
  
"No, they've put them in there as a precaution. They are technically considered premature, even though their birth weights are good and they seem to be breathing fine and outwardly have no signs of physical stress. I think they will be transferred to the regular nursery after twenty four hours."  
  
"Oh, okay," Justin answered.  
  
The group arrived in front of the big glass window with the words NICU written on it. Inside, it looked like a regular nursery except there were several babies in incubators hooked up to intravenous lines and monitors of all sorts blinking and making little noises.   
  
The nurses looked up when Alex tapped gently on the glass. They smiled when they saw him and they wheeled two cribs towards the window so everyone could have a better look at the twins.   
  
The little group surged forward, pressing on the glass, looking at the infants that lay in their beds, swathed in pink blankets, sleeping peacefully. From the little that could be seen, they appeared to be fair skinned, with a fuzzy layer of light brown hair. The two nurses picked up each child and brought them closer to the window, so that they could all have a better look.  
  
The infant on the left, Justine, seemed the more responsive of the two. She was wiggling and moving her head around, turning left and right, while Alexandra continued to lay peacefully in the nurses arms.  
  
"They look exactly alike," Brian asked. "How do you know who is who?"  
  
"Well for one thing, they have bracelets on them with their names. That is basically how we'll be able to tell them apart until they get bigger and start showing some differences. Also their birth weights are different. Justine is the bigger of the two," Alex stated.  
  
"Such big names for such little girls," Alex's father said, as he looked at his granddaughters with a smile on his face.  
  
"I think they are beautiful," Daphne's mother said quietly, tears running down her face. "When can we hold them, Alex?"  
  
"As soon as they let them out of here, I suppose. Daphne's planning on breast feeding so they will be bringing them into her room in a few hours. If we time it right you can be in there to help."  
  
"How do you breast feed two kids at a time?" Justin asked, frowning.   
  
"You don't," Alex said. "They are fed one at a time, like any other baby. Each one will have a turn."  
  
"Oh," he said, "I wondered how that would work."  
  
"Are they identical twins?" Brian asked.  
  
"No," Alex replied. "They are fraternal."  
  
"What's the difference?" Daphne's father asked.  
  
"It means that two eggs were fertilized during ovulation and they were implanted at the same time, rather than one egg dividing into two separate embryos. It's more common, and even though they look very much alike right now, they will be different as they get older. We will be able to tell them apart," he said looking at the babies with a smile on his face.  
  
"Well, thank goodness for that. I've heard of all kinds of stories about twins and how they play tricks on parents and teachers when they look so much alike. I don't think I'd want to deal with that," Daphne's mother said.  
  
Brian had been watching Justin the whole time this was playing out. He was unusually quiet and withdrawn, almost detached from the whole scene around him. Even now, when they were all crowded around the window, Justin stood off to the side, not really looking at the babies. The only interest he had shown so far was asking the question about breast feeding.  
  
He moved over to him and whispered in his ear. "Come look at your daughters, they're beautiful."  
  
"No, Brian. I'll see them another time, when I can look at them closer. Right now I want to go home and take a shower and go to bed. I'm exhausted," he said, speaking in a soft voice, completely devoid of emotion.  
  
Brian was surprised but didn't insist. He went over to Alex and shook his hand, congratulating him again, and told him that he and Justin would be leaving.   
  
"Justin," Alex said. "Don't you want to see Daphne before you go?"  
  
"No Alex, its fine. Tell her I'm happy for her and I'll see her tomorrow, when she's not so tired. I need to go," he replied, turning away before he was done talking and walking down the hallway.  
  
Alex turned to Brian with a puzzled look on his face. Brian shrugged his shoulders and muttered, "Hell if I know."  
  
In the parking lot Brian asked Justin if he wanted to just leave his car and they could ride home together. He could drop him off tomorrow on his way to work so he wouldn't be stuck at home all day without a ride. Justin didn't argue, he just nodded and got into the Lamborghini and sat down, putting on his seat belt as Brian started the engine and made his way out of the parking complex.  
  
Justin was silent all the way home, not even acknowledging Brian's advances when he placed his hand on his leg and moved it up and down, massaging slowly. He was lost in whatever thoughts were troubling him and Brian was getting extremely anxious seeing him like this. He had expected a jubilant and extremely proud father. What he was seeing was the exact opposite. Justin was acting cold and remote, completely uninterested in seeing or holding his daughters.   
  
"Hey," he said, hoping to get Justin's attention. They had just pulled into the driveway at Britin and were getting ready to get out of the car.   
  
Justin ignored him, lost in his thoughts. He undid his seat belt and was getting ready to get out when Brian grabbed him and said, "Justin, look at me."  
  
Justin looked at Brian as if he was a complete stranger. There was no reaction on his face whatsoever. Brian felt like he was looking at a statue.   
  
"Sunshine," Brian said gently, holding on to Justin's arm, "Talk to me. What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing, Brian," Justin answered, finally showing some emotion. He was annoyed and impatient and wanted to get out of the car. He pulled his arm free, opened the door and stalked into the house, slamming the front door behind him.   
  
Brian sat in the car, staring at the front door. He was completely dumbfounded; at a loss for words and getting more and more nervous by the minute. He got out of the car and went into the house. He threw his keys on the hall table and they landed on the silver platter with a thunk. He made his way into the kitchen and automatically went to see if there were any messages on the house phone. He saw the light blinking so he hit Play.  
  
"Brian, hi, it's Lindsay. I just wanted you to know that Gus' plane will be landing at ten thirty tomorrow. I left a message on your cell but I thought I'd leave another on the house phone, just in case. Call me when you get this."  
  
_Fuck!_ He had completely forgotten that Gus was arriving tomorrow to start his summer vacation with them. He had agreed to let Austin come with him this time, just to avoid anymore boredom issues and also because he liked the kid, and he knew he'd be lost without Gus for three months. So he'd said yes; to have him come and stay for the summer. Hopefully there would be no repeats of last summer's fiascos. He'd already signed them up for different classes at the health club, now that Gus could drive and he didn't have to worry about ferrying him and Austin back and forth.  
  
The challenge of course would be monitoring their actions while they were home alone. Fortunately, the new cook, Jerry, was every bit as tough as Max had said and he wouldn't put up with any shit while he was on duty. That eliminated one problem right there.  
  
Brian had also hired someone to come out twice a week to help the boys with preparing for their SAT's. He wanted to make sure that Gus scored well so that his choices of colleges would be better. He wasn't sure if all his activities at school really allowed him the time to study and prepare as Brian would like. Not to mention the fact that he would be applying to all US colleges, not Canadian. He wanted to make sure Gus had every advantage by the time it came to selecting schools.  
  
He picked up the phone and punched in Lindsay's numbers.   
  
"Linds," he said, as soon as he heard her answer.   
  
"Brian, where have you been? I left you a few messages."  
  
"We were at the hospital. Daphne had the twins."  
  
"Oh my God! That's so exciting. Is everyone okay? Who do they look like?"  
  
"Fine, everyone is just peachy," he said. "It's too early to tell who they look like. Right now they look like each other."   
  
"What's wrong Brian?" Lindsay asked, knowing that tone of voice too well.  
  
"Everyone is fine except for the father. He's P-M-S'ing and I have no idea what his fucking problem is."  
  
"What's wrong with Alex?" Lindsay asked.  
  
"I didn't mean Alex, Linds. I meant the biological father, my fucking partner who is acting stranger than strange!"  
  
"Have you tried talking to him," Lindsay asked.  
  
"Duh."  
  
"Maybe he's just overwhelmed Brian. You weren't exactly normal the night Gus was born. If I remember correctly you went out and got totally high on E and fucked a seventeen year old."  
  
"Well, I'd settle for some E and some fucking right now. That sounds real good, as a matter of fact."  
  
"Give him some time," Lindsay counseled. "He's probably getting used to the whole idea. It's hard enough to accept being a parent of one the first time around, imagine what it must feel like to have two in one fell swoop. Remember how terrified you and I were?"  
  
"Yeah," Brian grinned, remembering that night. He had asked Lindsay if they could give Gus back. He was definitely overwhelmed.   
  
"You know what Linds, you're right. I'm just freaking for no reason. I'll give him some space and some time. He'll be back to his old self by the end of the day," Brian said, trying to convince himself.   
  
"Would you like me to talk to him?" Lindsay asked.  
  
"No, I don't think that's a good idea right now," Brian said.   
  
"Okay then, but call me if you change your mind. I'll be happy to talk to him," Lindsay said.  
  
"Thanks Linds. So, what time are the boys getting in?" Brian asked, getting down to their other important piece of business.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
The next day, Brian dropped Justin off at the hospital on his way to work. They had not spoken at all in the car, which was really just a carry-over from the night before.   
  
Justin had locked himself in his studio and never came out, even when Brian banged on the door repeatedly to tell him dinner was ready. The only time he saw any kind of response was when he told him that Gus and Austin were flying in today and that he would pick them up at the airport.  
  
"Do you want me to come with you?" Justin had asked, in the same monotone he used yesterday.  
  
"No, it's fine. I'll have a limo take me, that way I don't have to fuck with parking. We'll see you at home, around four o'clock."  
  
"Okay," Justin answered, removing his seat belt and getting ready to get out of the car.  
  
Brian stopped him and looked at the blue eyes that were staring right through him.  
  
"Justin…please; tell me what's going on? You are making me nervous as hell."  
  
Justin looked at him and didn't say a word. He shook his head and opened the door.  
  
"Hey," Brian said, starting to get pissed. "I just asked you a question."  
  
Justin stuck his head in the open window and spat out, "And I just answered it. Nothing is wrong, Brian. Everything is fucking great!"  
  
TBC


	29. Chapter 29

_He who believes in Karma does not condemn even the most corrupt, for they too have their chance to reform themselves at any moment. Though bound to suffer in woeful states, they have hope of attaining eternal Peace. By their own doings they have created their own Hells and by their own doings they can create their own Heaven too._ _  
  
_Chapter 29  
  
The maternity ward was relatively quiet. It was only eight in the morning and visiting hours had not really begun yet, but Justin was able to gain entrance by dropping Alex and Daphne's names, telling the security guard he was a relative.   
  
He went straight to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and stood outside the window looking in. He stood there for at least five minutes before a nurse saw him and stuck her head out the door, asking him which baby he wanted to see. He muttered something about the Cherny twins and the nurse went back in and wheeled the two cribs closer to the window so he could look at the babies.  
  
There were both asleep, still wrapped in the same pink blankets they were in yesterday. There were name tags at the foot of each crib with the baby's birth weight and length and someone had written in pencil, Justine and Alexandra.   
  
Justin stared at his daughters, the products of that one crazy night and all the months of drama and anxiety; these two little things that barely weighed anything.   
  
The one on the right, Alexandra, had her hand pressed to her cheek. It had somehow made its way out of the tight wrap babies were normally kept in and she seemed to be making an attempt to move her hand towards her mouth.   
  
_She's hungry…she's going to end up being a thumb sucker if they don't watch it. Why hasn't anyone seen this? She might scratch her face and hurt herself._  
  
Justine started to move, wiggling a little, moving her head slowly, just as she had last night. He stared at her, fascinated, wondering what she would be like when she grew up.   
  
The light layer of fuzzy brown hair was starting to curl a little. He could see that they would at least have waves, if not more. He had heard that sometimes children were born with a full head of hair only to have it all fall out within a month to grow back a different color. He wondered if this would be the case with these girls.   
  
_What color are their eyes? Will they look like me or Daphne or both of us?_   
  
He continued to watch, unable to stop staring as the infants lay in their respective cribs. The nurse who had originally asked him if he wanted to see them came out of the side door again and told him she was going to wheel them into Daphne's room for their morning feeding.   
  
"Did you want to come with us to Dr. Chanders' room," she asked.  
  
"No," Justin said reluctantly. "I'll come back later. Please, don't even tell her I was here."  
  
"Okay," the nurse replied, wondering who he was. Probably a relative of Dr. Cherny's she thought. He looked a lot like him.  
  
Justin made his way over to the elevator and down to the parking garage where he had left his car yesterday. He walked to it, hitting the unlock button on his remote, hearing the chirp as the car responded to the signal. He got in and put on his seat belt, making his way out of the garage, all on automatic mode. He had no idea where he was going. He handed the attendant his credit card and waited for them to ring up the charges for the overnight stay. He glanced at his cell. It was on the passenger seat and it was vibrating. Picking it up he saw Jennifer Taylor's face smiling at him on the caller ID screen.   
  
"Mom, what's up?"  
  
"Sweetheart, are you at home?"  
  
"No, I'm in my car. What do you need?" he asked in the same monotone.  
  
"Have you been to see Daphne and the girls yet?"  
  
"Mother, it's nine in the fucking morning," he replied, finally showing some emotion.  
  
"Justin, are you okay?" she asked. She was taken aback by his tone of voice.  
  
"I'm fine, Mother, I wish everyone would stop asking me that."  
  
"Who else is asking?"  
  
"Never mind," he sighed into the phone. "Is there another reason you called, or are we going to sit here and play twenty questions?"  
  
Jennifer was silent on the other line. Finally, she said, "I hope you plan on visiting Daphne today, Justin. She asked about you last night. So did her parents, and the Cherny's were also inquiring after you. Everyone wants to congratulate you sweetheart, your babies are beautiful."  
  
"They are not my babies mother. I'm just the donor. They belong to Alex and Daphne, and I've got to go. The light's changed."  
  
He hung up quickly, before Jennifer could even say good-bye. He made his way towards the expressway and when he got there, he headed North, towards Natrona Heights and the monastery. He pressed down on the gas and felt the BMW jump forward as it responded to his heavy foot.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brian sat at his desk at Kinnetik, looking out the window. He had just wrapped up the presentation with Brown Athletics for the new line of golf apparel. Now it was a question of lining up the big names for the golf tournament Brown was sponsoring at Pebble Beach. Brian had already put in the calls to several agents and was just waiting for call backs to see who would be available. His mind had started to wander halfway through the presentation and it was only because he was so good at his job that he got through it without a glitch. The last thing on his mind right now was golf.   
  
His brain was filled with thoughts of Justin and his sudden withdrawal. Brian had not made any headway in finding out what the problem was and he was not going to let another night like last night go by without at least making the attempt to knock some sense into Justin.   
  
He was interrupted in mid-thought by his buzzer going off and his secretary announcing that Alex was on the phone.   
  
"Hey, Alex," Brian said, "How's it going?"  
"Good. The girls are being moved out of NICU to the regular nursery which is a good sign. They seem to be doing really well and are feeding without a problem. Daphne's had them in her room several times already. Which is why I'm calling," Alex said.  
  
"Oh?" Brian asked, even though he knew what Alex was about to say.  
  
"Why hasn't Justin been by to see us, Brian?"  
  
Brian sighed heavily and leaned his head back on his chair, closing his eyes and bringing his left hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. It was starting already, the headache, always brought on by stress. He could feel the slow creeping of the pain, barely a whisper right now but he knew that in about ten minutes it would arrive in its usual manner, with all the crescendo and banging of an entire symphony orchestra. He pulled the top drawer open and fished out the bottle of Aspirin. He spilled three onto his desk and then he reached for the glass and pitcher of water he always had handy. Downing all three in one gulp he put the glass down and replied, "I don't know Alex. I have no idea why he hasn't been to the hospital."  
  
"Is he angry about something? Has anyone said anything to him?"  
  
"Alex, like I said. I don't know. He refuses to talk about it and I've just had a fucked up night trying to get him to talk to me with no luck. He spent the entire night in his studio, doing God-knows-what."  
  
"That's terrible, Brian. What could possibly be the matter?"  
  
"Hell if I know. I've got to go to the airport in a few hours. Gus and Austin are flying in today, so I told Justin we'd meet at the house around four; hopefully he'll be in a better frame of mind and I'll get some answers."   
  
"I hope so. Daphne is upset that he hasn't been by to see the babies. He was with her everyday throughout this pregnancy and now he's disappeared," Alex said. "Our parents have been told, Brian, they all know the situation now and they're finding it rather odd that he's stayed away. We all are."  
  
"I know. It is weird, I agree. Listen, I'll try and find out what's going on. In the meantime, tell Daphne to be patient. She knows him better than any of us. Whatever he's wrestling with is occupying his thoughts right now and until he works this out there will be no talking to him."  
  
"God," Alex said. "How do you live with this, I had no idea he was so dramatic."  
  
"Drama is his middle name Alex, and I live with it because this is who he is."   
  
"Well, more power to you, that's all I can say. Let me know if there's anything I can do, okay?"  
  
"Thanks. How much longer will they be in the hospital?" Brian asked.  
  
"Probably three more days, depending on how things go. I'd rather they be there, where we can keep an eye on them, you know?"  
  
"Yeah, I hear you."  
  
"Okay, well, keep in touch Brian," Alex said just before he hung up.  
  
Brian put the phone down and continued to lean back against the head rest. He wasn't exaggerating when he told Alex that he had spent a fucked up night trying to get anything out of Justin. It was probably closer to two in the morning when he finally fell asleep, waiting for Justin to come to bed, but it never happened. By the time he got up Justin had already left the house, without even a note. Yesterday he was worried, now he was starting to get pissed. The last time Justin had pulled a disappearing act on him was last year, when he was still wrestling with his decision to help Daphne and he promised at that time that he would never take off without at least letting Brian know where he was at.  
  
Brian picked up his cell and hit Justin's number on the speed dial. After several rings, he finally picked up.  
  
"Hey," Justin said.  
  
"Hey yourself…where are you?"  
  
Justin paused and then said, "I'm at the Monastery, Brian. I needed to see the Master."  
  
"That's fine, I've got no problem with that, but why didn't you come to bed last night, or even this morning?"  
  
Brian heard Justin sigh into the phone and he waited for the answer to his question. When none was forthcoming he asked another, "Justin, are you planning on telling me what's wrong or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"  
  
"Brian," Justin said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about this. I only picked up the phone because I promised you last year that I would never disappear without having the phone on but I really would rather be left alone right now. I need time to think."  
  
"Think about what, exactly?"  
  
"I can't talk about it," Justin replied in his irritated voice.  
  
Brian responded, equally as irritated, "Well, it fucking sucks and you are starting to really piss me off, you know that?"  
  
"I'm sorry Brian. I'll see you later, around four. That's when you'll be bringing Gus home, right?"  
  
"Right," Brian replied and before he could say another word he heard the phone go dead. Justin had just hung up on him.  
  
 _What the fuck?_  
  
He was interrupted by his secretary letting him know that Jennifer Taylor was on line two. Rolling his eyes, he picked up the phone.  
  
"Hey Grandma, how's it going?"  
  
"Brian, it's Jennifer."  
  
"I know," he dead panned.  
  
"Is everything okay? Between you and Justin, I mean."  
  
"As far as I know," he replied, not really wanting to delve into his private life with his mother-in-law.  
  
"Oh, that's good," she said, sounding relieved. "I was worried and I thought I had better check in with you to see what was bothering Justin. Have you noticed how strange he's acting?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Jennifer hesitated, realizing belatedly that Brian wasn't exactly spilling the beans either.   
  
"Do you have any idea what the problem is?" she asked.  
  
"No. Not really. But I plan on finding out."  
  
"Well, okay Brian. I'll let you go," she said reluctantly, hoping that he would change his mind and divulge more. But he didn't.   
  
"Okay, talk to you later," Brian said, hanging up with a huge sigh of relief.  
  
He stood up and decided to stop by the hospital on his way to the airport. He could at least make an appearance since obviously Justin wasn't planning on showing up today either. If Daphne was alone he could talk to her and maybe get some insight on Justin's behavior.  
  
As he made the trip to the hospital, he kept going over the events of the last few days, trying to remember anything that may have happened to trigger this behavior in Justin. He had seemed perfectly happy up until the birth of the twins. Instead of being overjoyed that the delivery had been uneventful and that Daphne and the girls were doing well he seemed upset, angry almost. It was baffling and driving Brian crazy. He wasn't even allowed to use his tried and tested means of pain management as Justin wouldn't even get near him long enough to kiss him, let alone fuck some sense into him.   
  
He got to the hospital and handed over his car to the valet. He made his way inside, stopping at the little flower shop on the main floor of the hospital to pick up a bouquet of roses, something he would have never done in the past. He chuckled to himself as he paid for the flowers, thinking back on the many times he should have bought them and didn't; either the world was coming to an end or he had actually mellowed with age.  
  
Brian walked into a room filled with people. It seemed that everyone in the family had the same idea, to come and visit and see the twins. Alex's parents were on one side of the room, talking to each other in Russian. The Chanders were on the opposite side of the room, sitting on the two visitor's chairs while Alex was sitting at the foot of Daphne's bed, conversing with Max and Emmett who had arrived shortly before Brian did.   
  
"Whoa," Brian said. "This place looks like Babylon on buy-one-get-one-free night."  
  
"Hey Brian," Daphne said. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw him. "Is Justin here too?" she asked.  
  
"No, just me," Brian answered, handing Daphne the bouquet of roses, and kissing her on the cheek. "Congratulations, Daphne, your daughters are beautiful."  
  
She beamed at him and said, "They are perfect, aren't they?"  
  
"Yes they are. I didn't really get to see them much yesterday, has anyone seen what color their eyes are?" Brian asked, curious. He had heard that brown eyes were more dominant than blue and he wondered if either of the girls had inherited Justin's unusual blue.   
  
"I saw one of them open her eyes last night, when I was breast feeding," Daphne said. "But the room was dark, and I was half asleep so I couldn't really tell."  
  
"Well, you'll get to see them shortly," Alex said. "It's just about time for their feeding."  
  
And even as he said this, they all heard two little voices crying in unison as the nurses knocked on the door and wheeled the cribs in.  
  
"The girls are hungry, Dr. Chanders," one of the nurses said.  
  
"God, I'll say," Emmett replied. "Sounds like feeding time at the zoo. Exactly how does one go about feeding twins," Emmett asked, gesturing with his hand and pointing at the two girls then at Daphne's breasts.  
  
"The same way you feed any baby, Em," Daphne said, taking one of the girls from the nurse. "One at a time."   
"Do you want us to leave you alone?" Alex asked her.  
  
"No, I think I figured out how to do this without anyone actually seeing anything. You guys can stay," she said.  
  
Daphne placed the baby at her breast and covered herself and the baby with the blanket the nurse had given her, while she positioned herself with the baby at her nipple. As soon as she felt the first pull of the little mouth, she also felt her milk letting down and her uterus contracting as nature did its job, helping her body along in the healing process. She made a face as the contractions intensified, even as the baby sucked away happily.  
  
"Does it hurt, sweetie?" Emmett asked, grimacing. "You look like you're in pain?"  
  
"No, it's fine, Em. It just hurts for a few seconds, and then it goes away."  
  
"Thank God I have a dick," Emmett muttered softly, even as Max jabbed him with his elbow.  
  
The mewling and crying from the baby who was waiting to be fed intensified and Alex's father moved over to the crib and looking at Alex, asked if he could pick her up.   
  
"Da, Papa, go ahead, pick her up. Which one do you have?" Alex asked from the other side of the room.  
  
"Alexandra," he said, looking at the name on the little pink and white bracelet on the baby's tiny wrist. "Sasha," he crooned, rocking his granddaughter. "Alexandra is too big a name for such a little girl, this is my little Sasha," he said again in Russian.  
  
Alex smiled when he heard that. "What did Papa say, Alex?" Daphne asked.  
  
"He's given her a nickname, he says Alexandra is too big for such a tiny thing."  
  
"What her nickname?" she asked.  
  
"Sasha. It's a diminutive for Alexandra. It's used a lot in Russian families, as a form of endearment."  
  
"I like it," Daphne said, smiling at her father-in-law. "Let's use it."  
  
"Okay," Alex said, smiling back at her.   
  
He walked over to his father and they looked at the little baby in his arms and just then she stopped crying and opened her eyes. They were brown, with a little bit of green and yellow, hazel almost, not really brown.   
  
"Daphe, her eyes are brown; like yours," Alex said happily.  
  
Everyone crowded around Alex and his father to get a better look. Brian peered over the group to see what they were all looking at.  
  
"Yup," he said. "They're definitely in the brown family and I can already see a resemblance to you, Daphe," Brian pronounced.  
  
"It's too soon for that Brian," Daphne said.   
  
"No, I think Brian is right, Daphne," Mrs. Chanders said, joining the crowd and looking at her granddaughter, "There's definitely a resemblance to our side of the family," she said proudly.   
  
"Alex, come and take Justine. She's done and needs to be burped."  
  
Alex went over to Daphne and took the now sleeping infant from her breast. His father in turn handed Sasha over so that she could have her turn nursing. After the exchange was made, Alex tried to get the sleepy one to burp but she was having none of it. Her eyes were tightly shut and her tiny lips were pursed into a little bow, all pink and pouty.  
  
Alex looked at his mother helplessly, wondering how he was going to make the baby burp and finally, she took the sleeping child and flipped her over easily, holding her chest in one hand and tapping her back lightly with the other. Almost instantly a nice healthy burp was heard by everyone.  
  
"Ahh," Alex's mother said with a big grin, satisfied that she hadn't lost her touch after so many years. She turned the little girl over and as she did so, the baby opened her eyes and smiled at her grandmother.  
  
Brian happened to be beside Irina Cherny when she did this and his breathing almost stopped when he saw the baby.   
  
"Sunshine," he said under his breath, as the little girl looked first at him then at her grandmother with eyes that were as blue as the sky. It was the smile that shocked Brian though. It was Justin's smile, the same time-stopping, room-brightening smile; it had transformed her face instantly. She was radiant and for the second time in his life, Brian fell in love.  
  
"Oh-my-God," he whispered. "Will you look at that smile."  
  
"Yes," Mrs. Cherny said, in halting English. "She's a sun, beautiful and shinning. Sorina," she said gently, bringing the baby up to her lips and kissing her cheek.   
  
"Sorina?" Brian questioned.  
  
"Is sun in Romania," Mrs. Cherny declared. "Soare means sun. For boy, Sorin, but for girl is Sorina. Is good name for baby," she said, looking from Brian to Daphne and Alex.   
  
"Sorina?" Daphne repeated. "But I like Justine, doesn't anyone like Justine?"  
  
"It's a beautiful name Daphne," her mother said from the other side of the room, "But it is rather confusing having a Justin and a Justine. I think Sorina is a pretty nickname."  
  
"Alex?" Daphne asked.  
  
"Mama," Alex called to his mother. He started speaking to her in Russian, getting the full etiology of the name Sorina so he could explain it to everyone.   
  
"Well, it's exactly like she said. It's the female version of Sorin, which is derived from the Romanian word for sun which is Soare. I like it," he said. "It's nice that they'll both have shorter names and both starting with 'S'."   
  
"Okay, let's vote on it," Daphne said surprising everyone.   
  
Just then there was a knock on the door and Jennifer Taylor peered in.   
  
"May I come in?" she said. She had a box in her hand, beautifully gift-wrapped.   
  
"Of course, please Jennifer, we were just about to take a vote. Come in and look at your granddaughters," Alex said, grabbing her by the hand and bringing her over to the area where Brian stood with Irina Cherny and one of the twins.  
  
"Jennifer," Brian said, bending down and giving her a peck on the cheek. "You've got to see this kid."  
  
Jennifer put the gift box down on a table and moved over to look at the baby.   
  
"Justin," she uttered in surprise, when the little girl beamed her way. Jennifer's eyes instantly filled with tears and she dabbed at them quickly with the back of her hand.  
  
"Sorry," she said sheepishly to the whole group. "She looks so much like him, I wasn't expecting that."  
  
"I know," Brian said at her side. "None of us were."  
  
"May I?" she asked Daphne, who nodded happily. She reached over as Mrs. Cherny passed the baby to her and she laughed gently when the little one continued to stare at her wide-eyed.  
  
"Babies aren't supposed to be seeing anything this soon, but I swear this one seems to be looking right through me," she muttered to know one in particular as she caressed the baby's head of soft brown curls.  
  
"Can you bring her over here, Mrs. Taylor? I'd like to see what you are all talking about," Daphne said.  
  
"Of course, sweetie," Jennifer replied. "Don't you think that you should stop calling me Mrs. Taylor, since we're definitely related now?"  
  
Daphne and Alex smiled at her. Alex thought she was one of the most beautiful and gracious ladies he had met in a long time. She had such a peaceful aura and she never failed to have a smile on her face. He hoped his daughters would pick up a lot of her characteristics.  
  
Jennifer placed the baby on the bed in front of Daphne who was still breast feeding Sasha. Daphne bent over to stare at her daughter and then looked at Alex.  
  
"You better have your speech ready, Alex," she said, tongue-in-cheek.  
  
"What speech?"  
  
"The one you plan on making to all the guys who darken our doorstep. You may have to hire a body guard for this one," she laughed softly, "She's quite beautiful if I do say so myself."   
  
Alex looked down at the baby and said, "They both are Daphne, in different ways. But this one looks just like Justin, I see that already." He continued to look at his daughter and he gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. "I think Sorina is a perfect name for her. She lights up the room, don't you think so Jennifer?"   
  
"Sorina?" Jennifer asked. "I thought her name was Justine Brianna."  
  
"It is," Alex replied. "My mother just called her Sorina when the baby smiled at her. It's sun in Romanian, and it automatically came out of her mouth."  
  
"Well, I for one think it's perfect for her," Brian said from across the room. "Its exotic and different and Mrs. Chanders is right. It would be confusing as hell to have a Justin and a Justine. As a matter of fact," Brian continued, "You guys better figure out what these kids are going to call everyone. They're almost going to need index cards for all the immediate family. I mean five grandparents and two sets of parents can be a problem if everyone is called the same thing so I would get on the names from the get-go."  
  
"Brian's right sweetie," Emmett chirped in. "Have you thought about what they're going to call Brian and Justin? I mean you and Alex are Mom and Dad but what are they going to call the other fathers?"  
  
Alex and Daphne looked at each other in surprise. "Honestly," Daphne said, "We haven't really talked about it."  
  
"They're right, dear," Mr. Chanders said, finally breaking his silence. He never was one to talk much, he left that to his wife and daughter, but when he did say something, it usually made a whole lot of sense.  
"I think you and Alex should decide right now so that all of us are on the same page."  
  
"Okay," Daphne said. "Alex, do you have a preference?"  
  
"Well, I've always called my father Papa and I would like my girls to call me that, rather then Dad."  
  
"That's perfect," Daphne answered. "And I'll be Mama or Mom, whichever they prefer."  
  
"What do you prefer?" Alex asked.  
  
"I guess Mama is fine."  
  
"Okay. And of course my parents are going to be Babushka and Dedushka, right Papa?" Alex asked his father who was across the room listening to this whole exchange.  
  
He nodded at Alex and grinned, "Da, I will teach them Russian."   
  
"That is marvelous," Mrs. Chanders said. "They will grow up bi-lingual, which can only help them in the future."  
  
Daphne rolled her eyes, so typical of her over-achieving mother, already thinking about the future and the girl's potential.   
  
"And I would like be called Nana, instead of Grandmother but your father can be Grandfather Chanders. Is that okay with you Daphne?" Mrs. Chanders asked, expecting no argument from anyone.  
  
"That's fine mother, if that's what you want," Daphne replied.  
  
"And me?" Jennifer asked.  
  
"Do you mind being Grandma Jen?" Alex asked gently.  
  
"That's what Gus calls me. I would love it if the girls called me that too," Jennifer replied, her eyes tearing up again.  
  
"Alright," Brian said. "That's all settled."   
  
"No it's not," Daphne countered. "What are the girls going to call you and Justin?"  
  
"I don't give a fuck!"  
  
"Language!" everyone yelled out in unison.  
  
Brian started laughing, "Sorry," he said sheepishly looking at the babies. "They can't understand anything yet."  
  
"But they will sooner than you know, so curb your potty mouth," Daphne said, disapprovingly.  
  
"Christ," Brian muttered.   
  
"How would you feel if the girls just call them Daddy 'J' and Daddy 'B'?" Jennifer asked. "It worked for Gus, why not keep it the same?"  
  
"Brian?" Alex asked.  
  
"That's fine. I don't give a fu, I mean, whatever, it's all good."  
  
"Okay then," Daphne said, smiling at Brian. " _Now_ it's all settled."  
  
TBC


	30. Chapter 30

_We are born with hereditary characteristics. At the same time we possess certain innate abilities that science cannot adequately account for. To our parents we are indebted for the gross sperm and ovum that form the nucleus of our so-called being. They remain dormant within each parent until this potential germinal compound is vitalized by the Karmic energy needed for the production of the fetus. Karma is therefore the indispensable conceptive cause of this being. The accumulated karmic tendencies, inherited in the course of previous lives, at times play a far greater role than the hereditary parental cells and genes in the formation of both physical and mental characteristics._

Chapter 30

“You had no right!” Justin screamed, throwing his arms out and then running his hands through his hair as he walked around the room ranting at Brian.

Brian stared at his life partner, who was completely out of control. He was still trying to figure out how their conversation had gone from mundane to all-out confrontational within minutes. He hadn’t seen Justin this upset since the night they had called off their wedding in 2006. What the fuck was his problem, he wondered again for the hundredth time.

“Justin, will you calm down and tell me why you are so pissed.”

“You had no right to decide what those girls are going to call us,” Justin spat out, looking like he wanted to kill someone.

“ _Those girls_ are your daughters Justin. And maybe if you had been there you could have had some say in the matter. Why the fuck haven’t you gone to see them!”

“They are not _my_ daughters. They belong to Alex and Daphne. How many times do I have to say that?”

Brian looked at Justin and shook his head. He was standing across the room, red splotches on his normally perfect white skin, tears scalding his cheeks.

“Justin,” Brian said softly, trying to change his approach altogether. “We all know who the legal parents are; we also know who the biological father is. Why are you having issues with this all of a sudden?”

“I have no issues. I just want people to stop deciding shit for me.”

“Who’s deciding anything for you?” Brian asked. “This was your decision, Justin. One you made all by yourself, many months ago. We’re just here for the ride, as you requested.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I was wrong,” Justin said harshly, still breathing heavily, still in a tone of voice that was not normal for him.

“Wrong? What are you talking about? We can’t take them back to the pet store and there’s no re-stocking policy for humans, at least not one that I’m aware of,” Brian said seriously.

“Fuck off Brian. I’m not in the mood for your sarcasm right now.”

“And your fucking hysterics are getting old Justin. I don’t know what your problem is but you’d better _get-over-it!”_

“Whatever, Brian. I need to get out of here for a while. I’m going for a drive,” Justin said, moving over to the table near the front door and grabbing his car keys.

Brian stood there shaking his head again. “You’re going to walk out of here, go for a fucking drive after all this garbage that’s come out of your mouth? I don’t believe this.”

Brian grabbed Justin by the arm and pulled him up to his body. They were both breathing heavily, both miserable.

“Let go of me, Brian. I need to get away for a few hours.”

“I’m not letting you drive in this condition. You are fucking out-of-control and I want to know why.”

Justin looked at Brian for the first time that night. Really looked at him and Brian was taken aback by the pain he saw in those blue eyes. They were swimming with tears. Justin’s face was rigid with the effort of trying to control his emotions, but he had lost the battle completely.

“Please,” Brian whispered, caving instantly, “Tell me how I can make it better,” he said, kissing Justin on the lips, needing to get a response of some kind.

“You can’t Brian,” Justin sobbed, finally breaking down. “This is one time you can’t fix it.” He turned abruptly, pulling free of Brian, running out the front door before Brian could stop him. The next thing Brian heard was the sound of the engine as Justin started the BMW and drove off with a screech of tires.

Brian turned around and made his way to the bar on the other side of the great room. He looked at the clock as he poured himself a hefty measure of Beam. It was nine o’clock, exactly.

They had been home since four-thirty in the afternoon, when they had met up after Brian had returned from the airport with Gus and Austin.  
Justin had seemed completely normal, kissing him as they walked through the door and throwing his arms around Gus, remarking how much he had grown again.

They had sat around the kitchen table, snacking on the sandwiches that Jerry had made for them before leaving for the day. Gus and Austin were happy to be back in the Pitts, listening to Brian going over their schedule for the next few months.

Things started to change when Gus inquired after Daphne and the babies. At that point, Brian remembered things taking a turn for the worse and he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what was said, or by whom, but that’s when the shit hit the fan. He tried to remember how the conversation went, to try and pinpoint the moment of destruction.

“How are the twins?” Gus had asked. “We heard they are beautiful.”

“They are. One looks just like Daphne and the other one is Daddy J’s clone,” Brian remarked.

“Wow, that’s awesome,” Gus said. “I can’t wait to see them.”

“Are they still calling them Justine and Alexandra?” Austin inquired.

“Yeah, those are the legal names, but they got nick-named by Alex’s parents. Apparently they thought their names were way too big for such tiny things, and they’re right in a way. Their nicknames are nice, Sasha for Alexandra and Sorina for Justine,” Brian said.

“Sorina?” Justin asked, looking confused.

“It means ‘Sun’ in Romanian. Irina Cherny came up with it as soon as she saw your daughter’s smile. It’s just like yours, Sunshine, she’s beautiful,” Brian said, looking at Justin and smiling at him.

“Really,” Justin said, going stiff all of a sudden.

“Yeah, it was pretty hilarious at one point. The room was as crowded as Babylon on a Saturday night. There must have been a dozen people in that room, not counting the nurse and the babies. Mostly family, except for Em and Max.”

“Who all was there?” Justin asked.

“Your mom, the Chanders, the Chernys, Emmett, Max and myself. Things got pretty interesting when we started deciding what the girls were going to call everyone,” Brian said.

“What do you mean?” Justin asked.

“Daphne’s Dad thought it would be a good idea to get the name calling out of the way so everyone would be on the same page.”

“And what did everyone decide?” Justin asked, his face becoming more mask-like with every word spoken.

“Let’s see,” Brian said. “If I remember correctly, they are going to call Alex and Daphne, Papa and Mama, the Cherny’s are going to be some Russian thing, I think it’s Dedushka and Babushka, or something like that. Mrs. Chanders wanted to be called Nana instead of grandmother and Mr. Chanders will be Grandpa Chanders, and your mom; I think it will be Grandma Jen, the same thing you call her Gus,” Brian finished.

“Wow, no wonder they wanted to decide about names. How are those poor girls going to remember who’s who?” Gus asked.

“And you and me?” Justin asked Brian, in a barely audible voice.

“I think they decided to keep it simple and continue on with Gus’ names. You know, ‘Daddy B and Daddy J’.”

Justin went white and stood up abruptly, knocking the chair over and leaving the room in a huff. Brian looked at Gus and Austin and all three of them said, “What the fuck?” at the same time.

That was it, Brian thought as he stood at the bar, downing the rest of his drink. That’s when he went nuts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin drove around aimlessly until he changed his mind and turned the car towards the expressway heading downtown. He made it to the hospital just under the wire. Nine-twenty-five exactly. Visiting hours were over at nine-thirty. He parked the car quickly and bolted into the hospital, catching the elevator up to the maternity floor. He got out and made his way to the nursery, the one that said NICU on the window. He looked in the window, but didn’t see the two cribs with the twins in them. He knocked on the glass, catching a nurse’s attention and when she stuck her head out the side door he said, “Where are the Cherny twins?”

“They moved them to the regular nursery. They don’t need to be here anymore.”

“Where’s that?” he asked.

“Same floor, on the east side of the building.”

“Thanks,” Justin said, moving away from her quickly.

He followed the lines on the hallway floor until he got to the other side of the building. He stopped in front of another glass window that looked exactly like the one he had just, left only this one had no writing on it. He peered in and saw many cribs lined up in a row. He looked at each row carefully and finally found the two that he was looking for.

They were on the forth row, too far for him to really see anything, so he tapped on the glass window, hoping to catch the nurse’s attention. Again, he got lucky and a nurse stuck her head out the door and said, “Can I help you?”

“Can you move the Cherny twins closer to the window, so I can see them?”

“Sir, visiting hours are over. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

“Please,” he begged. “It’ll only be for a minute.”

“Are you Dr. Cherny’s brother? You look just like him,” the nurse asked.

“Yes,” Justin answered, without hesitating for a minute.

“Oh well, in that case, no problem. You can stay as long as you want. Let me get the babies.”

Justin watched as the cribs were moved closer to the picture window. He stood there, pressing his forehead to the glass, waiting for the girls to come closer. Finally, they were right below him and the nurse smiled at him and then left them.

Justin stared down at his daughters, soaking in the sight of them like a starving man choking down a piece of bread. He saw that their light brown hair had definitely started to curl. They were both active tonight and their eyes were open. The one brown-eyed as Brian had said, the other blue. The same blue that stared back at him in the mirror every morning.

_Oh-my-God. They are beautiful._

He continued to stand there, his forehead pressed to the window, never moving.

_What have I done?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian was sitting on the sofa with his bare feet up on the coffee table and his glass in his right hand. He was still nursing drink number two, not really wanting to get drunk, just hoping to dull the edges of the pain slightly.

He had no clue where Justin was coming from or going for that matter. There was no way he could help him if he didn’t know what was wrong. That’s what was killing him, the not knowing.

He looked up when he heard a noise and was surprised to see Gus strolling into the room.

“Hey Sonny Boy, what’s up?”

“Hey, Dad. How are you holding up?”

“Me? I’m fine Gus. Nothing’s wrong with me,” Brian replied.

“I heard you and ‘DJ’ yelling earlier so I thought maybe you’d be upset.”

“I am upset, but not at you or anyone else for that matter. I’m upset because Justin isn’t himself and I don’t know why. I hate not knowing why.”

“I know. It’s the control freak in you.”

“Whatever, Gus. I wish I knew what the fuck was wrong with him. Anyway, tell me how you’ve been. We haven’t really had a chance to talk since you got in.”

“I’ve been fine Dad, everything is going great.”

“And you and Ashley?”

“Its all good, Dad.”

“All good?” Brian asked, waiting for more details.

Gus shook his head and laughed, knowing what Brian wanted to hear. “Touchdown Dad,” he said.

“Awesome,” Brian said, putting both his arms up in the air, simulating the touchdown sign and yelling, “Touchdowwwwwwn.”

Gus sat there smiling at his father, enjoying him so much more when he was silly and irreverent. He hated seeing Brian serious or upset. He especially hated being around when his fathers fought.

“Did you do it in the car?” Brian asked, turning his body around so he faced Gus.

Gus looked down and surprisingly, still turned bright pink in response to his father’s question.

“Hey,” Brian said, holding Gus’ arm. “We don’t need to talk about it, if you don’t want to.”

Gus looked up at Brian and only saw love, not judgment of any sort. “Yeah, we did it in the car and it was good Dad, it was more than good. I love her, Dad.”

_Shit._

Brian reached out and ruffled Gus’ hair. “I’m happy for you. But, remember what I said, about first loves and all that, okay?”

“I’m trying to; it’s just that I can’t think of anyone else right now. She’s the only one I want.”

“That’s understandable,” Brian said. “Just don’t get too serious.”

“We’re trying not to. I told her about our talk and everything you said so we’re both trying not to get too hung up on this.”

“That’s good. You’re both really young and still have two more years of high school and then college. There’s no point in trying to tie each other down with promises that might not be kept.”

Gus looked at his father and said, “What did you just say?”

“When?”

“Just now. You said something about promises.”

“I said that you and Ashley need to take things slow and not make each other promises that you can’t keep.”

“That’s it,” Gus said intently. “Dad, I just thought of something.”

“What? What’s wrong?” Brian asked, leaning forward, holding Gus’ hand.

“I think I know what’s wrong with ‘DJ’,” Gus said slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Tell me,” Brian said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was eleven o’clock before Brian heard the car pulling into the garage. He had moved upstairs, to their bedroom, to watch the news and wait for Justin to get home. He heard Justin moving around in the kitchen then he heard footsteps climbing the stairs but instead of coming to bed, Justin made his way to the studio, entered it and shut the door with a thud.

Brian sighed when he heard that. He had no desire to confront Justin, especially if Gus’ theory was correct. He felt he should give him some space, let him come to terms with his feelings and not intrude or demand anything. He knew, from past experience that Justin would eventually snap out of it and arrive at a reasonable conclusion. He didn’t score in the top percentile on his SAT’s for no reason. The man was brilliant; he was just a big drama queen that had a tendency to think with his heart and not his head.

He pulled another cigarette out of the pack and lit it, resigning himself to the fact that he was sleeping alone again tonight. It had been two days since the birth of the twins. Two days since Justin had come to his bed, two even longer days since they had sex.

_Fuck this shit._ He stood up abruptly and made his way off the bed and out of the room. He held his cigarette in his left hand and turned back into the room and stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray beside the bed. He stood there, deliberating with his decision, wanting to go get Justin but really thinking he shouldn’t. He gave in to his first impulse and walked out the room and made his way down the hall to the far end of the house where the studio was located. He saw a light coming from underneath the door and when he tried to turn the knob to let himself in he realized it was locked. He knocked gently, waiting.

“Go away,” was all the response Brian got.

“Justin, open the door.”

“Leave me alone Brian. Not tonight.”

“Justin, please, open the door. I want to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk. I have nothing to say.”

“Well I do, so open the fucking door already.”

“Brian, I said I don’t have anything to say. I just want to be left alone.”

“Yeah, well, that line died with Garbo. I’m not leaving you alone. So either open the door or I will go and get the master key and open it myself.”

The door was yanked open suddenly and a pissed-off Justin stood there in all his righteous anger.

“What the fuck do you want,” he spat out, eyes blazing.

Brian stood there staring at Justin and his heart broke, seeing how miserable he was.

“I want to talk.”

“Or not,” Justin said.

“Justin…I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”

“Who says I need help?”

Brian reached for him and took him in his arms, bending down to nuzzle his neck, wishing Justin would come to his senses.

Justin pushed him back and said, “Is it sex you want? I’m not in the mood, but feel free to fuck me and get it over with so you’ll leave me alone.”

Brian saw that Justin was close to tears again and he just shook his head and said, “I don’t know where that’s coming from or why you would even think that I’d want to have sex with someone who’s obviously lost his mind. I’d like to punch your lights out right now if it would make a difference, but somehow, I doubt that it would.”

Brian could tell that his words were having some effect on Justin but not enough to make Justin break down and tell him what was wrong. His body language had not changed; he was still as rigid as a board and was making no attempt to move closer to him. “I don’t know what your problem is Justin,” Brian said coldly, “And don’t even try and say there isn’t one, because right now, I don’t even know who the fuck you are anymore. What I do know is that you need help, and if you won’t let me give it to you, then find someone who can, because I don’t like what I’m hearing or seeing. Don’t even bother coming near me till you find Justin Taylor, ‘cause I have no idea who the fuck you are.”

Brian turned and slammed the door on his way out, never hesitating for one minute.

Justin sank down on his knees and put his face in his hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daphne and Alex were alone in the hospital room, relishing the silence after a hectic day of visitors coming and going. It was day four of her stay and Doctor Russo had been in to see her earlier and pronounced that she would be able to go home tomorrow.

Daphne had Sorina at her breast while Sasha was asleep in her father’s arms, completely satisfied. So far, they had both taken to breast feeding without a problem and they seemed to be easy-going babies. The only time they were heard crying was when they were hungry.

“Are you going to be able to manage by yourself, once we get home?” Alex asked.

“I think so. Your mother is going to be around for another week, so she’ll be there to help me and hopefully by the time she leaves I’ll be more of an expert at this,” Daphne replied, reaching out with one hand and touching Alex lightly on his arm.

He looked at her and smiled. She looked so content, her aura peaceful and calm. Watching her breast feeding was always such a source of pleasure for him. She looked like a portrait that he had admired many years ago when he had gone on a trip to Italy. It was of a Madonna and child, but what had made it so unusual was that the Madonna was Black and her baby as well. There was something about that portrait that had attracted him and held his attention. Daphne reminded him of that Madonna, especially now that her face was starting to get back to normal. The swelling had gone down as soon as she gave birth and her cheekbones were starting to resurface after having disappeared for months. He had almost given up hope that their dream would ever come true. Yet, here they were, parents, with two beautiful, healthy babies.

Daphne looked down at her daughter, who seemed to have finally gotten her fill, and she pulled her away for her breast, wincing as the little mouth released its tight hold with a small pop. She covered her breast and put the baby up to her shoulder, turning her over gently so she could tap her on the back to get the burp that everyone considered so critical.

Just then, a nurse came in.

“All done, Doctor?”

“Yes, I’m done for now. Give me a minute while I burp this girl and then you can have them both.”

“Okay. I understand you’ll be going home tomorrow,” the nurse said, waiting at the foot of the bed.

“Yes, we are. I can’t believe I’ll finally see my house after so many weeks. How long was I actually here, Alex?” Daphne asked, turning to her husband who was still happily rocking his other daughter.

“Almost three-and-a-half weeks.”

“That’s a long time,” the nurse replied. “I’m sure you’ll be happy to be back with all your things in familiar surroundings. But, I’m sure your brother will be sorry to see you go,” she said to Alex.

“My brother?” Alex asked.

“His brother?” Daphne said. “What are you talking about?”

“He won’t be able to see the girls as often, once you guys leave. I’m sure he’ll miss their nightly routine,” the nurse said, matter-of-factly.

“Nurse, what routine are you talking about?” Alex asked, concerned.

“Your brother comes by every evening, just before nine-thirty and he stays and watches the girls through the nursery window. He’s been here every night since they were born,” she said. “Didn’t he tell you?”

“No,” Alex said hesitantly. “What exactly does he look like?”

The nurse looked at Alex and laughed. “Come on, Dr. Cherny, stop pulling my leg. You know what your brother looks like, he’s just like you. Blond, blue-eyed. Very nice and polite. I’ve asked him repeatedly why he doesn’t just come here when I bring the girls for the evening feeding but he said he had to get back to work and couldn’t make the time. This is why he just stops in at the nursery, right?” the nurse asked, confused by all the questions. “He seems like a very nice man, but really sad,” she said. “Has he lost a child of his own?”

“Why do you ask that?” Daphne inquired.

“It’s just that I’ve seen him wipe a tear away on several occasions, while he was looking at the girls. I asked him if he wanted to hold them, I figured that would be okay, since he is your brother, right Dr. Cherny?”

“Right,” Alex said, completely taken aback by the entire conversation.

“And did he?” Daphne asked.

“No, he never did. Just stood there and looked at them, with tears in his eyes. Okay, then,” the nurse said, “I’d best be taking the girls back to the nursery and leave you alone to get some rest. Take advantage now because once you get home you won’t sleep well, for another two months, at least.”

Daphne handed Sorina over and Alex stood up and gently placed Sasha in her bassinet. He held the door open as the nurse wheeled both cribs out of the room.

As soon as the door closed, Daphne looked at Alex and said, “Now we know where Justin’s been these last four days.”

“What’s going on with him, Daphne?”

“I’m not sure, but I’m really worried about him, Alex.”

“No kidding. Do you think Brian knows? Have you talked to him lately?” Alex asked.

“”No, but I think we had better. Why don’t you call him and ask him to stop by tonight.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian put the phone down after promising Alex he would stop by the hospital on his way home later on. He wondered what was so important that it couldn’t wait.

He hoped it had something to do with Justin; maybe Daphne had some information that would give him an idea of what the hell was going on with him. They were now on day five of this nightmare. Five days of sleeping alone, of walking by the locked studio every night, seeing the tray of food that was left outside the door, food pushed around on the plate, barely touched.

Justin had made no attempt to come to him after the blow-up the other night. Brian knew that he only left the house in the evening, for about an hour or so, and then he’d come back and go back to the studio, locking the door as usual.

Gus had told him that during the day, while he was at Kinnetik, Justin would make an appearance. He’d have breakfast with the boys, then go for a run after which he’d take a quick shower and then disappear again, back into the studio, doing who-knows-what.

It was easier now that Gus and Austin could drive themselves around. Justin had a perfect excuse to not have to see Brian or interact with him in any way. The boys could fend for themselves and Justin wouldn’t have to act as a care-taker, thus alleviating the problem of communication with anyone. The added bonus of having a full-time cook in the person of Jerry Bither meant one more thing Justin wouldn’t have to deal with.

Brian stood up abruptly and decided to go see Daphne and Alex right now. He had just about reached the end of his fun level and it was time to do something. He’d had it with the pussy-footing around and he was going to find out what the fuck was bothering Justin if he had to choke it out of him.

The drive to the hospital was uneventful, except for the usual rush-hour traffic. He parked his car and made his way up to the maternity floor and headed towards Daphne’s room.

He knocked and peeked in after hearing Daphne’s voice telling him to come in.

“Are you decent?”

“Yes, come in Brian.”

He entered and walked up to her, giving her a light peck on the cheek.

“You look really good, Daphe. I’d forgotten you had cheekbones,” Brian said, pulling up a chair and sitting down, crossing his legs.

“God, did I look that bad when I was pregnant?”

“Well, let’s put it this way. You would have made a great poster-child for birth control. I would have made millions,” he said, looking at her with a big shit-eating grin.

“Shut up, Brian,” she said, laughing at him.

He turned serious all of a sudden and leaned forward. “Do you know what’s going on with Justin?”

“That’s why I asked you to come over,” she replied. She repeated the entire conversation that she and Alex had earlier with the nurse. When she got done, Brian leaned his head back on the chair and closed his eyes.

Finally, he opened them and asked, “He hasn’t come in to this room to visit at all?”

“No, apparently he’s just been hanging around outside the nursery every evening, and then he leaves.

“Jesus Christ.”

“I know,” Daphne said. “I’m really worried about him Brian.”

“No shit,” Brian answered.

“Have you tried calling him?” Brian asked, standing up abruptly, getting ready to leave.

“Several times. It goes straight to voice mail.”

“Okay. I’ve got to go and find him and see if I can’t get to the bottom of this,” Brian said.

Daphne reached for his hand and squeezed it. “Brian, go easy on him okay? I’m not sure what’s going through his head, but he seems to be having some sort of life crisis right now and I don’t want you to hurt him by pushing him into some sort of action before he’s ready.”

Brian looked at her and said, “I know that saying that made you feel better, but it made me feel like shit, Daphne. Do you honestly think I would do anything to hurt him?”

Daphne looked up at Brian and saw that his face had turned stony but his eyes betrayed the fact that she had just hurt him by her statement. The green that was normally part of the background to the brown took center stage, a sure sign that tears were much too close to the surface.

“No, of course not” Daphne said reaching for Brian’s hand. “I’m sorry Brian, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I’m just so worried about Justin and frustrated that he won’t talk to us, so we can get him through this.”

“So am I, Daphe. I’m nervous as hell because I haven’t seen this kind of behavior in years. I thought we had grown way beyond this. For him to shut me out and not let me help him is scaring the crap out of me.”

Daphne knew how tough it was for Brian to say what he just said. This was the man who never acknowledged his feelings to anyone except Justin, and to hear him vocalize his fears spoke volumes of how much he had grown emotionally since she met him fifteen years ago.

She grabbed both his hands and said, “If anyone can get through to him, it’s you Brian. I know that you can do it. You just have to figure out how.”

Brian let out a small huff.

“And that’s the final Jeopardy question, isn’t it Daphne? What makes Justin Taylor tick?”

TBC


	31. Chapter 31

_If we look at our life, very simply, we see that it is marked with frustration and pain. This is because we attempt to secure our relationship with the ‘world out there’ by solidifying our experiences in some concrete way. The problem is that the ‘world out there’ is constantly changing, everything is impermanent and it is impossible to make a permanent relationship with anything at all. If we examine the notion of impermanence, we see that it is all-pervading, everything is marked by impermanence. We might posit an eternal consciousness principle or higher self but if we examine our consciousness closely we see that it is made up of temporary mental processes and events. We see that our ‘higher self’ is speculative at best and imaginary to begin with. Because of this we feel uneasy and anxious, even at the best of time. It is only when we completely abandon clinging that we feel any relief from our queasiness._

**Chapter 31**

Brian stood outside the door of Justin’s studio. He held the key in his hand and debated for the hundredth time whether to use it or not. It was nine in the evening. Justin was gone, probably standing outside the nursery window looking at his daughters for the last time because tomorrow they would be going home.

Gus and Austin were at the movies with Emmett and Max. Brian had called Emmett while he was driving home to ask him if he and Max wouldn’t mind taking the boys off his hands for the evening. He had no idea what would happen when he had his talk with Justin and he really didn’t want Gus or Austin around to hear the fireworks that he knew were inevitable.

He finally gave in, despite his moral trepidations about intruding on Justin’s privacy. They had always respected each other’s space, never pushing or prying, even though the opportunities were always there. It was something they never talked about but just did. It was also one of the reasons why they were still together.

He inserted the key in the lock and turned it, pushing the door open. He stepped in the room and shut the door behind him, pocketing the key as he did so.

At first glance nothing appeared out of the ordinary. There were stacks of empty canvases in varying sizes leaning up against one wall. Justin’s two easels stood by the picture window and his work table, which accommodated his bigger pieces, stood in the center of the room, directly under the skylight that Brian had put in. There was the usual smell of paint and turpentine that Brian always associated with Justin and the controlled mess that was all a part of who he was and this room in general.

No one ever entered here without Justin’s permission. Not the cleaning lady or even Brian for that matter. This was Justin’s domain, a part of his life that he only shared with certain people, if and when he wanted to. The rest of the time it was a private sanctuary that housed his mind and soul, a place where he came to pour his innermost thoughts and feelings onto the blank canvases that were the conduit from his heart to the world. Gus was only allowed in here when Justin gave him permission. Any other time he stayed outside the door.

Brian felt like he was violating Justin in the most profound way possible, however, he justified it by telling himself that his partner was in trouble and needed his help. And the only way he could help him was to peek into his heart, if it happened to still be in this room.

And sure enough, as Brian’s eye adjusted to the dim light and he scanned the room quickly he finally saw what had been occupying Justin for the last four days.

There were preliminary sketches of Sasha and Sorina everywhere; in charcoal, in pastels and in oils. Sheets and sheets of paper were either hanging on the wall or taped to easels, showing the babies in different stages of growth, from lying in their cribs to sitting in a garden, playing with balls, standing beside Daphne and Alex, laughing in Gus’ arms, being cradled by Brian. There must have been at least one hundred pieces of paper not including what was stored in Justin’s computer where most of his artwork started out.

Brian kept moving back and forth across the room, soaking in each piece, one more beautiful than the next. They were first attempts and still rough around the edges but he could see the potential and he knew that once Justin had finished them, they would be perfect. Justin had reproduced the girls in minute detail from memory; every night of standing at the nursery window had allowed him to photograph them in his brain so that he could draw from that vision as soon as he got home.

Brian was so engrossed in what he was seeing that he didn’t hear the door open until he heard the thud as Justin slammed it shut.

“How dare you come in here without my permission,” was the first thing Brian heard. He had his back to Justin and he shut his eyes tightly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stood there trying to decide what to do.

“I believe I just asked you a question, Brian.”

Brian turned around and looked at Justin. He was speaking in that voice, that quiet deadly voice, the one devoid of all expression; the voice that Brian had only heard twice before in their relationship. The first time was when Justin had left him after deciding they wanted different things out of their relationship. The year he had come back from his Hollywood stint to find out that he and Brian were together but on different wave lengths.

The second time he had heard that voice was the night Justin had decided to move to New York and break their engagement. Both times had involved life altering changes and tonight, when Brian heard that voice again, his heart sank, fearing the worst.

“I’m sorry,” Brian said.

“Sorry is bullshit, Brian, to use one of your favorite expressions.”

“I really am,” Brian said, feeling a sadness creeping around him like a thick fog. “I didn’t want to come in here without your okay. I’ve just been really worried about you and your state of mind.”

“And did you find what you were looking for?” Justin flung out, beginning to pace. He stopped in front of Brian and looked up at him, eyes blazing with anger. “Well? Was the invasion of my privacy worth it?”

Brian stepped back, shocked by the depth of Justin’s anger.

“Look around, Brian; see for yourself what a pathetic, fucked up man you are married to.” Justin slowly turned around in a big circle, pointing to every corner of the room. “Can’t you see with your own eyes how I have made the biggest mistake of my life and can’t do a thing about it?”

Brian continued to look at Justin, not saying anything in response to his tirade. The only thing that moved him to step forward and attempt to communicate was the fact that Justin’s tears were pouring down his face without him even realizing it.

“Sunshine,” Brian said gently, moving even closer, putting his arms out, desperately wanting to hold him.

“Stay away, Brian. I can’t do this. Not now, maybe not ever.”

“Why? Why do you think you made a mistake?”

“You lied to me! It’s all fucked up Brian; I fucked up.”

“How did I lie?” Brian asked, completely at a loss.

“You said everything would be okay. That it would all work out. It’s not Brian, it’s not okay.”

Justin fell to his knees and bent forward, holding himself, breaking down and sobbing. “You didn’t tell me,” he said, his voice muffled as his head pressed down onto the floor. “You didn’t tell me how I would feel.”

Brian knelt down beside Justin and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. Brian could feel his own tears gathering momentum, threatening to spill over. Justin’s pain had become his and it was all engulfing, choking them both.

“Tell me what you feel,” he asked, hoping for an answer but not really expecting one.

Justin sat up and looked at Brian, his face twisted with pain. He closed his eyes and whispered, “No one told me I would love them like this. You never told me that I would want to hold them and protect them from every possible bad thing that could ever happen to them. That I would look at their beautiful faces each day and want to show them how much they are loved and cared for. That my love for them is so powerful, it’s choking me and I can barely catch my breath. I wasn’t supposed to love them this way, Brian, the way I love Gus. This was not supposed to happen.”

Brian looked at Justin and felt a vice squeezing his heart. He said, “No one said you weren’t going to love them, Justin. How could you not? I love them and I’ve only known them for four days. It would be fucked up if you didn’t love them,” Brian said reasonably.

“But I wasn’t supposed to, Brian. I knew they were going to be Daphne and Alex’s. Not yours and mine. I kept telling myself that for the last nine months. I could do this; I could step back and be the benign ‘Godfather’ watching from afar and only caring for them the way I would any other friend or relative; to be altruistic and noble, sacrificing my needs for theirs.” He looked at Brian, his face shiny from the tears that kept overflowing his incredibly blue eyes. “I never expected to love them this much; I didn’t think it was possible, to love people you don’t even know.”

Brian reached for Justin and brought him close, putting his arms around him and pressing his face against Justin’s head. “I didn’t think I would love Gus either,” Brian said quietly, his thoughts suddenly far away, “But when I saw him for the first time, the night that you and I met, and I held him in my arms, I loved him instantly. It scared the hell out of me, Justin, so I went out and got high on E.”

“And fucked a seventeen year old,” Justin interjected.

“Yeah, that too,” Brian chuckled, in spite of himself. “Without any warning, I fell in love with two people that night and I had no idea that would ever happen. I guess it’s nature’s way, Justin, the loving and needing to protect; most parents instinctively feel that. I’m sure that even dinosaurs had some need to care for their babies, why would we be any different? That doesn’t mean it’s easy or that it’s not the most terrifying feeling. I know it took me months to come to grips with it.”

“Did you ever regret your decision?” Justin asked. “To give him up, I mean? To let Lindsay and Melanie raise him?”

“I never gave him up in my heart, Justin. Never. The only thing I did was turn him over to people who were better equipped to raise him. My only regret was that I didn’t participate more in his life when he was younger, but that all changed, thanks to you.” Brian said, caressing Justin’s face.

“Will the girls even know how much I care, Brian? Will they think I’m crazy for giving them up?”

“Justin, you’re not giving them up. What makes you think that? Daphne and Alex have agreed to let us be a part of their lives. Your daughters will get to know you as well as Gus does. They’ll find out first hand what an amazing man you are; generous and kind to a fault and the truest friend one could ever have. They’ll know it and feel it, every time you look at them; the way Gus and I do.”

“And that’s another thing,” Justin interjected, wiping his face with his sleeves and trying to gain some control. “What about Gus? I promised him, Brian. I sat there in the kitchen in Toronto and told him that no one would ever call me ‘Daddy J’ except him. That no one would be my ‘official’ child, except him. I’m sure he’s not expecting me to love the twins the way I love and care for him.”

Brian sat back on his heels and listened as Justin confirmed everything that Gus had surmised. He couldn’t believe that the few words spoken during a random conversation could have such meaning for Justin and have caused such misery. Brian had to shake his head to make sure he heard it right.

“Justin, my God, I can’t believe you are thinking this,” Brian said as he pushed Justin away from his body and looked into the clear blue eyes that had won him over years ago. “Give Gus a little credit, will you? He’s very secure in our love and right now, he’s caught up in a love and a life of his own. Do you really think he would have one moment of anxiety by the birth of these girls or their roles in our lives? He has a sixteen year head start on them.”

“But I promised him Brian, about the ‘Daddy J’ name,” Justin said again, like a CD that kept skipping.

“Gus understands that the girls have to call us something, Justin, and if they borrow his name for us, he doesn’t mind. He’s already told me so.”

“Are you sure?”

“Justin,” Brian said, holding Justin’s face and kissing away his tears. Cradling his face in both hands he looked into Justin’s eyes and said earnestly, “Justin, my God, you are the most fucking black and white person I know. Why does it always have to be all or nothing with you? Yes or no, married or not, gay or straight, love or not love, mine or theirs. Everything is not as cut and dried as you want it to be. The world is filled with the color gray, this is why the word compromise exists, and middle and maybe. Why can’t you see that?”

“I don’t know why Brian. I use gray all the time in my paintings. Why can’t I use it in my life?”

“I’m not sure Justin. Maybe, it’s because, you are the last of a dying breed; the purest of hearts. You are the kind of person that no longer exists in this world. People like you have become extinct, like the beautiful unicorn you painted in the girl’s bedroom.”

“Unicorns are mythical creatures Brian,” Justin said, looking at Brian with clearer eyes, his face showing less signs of distress.

“Exactly, Sunshine. The world will never be the perfect place you want it to be. There will always be doubt and indecision. And middle ground. That’s what life’s all about; the challenge is getting through it unscathed, wading through the muck and making the best of what you’ve got. Making your own Karma; isn’t this what you’ve been telling me, all these months? It is your children’s Karma to be here, now, at this place in time, through your help and Daphne and Alex’s.”

“And yours,” Justin said pointedly.

“Yes, and mine too. Their Karma is closely linked to all four of us; five of us, if you count Gus. And you should, because somehow, his Karma and theirs is linked too. These children were meant to be here. They are our reward for something good that we have all done in a past life, and to not love them would be the bigger tragedy, Justin. That would be the biggest fuck-up of them all. Not the fact that you do love them.”

“And I do,” Justin whispered, reaching for Brian and moving towards him, resting his head against his chest. “With all my heart.”

“And Gus and I love you for that,” Brian answered, holding him tightly against his body. “You wouldn’t be who you are if you didn’t feel this way. What ever made you think you could control your feelings? Just because you’re going to be a part-time father is no reason why you should have part-time feelings. You’ve never done anything half-assed in your life, Justin. What made you think you would start now?”

“I don’t know, Brian. God, I’ve been so stupid,” Justin replied, rubbing his face against Brian’s shirt, trying to find a place to burrow into and just disappear.

Brian shook his head and smiled at this reply. He shifted position, laying down on the floor, dragging Justin along with him, settling him on his chest.

“You are far from stupid, and you know it. What you are is the biggest, most melodramatic person that ever existed in this entire universe. You are hands-down, without a doubt, the champion drama-queen of all time. This week’s performance should have won you an Emmy, at least, and God-damn-it Sunshine, you know I’ll put up with all your shit, because I fucking love you so much it gives me the worst migraines, but you have got to stop this. You have put me through five days of hell!”

Justin looked at Brian as he lay on the floor talking to him. His hazel eyes were greener tonight; the brown completely overshadowed by the jade flecks that always took over whenever tears were close. Justin looked in those eyes and only saw pure, unconditional love. Despite everything that he had said or put Brian through these last few days, the beautiful eyes that looked at him were shinning with love, and Justin was touched to his very core.

“I love you, Brian,” Justin said as he bent and kissed Brian, long and deep, pouring out all the pent-up feelings that had been stored in him for the last five days. He lost himself in the kiss, pulling emotions that had been dormant deep inside, trying with this one kiss to show Brian how desperately he loved him. “I love you,” he whispered over and over as he kissed Brian’s cheek, eyes, neck, and then back to his mouth again.

“Justin,” Brian said, breaking away from the impossible closeness, taking in deep breaths. “I want…”

“Yes,” was the only response he got as Justin started peeling away his clothes as quickly as possible, then helping Brian with his. Shirts went flying, as did pants and underwear and within minutes, Brian sank into him, moaning with the relief of having him back in his life, back where they both belonged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Half-an-hour later, they lay on the floor of the studio smoking.

“Brian?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you think we can go see Daphne and the twins, now?”

Brian looked at his watch. It was ten-thirty.

“Visiting hours are long over, Sunshine. They’re probably sleeping and I doubt the security guards will let us in.”

“She’s probably just fed them. This is the time they usually have a feeding,” Justin said, leaning up on his elbow and looking at Brian.

“Why do you want to go now? Can’t this wait until tomorrow?”

“I don’t want to be there when everyone else is there; at least, not this first time. I want to be alone with them, with you and Daphe. I think I’m going to lose it and I don’t want to make a fool of myself in front of the whole world.”

Brian put his hand up and rubbed his thumb over Justin’s mouth. He slowly caressed his face, moving his hand up to feel Justin’s silky hair, twirling strands around his finger. “I’d rather stay here and reconnect.”

Justin bent and kissed Brian, whispering, “We were connected, not ten minutes ago.”

“That was just an appetizer, Sunshine. I’m ready for the main course. You have starved me for almost five days; it’s unhealthy and bad for my prostate,” Brian dead-panned.

Justin giggled and licked Brian’s lips, outlining them with his tongue, making Brian squirm uncomfortably.

“Please,” Justin begged. “I promise that waiting for your main course will be worth it.”

“Fuck it; go ahead, call her,” Brian said, shaking his head. He didn’t even know why he bothered pretending to say no. Justin could convince him to pole-dance in front of Congress, if he chose to.”

“Where’s the phone?” Justin asked.

“In my pocket, if you can find my pants.”

Justin looked around the room and saw Brian’s jeans in the corner of the room where they had landed after being unceremoniously ripped off earlier. He stood up and walked over to retrieve them, well aware that Brian’s hungry eyes never left his sight.

You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

“What?” Justin asked innocently.

“Prancing around here stark naked with your dick just waiting to be sucked.”

“I am not ‘prancing’,” Justin said, smiling at Brian.

“Yeah you are. You know how I get when I watch you like this.”

Justin hit Daphne’s number on speed dial and prayed she’d pick up. Now that his feelings were all out in the open, he couldn’t wait to go and see the twins and hold them in his arms.

“Brian?” Daphne finally answered on the fifth ring.

“No, it’s me,” Justin said gently. “Did I wake you up?”

“No. I just couldn’t find my phone; I kept hearing it ring and I had to remember where Alex had put it.”

“I’m calling to apologize, Daphne. For not being around these last few days, for being a supreme jerk,” he said, as he watched his partner making his way over to where he stood by the window, holding the phone to his ear. Brian was crawling on his hands and knees, moving closer and closer, until he got to Justin and quickly took his half-erect penis in his mouth.

Justin inhaled sharply as he felt the moist, warm tongue, beginning its ministrations, lapping at him in ways that Brian had perfected over the years.

“Justin? Are you still there?” Daphne asked.

“Ahhh, yes, ohmyGod,” he huffed. “I’m here.”

“Are you okay then? Mentally?”

“Yes, I’m…Jesus Christ…I’m so fine,” he said, his breath starting to hitch as the center of gravity moved from his brain to his dick. “Can we come see you now? I know it’s late but I need to see you, before you leave tomorrow, pleaseeeee, ahh, God,” Justin groaned into the phone.

“Justin, what the fuck is going on?” Daphne asked.

“Nothing, I need to come, now…Brian…I’m coming,” Justin moaned as Brian never let up and he could feel himself moving closer with every lick of the wonderful, expert tongue that was driving him over the brink.

“I can’t believe you are talking to me right now,” Daphne said, serious all of a sudden.

“Why?” Justin barely got out, as his orgasm moved forward with lightning speed, leading to the inevitable end as he felt himself coming into Brian’s mouth. He watched in fascination as Brian never let go of him and took him in deeper, swallowing, intensifying the pressure as Justin’s entire body seemed to be pouring out of him. He grabbed hold of Brian’s head and held on tightly; closing his eyes and wishing this would never end.

He moaned into the phone, forgetting Daphne was on the other end.

“Well, this is definitely a first,” she said.

“Wha…don’t stop…holy shit,” Justin said, as he sank to his knees, too weak to stand any longer.

“Having a three-way and not even enjoying it.”

“OhmyGod…I’m so sorry, Daphne…I should have hung up.”

“Ya think?” she said. She could hear Brian laughing in the background and even though she was embarrassed at being part of their reunion sex, she was thrilled that Justin seemed to have snapped out of whatever was bothering him.

“Okay,” she said, in her most professional voice. “When you get your dick back where it belongs, come down here. I’ll tell security to let you in, okay?”

“Thanks, Daphe,” Justin said softly, cradling Brian’s head against his stomach and disconnecting the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were there in no time as the Lamborghini flew down the expressway, unhindered by any traffic at this time of the night.

After passing through security with no problem, they made their way upstairs, holding hands and stopping to kiss every few minutes. Brian couldn’t get enough of him.

They knocked when they got to Daphne’s room and opened the door when they heard her voice telling them to come in. They had made the midnight feeding and the cribs were in the room. Daphne had one baby at her breast and the other one was making unhappy noises, waiting her turn.

Justin walked over to the bed slowly and kissed her on her cheek.

“Did they just get here?” he asked in a whisper.

“Yeah, we just started,” Daphne whispered back. “Pick up Sorina, would you? She hates waiting her turn and the only thing that makes her happy is when someone holds her.”

Justin bent over the crib and picked up the baby slowly. He held her head, supporting her properly and fitting her nicely in the crook of his arm. The baby stopped crying instantly and opened her eyes and looked at her father, bestowing him with a big smile. Justin smiled right back then looked at Brian with wonder in his eyes. “She’s smiling at me, Brian.”

Brian stood beside Justin and peered down at the baby. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she,” Brian said in a whisper. He put his arms around Justin and squeezed him gently while they both stared down at the little one who beamed up at them.

Justin continued to stare at her in silence but his eyes welled up with tears that slowly made tracks down his face.

“Hey,” Brian said, swiping the tears away with his hand. “No more crying, Sunshine. You don’t want your daughter to think you’re a big drama-queen, do you?” Brian said gently.

Justin laughed softly and said, “I am though, Brian.”

“I know, Sunshine, but let the girls discover that in due time. No need to give them a performance so early on in their lives.”

Daphne was watching them the whole time and couldn’t keep the smile off her face. She was so relieved to see them back where they should be.

“Justin?”

“What, Daphe?”

“Are you okay with their names? Did Brian tell you that they’ve been given nicknames by my in-laws?”

“Yeah, he did. I’m okay with it Daphne, whatever works for you guys is fine with me.”

“Can we switch? Sasha is done.”

Justin watched as she moved the baby off her breast and covered herself with the blanket. He passed Sorina off to Brian while he took Sasha in his arms and then Brian passed Sorina to Daphne. “I feel like I’m in some sort of human relay race,” Brian snarked gently.

Laughing at them, Daphne put the baby up to her and started to feed her. “Justin, do you know how to burp a baby?”

“I think so,” he said. “I remember doing this to JR and Gus, but it’s been a while.”

He placed Sasha up high on his chest and gently tapped her back, waiting for the inevitable burp which came a few minutes later.

“See? It’s like riding a bike, you never forget,” Daphne said.

Justin smiled at Daphne and then put Sasha in the crook of his arm and stared at her intently. She was awake, and had her eyes open.

“Call me crazy, Daphne, but this girl has Brian’s eyes.”

“I know,” Daphne replied. “They are hazel, just like his. How that happened I don’t know, but I’m just so grateful that it did, since Brian played such a big part in creating her,” Daphne said, looking directing at Brian.

“I haven’t had a chance to thank you both for these beautiful babies and for making this all possible. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you enough,” she said emotionally.

“We’re the ones who are blessed Daphne,” Justin replied. “We just provided one of the ingredients; you’re the one who brought them into our lives.”

She reached out with one hand and grabbed Justin’s as he reached out to meet her half-way. They stood there, holding their children and smiling at each other while Brian embraced Justin and perched his chin on Justin’s shoulder.

“If you guys are done with your awards ceremony, I would like to take my partner and go home. I’m exhausted and need my beauty sleep. I’m getting too old for all this fucking drama,” Brian said.

“Somehow, I find that hard to believe,” Daphne said.

“What?” Brian asked.

“The whole ‘getting old’ part. This is what keeps you young, Brian. And you know it.”

“Whatever. Justin, are you ready to go?” he asked.

“Yes. One last kiss,” he said gently, as he brought the baby up to his lips and kissed her on her cheek. He then moved over to Daphne and kissed her, and then Sorina. He put Sasha back in the bassinet and stepped back to observe his three favorite women.

“I should paint this whole scenario. The dark room and the cribs and you, Daphne in the shadow of the light, with your hair floating around you face,” Justin mumbled under his breath as he studied the whole room intently.

“Christ, Justin. Will you quit thinking already? It’s late and I want to go,” Brian said, grabbing Justin’s hand and pulling.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Daphe. Okay?” Justin asked, as Brian continued to pull him out of the room.

“That’s fine,” Daphne replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The car sped down the road but instead of turning right, onto the entrance of the expressway, Brian barreled down the street, heading towards Tremont.

“Why aren’t we heading home?” Justin asked.

“We are.”

“The loft? Why?”

Brian gave Justin a look that was all too familiar and Justin stared at him and said, “I thought you were exhausted.”

“I am. Exhausted from waiting five days,” Brian said, looking at his partner with a definite leer in his face.

“You are unbelievable.”

“That’s what you’ve been telling me for fifteen years, so it’s probably true,” Brian snarked.

He grabbed Justin and kissed him, still going sixty miles an hour on city streets. Fortunately, at one in the morning, the streets were empty.

Justin broke away, heady from the mind-blowing kiss, impatient to get to their destination.

“Are we almost there yet?” Justin asked.

Brian laughed when he heard that. The air in the car was heavy with sexual tension. The brief session they had at home earlier had done nothing to assuage this need that they both seemed to have; a thirst for each other that had not abated in fifteen years, no matter how often they drank from the well.

Brian brought the car to a screeching halt in front of their building and decided to just leave it there, rather than make the more time consuming trek to the underground parking garage. They punched in their security code, unlocking the main door and then hurried to the elevator, slamming the wooden doors shut, latching on to each other like there was no tomorrow. To an outsider looking in, they seemed consumed with their need, they were acting like lovers that had been torn apart for years, meeting for the first time. Brian was devouring Justin, grabbing on to his hair and kissing every part of his face even as his other hand ran wild over Justin’s lower body.

Justin was intoxicated with his desire. It was so reminiscent of the night he had come from Ethan’s bed, the night that he and Brian had all but eaten each other alive, until Brian stopped himself and withdrew, punishing Justin for his indiscretion.

Tonight, another hunger was being satisfied. It was a yearning deep inside them, for times past, when the only thing that mattered in their lives were their bodies and physical release. When no responsibilities existed outside the realm of the next orgasm, the next good fuck.

Justin let himself go, feeling every part of his body responding to Brian. The elevator had long since stopped but they continued to kiss, making no attempt to open the doors. Justin felt Brian pulling his shirt out of his pants, getting impatient with his progress, yanking it off, and ripping it in the process. Somehow that only set off a chain reaction of pulling and tugging at each others clothes, impatient to be without any barriers.

Finally, they stood together, naked, breathing heavily, dicks hard and pressed together, wet with fluids brought on by their passion, hands holding on tightly, digging into soft tissue, oblivious of the marks that would be left behind, pulling themselves closer, mashing their bodies together so tight, not even air could get in between them. They were as close as was physically possible, yet Justin needed more.

“Brian, please…”

Brian slammed the wooden doors apart, bending down to retrieve the keys to the front door, fumbling wildly to get it open, while Justin knelt down and put his tongue on Brian’s ass, moving his cheeks apart, lapping greedily at the object of his desire. He was in a trance almost, needing to taste and smell and feel the man who was driving him crazy with desire, sending signals that were running riot through his body with this need that had to be quenched.

“Christ, Justin hold on…let me get the door.”

They fell in, as the door slid open effortlessly, Brian turned and slammed it shut behind him and grabbed Justin, picking him up and carrying him to the bed, all the while kissing him, never letting up for a minute.

They fell on each other, Brian on the bottom, feeling Justin moving against him, knowing they were both so ready, needing to come, yet wanting to prolong this agony for as long as possible. They were both wet, groin to groin, sliding against each other as their tongues continued the foreplay, fucking their mouths with practiced skill.

“Turn over,” Justin begged. “Please… I need to be inside you.”

Brian reluctantly tore his mouth away from Justin’s and slowly rolled over, feeling Justin reach above his head to the drawer on the nightstand, fumbling around for the lube that they always kept there.

“Just do it,” Brian moaned. “For God’s sake, fuck me,” he said, as he pulled Justin’s arm back towards him. Justin quickly spat into his hand and moved it down, wetting Brian, preparing him for his entrance even though Brian was more than ready. He was ready thirty minutes ago.

Brian felt the push, felt the pain that always accompanied this, pain that was so much like his relationship with Justin. It was a pain he needed as much as breathing, a pain that drove him to the brink of insanity, a pain that he would kill for and defend to his last dying breath. It was the pain so closely connected to the perfect pleasure, to the perfect partner and perfect life that he had so wisely chosen for himself. It was a pain named Justin Taylor, a man that always took him to the very edge of the mountain, but somehow, never managed to let him go. The persistent, annoying, dramatic little shit that had entered his heart so insidiously, and had hung on like a virus, never leaving him again.

It was a pain called love. A love that was all consuming, that made him want to get up in the morning and go happily to bed each night. A pain that burned him with brilliant blue eyes, eyes that saw right through every layer of bullshit ever contrived and every possible excuse he had ever thought of to push him away. This was a pain that no amount of anesthetic would ever mask.

“Justin,” Brian whispered, as he felt Justin moving against him, hitting parts of his body that sent explosions of pleasure straight to his brain. He felt Justin’s hand moving around his hips, lifting him slightly so that he could caress his hardness, enveloping him in a tight fist, moving his hand in unison with the movements of his body. Justin bent his head down towards Brian’s neck, sucking on the soft spot near his ear, leaving small red marks that would stay there for days.

“God…I missed this,” Justin huffed out, as the momentum pushed them forward.

“Fuck…yes…,” Brian replied, turning his head towards Justin, needing to feel his mouth moaning against his.

“Love me, Sunshine, as hard as you can,” Brian groaned, lifting himself on his knees, opening up completely and pulling Justin’s hips closer, needing the pressure, wanting to feel him as deep inside as possible.

“You are loved…Brian,” Justin replied, driving into Brian, hitting his prostate over and over. “I will…love you…forever,” Justin whispered, before a strangled sound escaped from deep inside as his universe exploded in a hot, wet, flash, warming them both as he felt himself pouring into his lover, even as his hand was covered with Brian’s corresponding wetness.

Brian collapsed on the bed with Justin draped over him, still buried deep in his ass, each trying to catch a breath.

“Don’t pull out yet,” Brian huffed, “Stay right there.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Justin answered in a barely audible voice, rubbing his face against Brian’s back and then kissing him softly below his ear. “You’re my life,” he whispered.

“I know, Sunshine, I know.”

The End

 

 

 

 

 

**Authors Note:** This story would have never have been possible without the help and support of my amazing beta, **Shellie,** who has become such an important part of my life. I want to thank her again for all her help, for being here for me, coming along on this journey for the last eight months, sending corrected chapters back faithfully each week and never complaining once about being over-worked and definitely under-paid:)

To all of you who have read this story and commented without fail, thank you so very much! Although I write because I love it, I write publicly to interact with you, my wonderful group of new friends, who share a love and obsession for two beautiful men that have, in one way or another, changed our lives.

As to a sequel for Karma? This is up to you; the readers. I have 6 Chapters already written, however, my time line continues, my future universe moves forward, which means Brian and Justin will age, and along with aging will come problems. If this is something you are interested in reading, please let me know. I won’t continue this story if nobody wants to read it. I would love to hear back from all the readers that have enjoyed Karma and would like to read more. This is not a ploy for generating more comments (although, I must confess, I love comments almost as much as I love M&M’s). I honestly would like to know if there is an interest. The fandom has shrunk so much in the last two years; I wonder how many people out there really have a need to read more stories about our two favorite guys. A simple one-liner will do. One thing I will promise is there will be no major character deaths. I couldn’t handle reading that, much less writing it. The storyline will revolve around Gus, Sasha and Sorina as well as B/J, E/M and other members of the family.

Thank you again for all your support these last eight months. It’s been great fun and I hope we’ll be meeting again soon!

Much love,  
Michele  


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